"josh... josh... josh, please, please you have to wake up," tyler sobbed as he sat by his best friend in the hospital room, holding his left hand tightly. "joshie, it's me. p-please wake up..."

"when he wakes up, he isn't going to want to stay awake," mark said. "you ruined him, tyler. right when he started to be happy. now, he doesn't see a point in living."

"i-i know..." tyler said quietly.

"he loved you, tyler," mark said. "how could you not have seen that? every day, he tried to get as close as possible to you so maybe, just maybe your hands would brush against one another. he TOLD you he loved you every night, and you wouldn't even say it back. not once. you caused him panic attack after panic attack. the poor guy can't even sleep on his own anymore! i have to stay in there with him! and even then he only gets about three hours of sleep. you were his only outlet, and you left him. you left the one who cared for you most."

"i-i know, mark," tyler said, squeezing josh's hand. "i know i'm a fucking terrible friend. i know i'm a fucking terrible person to have any kind of relationship with. i know i'm just a fucking terrible person in general," tyler sobbed, removing his hand from josh's. "i don't deserve to get to hold his hand," he sniffled. "why did he like me?"

"because he thought you loved him," mark said. "even when you treated him badly."

"b-but i did love him, mark!" tyler said. "that's the reason i left, ok? i didn't want to scare him. i didn't know he was bi, and i was afraid to admit i'm gay. a-and i still do love him," tyler mumbled. "i-i love him a lot."

mark sighed, leaning back against the wall. "i need a drink. want anything?"

tyler shook his head, sniffling as he looked at josh, gently combing his fingers through his hair. "i'm so sorry, josh. you deserve to live a happy life with someone who's just as perfect as you. and i really wish i was that person."

a few hours later, josh's heart monitor started picking back up. he was awake.

"j-josh?" tyler asked tiredly, waking up from his nap on the couch.

josh groaned in pain, his whole body aching from the incident. he opened his eyes, looking around and beginning to cry as he saw he was still alive.

"josh," tyler said, rushing to his side. "josh, calm down, you're alright."

josh looked at tyler, it taking a minute for him to fully process who he was. and when he did, he started sobbing harder.

"oh, josh..." tyler said quietly. "josh... i'm so, so sorry. i'm such a terrible person, josh. i-i can go if you'd like..."

josh just continued to sob, his breath starting to hitch as his nails went to his wrists.

and tyler knew exactly what to do.

josh had panic attacks fairly often, and tyler was the only one who could ever calm him down.

he climbed onto the hospital bed, his legs spread apart with josh between them, wrapping the injured boy in a big bear hug from behind, holding his arms down and gently rocking them back and forth while he hummed 'build me up buttercup' in josh's ear.

"you're ok," tyler whispered. "you're ok."

tyler then realized why josh always picked that song for him to sing.

tyler was always the one never following through with his promises, but josh still loved him dearly and needed him more than anything else. and, when tyler sang it, it gave off the feeling that tyler was the one going through that.

but it wasn't.

josh's panic attack was over, but when tyler started to get out of bed, josh stopped him non-verbally.

tyler nodded and crawled back into he bed with him, holding him securely in his arms and mumbling about everything that happened.

that he left out of fear he'd scare josh away having a crush on him.

that he had always loved him.

that he still loved him.

everything.

he also asked josh if he forgave him, to which josh said yes.

he also asked josh if he'd like to be his boyfriend, to which josh said yes.

he said josh made him the happiest boy on earth. joshua didn't believe that.

he was still the saddest boy on earth, even after becoming tyler's boyfriend.

"how about once you're allowed to go home, i take you on a date?" tyler said, still hugging his boyfriend tightly from behind. "it'll be the best date you've ever been on. i promise."

"it'll be the only date i've ever been on," josh sniffled. it was true, he had never dated someone before. all the girls wanted a guy who was extremely dominant and didn't express much emotion, but josh is just about the opposite.

"oh, yeah..." tyler said quietly.

shit.

he shouldn't have brought that up.

"will you still go out with me? and let me open the door for you? and hold your hand? and pay?"

josh shrugged, bringing his knees to his chest, crying softly.

ever since tyler, the one person he loved, left, he didn't believe he deserved anything. because if even his best friend walked out on him, he was worth nothing.

tyler chewed on his lip, not knowing what to say. "h-how about we watch some tv?" he asked, motioning to the large television in the hospital room.

josh just nodded, sinking back against tyler so we was lying on top of him as they watched 'the office.' he was still crying, but it was a lot quieter now.

tyler had his arms wrapped around josh's waist, his hands resting on his torso. he eventually turned them upward, praying josh would take them.

after a few minutes, he did.

tyler smiled slightly, enclosing his fingers around josh's hands.

"josh?" he asked.

"y-yes?" josh replied. there was a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"could i... could i start calling you things other than josh or do you wanna wait?"

josh didn't know what he meant by calling him something other than his name.

"like baby or honey o-or something," tyler said.

"why would you want to call me that?"

"it's a thing couples do," tyler said.

"n-no, i-i know that, b-but why do you want people to think we're dating?" josh asked. "o-oh, you're just gonna call me them a-at home. y-yes, t-that's ok."

tyler furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. "i want everyone to know we're dating, joshua. i want everyone to know that you're mine."

"o-oh."

just then, mark entered the room.

"hey, champ," he smiled as he saw josh was awake. "how're you feeling?"

josh shrugged.

that's when mark noticed he and tyler were holding hands.

and that's when his smile turned fake.

"i-i've gotta go," he said. "h-here, josh. i-i brought you flowers."

"o-oh, goodness. t-thanks, mark. you're the best," josh said as he held the large bouquet in his hands.

tyler scolded himself. he's the reason this happened, and he didn't even bring the boy flowers.

"what movie sounds good to watch? i'll go pick one up. a-and magazines, too. do you want ice cream? i'll go get some of that, too. a-anything else?" tyler asked, getting out of the hospital bed and quickly putting on his shoes.

"i-i'd rather you stay here," josh said quietly.

he feared that if he let tyler leave, he might never see him again.

"are you sure? i'll gladly go get you absolutely anything you need," tyler said.

"p-please stay," josh said weakly.

"ok, baby," tyler said, crawling back into bed with his boyfriend, this time on the left side while josh laid on the right.

josh snuggled into tyler, holding his shirt tightly in his fists so he would know whenever tyler tried to leave.

tyler gently ran his fingers through josh's hair, kissing his forehead. "you're burning up, honey. i'm gonna go get the doctor."

"c-can i come?"

tyler shook his head. "no, baby. you're on bed rest, remember? i'll be right back."

"c-can i have something to remember you by?" josh sniffled. he still thought tyler was leaving for ever.

"josh, baby, i'm no-" tyler stopped himself. "yes. yes, baby. here you go," he said, taking off the necklace he always wore.

"b-bye," josh sniffled, holding the necklace in his hands.

"i'll be back in thirty seconds, baby," tyler said, kissing his boyfriend's forehead before scurrying out to find the doctor in his small time frame.

tyler returned in twenty-eight seconds, the doctor right behind him.

he took josh's temperature, giving a simple examination before diagnosing that he had hypothermia from the freezing cold water.

"i suggest we call your parents just to inform them of what's going on. what're their names?" the doctor asked.

"t-they aren't here anymore," josh sniffled. "t-they were murdered."

tyler's heart broke and he immediately went to the other side of the bed, holding his boyfriend in his arms after he crawled in beside him. "shhh, baby," he said softly as josh cried. "it's ok. you're ok."

"so i'm assuming you're his husband?" the doctor asked tyler.

"boyfriend," tyler said. "b-but husband some day."