Carlos's POV:

"another sleepless night huh Carlos, I thought that tonight you will finally be at peace", I was staring at the world beyond the ceiling,

traveling through the universe of my mind's darkness, gazing at the burned trail of my own lighted fire,

"Carlos, listening man?", it was Mason now, "I am fine",

"you always say that", J commented in his worried tone, I sat up, saw my three soldiers standing over their fallen soldier,

"I am fine, that's why I say I am fine, J don't worry about me, I am just--", "lost" Stan commented,

"hurt", J added, "empty" Mason completed, my gaze was focused on the bed sheet now, they sat on my bed,

"come on, Carlos relax man, we will get things right for good", Mason tried to make me feel a little less off, I half smiled,

"yeah, at least she is talking to us now", J said confidently, "why are you still upset?", Stan asked eyeing my expressions,

this douche can read faces like books, you can't fool him that easily, he is with me since like forever I guess, it's quite hard to lie to someone who knows everything about you, he knows my secrets, he knows my truth.

"I don't know how to say it?", I said in a little frustrated tone, I was unconsciously half bouncing, half playing with my phone,

"just spit it out, we will interpret it somehow, it's gonna eat you alive if you don't let it out Carlos",

"J is right, besides we are your pals, we won't judge", I stared at Stan, he was giving me a thoughtful look, I relieved a heavy sigh,

"whenever I look at her, I see the monster that got the best of me one year ago, I feel sick, her cries, her pleadings are all engraved in my mind like scriptures from above, I feel like an oppressor,I was strangling my love with my own bare hands",

my heart was pounding in my ribcage, they were silently listening, I looked up to Stan,

"you think I am good and I deserve her, then you are wrong Stan, I did something to her that I can't forget, I will suffer for it my entire pathetic life, I --- ", I closed my eyes shut, took deep breaths,

my lips were quivering, my heart racing, "I did something that will never be forgiven, she may forgive me but I will never forgive myself, after I tell you, you will despise me too", I saw them eyeing me sharply,

I know they are not gonna like it but I have to get it off my chest or else I will go insane,

"I I almost I almost raped her", the words left my mouth leaving a distaste in my mouth, the awful aftertaste, it sounds even worst when you say it, and I did it!,

"that's why she left?", "yeah", silence..... "I am really sorry for what I had done that day, I go through it every single day, it's traumatizing, whenever I see her, I see the monster in me, I see the man who almost ruined someone's life", I was feeling awful,

totally crushed, who knew Carlos Crawford will ever force himself on a girl, a girl who he loved,

"Carlos, I know that was messed up but keeping that! to your self for a whole year was more messed up, you should've told us, we would've done something", Stan stated,

"like what killed me, chained me because that was what I wanted to do to myself, I wanted to drown myself, burn myself alive, I was a monster to her and here she is forgiving me, a straight slap to my face, how can she, how can she be so forgiving?",

I was questioning myself over and over again, "Carlos, she also had a whole year to think about it, I think she decided to be a better person, I know Alyssa she doesn't hold grudges", J explained,

my mood was off, completely off now, Mason patted my shoulder, "Carlos I know you regret all of it and if you know you did wrong, then what's to worry about it, life has given you another chance to make it up for it, so why don't you avail it,

fill her world with happiness and love because I know that is what she craves for, someone who she can belong to, love her, keep her safe, show your monster that it is forever caged now, win it with the power of love, slay the Crawford demon, that exist in both you brothers of hell", I gazed at Mason,

we all did, then burst out laughing, "you creep, you can't stay serious for a minute", he showed me his finger and then motioned it towards his watch,

"I was serious for 15 mins, it's a new record for me", I half chuckled, what will I do without em,

"and besides Alyssa has dealt with major issues than this before, one time her uncle---- wait never mind", J sealed his mouth,

but the words were enough to get our attention, he sensed the trouble, he was about to get off but Stan caught him in a block move,

"let go Stan" he said in hastiness, "not until you complete the story", Stan pushed,

"it's Alyssa's secret I can't", he blurted out, "and you kept it hidden from us, what kind of a friend are you", Mason fake scolded,

"A good one indeed, I kept her promise until now, the situation got the best of me, I can't tell you that, it's private", he stated,

"yeah like anything is private in between us four", Mason scoffed,

"but but but Alyssa will kill me", "she is not here, spill it, two secrets in a day, ain't it a good day today", "MASON!", "SORRY",

"Argh fine let go first", Stan released him, it's quite to hard to get out of his block moves,

this douche is a perfect trap, "well when Alyssa was fourteen, she had a neighbor, who she used to stay with after school because of her careless father, he was married but divorced, old guy, like really old",

"yet a prick", Stan said in a pissed tone,

"so I used to hangout too you know, I noticed his odd attraction towards Alyssa, like caressing her shoulder, kissing her cheek",

"I am gonna puke", Mason stated in discomfort,

"so I knowing all of it went to her careless father and blurted out bluntly saying, 'save your daughter before she gets raped you sorry ass of a father', he was shocked, I was fifteen so yeah, didn't exactly know how to react so I just spill it, Alyssa had mentioned her discomfort to me a hundred times, I had to do something",

he half finished his speech, "dude you literally said that to her father, now this is what I call a brave man", Mason hugged him,

"then what happened?", I asked, I was angry, I wanted to kill that old man now dead, I hope so and rots in his grave for an eternity, jerk,

"then we went to his house and Alyssa's dad caught him red handed, we walked on the old pervert trying to kiss her, she had slapped him and ran to me, believe me the worst memory I have of her, I literally launched at him, kicking and punching him, her dad stopped me before I had killed him,

well he was arrested after that and I was raised to an upper level of respect in her father's eyes, he still hated me for my inappropriate speech but soon forgot it",

"I feel so bad for Alyssa", Stan said in worried ness, "don't worry she is strong, she can handle it", J stated firmly, we nodded, after that, we all hit the sacks except me, my sleep has long left me, I sometimes feel like I am dead,

Morning:

we were outside, washing our cars, it was early, mostly people were going to work or kids getting ready for school or something,

Alyssa leaves at 8:00 for work, it was 6:00, she must be getting up or getting ready, "can you pass me the bucket", Stan asked Mason,

who was doing some engine work, J came out with coffee mugs, handed one to each, he had a biscuit in one hand, who Mason begged to share with him, douche,

A dog came to us, getting friendly with J, Mason patted him, "howdy neighbors", we saw Sky coming our way, he tilted his hat like cowboys do, wtf he is not even living in a country side or something,

I saw my friends getting stiff, we nodded, "sorry about my dog, he is too friendly", he was patting him, sitting on his knee,

"he is too innocent you know, he doesn't even know the difference between trouble and safety", he was smiling at his dog,

"well he is an animal and animals are innocent, humans are the one we should be careful about", I stated firmly rather coldly I must say,

there is something about him, I can't figure out, something bad, hidden, sinister in nature, I get bad vibes from him, he stood up,

"you are right Carlos, did I get the name right", weird I didn't tell him my name, "yeah you guessed it right", I said plainly, he was nodding to himself,

what was he thinking, he gave a look to Mason, who was glaring back at him, "you are Janette's?", he asked Mason in a low tone, he was pissed, trying to conceal it,

"I am Janette's friend", Mason stated, "friend huh",

"yeah", "why do you ask?", J pushed, Sky smiled to the ground,

"well I don't want trouble with you people, you seem like nice guys, decent too, I just want to clear something",

"and what's that?", I asked, "Janette is mine fellas, I don't want to fight with you, any of you that is, she likes me too, like you said you are friends, so there is no issue", he said politely,

"um slight adjustment", Mason butted in, "I am a friend, he a friend also", he pointed to Stan, "her best friend", he signalled to J, who gave a half smile, "and he", Mason said,

"Janette's love interest", I stated with a smirk, his smile vanished into thin air, he was getting pale, I could see his pulse bulging out near his eyebrow, he was on fire,

"so this is how it's going to be huh", he asked, targeting me, "yes", he was glaring then a small smile crept on his face, he was strange.

"may the best man win Carlos", he again tilted his hat and walked away with his dog,

"I don't like him", "feelings are mutual J", I responded, we saw him ringing Alyssa's bell, she opened and invited him in, she softly smiled our way, Mason waved, she gently waved back and went in, looks like you have a competition Carlos, may I win.

Alyssa's POV:

I was brushing my hair, Sky was lying on my bed, a little lost,

"are you alright Sky?", "I feel so lonely sometimes Jane, what will I do without my grand pa and grand ma?", I turned to see him in a paler complexion,

"Sky don't worry about it, your grand pa and grand ma are perfectly fine and besides you will have me too", he sat up with almost teary eyes,

I was shocked was he, I went to him and rubbed his eyes, "promise Alyssa, you will be with me",

"I promise Sky, don't worry hey, everything is gonna be alright", I hugged him gently,

"but why do I have a feeling it won't be", he asked, he was really restless today, his hands were shaking, I massaged his hands,

"shush calm down, everything is gonna be just fine", he was trying to say something but he was contemplating whether he should or not,

"Sky is something bothering you?", I asked, "I don't know if I should tell you or not, I don't want to give you much trouble",

"Sky talk to me, come on tell me, you know you can trust me", "Janette, I um I shouldn't", he got up, I grabbed his arm,

"Sky, if you don't tell me then I will not talk to you", I fake pushed,

"Oh no Jane, I will tell you, don't say that, you are my everything" he was being so vulnerable, so lost, I felt so sad for him, he needed me, we both were seated,

"Jane I think your friends don't like me, they are always glaring and giving me deadly looks, they were really cold when I tried to befriend them, I am just a plain guy Jane, I don't mean no harm, I am harmless, I know they are your friends but they scare me sometimes",

"You talked to them?", I asked, I was a little upset, why were they being so mean to him, he is a nice guy, he looks so troubled,

"Yeah I did today, but it didn't went that great, I tried right", "yeah you did, don't worry if they don't want to be your friends, you have me, I am enough for you", I calmed him down, he was smiling now,

"I know they are your friends Jane, they must be nice to you, they are just being protective of you that's all, you are just perfect, everyone just wants to keep you to themselves", he said politely, I was blushing,

"you cowboys know how to rope a woman do you", I joked, he chuckled,

"we have to leave, I have work", "can I drop you?", "yeah sure",

*** **** ***** *****
Hey guys update, yipee

ok this was a really conversational chapter :D what can I say Carlos's side of the story needed light too,

After a long time Carlos's POV, my poetic badboy :) ❤ I have a crush on him you know :) :*

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Xoxo Thegirlinthegreycoat