Chapter Twelve

I didn't know how to respond to him, he's actually remembered something from his past. So I just stand there, staring.

"What?" I finally ask, my mouth catching up to my mind. 

He gives me a worried look, as if he was the one confused and worried about me, not the other way around. 

He purses his lips together into a tight grim line, before taking his eyes from mine and looking behind me to the car. Then without saying anything, he vanishes before my eyes, causing me to take a sharp intake of air.

I whip my eyes to look to the car, where I see Casper sitting in the passenger seat, looking straight ahead.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, lifting my chest high up before starting to walk to Casper. 

"Want to leave?" With both of us now in the car, I don't look at him, I just mimic him, eyes facing forward.

From the corner of my eye I see him shake his head quickly. 

"Okay," once again I breathe deeply before saying anything else. "Want to stay here a while?"

He doesn't answer. 

I let my head fall back onto the headrest and close my eyes. In the silence and peacefulness, I found myself imagining Casper's mother, how she raised him, if she was strict yet kind. I imagined a little version of Casper, a little boy with dark hair but lightning blue eyes that were always so full of life. I could hear his laugh as his mother spun him around, see the cake around his mouth from one of his birthdays. I felt a tinge of sadness, yet I was smiling. It was a bitter happiness, happy that I could imagine Casper like this, being happy. Yet sad he can't remember any of these things, or remember if they even happened. Sad that the little boy never had the chance to finish his life.

I feel his eyes on me, so I open my own to meet his stare.

"Why do you look so upset?" He asks, with such an innocent, confused look on his face.

"I'm not upset, I'm really happy." I answer, but open my mouth again to add to my sentence. "But the happiness reminded me why I should be sad."

"Why?" He asks again.

"Because I want to know if you were happy, before you died. I want to know how your life was, how your mother was. I want to know you." My eyes are no longer on his, but looking to the far distance.

"You do know me." His voice seems to go tense, as if he was trying to hide any emotion from emitting from his voice.

"I know the now you, not the real you." It sounds stupid, of course I know him, but I want to know him more. How he would spend his free time, what books he might have read.

"The real me, you mean the alive me."

"No, I don't mean it like that, but..." Then it dawns on me that yes, I do want to know the alive Casper, maybe more than this one, because we could have a future together if he was alive. I sigh quietly, "yes."

Neither of us say anything else for a while, so long in fact that the sky is getting a little darker. As it does, Casper's 'mother' leaves her house. 

"You want to know the alive me?" He asks, following the woman with his eyes as she gets in her car. 

I nod, watching him closely. 

"Then let's go get to know me."

I open my mouth to ask him what he's talking about, when he vanishes for a split second before reappearing in front of the woman's door.

What the hell is he doing?

He motions for me to follow him, so once the woman had driven off, I climb out my car and scurry across the road and down the path to meet Casper at the door.

"Casper!" I harshly whisper. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Finding more out about my life." He starts to walk off towards the side of the house. 

I groan internally but follow him anyway. "Casper?" He ignores me. "Casper?" I try again, still whispering, "where are you going?"

"To see if there's an open window or door." He says casually.

I halt in my tracks. "What?!" My voice is raised, but not enough for anyone else apart from Casper to hear. "I am not breaking in to this house Casper!"

"Technically, you'd be breaking into my house."

I still don't budge from my spot, so he grumbles.

"Look, you said you wanted to know the alive me, so lets go get to know him."

"I do know him, I know you. I just meant, I wish I knew you before."

"When I was alive, because you can't be with someone dead." His bland tone makes me shiver and feel guilty. I don't respond. Only heat rises to redden my face, does this mean he knows I like him? Does this mean he wants to be with me too?

Casper starts walking off again, to get round the back of the house, so I follow, rolling my eyes as I do.

There's a tall metal fence and gate blocking our way to get into the back garden, a padlock locking the gate closed.

He easily gets through, just reappearing at the other side. Me on the other hand? Not so easy.

"Well looks like it's locked," I say picking up the lock from the gate. "It was a nice-ish idea Casper, but I can't get in."

"Leah, just climb over it." He says as if that's the easiest answer to the problem.

I smile and nod at him, "if only I had thought of that. My god Casper, you're a genius! Climb over it! Of course!" My sarcasm dripped from my tongue.

He just rolled his eyes, a bored look on his face.

I eyed the fence, trying to figure out a way to get over it. In the corner of my eye, I spot a bin sticking out behind a bush. With a smirk on my face, I grab the bin and wheel it next to the gate. 

One foot on the short wall hoisted me up enough to climb on the bin, once on, I lifted a leg over the fence, then the other, before positioning myself to jump off and land next to Casper. But of course, that didn't happen. My foot got caught between the metal poles of the fence, stopping me from sitting on top the gate. Then, after swinging my leg I already had up there back down, I put too much weight in the wrong place of the bin, causing it to slam down on the ground.

I was still holding on to the top of the gate, and my foot was still stuck in between the poles, so I luckily didn't fall down with it.

"I'd offer you a hand, but..." Casper trails off. gesturing to the predicament I had got myself into. I just glared back at him.

With a willpower not to show Casper how much I was struggling, I pushed my body up the gate with my arms, allowing me to get my leg over again. I then used that leg to push the tip of my shoe back through the poles, freeing it. 

Eventually, I climbed down from the gate, knowing that if my job was breaking in to houses, I'd have to find a new career. 

Smoothing down my top, I glanced up at Casper who had a big grin on his face. "I knew you could do it."

Once again, I roll my eyes. It was my go-to reply to anything he said.

"Come on, the back door looks open a bit, hopefully you won't need to climb over or through anything again."

I nodded and towed behind him towards the door. He was right, the door was open slightly. 

Casper gestured for me to open the door, and once in, we both gazed around the house. The first thing I noticed were the pictures on the wall, one in particular that held the photo of a young man, with dark hair, and light blue eyes. A young man that looked exactly like Casper. 

"Casper, come here." I beckon him, not taking my eyes from the boy on the wall. He looks so different to the Casper I know now, there's something in his eye that isn't there now. Life maybe? I shake my head at myself.

After Casper didn't reply, I turn my head to see where he was, but he isn't there. My heart drops. My first thought is that he's vanished somewhere, and he might not come back. I've spent so much time with him, nearly every second, that it feels too strange to be without him.

"Casper?" I ask, my voice calm compared to what I was really feeling. "Casper?" My voice raises a little in pitch. "Where are you? Casper?" My voice has risen to a shout now, my eyes darting to every corner of the kitchen/hallway we were both stood in a moment ago. 

"I'm up here." He finally answers, shouting down from upstairs. Relief washes over me and I sprint towards where his voice came from, leading me to some stairs. I bound up them, calling his name again as I pass more and more doors. I get to the door at the end of the hall, the only one open. I find him stood looking down at a dark wooden desk. 

"What have you got there?" I ask, crossing the room over to him. 

"Can you turn this piece over." He says, telling me, not asking. 

I do as he says, flipping the page over so he can read the next. 

My heart breaks as I read the first line carried on from the previous page.  

'I know this is hard to understand, and I know you'll hate me for leaving you, hate me for not explaining myself, but it's too hard now. I can't do it anymore.

Please forgive me, 

I love you all.

Alex'

"Who's Alex?" I already knew the answer, but I needed him to say it. "Casper, who's Alex, what is this?" I ask again, worry and confusion clear in my voice.

He shakes his head, debating what to say. "I'm Alex." He takes a deep breath of air, filling his lungs, causing his chest to stick out a little. Then he lets all the air go, his chest sinking back down, his body slumping a little. "And this was my suicide note."

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I'm a shitty author. I can't update regularly, sorry guys.

And sorry again that this is so short, with work, college and life, I'm not motivated enough to write at the moment, even though I'm so close to finishing this book. I will finish it, but it may take me some time.

Once I have finished it, I'll be re-writing it from the beginning as my writing style has changed so much in the time I started writing this, so loads of things are going to change. -That won't happen for a while though-

Thanks for putting up with me! :)

Comments are always appreciated, tell me if this was good or bad, if you were shocked or thought it was bland!!


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