Last night I fell asleep with a smile on my face. I've never felt happier. Being snuggled up to Derek like that, well, there is probably no match to that.

He apologized to not getting me a gift but he mentioned he had something in mind for later. I don't care much, I'm just glad we are on good terms again.

To my surprise, he isn't in bed with me.

I stand up dizzily—since it was late when I went to sleep and I danced most of my birthday party—which also reminds me that I have to give back the car to Shanice.

I hope it didn't annoy her too much that I kept it for the whole night, I doubt she could go anywhere considering how drunk she was, plus she was already at home.

I check my phone. It's 8 am. No calls. Only one message.

Nicole: you should have told me you were going to leave...

Fuck. I forgot. It's rude... I was at my birthday party. I was so worried about Derek that I forgot about my friends. I figured Shanice would tell everyone but still... they did it for me.

I reply.

Me: I'm so sorry, I only left because I was worried for Derek. I'm at his apartment right now. Let's meet up for cappuccino today?

She replies instantly.

Nicole: ok

I have to make it up to her, I hope Dominic isn't mad about it either. Frankly, it was a big party, so many people. I don't think they only threw it for me, especially since they invited Cyprian. I suppose they also had gifts to give me.

I stand up and I look at the closed door. Where is Derek? Why isn't he in bed with me? Goddamn I sound clingy. He always wakes up before me.

Does he regret me coming back?

Does he even remember anything?

I didn't exactly tell him that I love him but I confirmed it—and if he remembers that, it will only mean one thing for us.

We can proceed and grow together. Well, I should do the most growing.

I stand in front of the mirror and I do my usual ritual.

"I love you..." I repeat over and over to myself.

The door opens and I jump.

Derek looks at me weirdly.

"Uh, yeah?"

"Sorry, I didn't want to disturb you. I just came to pee," he says.

I chuckle. Yeah, kind of bad there is only one bathroom and you can only access it through the bedroom. It's awkward for guests.

"Were you talking to yourself?" he asks amused, but his eyes look exhausted. I know he remembers every single detail.

"Yes. It's part of the therapy," I admit. Of course he doesn't have to know I say I love you to myself.

"You went." He smiles.

"I did. The day after we... had that discussion."

Derek comes over to me and pulls his arms around me. I feel butterflies in my stomach.

"Proud of you."

He leaves a kiss on my cheek and walks to the bathroom, while I'm still glued to the floor, watching him leave.

Yeah, he looks good with a white tank top.

I don't have any clothes here... I have to go back to the hotel and hurriedly get my stuff before they throw them away since today is the last day I paid.

When he comes out of the bathroom, I tell him my plans for today.

He nods. I'm sure he appreciates me telling him when I leave, who I am meeting and where. I don't find it controlling, more that he worries for me. And rightfully, I always gave him reasons to worry.

But now it's my turn to ask him if he was with Irène.

"You stayed in a hotel close by?" he asks and I nod.

I walk towards him, still keeping my distance. There is so much to discuss but no point beating around the bush.

"Were you with Irène these days?" I ask, failing to hide the accusatory tone in my voice.

"No."

He is lying.

I thought we were past that.

I'm not jealous of them, I'm actually worried because they could be up to something dangerous. Of course he wouldn't tell me.

"Are you sure?" I ask to confirm.

"Yes, now go," he says coldly which basically confirms that he is lying. He isn't the best liar, and he usually tries to make up for that by acting cold or leaving soon.

I leave with the same clothes I had on last night. Disgusting but I don't have any other choice.

I grab my stuff from the hotel and I go to Shanice's house.

I send Nicole a quick message asking where and when we meet up, she replies that in one hour at the cafeteria where I was supposed to be hired but they didn't call.

Not long after, we meet up there. Of course I paid for a cab with Irène's money gift.

She greets me with a quick hug and we sit.

They took off the hiring sign. I sigh. Perhaps they found better people to hire.

I take out three hundred dollars and hand them to Nicole. It's the money she lent me.

"Oh, don't worry. You can pay it back when you are working," she says warmly but I shake my head. I don't like this, I want to be independent.

She takes it after I insist a few times.

"So, you're back at Derek's apartment?"

"Yes... hopefully I find a job too."

Then the manager comes out of nowhere and he greets me.

"Miss Reeves! I was thinking of calling you tomorrow but it's good you are here now. Do you still want to work here?"

I nod.

"Did you find a guy for the other waiter job?"

"Yes, my friend from college. And Shanice is still up for it."

"Okay. We will get over the papers and you can start working from next monday. Is that okay?"

I nod. Then the cashier from the last time takes our order. Poor girl. She has to do everything since it's only her and the manager. I wonder if they are related.

"Hey! You!" she greets me warmly and then politely greets Nicole too.

"What would you like to drink?"

"For me, uhm, caramel macchiato," Nicole says and I decide to get the same thing. Tiara leaves.

"Did you make up with Cyprian?" I ask and Nicole smiles.

Oh no, not that smile.

"We had sex."

I almost choke on my own saliva. I scream, "what?!"

I leave one night and she already gets it on. I'm more disappointed that I'm not getting it on too.

"We had a couple of drinks and well, I can only say it was good. Very good. I came so many times."

I burst out laughing. "Nicole! I don't want all the details... he is still my bro, kind of."

"Your bro is amazing in bed. In fact we are doing it again tonight."

"You evil creature," I say jokingly.

I don't give a shit about him, as long as she is happy. But I still don't want him close to me.

"What about you and Derek?"

I bat my eyelashes. "I found him drunk, I helped him... and we slept together." I sigh. "Just sleep. I also basically admitted to him that I love him."

"Good, good, progress. Now time to undress and get it on," she replies and I laugh.

Tiara comes with our orders. They look good.

"Are you going to date now?"

I shake my head. "I don't know, we haven't talked about it." I smile. "I'm actually so horny. He is been keeping me on a dry spell for months now. I've been having wet dreams with him in bed."

She laughs. It's so obvious she had good sex, she is literally glowing. "Girl, tell him."

"He knows."

"And you called me evil!" she retorts. "I know it's just a matter of time before you two get back together."

~

I got home after a few hours of constantly laughing.

To my surprise, Derek isn't home.

I tell him where I go but he doesn't?

I call him. The call doesn't go through.

Out of curiosity... I call Irène and the same thing happens again. I feel the fury grow in my chest. He lied to me. He is ruining everything.

I grow more and more angry as hours pass, I take a shower and I get into bed when it's 10 PM and it doesn't even seem like he is going to come back.

I hear the main door open and he turns on the light in the living room. I pretend to be asleep as he slowly opens the door, so gently I can barely hear it.

He goes to take a shower and I stare at the wall, still angry as fuck. Should I make a scene? Should I just ask him? Why the fuck are they both unreachable at the same time they leave?

When he goes out, he slowly gets under the blankets with me. He accidentally exposes my legs but he pulls the blanket over them again. I sense him staring for a few seconds.

What surprises me the most is when he snuggles up to me and hugs me from behind. His body is tightly pressed against mine and he smells so fresh I almost forget why I am mad.

But I remember. I sit up hurriedly and he flinches at the same time, not expecting this. I turn on the bedside lamp.

I pull myself away from him and I can tell he is slightly hurt and confused by it.

"Where were you?" I ask, trying hard to not make a scene but I already feel like a jealous wife.

Derek pulls his eyebrows together, seemingly guilty at first. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just met up with Dominic."

He reaches out to grab my hand but I pull it away.

"If I call him now, can he confirm that?" I ask. That proves I don't trust him at all.

"Sure, go ahead," he says but his tone is cold.

I decide against it. Dominic would cover for him anyway.

"I don't have to tell you everything," Veronica."

"Oh right, but why do I have to do that?!" I yell.

He sighs. "I didn't ask you to tell me where you are going or with who. Just that one time to tell me if you are coming late because I was supposed to pick you up," he explains calmly but I shake my head. "I'm sorry I forgot to tell you but I really was with Dominic."

I stare into his blue eyes. I don't know. I should trust him. If he tells me there is nothing bad then that's how it is. I know I'm supposed to learn to trust people.

"I'm sorry. You are right. I'm not being fair on you."

I grab his hand and give it a gentle squeeze.

"At least you are talking about it," he replies and I smile.

"We should really talk about yesterday. Why did you drink so much?" I ask but he seems uncomfortable. I don't want to force him.

"Many reasons. But it's mostly because of my parents."

"I'm so sorry," I say while pulling him in for a hug. "I wish I could take your pain away."

I turn off the bedside table and we lay in bed, he wraps his arms around me and becomes the big spoon once again.

Derek lays his head on the crotch of my neck, his warm minty breath fanning over my skin.

That quite turns me on. He could do anything and it would turn me on.

"Just don't leave again," he says and I nod.

"I promise I won't," I say.

I can't even imagine myself with another man ever again. It disgusts me. If it's not him, it's no one.

I cuddle closer to him and I feel his crotch on my butt which makes it worse for me. Just like I told Nicole, I'm always turned on, and being this close to him makes me go crazy. I know if I initiate it, he won't stop.

"Did you mean it yesterday?" he asks as his lips brush against my skin.

"It really shocks me that you still haven't figured it out," I admit. His lips on my skin make me jump to fantasies but I try hard to control myself.

"Funny coming from you," he laughs. I can hear his laugh on my skin and it's the most beautiful thing ever.

"Do you want... to give this a try?" I ask hesitantly. I know I'm not healed, maybe I'll never be, but I can't live without him and I can't stand losing him for things I actually do feel. For words I can't say.

"With you it's always a yes, Veronica, even though you're kind of a player."

I burst out laughing. his hands move to the sides of my waist, exposed bare skin. I can feel the goosebumps on my arms and thighs.

"But we should take it slow," he says as I basically can't hold myself together anymore.

"Yeah?" I scoot my butt closer to him. I'm such a tease.

I'm sure he noticed, I felt his breath stop for a second on my neck, but he adds. "It's better for us."

So much self control.

"You are right," I murmur as I touch his hands and guide them up, under my shirt.

I'm probably going to be a very bad girl and he is the only one who can stop this.

Derek is almost touching the sides of my boobs but he is holding back.

"We've been slow for three years," I murmur slowly as he breathes on my neck harder.

"Yes but-"

I scoot even closer to him, even though there is no more space left.

"Besides, you've been keeping me on a dry spell for four months now."

Derek is the only one I had sex with since we were together two years ago, and then I had to wait a year and half to get one drunken session in. I'm not desperate but... he is not making this any easier.

"You can refuse and we can sleep peacefully," I say as I guide his hands to my boobs and he doesn't shy away as he cups them.

"Or you can have me now," I say out of breath as he massages my breasts. He already gave me the answer.

"Oh, Veronica, you are the death of me," he mutters against my skin as I can feel his erection growing against my butt.

I moan as he caresses my nipples. Then he puts his lips to my neck and leaves small trails of kisses, to my shoulder.

I grind against his erection and he moans in my ear.

"Fuck, I really wanted to take this slow," he says and I laugh as he kisses my neck again.

"We will. We have the whole night."

I know that drives him wild. He begins sucking on my neck and I moan his name.

I roll over, I want to see his face. He smiles at me but his eyes are filled with lust.

I look down and I see his fully erect dick escaping his pants.

I'm aching for him. I press my lips against his and I pull his lip, biting it slightly.

I put my other hand to good use, slowly traveling to his pants and slipping inside his boxers. I continue kissing him passionately with tongue as I wrap my hand around his lenght.

He moans in my mouth as I begin caressing it.

Derek pulls me closer to him and kisses me harder as I begin stroking his erection faster.

We can barely make out anymore without it becoming sloppily.

"Veronica," he moans my name in a low husky voice and it drives me crazy. I'm so wet.

"It's my turn to please you," I say dominantly, which I didn't expect either, as I break the kiss and I pull down his pants and boxers, freeing his erection.

"Lay back," I order him and he listens.

I continue caressing it and stroking it harder at times. Then I kneel near him and leave kisses from his abdomen to his crotch. When I reach his erection, I lightly graze my tongue on the tip which earns me a desperate moan I probably never heard from him before.

Surprisingly enough, this will be my first blowjob.

I take it into my mouth slowly and it's probably too big, so I try to take it deeper. I don't gag when I brush my tongue so I guess it's a good thing I won't gag now.

He grabs my hair gently and guides me as I begin sucking his dick at the exact pace and pressure he wants.

I caress his balls with my free hands and then I run my tongue over them too.

He moans loudly and I feel so pleased with myself.

"Fuck, you are killing me," he says softly. I look up at him with bedroom eyes.

I continue sucking until I can feel the veins pump into my throat and I know he is going to come. He grabs my hair harder which turns me on more.

"What do you- want to do?" he asks breathlessly. I know what he means. He is asking me whether it's ok for him to come into my mouth.

I answer by sucking harder and deeper. He comes into my mouth hard and fast and I feel his cum in my throat. It's not disgusting at all and I swallow it.

That really makes him explode. It turned him on so much that I am gladly taking all of him and he still caresses my hair but now gently.

My legs are shivering from how bad I want it inside of me but I know I wanted to please him first and return the favor for all the times he went down on me. I always came before him.

Derek pulls me towards him and kisses me hard, which takes me by surprise but I exchange it. I know boys are usually disgusted by kissing their girls after blowjobs but I always found that quite disrespectful, especially since they expect us to gladly do the same for them.

"Did I do good?" I ask through kisses and he smiles.

"So good I have to repay you."