Two weeks later

Proving that we aren't guilty was harder than it seemed. Mostly because the police recognized it was the man I almost reported and also the pedophile that was on the news for quite some time.

But it was all thanks to Irène's parents. Despite her father putting distance between him and her, he didn't want her in prison—that would taint his name. And once again she cleared out our names but we are all on the watch list. One more misstep and no one will be able to save us.

Luckily they never knew Derek was implicated in this.

Since Derek broke my trust, I wanted to move out of his apartment but not being able to go back on campus made things impossible.

I wanted to sleep on the couch but he didn't let me so I ended up staying in his room while he took the couch. We don't talk much. He tries but I ignore him.

"How long are we going to keep this going?"

I'm way too much into my head to even think about how this will end. Maybe I will forgive him. Maybe I won't.

I thought after my rapist's death I'd stop having nightmares but it was even worse. I get them every night.

Sometimes I wake up screaming, sweaty and in tears. Sometimes it's almost every night.

Every time Derek runs into my room and holds me until I fall asleep and I don't say a word. He knows. I know.

He grabs my hand, bringing me out of my head.

I instinctively pull away but he brings it to his heart.

"I would have not lied to you if I didn't believe it was important."

I shake my head.

"I truly was not planning to do anything to him anymore. Irène called me and when I heard she caught him-I-I couldn't even think straight."

I sigh.

I heard this excuse twenty times already.

I let go of his hand and I stand up when I suddenly receive a message. I pick up my phone, still feeling Derek's eyes on me.

Shanice: we've been called into work today

Me: why?? I thought we weren't workin on Friday

She didn't reply again.

I go to my room and start getting ready. I hate working. I hate this new job but I can't do anything about it. I'm not even dating Derek anymore and soon I won't have a place to live in.

I hear a light knock on the door.

I open the door and Derek stands in front of me with puppy eyes. He's been trying this trick on me for fifteen days now.

"I'll give you a ride. Don't be stubborn."

I roll my eyes.

When I'm in the car with Derek, he is quite silent. But at least he put some music on.

I hear my phone vibrate and I assume it's Shanice, but it's actually Irène.

They've fully broken up since Irène killed my rapist. She's not been the same, even though she has been weird for a few months now but lately... she's different.

We haven't talked much though, not even a word about what happened. It's been hard to forgive her. Let alone Cyprian and Dominic.

I am about to pick up the phone but Shanice calls me too and I decide to answer her since it's probably about work. Their synch.

"We are working over time today," Shanice says as Irène calls again and again.

"Again?! I thought it was just back then."

"He told me we will work over time every Friday from now on."

I get a message from Irène.

Irène: can we meet? I want to talk to you

"I fucking hate this job."

We soon hang up and I feel Derek's gaze on me.

"I told you, you don't have to work. I'll take care of everything."

"No." It's the first time I reply to him. "You aren't my boyfriend anymore."

He seems to want to say something again but he doesn't. Good.

I'll take care of my damn self.

A few days later

I haven't heard from Irène since she last called me three times when I went to work on Friday.

I tried to get Shanice to go to her home but she rejected. She knew it's just Irène acting dramatic to get our attention. She didn't want to see her. Especially not after being lied to for months as well.

I had no other choice but to see Irène myself. It's been weird not seeing any call or message from her. Last time we talked... she was weird. Like never before.

Even sad, I'd dare say. I tried to comfort her but she didn't want to be comforted.

It hit her more than she thought it would.

I called a cab to her home because Derek was working today and I didn't feel like talking to him. It's only Tuesday morning and I have class in a few hours so I hope I won't be held on for too long by Irène.

Not long after I'm in front of her home. I know where she hides her key so I can even walk in, in case she decided to ghost us and leave town like she usually does.

When I unlock the door and see that her maid isn't here and the whole house is trashed I get a weird gut feeling.

But I keep going, I know she can't be home but maybe I'll understand where she went by going to her bedroom.

Once I'm at the end of the stairs, I stare at her door—somehow scared to keep going. Irène always surprises me.

She is not for the faint-hearted.

My feet propel me ahead and I slowly open the door.

At first my eyes fall on the desk and I notice her laptop is open and still on.

Then my eyes travel to the other corner of the room, behind the door.

At first my eyes can't process the sight in front of me. I assume I must be having a nightmare but when Irène's lifeless body lays in front of me, with her eyes staring at me just like he did. I let out a bloodcurdling scream and rush towards her, dropping on my knees.

I cup her face and my tears burn through my skin as I keep calling out her name. Her blood still wet on her forehead.

In the moment I just knew she did it to herself. The gun is near her right hand, laying in a pool of blood.

I try to wake her up but she doesn't answer.

"Irène... please, please, don't do this to me," I whimper as I keep caressing her face.

"Not again..."

I check her pulse and there is no shadow of doubt she is long gone. A lump forms into my throat and I can't scream anymore. No one is here.

I reach out to get my phone out and call someone, anyone when I notice the note she is dearly holding near her lifeless chest.

I call the ambulance first and they tell me they aren't far. Then Derek.

"Oh god... Derek, she is dead! She shot herself in the head!" I scream at the phone.

I hear Derek's panicked breath. "Who? What happened? Where are you?"

I burst out crying. "She is dead. Irène is dead. She shot herself."

A long silence on the phone. I close my eyes for a few seconds, still trying to feel her close to me but her lifeless green eyes is sending shivers down my spine so I close her eyes with one hand.

Her skin is still warm. Maybe if I got here earlier, maybe if I talked to her that day. It's all my fault.

"Where are you?" he finally speaks but I don't answer right away.

The lump in my throat from all the guilt and suffering keeps me silent until Derek asks again.

"I'm at Irene's home." I hang up and throw the phone away. My hands are tainted with her blood. And it's all my fault.

My tears flood my vision and I can barely see my hand picking up the note.

There is blood on the note but it's still legible. I caress her hair as I force my eyes to focus and read.

To all the people I love

I don't know who will find my body and I wish this wasn't the way you'd remember me. Although I do hope it's Veronica who reads my note first. Everyone else doesn't really know me but she did, she really did. I wish I was as strong as Ronnie is and keep going despite everything but I can't. I'm so tired of fighting alone, of fighting myself. I love you guys so much but I feel so so alone. Living with myself is exhausting, living with what I've done to my sister, as Veronica only knows, is terrifying. I don't want to be one more day without her. I wanna meet her again. I don't want to protect myself ever again, I'm exhausted of being heartless and tough.

Shanice, you deserve better, you always did and I always knew I wasn't the one you'd spend your life with. You will thrive without me. I love you but I don't know how to love you the way you deserve.

Dominic, we've always went along. You truly understood me and saw me as I was. Sometimes you were the only one who put a smile on my face even though I would have never admitted it.

Derek, despite everything, we don't really hate each other. I found myself growing to care for you and seeing you become a better man near Veronica.

Nicole, you didn't deserve what I did to you. I wish I could take back everything and truly be your friend. I've never disliked you. I desperately envied the way you truly loved and opened yourself because I felt I could never do such thing.

And Ron... it's you who I regret the most leaving because I know you truly were my friend even when I was the worst. You were there to comfort me and defended me no matter what. I could only dream of a connection like this if I had never met you.  You made me a better person and I wish I had the guts to be honest sooner.

I love you all but especially...

The last words are scribbled, she wanted to write something else but she never finished the note. My tears fall on the note, near my name.

I can't believe she did this. I never knew how overbearing her pain was. I always thought I was the only one suffering. So selfish. She would never say it but we didn't do enough for her. Especially me.

The ambulance sirens are near but it's too late for her. I lost her forever.

And you never truly know how precious someone is until they are gone.

When the paramedics and Derek burst in, I can't get away from her body. I continue holding her hand until Derek forces me back to reality.

He grabs the note from my hand and skims through it, I see the shock pass over his eyes and I feel rage when he reaches out to comfort me.

He could have prevented this if he didn't go with her in this madness mission... he sustained this plan for so long, before I even found out.

Maybe it's unfair to blame myself and everyone else but I feel powerless now.

Derek's eyes fill with hurt when I push him away, almost reading my mind.

"She's been having this vengeance idea for longer than I knew and you know damn well nothing stopped- stops Irène from doing what she puts her mind to," he says as he stands up, leaving me alone on the cold floor. The reality of his words hitting me.