could you hold me without any talking? we could try to go back where we started

[the honeymoon: season 5, episode 17]
*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

Rose pointed the weapon out before her, closing her right eye. She just needed to get used to having the gun in her hands. That's all she needed to do. There was no way she was actually going to need to use it. They would touch down in the mountains, quickly pick up Coulson, and encounter no problems on their way there. Because their missions always go according to plan. Always. Except for the fact that the team had been circling this mountain range for two hours and still hadn't found Coulson. So, Rose had spent the majority of her time down here in the shooting range. She never actually shot the weapon, she just held it.      

        "Rosie! There you are, I've been looking for you for hours-" Deke started, walking into the room. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

        Rose sighed, placing the weapon back at her side. "Learning how to shoot a gun," she said simply.

        "Okay, the only person you are going to shoot is yourself if you keep holding it like that," Deke told her, shaking his head slightly.

        She huffed, "It doesn't matter anyway," Rose said annoyedly. "It's not like I'm actually going to shoot it."

        "Okay, put the gun back up," Deke told her.

        Rose looked back at him, raising her brow. "What are you doing?" she asked him carefully.

        "Do you trust me?" Deke asked her.

        Rose shook her head slightly, "You already know the answer to that question," she stated.

        "Well then hold the gun back up," Deke said once more.

        Against her better judgment, Rose raised the gun back up, gingerly holding it in her hands. She felt Deke's fingertips wrap around hers. "What are you doing?" she asked quickly, refusing to look at him.

        "You were holding it like the thing was about to explode," Deke explained. "You have to hold it with a firm grip."

        Rose frowned, "I- I wasn't holding it like that," she said sheepishly.

        "You were," Deke replied, as his fingertips grazed the side of her hand once more. "Now, make sure you're hands are straight out when you are holding it, or else you could break your arms.

        Rose took a deep breath in, "Okay, what next?" she asked slowly.

        "Close your right eye and keep your gaze forward, make sure to keep your finger on the trigger, like this," Deke said, guiding her right hand down slightly so that it was near the handle. She moved her finger ever so slightly to the left, looping one of her fingers around the smaller piece of metal, settling in on the trigger. She felt a weight lift off of her hands and she knew that he let go of her hands. Deke peered over her shoulder and continued his instructions. "And then when you feel confident enough, you press as hard as you can and shoot. You can do it, Rosie, I believe in you."

        She turned her head to the left and was met with a soft smile. Rose's heart skipped a beat, she had no idea why. "Oh," she sounded in a low whisper, her eyes connecting with his for a split second. Her face was inches away from his. She didn't know what to do, and she honestly wasn't sure if she should do anything. Rose could feel her heart beating against her rib cage at a rapid pace. She hated feeling like this, it wasn't like her to be so- speechless. What the hell was happening to her? "That's how you do it."

        Deke rolled his eyes, "I told you to keep your eyes forward," he said with a small laugh.

        Rose tore her eyes away, facing back toward the front of the target range. "Right, yeah, how could I be so stupid," she said quickly as her hand began to shake. "Uh, thanks for the help. It was very- uh- helpful," she finished, trying to steady her voice.

        "The help was helpful?" Deke asked, raising his eyebrow.

        Rose looked down at the ground, "I did say that, yeah," she mumbled, placing the weapon back at her side.

        "Hey, you two," Daisy said, appearing behind the both of them. "We're gonna touch down, try and canvas the area on foot. Let Coulson come to us," she explained.

        Rose nodded and followed the brunette out of the room, placing the gun in the holster that Daisy had given her earlier.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

        It didn't take the four of them that long to find Coulson and the other mysterious man who Rose still didn't recognize. The pair was being chased by a mysterious woman in all black. Daisy used her powers to quake the girl against a nearby rock. Her metal mask made a clanging noise as it hit the ground.

        Coulson looked at the four of them, relief flooding his facial features. "You got your powers back?" he asked Daisy.

        Daisy nodded, "It's a long story. May, Rose, get them back to the Zephyr," she instructed. "I'll take care of her."

        May frowned, "Not a chance."

        "It's a rescue mission," Daisy said, looking down at Coulson and the other guy. "Look at them." Daisy was right, the pair was in terrible shape.

        May nodded, throwing their arms over her shoulder. Rose walked behind the three of them awkwardly, Deke on her tail.

        Coulson coughed, "So, how'd you find us?"

        "Robin," May replied simply.

        "A little bit like cheating, don't you think?" Coulson asked, trying to lighten the mood.

        They had almost made it to the Zephr when May decided to speak again. "You two okay back there?"

        Rose looked up, "Yeah, I'm fine. Although I haven't heard from him in a while," she turned her head to the left slightly, expecting to see Deke walking next to her, except he wasn't there. "Oh, shit- why is he suck an idiot?" she exclaimed.

        "Rose, what's happening?" May asked her, still holding up the two injured men.

        Rose sighed, "Deke, he must have slipped off. The dickhead, I'll be right back," she said, speeding back towards where the clearing was, and she immediately spotted her friend. "What the hell is your problem? Daisy told you to watch their backs!" she hissed.

        Deke had a gun pointed at the blonde woman Daisy was fighting. "I figured she needed some backup," he said simply.

        Rose blinked, "She has superpowers, I don't think she needs your backup!" she insisted.

        "That's your opinion, Rosie," Deke retorted.

        Rose groaned, she wasn't in the mood to argue with him. "Deke, we need to get back to the Zehpr and help Coulson."

        "You can help Coulson, I'm just trying to get a shot in," Deke told her.

        "Oh my fucking god," she spat. Rose raised her gun and fired a bullet directly at the Blonde girl's shoulder at the same time as Daisy knocked her against a large boulder. The girl slumped against the ground, blood trickling out of the scrape on her shoulder. Rose blinked, not entirely sure what just happened. She took a deep breath in as her hands began to shake.

        "Holy shit," Deke commented, impressed that Rose was able to pull that off. "Nice shot."

        "Barely," Rose responded. "It grazed her shoulder," she added, her voice still shaking.

        "Still, it was pretty good," Deke said as they ducked out from behind the rock. She placed the gun back at her side. "I don't think she's getting up from that," he said, looking over at Daisy.

        Her brows furrowed, "What are you still doing here?" she asked him.

        "I thought she had you for a sec but-" Deke's voice stopped as a bullet hit his chest. He keeled over onto the ground, the snow below his feet turning a scarlet color as blood dripped from the bullet hole.

        "Deke!" Daisy shouted, pulling him up over her shoulder, as the sound of gunshots continued to fill the air.

        Rose's mouth dropped open, "No-" she stuttered, a thousand thoughts running through her mind at the same time. She couldn't comprehend what had just happened, her mind felt fuzzy, staring down at the crimson-stained snow. "D-Deke?" she asked, but she didn't get a reply. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no," she mumbled as her lip quivered.

        She felt like she couldn't move as she stared at the spot where Deke had got shot. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She heard the continuous noise of gunshots around her, but she couldn't get her feet to move. "Rose! Rose! We have to go or else you're gonna get shot as well," Daisy said, dragging her away from the scene.

        Rose didn't say anything once they reached the Zephyr. She couldn't force herself to do it. She turned away as Deke begin to shake on the ground. Even though she wasn't a doctor Rose could tell he was losing a lot of blood. She took a deep breath in as her eyes watered. 'No, no,' she thought to herself as she stared straight forward. 'I won't cry. I can't cry.'        

        "I can't stop the bleeding," Rose heard Daisy say in a panicked voice. "Grab the hemostatic granules."

        "It's okay," Daisy said slowly as Coulson grabbed the large first-aid kit off of the wall. "Scissors."

        "Hope this thing has instructions," Coulson said as he passed the tools to Daisy.

        Daisy nodded quickly, "Okay, hold him still."

        "That's not a good sign-" Deke stopped talking and begin to scream, which made Rose's throat close up.

        She begin to shake her head vigorously, trying to drown out the sound however she could. She couldn't bare to listen to it. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit," she whispered to herself. "This is all my fault. Shit, shit, shit." Rose clutched her fists and closed her eyes. "Shit-"

        "It's okay," Coulson mumbled as Deke's screams subsided. "This is only a temporary fix. He's gonna need actual medical attention."

        "He's gonna need actual medical attention," Daisy said, nodding at May. "Call ahead to Simmons. Give her a heads up."

        May shook her head, "No one's answering. Can you hold on until we make it to the Lighthouse?"

        Daisy looked down at Deke and then back up at May. "Just get us there as fast as you can," she told her. She looked over at Rose, who was still staring at the wall, her eyes shut. "You, take care of him," she said, before strolling over to Rose.

        Rose heard Daisy sit down next to her but she didn't move. She was going to lose him, again. As if the first time wasn't bad enough, there was no possible way to come back from a bullet wound. Especially something that struck him right in the chest. She bit her lip to try and stop the tears from falling. She wasn't going to show people that she was weak, not again.

        "He's gonna be okay," Daisy whispered. "The- the granules. They're working."

        Rose sniffled, "You don't know that," she said in a small voice. "You would think that the second time is easier, losing someone. I thought I did at the Lighthouse, but then he came back, and everything was okay. It was going to be okay. But then he just had to go back, he thought he needed to give you backup. I just- I should've noticed that he was gone earlier. That's on me. I could've prevented that whole situation. He wouldn't have gone back, he wouldn't have gotten shot, and you guys could've got Hale. But I was too- too dumb to notice that he wasn't at my side. I just, don't know what to do," she choked, placing her head in her hands.

        "Stop talking like that-" Daisy started.

        Rose sighed, "Like what?" she mumbled

        "Like he's already gone," Daisy finished.

        Rose shook her head, scoffing slightly. "I don't get second chances, Daisy. I was never the type of person to get a do-over. I was never that lucky. Everything that happened to me was cemented in time and I couldn't change that. I didn't get that chance until you guys came along. And when that happened, I finally got a chance to start over. Forget everything that happened to me at the Lighthouse, losing practically everyone that I loved, and forge a new life here. But now, I might lose the only constant I've had in my life, again. And I can't do that, not again. So forgive me for not being optimistic this time around. Because no one gets third chances where I'm from. It's one and done, and to be honest with you, I think I've run out of them this time," she admitted. "And maybe that's a shitty point of view, but I'm done trying to hope for something that isn't going to happen."

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

        "Mack, where have you been?" Daisy asked as they ushered Deke into the Lighthouse on a stretcher. "Get Simmons, we need her."

        "She's not here," Mack answered. "She and Yo-Yo locked me in Fitz's cell and ran off to who knows where."

        Coulson looked puzzled, "Fitz's cell?" he asked. "Must be the long story you mentioned."

        "Yeah," Daisy said quickly, before looking back at Mack. "I left you in charge. What the hell happened?"

        "They think that can't be killed," Mack responded. "You try arguing with someone who's totally irrational!"

        "We'll decide who's rational later," May cut in as the continued pushing the stretcher down the hallway. "What are we gonna do for Deke?"

        Daisy thought for a second, "If Simmons is AWOL, we have to get him to a hospital."

        May shook her head, "We don't have time for that," she decided. "Piper, you were in training to be a field medic for the strike team. What are we looking at?"

        Agent Piper, who Rose had barely interacted with, looked up. "Uh- he's in shock. If he doesn't get a blood transfusion soon-"

        "No choice-" Daisy finished. "Treat him here."

        Piper's mouth dropped open, "There's no way. I'm not a surgeon," she asserted, and Rose's heart sank.

        "Just talk me through it," Mack cut in. "I'm not afraid of blood, and I got a steady hand."

        Rose watched as Deke was wheeled off into the hospital room. She couldn't stop the tears from falling this time. They didn't even have a doctor on board, just some trainee and Mack. Rose liked Mack, she trusted Mack, but this fact didn't quench the wave of dread that was washing over her body. Rose knew she wasn't allowed in the operating room, she didn't really want to go in there either. She didn't want to see them dig the bullet out of Deke's chest. Just the thought of that made her want to throw up.

        Rose felt her leg begin to shake and she sat on the ground, her back facing the wall of the medical bay. Coulson and the other man they rescued, Rose came to know him as ex-General Glenn Talbot who was also kidnapped by the Hales, began to converse.

        "So this kid's from the future?" Talbot asked.

        "Yeah-" Coulson responded.

        Rose could feel a set of eyes on her, but she didn't dare look up. "And her?" Talbot asked, clearly referring to Rose.

        Coulson nodded, "Yep, her too."

        "Does she talk?" Talbot continued.

        Rose's eyes snapped to the mysterious man, they were puffy and swollen. She scowled, "Do you ever stop talking?" she retorted.

        Talbot's mouth closed immediately. "She does, she does talk," he told Coulson.

        "I know," Coulson answered.

        Rose tuned out the rest of their conversation, she didn't really feel like listening to them anyway. She didn't get up until Mack peaked his head through the doorway, looking down at her. "Any news?" she asked, blotting away at her tear-stained cheeks.

        "Have you been out here the whole time?" Mack asked her.

        "Yes," Rose replied simply. "Is he okay?"

        "He's up," Mack said. "If you want to come in and see him."

        Rose instantly got to her feet and rushed into the hospital room. Deke was hooked up to a large machine, a string of bandages wrapped around his chest. He looked kind of out of it, but Rose was just glad that he was alive. That she didn't lose him again.

        "Welcome back," Mack said, looking at Deke.

        "You are on a lot of drugs," Piper told him. "But good news- you didn't die."

        Deke stared straight ahead, "Thank you," he said in a relaxed voice. "You guys saved me."

        "Well, we're just glad you pulled through," Mack said.

        Rose couldn't help but smile, "Deke, I'm so-"

        "Is Daisy here?" Deke asked, looking around the room.

        'What?'

        "She's so pretty," Deke continued.

        Rose frowned as Mack raised an eyebrow. "What now?" he said in a low voice.

        "I want to put my mouth on her mouth and move it around a lot," Deke continued. "But I don't want to do that unless she wants to, too, 'cause that's what makes it nice. But I don't think she wants that, 'cause she does not like me one bit," he finished, his head falling back onto the pillow.

        Piper and Mack exchanged quick glances. "I mean, she's- she's not my type, but I- get it," Piper admitted.

        Mack cleared his throat, "Okay, Spaceman, maybe we should-"

        "Ma-a-a-a-a-a-ck!" Deke exclaimed, sitting back up to try and shake his head. "Dude! You are so cool. Do we know any handshakes?" he asked, trying (and failing) to do some secret handshake that he made up on the spot.

        "Uh I appreciate that but-"

        "Should I shave my head?" Deke asked instantly.

        Piper laughed slightly. "Yeah, no. I see no flaws in that plan."

        "Maybe then Daisy would like me, because she- she protected me," Deke mumbled. "She's very smart."

        Rose couldn't listen to this anymore. It bugged why, but she couldn't quite put her finger on why. Her breath faltered, "I-I have to go," she said in a rushed whisper. She hurried out of the room, not knowing where she was going to go, but she knew she couldn't stay in there any longer.

        "Wait- is that Rosie?" she heard Deke say, but she didn't bother turning back.

        "You okay?" Daisy asked as Rose rushed past her in the hallway.

        Rose nodded, not looking in her direction. "Fine, fine. I'm fine. Don't worry about it," she lied, continuing her path down the hallway.

        "I think- I think I lost him," she whispered to herself.

loving you's the anecdote,
golden ☼

Grace talks ig: the ending of the chapter is kinda meh- but we don't talk about that. Also, I definitely cried a lot while writing the middle part of this, like I cried so hard it's not even funny. It was so bad that I was going to update last night but I just couldn't because I couldn't bring myself to finish the chapter, I got too sad. Anyways, uh. I would say I'm sorry for this chapter, and I am but like- I think it's kinda necessary for y'know ✨character growth✨ ig. BUT LIKE ACTUALLY I FEEL SO BAD FOR ROSE-  SHE DESERVES BETTER. MY GIRL HAS GONE THROUGH TOO MUCH AND SHE DOESN'T DESERVE ALL THIS PAIN. And guess what y'all? It honestly just gets worse from here. Also, also, the way I almost gave you Shalia crumbs and then just tore that down with the last part of the chapter- uhhhhh, uhhh, we don't mention that hehehehe. So, I'm gonna go and just leave y'all with this. Uh- byeeeeee

Also in no way is this chapter daisy slander. I love her and so does Rose, they are besties the end <3

Also, also vote and comment BYEEE FR NOW