Chapter 17

I immediately faced my mother when I saw her. In my whole life, I've never been this nervous before at ngayong kinakabahan ako nang ganito kalala, dahil pa iyon sa sarili kong ina. I don't know why I feel this feeling of exploding because of tension right now.

“What are you doing here, Mom?” pagtatanong ko sa kaniya kahit halos sumabog na ang puso ko sa kaba.

“Is he the reason why you left last time? And don't you ever lie to me 'cause I know the truth..”

Namilog ang mata ko sa narinig mula sa kaniya.  What? She already knew the truth?

“I said I was with Rachel for weeks kaya ako nawala---”

“I said don't lie to me!” she screamed angrily. The calmness on her face that she was trying to maintain is now completely gone. “Nakarating sa aking nawala ka at pinahanap ka ng Daddy mo! Nalaman ko ring dito ka tumutuloy nang umalis ka sa mansion! Now tell me, what's your connection with that guy? Is he your boyfriend?”

I walked away from Yves for him to not hear our conversation. I know my Mom very well, she's always calm but when she's mad, she's definitely mad and she will say a lot of bad things. I don't want Yves to hear that. Mas lalo lang masisira ang pangalan ng pamilya namin sa kaniya.

“Stop it, Mom. He is not my boyfriend,” I intently told her when she followed me.

Napaiwas kaagad ako ng tingin sa kaniya nang makita ko ang galit sa mukha niya.

“But you like him?”

I looked at her directly. I didn't speak. I didn't answer her for a second. Pasimple kong nilingon si Yves na nakakunot ang noo. He's probably intrigued at this moment.

Hinawakan ni Mom ang siko ko saka pinaharap sa kaniya. “I'm talking to you!”

“Oo!” I answered loudly. “Yes! I like him, Mom! Gustong-gusto ko siya that's why I'm with him right now and the past weeks that have passed! I like him and you can't do anything about it!”

I'm shocked when she immediately slapped me so hard upon hearing those words from me. I even saw how Yves walked closer when he saw what happened. Kitang-kita ang pag-aalala sa mukha niya. I know that he wants to help me pero inilingan ko na lang siya.

“You're not allowed to like him! You see? He's nothing but a poor man!” Tinuro niya pa si Yves habang hawak ko pa rin ang pisngi ko. “Wala kang mapapala sa lalaking 'yan! And you even made your Dad pay for their hospital bills! Are you that obsessed with him, huh?”

I chose not to speak up yet. Iyon pala ang nalaman niya. Wala na akong pakialam kung saan o kanino niya nalaman. Dinadama ko pa rin ang malakas na pagsampal niya sa akin kanina.

“Tomorrow morning I'll send you back to Manila. Forget that you've been here! Forget everything including him!”

Ngumisi ako. “That's what I really want. Gustong-gusto ko nang umuwi sa Manila para hindi na kita makita! But before I leave this place, let me tell Dad about your secret first! Sasabihin ko sa kaniya, Mom na may kabit ka at niloloko mo siya! I will make you suffer, too just like what I experienced when I figured out the truth!”

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya sa sinabi ko. I just dropped a bomb in front of her and she's very surprised now that I know the truth that she keeps on hiding.

“W-Wait, anak. No. Please.. masasaktan ang Dad mo kapag nalaman niya 'to..”

“So it's really true, huh?” Namalayan kong lumabas ang luha sa mata ko. “You cheated on him then you don't want him to be hurt? I won't tolerate your infidelity! No! Hindi ko kayang makitang niloloko mo si Dad!”

“Please don't tell this to your Dad, hija. I don't want him to leave me. I love your Tito Fred, anak please,” she begged and she even almost kneel down in front of me.

I feel like someone punched my chest when I heard that she loves that asshole already. Whoever he is, I don't care about him! Makasalanan silang dalawa ni Mom!

Umiling ako sa kaniya saka umiwas ng tingin. Seeing her in this situation makes my heart ache but this is her fault! She's the one to blame here!

She kept on begging me but she didn't even apologize for what she did to us! She isn't even sorry for ruining our family! Ayaw niya lang sabihin ko kay Dad na may kabit siya! Pero hindi ko narinig ang paghingi niya ng tawad!

“I'm begging you, anak. Baka iwan tayo ng Dad mo. Ayaw kong masira ang pamilya natin. Listen to me, I'll fix this. Please..”

I faced her. “I was hurt when I knew your secret! Ano pa kaya ang mararamdaman ni Dad? I don't want to hurt him but he deserves to know the truth! Kung last time, natiis ko pang hindi sabihin para pagtakpan ka, ngayon hindi mo na ako mapipigilan!”

She held my wrist but she was too weak to hold it tight. Kumawala ako sa hawak niya saka tumakbo palayo kahit tinatawag niya pa ako. I can even hear her scream and cry. I'm now sobbing because of what happened! I really hate dramas but look what's happening right now!

Kung hindi naman dahil kay Mom at sa kabit niya hindi 'to mangyayari lahat!

I just ran away from them until I reached the shore. I forcefully wiped my tears but I stopped when I hear Regina's voice behind me.

“Tigilan mo na si Yves..”

I tiredly sighed when I heard those words again. Hindi pa nga ako kalmado, sumasabay pa siya!

Hinarap ko siyang nakakunot ang noo. “Pati ikaw sasabihin ‘yan? How many times do I have to hear that huh?”

“Nakita ko ang nangyari.. narinig ko lahat.” My eyes widened after that.

Baka ipagkalat niya sa iba ang nalaman!

“Y-You were there?”

“Ito ang sinasabi ko sa 'yo noon pa, mapapahamak lang si Yves dahil sa ‘yo! At ngayong nalaman na ng Mommy mo.. na may gusto ka kay Yves, hindi natin alam kung anong pwede niyang gawin!”

Naguguluhan ako sa sinasabi niya. I really don't get it. Nagulat na lang ako nang nasa harapan na namin si Yves. May pag-aalala sa mata niya nang tingnan ako.

“Alindra, sa amin ka muna..”

I immediately shook my head. “No. Mas lalong magagalit sa ‘yo si Mom---”

Natigil ako sa pagsasalita nang lumapit siya sa akin. “I don't care. Magpahinga ka muna sa bahay.”

“Yves, nasisiraan ka na ba ng bait? Kilala mo si Minerva Rivera! Layuan mo na ang anak niya!”

“Wala na akong pakialam,” he intently told Regina but he's looking at me.

Gulong-gulo na ako sa mga sinasabi nila. Ayaw ko na sanang idamay pa si Yves sa gulong nangyayari sa pamilya namin pero ngayon, hawak na niya ang kamay ko pauwi sa kanila.

And now.. I'm getting more confused.

Walang nagsasalita sa amin ni Yves habang naglalakad pauwi. I just realized that I finally voiced out my feelings towards him. I confessed about what I truly feel towards Yves Marcus Antonio but not to him.. just to my Mom and to myself that before, I keep on denying it.

I keep on ignoring the fact that I'm slowly falling for him. At ngayong inamin ko na sa sarili ko ang nararamdaman sa lalaking may hawak ng kamay ko, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin.

Ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang magkagusto nang ganito at kay Yves pa. Si Yves na naiinis ako. Si Yves na masungit at naiirita ako!

But I can't do anything about it anymore 'cause I really like him. I'm now sick.

Naabutan naming nasa sala si Lola nang makauwi kami sa kanila. Yves immediately walked towards her to assist her when she tried to stand.

“Magpahinga muna dapat kayo, Lola..”

Kumapit si Lola sa apo niya habang nakatingin sa akin. I immediately smiled when we had an eye contact. I noticed that she became thinner than the last time I saw her. Matagal din siguro siyang nagkasakit.

“Gusto kong kausapin si Alindra, apo..”

Yves and I both looked at each other because of that. I just nodded my head while looking at them. I saw that Yves was hesitant at first but he also nodded. Ayaw niya pang iwan ang Lola niya pero wala naman siyang magagawa.

“Pupunta lang ako sa mercado...”

Sinundan ko ng tingin si Yves habang palayo siya sa amin. He even smiled a little. Napabuntong-hininga ako saka iniwas ang tingin.

“How are you, Lola? Mabuti na ba ang pakiramdam niyo?” tanong ko kay Lola. I even squatted so we can look at each other directly and also to check her.

Ngumiti ako nang hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. “Mabuti-buti na, hija. Maraming salamat sa ‘yo at kay Mr. Alesso. Napakabuti niyo. Nawalan ng trabaho si Marcus pero mabuti't sa awa rin ng Diyos nakahanap din siya ng trabaho sa planta. Hindi pa siya nakakakuha ng pera kaya napakalaking tulong ninyong mag-ama sa amin ng apo ko..”

My smile widened more when I heard that. Somehow it's making me calm and happy despite of what just happened earlier. Napayuko ako nang maalala ulit iyon. I really have no plan to tell everything to my father yet. I just said it to Mom so she would stop from saying bad things about Yves.

Ngayon siguro, gumagawa na ng paraan si Mom para hindi tuluyang malaman ni Dad ang tinatago niya.

“Pero.. may isa sana akong hiling sa ‘yo.” I looked at her when she tightened her grip more. “Pagmamalabis na siguro ito pero ayaw ko lang mapahamak ang apo ko.”

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko nang marinig ulit iyon at galing pa sa kaniya. I don't know what she's really trying to say at this point.

“A-Anong ibig niyong sabihin?”

“Hija, buntis si Regina at alam kong ang apo ko ang ama. Nagmamakaawa ako, para sa kaligtasan ni Marcus at ng magiging pamilya niya.. lumayo ka na sa kaniya. Layuan mo na ang apo ko. Pakiusap...”

My world seemed to stop from spinning when I heard that. I can't process everything yet but one thing is very clear to me — buntis si Regina. Nabuntis siya ni Yves!

I don't want to believe it! I don't want to accept it 'cause it's just a lie! But Lola can't lie to me like that! Buhay ng apo niya ang pinag-uusapan!

“Hindi ko po.. maintindihan kung bakit halos lahat kayo pinapalayo ako kay Yves at sinasabing mapapahamak siya sa akin when in fact, I won't let that happen,” I sadly told her. “Pero kung ayon po ang gusto niyo, pagbibigyan ko kayo.”

Tumayo ako nang makitang umiiyak na siya. It's making me hurt even more. It's breaking my heart into many pieces. I'm about to comfort her when I saw Yves entered and rushed to us.

“Anong nangyari, La? Bakit kayo umiiyak?”

“It's just tears of joy,” I faked a smile even if my tears want to fall anytime. “She's just thankful about what I did last time. At mukhang.. kailangan na ring mag-rest ng Lola mo.”

Tumitig sa akin si Yves. I immediately averted my gaze. He shouldn't know that I'm lying about it. He shouldn't know that I want to cry after I knew the whole truth.

Inalalayan naman niya si Lola papasok sa kwarto. Tumingin pa ang matanda sa akin bago siya tuluyang makapasok. I quickly went outside their house before Yves could see me again. My tears started to fall when I finally reached the shore.

The sight of the waves is now blurry because of the tears that keep on coming out of my eyes. I shouted.. I screamed at the top of my lungs — trying to at least ease the pain that I have at this moment. Hindi ko aakalaing aabot sa ganito ang pagkakagusto ko kay Yves. I thought this would be easy for me to finally like somebody.

Ito ang unang pagkatataon na nagkagusto ako sa isang lalaki. I don't consider Edward or any other exes of mine. I didn't really like them. Hindi ako talagang seryoso sa kanila.

Pero itong si Yves..

Damn! I really thought that somehow he has feelings for me because he keeps on saying that he doesn't like Regina! But he even impregnated her! Iyon ba ang depinisyon niya ng hindi pagkagusto? Binubuntis niya?

At the back of my mind, I'm thinking that I don't have rights to feel this. I'm not even his girlfriend kaya hindi dapat ako nagkakaganito pero ito ang nararamdaman ko!

I can't even do anything about it! As if I want this feeling!

And as the sun bid its goodbye, as the waves crash on every second that I'm here in front of the shore - I didn't expect that I'll see Yves Marcus again here right where I'm standing now.

Pagod ko siyang tiningnan. I'm already expecting that he would follow me and he actually did it.

Ang mga malalalim niyang mata ang unang bumungad sa akin. I can't help but to stare at it, as if hypnotizing me. It's as if telling me to come closer to him but I know that I'm strong and I won't stumble just yet.

“Uuwi na ako sa amin. Don't you ever follow me from now on..”

Tumalikod ako bago niya pa tawagin. Sinalubong kaagad ako ng malakas na hangin palayo sa dalampasigan. And as I finally turn my back to him, I realized that I wasn't really that strong for I have really fallen too hard for him.

I have also realized that my feelings for him are now deep.

As deep as his eyes. As deep as the sea that surrounds us but never ending and will never fade away.

Hindi ko na ginusto pang magpaalam. O sabihin sa kaniya ang dahilan kung bakit gusto ko nang umalis sa lugar na ‘to. Probably, the first reason is my Mom's infidelity and my hatred towards her. And what really makes me want to leave is that.. he'll having a family with Regina.

Iyon nga ang dahilan kung bakit gusto ko na lang umalis sa isla.

For the past few months that I have stayed here, I really don't like this place. I hate the locals. I hate the annoying sound of the waves. Hindi ko ginusto rito kailan man. Staying here is full of regrets.. pain and also sufferings. Iniisip kong kung hindi ako pumunta rito, hindi naman siguro mangyayari ang lahat ng 'to.

Pero kung hindi ako pumunta rito.. hindi ko makikilala si Yves Marcus Antonio.

I roamed my eyes to take a glance on every part of the shore. The trees, the shells, waves and even almost every bit of the sand.. I want to memorize them all. Pumikit ako saka dinama ang hangin. Memories suddenly flashed on my mind. Simula nang makarating ako rito hanggang sa makilala ko si Yves.

I heavily sighed as I opened my eyes. Next to that was a fall of tears. I'm getting more emotional when I remembered him again. Nilingon ko ang likuran ko kung saan nakatayo si Yves kanina at tinitigan iyon. I chose not to tell him about how I feel towards him anymore. Para saan pa?

Hindi naman niya kailangang marinig at malaman pa iyon.

Maybe for the next months.. years or even decades when I go back here — Yves will be happy together with his wife and children. I pictured it out and it's making me pity myself more. It's making me hurt and sad.

And when the wind blew so hard and I ran too fast, I wasn't expecting that I would be slipped on one of the rocks that I passed by and after that — everything went completely dark.

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