Hi babies, 

Hope you're staying healthy and safe!! A little in love with this chapter - a little I hate it. You'll see why!

would like to shout out @alishamaalik  for supporting the story and sending love! Also, she suggested someone for the role of Cole but I thought he maybe is better suited to Matt and want your opinions!! Drew Starkey!!! A picture is above so let me know your feelings.  Charly Jordan was also suggested for Elle but I don't think she's a perfect fit, however super close and I love seeing who you guys see when reading the books so let me know who you'd cast for the roles! 

Make sure to vote, comment and fan to stay up to date with everything and show your love for the book! (And me if you're feeling like it)

Love you all x 

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CHAPTER 51

It takes a little while for my head to catch up with my body and calm it down, but when it does the embarrassment floods through me and I don't want to look up.

I had just had a full-blown panic attack in front of people, I'd screamed at Cole and broken down crying. If they didn't think I was weak and pathetic before then they sure would now. 

"Elle," Trent's voice is soft and his finger tightens around my own, "Mi vida, there's no one else here - it's just me." 

Cautiously, I look up and around us, noticing that the sun is now low and almost disappearing, meaning that I had been sat like this for quite some time. But I also notice that he's telling the truth - that all the people who had been out here before were nowhere to be seen; the luscious, green lawn completely empty.

"But I never heard..." My throat scratches with the words and I wince at the sound of my voice; like gravel against a tire. 

Trent offers me a small, half-smile and taps the side of his head, "Mind link. I asked everyone to give you some privacy."

 I nod, taking a deep breath and wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, my head pounding with the strain that I've caused to it.

"Thank you," I mumble, "I'm sorry that happened, it shouldn't have-"

"You have nothing to apologise for," Trent interrupts, his voice harsh and firm and it shocks me a little, "Cole shouldn't have done that to you and I'll be making sure that he-"

Panic floods through me at the thought of Cole getting reprimanded for my actions and my response when he was only trying to help. 

"No!" I yell, pulling my hand away from him, "That's not fair, it wasn't his fault." 

"Elle, he -"

"He didn't do anything," I say while trying to get myself up to my feet but my legs are like jelly beneath me and I stumble a little, "I asked him to teach me, he didn't mean to."

"It doesn't matter," Trent answers, "He still pushed it too far and-"

"No!" I argue, my head shaking as our words layer on top of each other.

"He shouldn't have used force like that on you-"

"No!"

"You shouldn't be getting put in those situations -"

"Stop it."

"You can't be scaring yourself like that."

"Just stop!" I shout, shoving off his hand that's reached out to comfort me, his eyes filled with confusion. "You don't get it, do you?"

"I'm not trying to hurt you Elle-"

"Yes, that's exactly it. You're not," I take a deep breath, "But other people are."

As I've said the words, I know that they are entirely true. I didn't want to admit it to myself but I hadn't truly felt safe in a long time, and just knowing that someone was going to be there for me wasn't enough. I needed to start believing in myself. 

The dumbstruck expression only deepens at my words and I sigh, stepping towards him.

"Even before I met you, I was always the weak one in my life and controlled by those who surrounded me. You've introduced me into a world that I will never be on the same level as, and I'm so happy that you're here to protect me... but you can't be there all the time. I need to do this, I need to learn how to protect myself because I've never been able to and I need this."

His arms hover around my waist, as I lay my hands onto his chest, letting him know that it's alright to touch me. The heat of them melt away the reserves I have about completely opening up to him and then I can't stop myself from speaking. 

"I've never been able to defend myself... I mean unless you count smashing a vase over my fathers head but that wasn't really me doing any work," I chuckle weakly, hoping to break a little of the tension but Trent's gaze stays locked on me, his mouth flat. "I need to feel like I can protect myself, even a little. I can't have this fear hovering over my shoulder constantly and this weakness in me. I have to feel stronger or else I'll never beat this or get over it enough to be happy." 

Understanding shines in his eyes and I'm relieved that he isn't going to laugh at me or tell me that my ideas are stupid. Instead, there's a comfort in them that lets me know that he gets it - that he gets me completely. 

"I know that you want to protect me, but I want to protect myself too."

"Okay," he answers, his hand gently coming up to cup around my jaw.

"Thank you."

 "But I'm the one that's training you," he smiles a little and glances down before returning his gaze to mine, "Especially if you're going to be wearing that."

Heat floods my cheeks as I try to ignore his compliment and focus on the other part of his sentence.

"That might be a little difficult considering you seem to be extremely busy all the time?" I say breezily, my eyebrow tilting up as I wait for a response.

The smile drops from his face as he winces a little and refuses to look me in the eyes, beginning to pull his body away from me but I latch onto it and force him to turn his head around, unwilling to let him avoid me any longer.

"Have I done something?" 

The sigh that leaves his body is one of defeat.

"No," he shakes his head, his forehead creasing, "It's me that hasn't done anything... that's the problem." 

"I don't-"

"You want to learn to defend yourself and I love that," he explains, his voice tight and jaw clenching, "But I need to be able to protect you. Not just for my own sanity but for my wolf's and for the packs. And so far I haven't exactly done a great job in doing that - have I?"

My heart breaks at the sight of him looking so down and unsure of himself, the frustration clear as I feel his hand tighten around me. 

"You couldn't have known about the bomb Trent."

"But I should have been there to protect you. And I should at least now have a lead or something to prevent it from happening again, but I have nothing. I've been looking and searching and tracking any bit of evidence that I could but nothing helps me to protect you," his head softly knocks against mine as I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him to me, letting him rest his forehead on my shoulder. "Nothing."

I hadn't even begun to think about how Trent was coping with all of this. In one act, someone could have killed not only his Luna but his best friend too - I hadn't really comprehended how difficult that probably was for him and the stress that it was putting him under. I was trying to move on from it and forget about it but Trent... 

Trent was trying to stop it from ever happening again. 

 "You can't solve everything," I whisper, my hands softly stroking the hair on the back of his neck, "You can't burden yourself with so much. We'll figure it out together."

He pulls back from me, our eyes swirling with so many unsaid emotions that it's a little overwhelming. 

"But I can't stay cooped up in here and missing out on my life; I've already missed so much of it because of Matt and my father, I can't miss anymore because we're afraid."

Pulling him into me, I kiss him softly and curl my fingers around his face.

"There is no one else who I'd trust more in my life than you, I'm going to be alright."

He smiles a little at my words and nods, the tension between us dropping as we move out of each other's space and take a deep breath. Relief settles over me like the comfort he brings. 

"I think Cole wants to apologise to you," Trent mumbles, his eyes flickering to the back door, "If you're up for that?" 

Smiling, I take his hand and walk with him to the house, my body beginning to feel the exhaustion that the previous few hours have taken on it.

A workout and a breakdown? That was pretty much my limit for the day. 

Trent opens the back door and motions for me to go in, the action alone sending little butterflies through me and I chastise myself for getting so worked up over a simple little gesture. 

He was always such a gentleman, so considerate and polite and -

"Elle!" Cole's voice interrupts my train of thought as he spins around from his conversation with Sxcarlette, his eyes filled with panic as he glances over me and I can already see the stress that he's been putting himself under, "Oh my god I'm so-"

Before he can even begin to apologise, I walk up to him and wrap my arms around his waist, nuzzling my head into his chest as he stands frozen in shock, his words coming out as syllables above me.

"I - um - you - are - what?"

"I'm totally fine and you don't need to say anything, I asked you to train me and you did. You couldn't have known what was going to happen and I don't hate you."

Cole's torso deflates as he returns my hug and I feel his chin rest against the top of my head, the questions and worries leaving him in an instant.

"See," Scarlette says from beside us, slapping a hand onto Cole's shoulder, "I told you she wouldn't be upset with you, and if she's not upset then Trent has no right to be either so you're off the hook."

Glancing over at Trent I can see his eyebrow raise at the statement as his glare settles on Cole and I subtly clear my throat to get his attention, narrowing my eyes at him when it works.

For a moment we're locked in battle and I'm daring him to punish Cole anymore than the poor boy has already been punishing himself. Trent gives in with an eye roll and holds up his hands in defeat, mumbling under his breath about how if it wasn't for me then Cole would be on night duty for a month. 

"Have I told you you're the best Luna ever?" Cole whispers in my ear and I giggle with him, relaxing my body against the feeling of his while shouting at my brain to stop panicking. 

These guys would never hurt me. 

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It's Christmas Eve.

You could only know that by of the tiny paper Christmas tree that I've drawn that sits above my chest of drawers, the scribbled image pathetic in comparison to peoples usual Christmas decorations. 

But my father hated Christmas. 

The house was dark and cold. It was probably the only one on the street that wasn't lit with twinkling lights and inflatable animals. Our house remained the same; nothing unchanged. 

I go downstairs when I hear voices, my feet padding on the carpet silently as I make my way, my pyjamas rubbing against my legs. 

I recognise the voice as soon as I reach the living room, the familiar blonde hair of my boyfriend sitting on the couch, my father across from him laughing at something. 

"Matt?" I ask hesitantly, not sure if I'm imagining him sitting there or not. He hadn't really spent much time with my father - the occasional hello and such but I was quick to keep him apart. I didn't want him to rub off on him, or for him to see how I was really treated. 

"Ah, Annabelle," my father grins, motioning for me to come into the living room - my feet obey before I can register the words, "Come sit down. Matt was just telling me how he brought a gift over for you." 

There's a chill in my bones as I sit next to my boyfriend, my eyes not leaving my fathers figure as I smile shakily. Matt moves beside me, his arm coming around from the side of him and holding something out. 

My father pointedly stares at me and then to the gift and I finally look down at the box that's being placed in my lap. 

"Y-You didn't have to get me anything," I mumble, my stomach twisting in pain, "I told you earlier that you didn't need-"

"Don't be silly," he grins, "I told you I was getting you something."

It was our first Christmas together - we'd been dating since the summer. I had managed to scrounge together change from my lunches for a month to be able to buy him a picture frame and put a photo of us in it, but I'd asked him not to get my anything because my father didn't believe in Christmas. 

Yet here he was.

I open the box and inside is a necklace with a love heart hanging from it - the idea that I'd actually been giving something so beautiful makes my heart clench as I look at the blue-eyed boy. Carefully, turning it over in my hands, I read the inscription on the back of it, my hands going numb. 

"What does it say?" my father asks, amusement pouring from him.

"I-it says Property of Matt Daley," I whisper, the words seeming to be cute but they make something in my spine stiffen. 

"That's a very fitting and thoughtful gift," he replies, the drink in his hand swirling, "And what did you get him in return? Some cheap plastic?"

My body begins to shake as the realisation that he and Matt have been here sitting for a while settles in me and fear itches up my neck. 

"It's alright, Sir-" Matt begins, waving a hand but my father interrupts him, standing up from his chair. Even from here, I can smell the smoke and alcohol radiating off of him and my lungs constrict in response. 

"You should be showing him how grateful you are," he continues, swallowing the remaining liquid in one gulp as he walks over to the door, "I'm going to go out for a little bit, pick up some more cigarettes. Annabelle, do not disappoint - you owe him. Matt... enjoy."

The words ring in my ears as the door closes behind him and my entire being seems to go into autopilot, the necklace in my hand beginning to feel like a chain that's imprisoning me as it's placed around my neck. 

The world is a blur but somehow I'm on my bed and my clothes are gone, and my face is damp from crying, my lungs sore from containing the sobs that are threatening to break from my mouth, but I have to do this. 

Pain fills me much just as he does; bile rising in my throat as my fingers curl around the sheets, scratching for an escape. 

Do not disappoint.

The chain around my neck is now fingers, the pain on my body holding me down, screams now echoing around me as the pain gets worse and-

The scream echoes around me as I shoot up in the darkness- my eyes searching for the figure that has me trapped in its embrace. My body reading to fight it off with every ounce of energy that I can muster. 

But the room is empty, the scream coming from my own mouth - remnants of the nightmare that had seemed so real. I curl in the blankets. My heart hammering in my chest. 

It wasn't real. He wasn't here.

"Elle?" A voice calls from outside my door, panicked, "Are you alright?"

I sigh at the sound and clamber out of my bed, half running to the door. As I pull it open and turn on my light, my heart lurches in happiness when I see his soft gaze looking over me and the relieved expression that lights up his features. 

"Trent."

His eyes dart around my room quickly, looking for anything out of place before they return to me, questions nestled in them but staying put for now. 

"Bad dream?" Is all he says and I'm grateful that he doesn't try to pry, "I just wanted to check that you were okay."

Slowly, I take in the exhausted expression on his face, the hair that's stuck up the wrong way and the mark on the side of his cheek before my eyes move down to the ground and widen at the scene. 

"Trent... were you sleeping out here?"

There are two pillows propped up at the wall and a blanket lying out in front of my door, his phone discarded on top playing some tv show that seems to be on mute but displaying subtitles. 

His blush is immediate as he scratches the back of his head, eyes downcast while he struggles over his words.

"Well... um... I... you know...I..." he sighs and winces, "Yes. I was. I don't sleep very well."

Suddenly I understand why he stayed outside my door, why he didn't burst into my room thinking something had happened to me, why he was so brilliant in knowing what I was going through. 

His eyes lift to mine and my heart breaks at the sight, "You're not the only one who has nightmares."

"And sleeping in the hallway helps?" I tease, not wanting to stay on the subject for too long for the sake of both of us.

His bashful expressions returns.

"Not quite," he says, "I just needed to know you were safe. You uh... you help."

God, I was falling for him.

"Is this when you creepily tell me that you like listening to me breathe?" 

I smile but quickly look away, realising that the grin is far too big for him to think that it's just about what he has said and I'm not ready to show him just how much him caring for me effects me.

Not quite yet.

"Yeah it is a little creepy isn't it," he chuckles, "I'll go back to my room, don't worry."

He's already bending down and picking up his belongings when I finally let the words come out and stop him in his tracks. 

"Don't."

There's a feeling curling in my stomach, one that's so close to fear but sends a tingle through me instead of a cold chill. 

"Stay," I say simply, watching as his Adam's apple bobs with my words, "With me, I mean... not on the floor."

I scream internally at my own words, the tiny version of me in my head rolling about the floor and throwing open curtains. Egging me on with encouragement and revelling in my confidence, screaming from the window that I'm actually doing what I want for a change. 

Trent also seems to be shocked at my words, his eyes wide and unblinking as he almost drops his phone to the ground. He quickly catches it and clears his throat, a deer caught in headlights.

"Y-you want me to stay?"

"You're right that was-"

"No, I want to I just -"

"It's fine, don't -"

"I don't want to pressure you," Trent states, his voice rising a little before dropping again, "I don't want you to think you have to invite me in because I'm sleeping out here, I wasn't trying to-"

"I know."

I did know. I knew that he would never push me into a situation that I was uncomfortable with, or pressure me into doing something that pleased him. If anything, today showed me that he was actually too careful with me and was giving me too much space from him because he thought I would resent him.

"If I help yours then... you might help mine?"

His eyes soften at my words and he nods. 

 I can feel him following me into the room as I turn and walk back towards my bed, my heartbeat pounding in my ears as I try to tug down the large t-shirt I'm wearing over my little shorts.

Before I can begin to feel self-conscious, the lights go out and the room is in darkness, bar a small stream coming from the window.

"Do you want to go get comfortable on your side and then I can.. um.."

I've never heard Trent so nervous before and it makes me giggle a little at how much he now sounds like a teenager. Gone was the Alpha who ordered a pack of hundreds, this was Trent. The boy who was scared to share a bed with the girl he liked.

"I don't really have a side," I admit, "I've never shared a bed with someone really... not to sleep anyway."

I trail off awkwardly, kicking myself for even mentioning the past as my fingers wind into each other. I'm glad for the darkness around us shielding my embarrassed expression from him. 

"If it's alright, I'll sleep closest to the door then? Protection...thing."

I slide into the far side of the bed, pushing myself to the very edge as I wrap the covers around me and lie on my back, my breathing shallow and shaky. 

Trent shuffles around beside me, placing his belongings on the floor and his phone on the bedside table before the mattress dips to my right and I know he's climbing in. 

My breath is held as I wait for the fear to overcome me, for the memories and nightmares to begin plaguing my thoughts at the feeling of someone lying in a bed next to me. 

Sure, I had slept with Kristie but I knew her body, knew the lightness of it and the safety that she provided. This was new. This was terrifying. 

Or it should have been.

The numbness never overtakes me, my lungs don't freeze at the feeling of someone else's warmth beside me and my body seems to almost relax upon knowing that he's there. 

Trent is unmoving beside me, no doubt lying like a pencil, afraid to alarm me or freak me out and the thought of him is so comical that I can't help giggle at it, the tensions making me giggle even more. 

"Are you... laughing?" 

"I've just never experienced you so cautious," I explain, rolling onto my side as I try to make out his figure in the darkness, "I'm not going to freak out."

The silence drags between us as I wait for him to respond, watching the dark shape of him stay completely still. 

"It's not completely for you," Trent confesses, his voice strained, "My wolf is a little... y'know."

Oh.

Oh.

Laughter echoes around us and I relax again when I hear Trent chuckling beside me, his body loosening a little as we stare in the darkness. It seems silly to be laughing in the situation, the old me may have flinched away at the knowledge that he was having those sort of thoughts,  but it's not the response that I have - I couldn't be scared of him. Not ever. 

Once we've settled down again I get more comfortable and stretch out a little, making sure not to accidentally touch Trent anywhere that might make him tense back up, but I do extend my hand further than the rest of my body and let it sit in the gap between us.

No man's land.

I know he can feel it because I hear his knuckles crack and his breath hitch before it softly touches against my own, our two smallest fingers wrapping around each other. 

"Thank you for staying," I whisper after a while, knowing that he isn't asleep either.

"I told you," he replies, his words soft and lulling me into sleep, "You never have to thank me, mon coeur."

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ANGELS!!! FRICKEN ANGELS!!!!

I just love all these layers to Trent I literally can't stop digging oops. He is honestly such a good egg it makes my heart hurt. 

Also!! Elle getting a little confident?? Do we enjoy? (I most certainly do because IT WILL ONLY GROOOOOOOW *wink wink*)

I hope you're all good and sending love to you all x