Jungkook first did drugs when he was seventeen years old. To be fair, it was an accident. He was looting Namjoon's snack drawer in his desk for something sweet, and had rejoiced in finding a small cookie wrapped in plastic. Yoongi liked to bake from time to time, so Jungkook had just assumed that his hyungs were holding out on him. Out of spite, he ate the cookie and left.

Not too long after, he started feeling weird. The last time he had felt this loopy was when he got his wisdom teeth taken out and the dentist had doped him up on painkillers, so he knew something wasn't right. Then, Namjoon barged into the studio and demanded to know whether or not Jungkook had eaten the cookie he had in his snack drawer, to which Jungkook confessed. The cookie, unbeknownst to Jungkook, had been an edible. Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok then proceeded to briefly panic before taking away Jungkook's phone, sitting him down on the couch in his studio and staying with him to ensure he didn't do anything stupid while he was high out of his mind.

Jungkook wasn't too bad to be around while he was high. He was just even more giggly and hungry than he already was normally. When Jungkook came down from his high, he got a stern talking-to from his hyungs, and he thought that that was going to be the end of his experience with drugs. But then, he went on his third world tour when he was eighteen. Partying became something he liked to do, and thanks to Hoseok's genius in the PR department, it stayed fairly under the radar that he partied, and he partied hard.

Drugs were slowly integrated into his life after that. He would smoke weed with his hyungs after a successful show or an album release, or even just to relax after a long day. After reading about The Beatles' writing process, he decided to drop acid. This produced most of the songs on his fourth album, and turned out to be a good method for him creatively. It was after this album, though, that he was sat down for another discussion.

"Listen, we don't care about the bud or the LSD." Yoongi had said. "We care about the hard stuff. The addictive stuff. What you're doing is child's play compared to that shit."

"Just stay away from the pills, the white powder, and the injections. No painkillers, no cocaine, no heroin. That fucks people up." Namjoon had instructed him.

"We love you, Jungkookie. We're not gonna police your life, since you deserve to be a normal guy who can make his own decisions. But that shit will make your life a living hell." Hoseok had explained.

Jungkook nodded and promised them he wouldn't. He hadn't been lying, he truly had no intention of getting into anything harder than acid. Hallucinogens and psychedelics were one thing, but stuff like that was a completely different beast that Jungkook wanted nothing to do with.

Until he was in the bathroom at a crowded club, furiously making out with the boy who had ripped Jungkook's heart clean out of his chest for him to wear on his sleeve. Jungkook pulled back to breathe with dark, lustful eyes trained on the smirking man before him. The Person Who Shall Not Be Named, or TPWSNBN, for short. He reached into the pocket of his jeans and withdrew a little baggie of white powder. Persuasive words left his swollen lips, though Jungkook can't quite remember what they are now. He's fairly certain it doesn't matter—TPWSNBN could have asked anything and Jungkook would have done it. So Jungkook leaned down over the porcelain of the sink and snorted his first line and let the electric buzz rush through his veins and send his body into a dazed euphoria.

He always felt like he had a handle on his usage. Coming down from the high was a bitch, and the days that followed after never felt quite right, but he felt in control of it. He did it with TPWSNBN multiple times. It was only after TPWSNBN left him that he realized he was far from in control. He craved it every now and then, would only buy enough to give him a slight buzz when he needed a pick-me-up or needed to soothe the piercing ache in his head or the cold sweats that came with withdrawal. The cravings got to him, always in the corners of his mind. They weren't the forefront of his thoughts, but they were always there, a constant reminder of how TPWSNBN left him with nothing but a broken heart, a writer's block, and a cocaine addiction. How sweet of him.

Jungkook knew he should stop. He knew he shouldn't have done it in the first place, he should have listened to his hyungs. But when TPWSNBN was involved, the line separating right from wrong became blurred and indistinguishable. Now, he knows he probably needs rehab, or at least someone keeping him in check. Someone preventing him from buying it, someone to make him feel like he doesn't need it anymore. But after TPWSNBN left, Jungkook realized that doing cocaine was the only thing that made him feel whole again—because he associated it with being with TPWSNBN. He made Jungkook feel golden, and therefore, so did cocaine.

Nothing else about Jungkook's life felt golden at all anymore. His music had hit a low point, whereas before, everything he touched went number one. He released The Song That Shall Not Be Named, and it was the first song he had ever written that the public didn't like. But they didn't just not like it, they hated it. First and foremost, it was just not a good song. There's no nice way to put it. It was awful. Jungkook had written it coming down from a cocaine high the day after TPWSNBN left him. It was about him, of course. Jungkook took it to Yoongi, who immediately hated it, but Jungkook had pleaded with him to trust him, so he did. What was the worst that could happen? Nothing Jungkook ever wrote did badly.

Then, there was the fact that it was the song that announced to the world that Jungkook was bisexual. The reactions to this particular detail were very mixed. Some were happy for him. Some were angry, and completely dropped Jungkook and his music. Some radio stations stopped playing him. Even a few of his famous friends stopped talking to him. Jungkook saw that coming. But, then a few people on Twitter made a point.

They had called Jungkook out for not speaking out earlier. He had been seen with girls before, openly discussed and wrote about his relationships with them, but he had never once spoken a word about this man even though the song said they had been dating for a year and a half. Jungkook's messages in his music had consistently been about being true to yourself, and they saw it as hypocritical that he kept it to himself until the breakup. They saw it as an excuse to victimize himself and make the other man the villain, creating a skewed perspective of gay relationships. It sounded like bullshit at first, but the more Jungkook read, the more he started to feel like a hypocrite. Hoseok had done a good job getting these statements and articles dragging him taken down, but Jungkook had already seen them. It was no use.

Where he had once been golden, he now felt like pyrite, fool's gold. And that feeling only intensified when he wasn't high or when he thought about TPWSNBN.

So when Iris initially came into the picture, it was a nice change for Jungkook. He was finally able to write without thinking about TPWSNBN. But then she wrote Insured. And all Jungkook can think about is him.

My heart's not insured
But I can't resist
Your tempting allure
Your lips that I kiss

If we break, it'll hurt
But I hope that we'll work
My heart's not insured
But, still, I'm all yours

It's almost like Iris took the words from
his own mouth. The lyrics hit him hard. He figured if they resonated for him, then they'd resonate with his listeners. But still, he says,

"I don't like it."

Iris raises her eyebrows, taken aback at how bluntly his opinion was delivered. When Jungkook dissented with her ideas, he'd normally word it in a gentle way, or make a joke, or at least provide some kind of explanation for what he found wrong with it. But this statement is just followed by silence, a blank expression on his handsome features. This is due to the fact that Jungkook does truly like the song, but hates the way the song makes him think about what he desperately tries not to. But he'd never tell Iris that.

"Oh. Um, okay." Iris says, uncomfortable with his strange behavior. "That's fine. But...why?" She asks curiously. Jungkook just shrugs his broad shoulders.

"Just don't." He deadpans, and Iris lets out a humorless laugh.

"Wow, thanks for elaborating." She sarcastically states, before turning her chair around to face the computer again. She doesn't try to hide how irritated she is by his sudden shift in mood, and he feels annoyance brewing in his stomach. His head is aching, and he can feel his cocaine cravings kicking in. Another thing that comes with withdrawals—an attitude.

"What, you mad?" He asks and Iris pauses her typing. There's a disagreeable tone in his voice, as if he's looking to pick an argument.

"I mean, it'd be nice if you could tell me what you don't like about it. I don't want to write something else with similarities to it just for you not to like another song for the same reason. It's a waste of our time." She says, not wanting to play into his fight he apparently wants. "My feelings won't be hurt if you just tell me what you don't like about it. We'll be able to make something better that way."

"This is my album, if you've forgotten. I don't owe you an explanation." Jungkook snaps, and Iris sighs. Whatever he doesn't like about the song is clearly getting to him.

"All right, Jungkook. Whatever." Iris concedes, not wanting to engage in the argument he's setting up. "I just want to help, and it's hard to do that if you're not clear with me with what you want."

"I don't need your help." He says defensively, and Iris clenches her jaw, taking a deep breath to keep her cool. She spins her chair around once again. He's still leaned back on his new couch, arms crossed.

"Jungkook, do you really have to disagree with everything I say?" Iris asks, keeping all of the irritation out of her voice this time.

"Why would I agree with you if you're wrong?" Jungkook retaliates, and a smirk is on his lips now. He's enjoying this, Iris concludes. He's getting off on being difficult.

"What's your problem?" Iris finally asks, knowing that speaking calmly isn't getting her anywhere. "Why are you so intent on picking petty fights?"

"You're my problem." Jungkook informs her as if it's common knowledge. Iris quirks an eyebrow, and his smirk grows. He's looking for a reaction out of her.

"Really? And why's that? Enlighten me."
Iris says, biting the inside of her cheek to keep the words that match his tone from escaping.

"You seem to be forgetting who's in charge here, that's all." Jungkook says simply, and this is the last straw for Iris.

"Oh, and I'm guessing you're the one in charge? Is that what you're insinuating?" She asks, tone sharp.

"That's right." He says, smirk unbearable to her now. This side to Jungkook is new to her. He's been arrogant, but never malicious like he is now.

"Whatever, Jungkook. Have fun on your power trip, I'm going home." Iris sighs, standing up.

"What? Can't take the truth?" Jungkook taunts her.

"I can't take you acting like an asshole." Iris replies, and he chuckles. She reaches for her jacket from the back of the couch, but Jungkook grabs it before she can reach it. He stands up, holding it triumphantly. "You've got to be kidding—Jungkook, give me it." She holds her hand out for the jacket. He doesn't move to give it to her, so she moves closer, lunging for it, but he just holds it above his head, out of her reach.

"Aw, so close, yet, so far." He teases, smirk ever present. Iris rolls her eyes.

"Jungkook. I'm over it. Give it back." She states.

"Looks like you're gonna have to figure out a way to get it yourself." He challenges her, expecting her to have to jump.

"Fine. You asked for it." She states simply, before stomping on his toes once again. Wincing, he lets down his guard, and Iris reaches up and grabs the jacket out of his hand. He groans in pain and annoyance, and she smiles at him humorlessly. "You'll be fine. You're insured, remember?" She reminds him sarcastically, before shrugging on her coat and heading for the door. An alarm goes off in Jungkook's head at this—being alone doesn't sound fun right now. Being alone means thinking, and thinking means TPWSNBN.

"Wait, Iris, don't go. I'm sorry." He apologizes half heartedly, and Iris shakes her head, opening the door.

"Bullshit. Call me when you're done being a dick." She snaps, and then she leaves and shuts the door behind her. Smirk fading from his face into a pout of defeat, Jungkook deflates. With Iris gone, the silence intensifies his already painful headache. He needs a fix, and he needs it now. Rummaging through his jacket pockets, he finds what he's looking for—the white powder that makes him feel like pure gold. He walks over to the desk and carefully pours some of it onto the surface, quickly aligning it with shaking hands. He pulls out a bill and rolls it up, before leaning over the line.

The door to the studio opens.

"Don't get excited, I'm not staying, I just forgot my keys—"

Jungkook looks up in surprise, milliseconds before he began to breathe in the powder gold. Iris stands in the doorway, surprise evident on her face. Her mind races—it honestly makes sense. She notices the pallor of his skin now, the way the dark circles are stark against his eyes, the way he became so irritable and rude so quickly. Jungkook's wide eyes plead with her immediately. She can tell
he's begging her not to say anything, to just turn around and leave and pretend she didn't see anything.

She doesn't know why she gave Jungkook the benefit of the doubt at all. She should have know he would be more like her own People Who Shall Not Be Named. She knows she should just walk out, and probably never come back. Jungkook is just baggage she doesn't need, a liability. She should just leave. But she can't help herself from saying the first thing that pops into her brain. She grabs her keys from the desk, and looks Jungkook right in the eye.

"Predictable." She says bluntly, and the magnitude of her words flashes across his face—hurt, anger, but mostly guilt.

And then she leaves again, leaving Jungkook alone with his shame and his powdered gold. And he wishes the guilt would be enough to keep him from inhaling the line of cocaine. He wishes he had enough self control and respect to just brush the line into the garbage can. But he doesn't.

So he leans down and snorts the line. He waits for the high to overwhelm the shame he feels, waits for it to distract him from the disappointment in Iris's pretty eyes. And surely enough, it does. But it also brings a newfound realization upon him.

It doesn't make him feel as gold as Iris does.

happy tuesday!!! i'm still on vacation but i hope everyone enjoyed & is doing well!!!

r