I pick up the phone for just about the millionth time today. I scroll through all of my contacts until I find the one I'm looking for. His. It's been labeled with his name, and his photo. His email, and his texts have all been stamped into my memory. I sigh, and put the phone down, yet not five minutes later, I find it in my hand again. I keep staring at the photo, the photo of us, laughing, and hugging each other as if we would never let go. As if he would always be there, right next to me, so I could give him all I am, because that's all I want to do. I want to be there next to him, while he hugs me, and we jokingly tease each other like everything's fine.

But everything isn't fine. Nothing will ever be fine again.

As I will myself to put the phone down, my delinquent finger hits the call button. Before I can fix my mistake, he answers.

"Go away."

I try to respond, but a dial tone cuts me off. I hear, for the first time, the tears in his voice. The pain in his heart. I guess those two words were all I needed to hear to delete the little heart next to the name in his contact. I realize that there's nothing between me and deleting him from my phone, and my life. I almost hit save, too, but I just can't bring myself to do it. So I leave it alone, and I leave the heart that reminds me every day that I can never get him back.

I guess the last words that I'll ever hear him say will be filled with hate. Hate towards me. It hurts, but it's so real. I have to live with it. I can't see him again. He won't let me. I won't let me. Before I know it, my phone is in my hand again, and I'm looking at him, again. I know I should delete him, I should throw him away, but I can't. I just can't. He's too much to me. This can't be goodbye. Not yet.

We still have so much to do! We never traveled to Paris for the honeymoon we never had, never said "I do" for the wedding we never planned, never won by saying the last "I love you". But I do. I love him more than the entire world. I don't care what happens, I just want to see his smile again. I know it will never happen, not with me around. Maybe with someone else, he'll smile again. But no matter how stupid I am, how naive I am, how pathetic I am, I know one thing.

He hates me.

I have a dream that night. He's sitting there, next to me. There's a smile on his face. An expression of pure joy, and it made me smile, too. We're next to each other, and we're happy.

I wake up and grasp the cold air next to me. As if it'll turn into him. As if he isn't gone. As if he never left. Something inside me breaks, and now there are tears streaming down my face, as my hands pass through the air and hit me in the chest. I take the opportunity to bring my legs up to there as well, and now I'm crying like a child. In a few years, you'll be married to someone who you will love more than anyone else. You'll forget about the blue-haired boy laying in a fetal position on his bed with his heart broken. That's when it hits me.

I love you.

But you don't love me anymore.

It's gone, and it's not coming back.

This was a oneshot challenge that I did with ChicagoCat21. We wanted to see who could write the most heartbreaking, emotionally destructive oneshot. I had a lot of fun! Thanks for agreeing to have a (mostly) friendly competition with me!

Buy me a donut.