༄༄༄

"Take me hostage?"

Lo freezes. There's still no one in the hallway, so Tayen lets faerself forget about the surroundings for a moment, turns faer head, and looks at me. Fae does not hide faer bewilderment. Fae stares at me as if I'm a book in which all the pages have suddenly turned out to be empty.

But then Loretto grows serious. Gloomy. And finally faer narrows faer eyes, annoyed.

"Gen hit you hard on the head, didn't she?" concludes Lo. "Bastard."

"No, Lo! I mean...I don't know, maybe." My head is still aching a little. "But that's not the point."

When Loretto continues to remain silent in disbelief, I point to the stairs that lead down to the main corridor and toward the exit from the Great Temple.

"Cale and his gang are still wrecking everything on the streets," I say, "and right now there's no one to stop them but us. But they won't just listen to us. What if we scare them? They won't run away from me, but from a shaman? From the shaman who once came to their house and fooled everyone with faer plainblood appearance, and then came out covered in blood and rage with their younger brother hostage?"

"You want to go to Cale's," Lo says. I can't figure out if it's a question or a statement.

"Yes."

Shaking faer head, Loretto stares at me for a long moment and then...kisses me.

I forget my words. I can't refuse when Loretto's hands wrap my cheeks with warm desperation, and faer lips dig into mine. Our kiss tastes of ashes and sadness, dust and humility.

Loretto kisses me slowly, taking faer time, enjoying the moment, enjoying me, which makes me feel scared, although my heart is in love. It's scary because it's too good.

And even though there is no one around, this is still the first time when Lo kisses me--or touches me--in a public place, in the light of day and where we can be seen. At this thought, my pulse skips a beat, the muscles going limp, surrendering to Lo's will.

Does Lo think that this kiss will convince me to leave? Does fae agree to my plan, but bury me in the war beforehand? I don't like any of the options. But whatever it is, our kiss, as a seal, declares one thing to the whole world: we belong to each other.

༄༄༄

"I feel like a thief. Just like when I stole aura from the shamans," I grin, humorless, when Lo and I sneak out of the Great Temple and start toward the street leading to the main square where the battle and fire are raging.

Suddenly, a scream comes from around the corner.

"Eli!"

My own name scares me like a sudden punch. I clutch the dagger in my palm almost to the point of pain, ready to strike.

I look around, noticing that Lo, without answering me, slides behind a veil of smoke, hiding, and the next moment I see Kofi approaching me.

"There you are! Gods, Eli, we've been looking everywhere for you!" Before I can speak, Kofi hugs me with all the strength his bony body has. I feel nauseous. "Oh, I was afraid we wouldn't find it. Are you okay?"

"Yes, yes, I...let go of me." Not without effort, getting rid of Kofi's grip, I look at my stepbrother. He, too, is covered in soot and smells like a bonfire. "What have you done, Kofi? Where's Cale?"

Kofi gives me a crooked smile.

"Impressive, huh? We told you we'd get you out of this shamanic lair, Eli." His brown eyes flash with a dark amusement. "If only these aurabloods didn't hide in their temple like cockroaches. We caught some, but it's not enough. Do you know how to get into the temple?"

"No," I lie.

"Okay, then let's go to our people."

"I need to find Tom," I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. "I'm not going with you."

Kofi frowns.

"Tom? Eli, are you sure Tom is still alive? If Tom didn't run away in time, I'm afraid fae might have been hurt."

It's only now that I realize that in his hand Kofi is holding not a gun or a knife at all, but...a collar. Silver collar. Just like those that Montejo journal described. Just like those that can leave a shaman powerless. Enslave.

My mouth goes dry. I won't let them enslave shamans. Before Kofi can drag me after him, I turn around and run into the bushes. Kofi screams something after me, but the smoke spreads around, aggressive and thick, and I manage to rush sideways and away, leaving my brother at a loss.

Only when I creep to the place among the trees, where I was sure Mentor was waiting for me, I find only a carefree rustle of foliage.

Lo is gone.

༄༄༄

This can't be happening. Loretto can't go missing. My legs are shaking more and more, I look around, but I don't see any hint of Loretto's presence.

Has Maricela sent someone after our souls again?..

No, I would've heard something.

"Lo?" I whisper. No response.

Kofi is still shouting my name nearby, but my heart starts pounding against my ribs like crazy. Where is Lo?

And then, I suddenly remember Loretto's attempt to persuade me to leave. Let's leave Cabracan. Forever.

But Cabracan is our home, Lo.

Any place can be our home if we stay together, Eli.

Why would Tayen fight for the throne, really? Loretto's goal was revenge, not power, and Maricela had already received her reward today--she had lost both her dignity and the title of the most powerful witch of the enclave.

One day you will have to choose between me and your brother... Mentor once told me.

Do you want to go to Cale? Lo had a question today.

Yes. I nodded eagerly. Yes, I want to go to Cale to reason with him, but that's not the thought that came to Lo. Tayen thinks I chose Cale.

Tayen thinks this is the end.

I want to howl.

That's why Loretto wanted to kiss me in the middle of the hallway with such sudden desperation. That's why Lo looked at me like a dying man--fae was saying goodbye.

"Fuck!" Why didn't I realize that everything had turned completely wrong?

Why is love so difficult?

And Loretto probably thinks that this is how fae expresses faer love. Gives me the right to choose. Freedom. Protects me. Shamans are hunted now, Lo is hunted--by both the Empress and the descendants of Montejo--so Tayen will be a target. This means that everyone who happens to be next to Tayen in this city may be killed.

You should have fallen in love with someone better than me.

But no one will look at lonely Elisey. No one in the city will guess that I have become a shaman if I start living among the plainbloods as before, if my brothers protect me. And Maricela will simply forget about me, because she wants to hurt Lo, not me, and if I'm alone--I'm useless.

I hate it!

Kofi's voice recedes as he goes to look for me, but I don't like it. I don't like the outcome Loretto chose for me. I'm sick of the strategy where I pretend to be someone else for the rest of my days, hiding my truth from the whole world and knowing that somewhere out there, Lo is hiding alone, too!

"Fuck your victory," I say, glancing in Kofi's direction. "Fuck your fake justice, which has nothing honest in it."

After all, Cabracan is no longer my home either, if I, as I am, am not accepted here.

I choose to be myself.

I choose to leave for Lo.

༄༄༄

Pushing through bushes that scratch my face and cling to my clothes, I hurry away. I mentally ask Lo to wait for me, and although Mentor will not hear me, the universe will. Magic. Illa. Luck is on my side.

I suspect if Lo is going to leave Cabracan, fae will have to get out of Tik'al first, and there is only one way out now--a gap in the city wall, through which we went last time when we visited my family.

Lo, just wait.

Overwhelmed with determination, without looking around much, I get out of the thicket onto the road and hurry around the turn of the Great Temple building. My heart is pounding in my throat. Sweat is running down my back. I try not to think, when I misstep.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice a thick, dark puddle, but I don't have time to examine it. Gasping, I lose my balance. And I fall on my bruised knees. I automatically put my hands out, but they plunge into something loose, soft, vile.

There's someone's corpse there, the thought flashes in my head.

The smell of rotten meat hits my nose, and I cannot restrain myself this time. I vomit. Fortunately, there was no time to have breakfast today, and after a couple of nauseating stomach cramps and a portion of bile on the tongue, it gets a little better. My head spins helplessly for a moment, and then I come to my senses.

"I will remember this as the worst day of my life."

Groaning, spitting the sour taste left in my mouth, I get up. Anxiety burns through me, but I don't understand what I'm seeing, even when I focus my eyes. On the ground nearby is...what exactly? A piece of torn flesh? But it's shaped like a wing. Someone's tangled, crushed guts? Then why are they with feathers?..

While I'm hesitating, a screech comes from behind the trees, followed by the sound of a wet explosion. Then a wet squawk. And a hen runs out of the smoke, clucking, toward me. An ordinary hen.

Dumbfounded, I stare.

The hen runs as if it has been pecked in the ass, and blood mixed with aura flows from its half-severed head.

Jumping back, I gasp in shock, and the bird...explodes. Feathers and guts fly in every direction, stinking of raw meat, rot, and panic. Splatters of blood and bits of entrails wash over me like a bucket of slop, and I can no longer suppress my own scream.

"Fuck!"

I'm going to be sick again. The first few seconds I don't even move, not knowing whether to be afraid or angry now. What's going on? Where is this from?

Swallowing the bile, I tighten my grip on the blade. I will never eat chicken wings again. No way. Otherwise, I'll remember it and vomit right into my plate.

I don't want to go any further now. But there is no way out. Either give in to my instincts and hide, or find Lo. I need Lo.

And when I slowly creep to the road, carefully stepping over the severed chicken legs so as not to misstep again, and look out from behind a burnt bush, it does not get easier for me.

Luckily, no one notices me. The smoke is still spreading, although it is beginning to disperse around the burnt-out trees. I can't see the fountain in the far center of the square, but I can see a few people. People are shooting like crazy, their eyes red...More hens are running among the people and wisps of smoke, guts, soot, aura and mutilated corpses are everywhere on the ground.

My legs go numb at the sight of this.

I imagined the battle by the Great Temple to be something bad, but definitely not this bad. And when I squint, I realize that the fountain is hidden from me not because of the smoke but because of a pillar of aura, which reeks of that feeling of rotten, sour panic. And in the center of this aura pillar stands a gray-haired, grinning shaman.

Maricela's counselor, I recognize him. The one who was missing in the Throne Room today, who apparently came out to defend the Temple and who always used to carry hens with him. They were not his pets, they were not his sacrifices for an altar. Weapon. Hens are weapons. "Oh gods..."

The hair on the back of my neck stands on end as I watch the shaman laughing, waving his arms and weaving auric charms. Several hens are running around with their heads torn off, aura flowing out along with blood, and the old man pulls more and more birds out of an aura portal, ripping off the birds' heads and throwing them at people around.

People are screaming.

The birds are exploding.

The hens' guts filled with magic, like bombs, fly into all corners, burning people alive.

"Should I help people? Kill the shaman?" A thought creeps into my head. Straitening my shoulders, I look around the square from my hiding place behind a decayed bush once again. "Or is killing a villain still murder? That's why Loretto didn't want to torture Maricela, right?"

Never in my life have I taken someone's life with my own hands, although, perhaps, I could. Easy. The shaman may be surrounded by a whirlwind of aura, but he's not powerful, he will not be able to incinerate me with a glance. And I'm not afraid of birds, I'm not afraid of aura, getting close to him and plunging a silver dagger under his ribs would be easy if I avoided whistling bullets or persuaded people not to shoot.

I would have saved people.

Or...

What kind of people? My sarcastic pride wakes up immediately. Those who came to enslave shamans today? You're not even sure which side you're on now, Eli. Not sure who you're helping. And do you want to help, really? These rebels, noticing that you are going through aura without being burned, will shoot you as another enemy. Just to make sure you're no threat.

And I'm not moving.

Maybe the First Blood was right--people aren't worth it. Those who only know cruelty will never appreciate tenderness. Those who come to drown will not thank you for saving them. And refusing to support the rules of someone else's game, a role in which you didn't ask for, is a true victory, isn't it? Let these barbarians deal with their own hatred, I refuse to multiply the pain. I want to be happy--and I will be, no matter what.

Shaking my head, I slip into the next alley, and walk past the battle.

I'm going to build my happiness.

༄༄༄

It turns out to be even easier to avoid the battle in the square than I expected. Everyone was so carried away by rabid hens that they did not care about the blood-stained shadow rushing through the bushes blackened by the fire.

After running through the inner streets of Tik'al, gasping, I run toward the broken tower.

When I make out Lo's long black hair fluttering in the wind and the hem of faer sky-blue robe stained with blood among the stone ruins, I feel victorious. I forget everything else.

"Lo!"

But Lo doesn't turn around. Mentor freezes, with faer arms outstretched, aura flashing on faer fingers. Loretto flinches when fae hears my voice. And aura goes out.

"Lo?" Panting, I hop over a fragment of an ancient column lying in the middle of the path. With genuine pleasure, I finally allow myself to stop and come to my senses. My feet are sore. My head is ringing. But I made it, and I'm happy. "Loretto, you can't leave."

"Oh, don't worry, this bitch is not going anywhere."

My happiness numbs. I forget my fatigue at once. Alarmed, I look over Lo's shoulder. And only now do I see that in the shadow of the tower, at that very exit from Tik'al, someone is standing. I don't recognize their faces, but there are three of them. Plainbloods.

Cale must have sent them to guard the exit, I realize. My brother also understood that someone would try to sneak away here.

But these are still just three plainbloods. Three! Despite the fact that they are full of strength, despite the fact that they are grinning like maniacs and pointing their pistols at Lo...my mentor only has to wave faer hand to incinerate them on the spot, right?

Or...

My heart calms down a little in my chest as I take a deep breath, my pulse steadying, and I realize that there is someone behind me, too. Muffled but rapid footsteps ,which I had not heard before as I was carried away by my hopes, are approaching us. And when I turn around, biting my tongue in growing anxiety, I almost scream. Kofi is running toward us. Damn Kofi, who is so stubbornly looking for me everywhere today! Four more plainbloods are with him, their faces angry and odious.

"Eli, you can't run away from me like that!" Kofi retorts as he approaches. And then he looks at the ruins and notices a shamanic sky-blue robe, whose owner still does not turn to face us. Kofi's gaze lights up. "Oh, did you catch an aurablood? Great, brother."

Damn you, brother. I do not know what to do now. I look at Loretto's back, but I don't dare even say Mentor's name out loud.

Meanwhile, Tayen is in no hurry to deal with the plainbloods blocking the way. Because now, if Lo spares nobody except me in this fight, everyone will realize that a shaman is protecting me.

They'll understand that we're in this together.

And Loretto definitely doesn't want everyone to know that.

Therefore, when Kofi, whistling, calls out to the shaman, Lo obediently, slowly turns to face us.

"Eli, I wonder how you tracked down that bitch..." Kofi cuts himself off, his eyes widening. "Tom?!"

Tom doesn't make a sound. Lo's gaze rushes to me, and fright flashes in faer pupils at the sight of my outfit sprinkled with chicken giblets, but this fright immediately fades when it becomes clear that I am not hurt. And then a strange mixture of annoyance and remorse, regret and longing appears in Loretto's gaze... A spark of resentment. Anger. Then everything disappears behind a mask of cold detachment.

"Bitch!" Kofi spits out, standing next to me. "Filth!" He points an accusing finger at Lo. "And Eli wanted to save you? Oh, shamans are fucking crazy! Pretending to be one of us, showing up at our doorstep and seducing us... My mother gave you tea! I almost...Eli, chain up this prostitute."

The next moment, Kofi shoves the silver collar he's been carrying around with him into my chest. I cringe from the searing pain when the silver touches the skin on my chest, where my shirt tore today while I was in the bushes. I automatically grab the collar just to take it away from my chest, but it only hurts more when my palm closes on the silver.

I see that Lo notes my torment. But fae doesn't react. And I myself, out of fear of exposing the last secrets and making it even worse, only squeeze the collar harder.

Clutching the collar with a trembling, itchy hand, I swallow.

I glance at Kofi.

My brother stares at Loretto, his eyes full of fierce hatred and arrogant contempt. If Loretto plans just to hide my truth from everyone at all costs, then yes, it works. Everyone is now convinced that Tom is a shamanic prostitute. And I caught faer. I'm a hero.

When I still don't move, Kofi nudges me forward.

"Don't be a coward," he says, "we won't let that bitch bite you. Lock faer up."

And the collar really has a lock. An alchemical latch with a pattern of runes--once you close such a collar, you will never remove it without the permission of the creator. Slavery.

I swallow hard. Thoughts are aching in my temples, looking for a way out. I try to catch Loretto's eye, but Lo looks absolutely detached. Just as numb as when Maricela plunged a dagger into faer shoulder to the point of agony. Just as when I started kissing without asking at the bakery. It's like when something scares faer. Lo hides in faerself, as if there is no other way out...

No, we need to come up with something, I stubbornly tell myself. What should we do, Loretto? What should I say to wake you up? Make me angry...?

I'm taking a small step forward, stalling. Kofi grunts approvingly over my shoulder, Lo doesn't move.

Mentor isn't afraid of me, is fae? This stupid thought suddenly bothers me. Doesn't fae think I brought Kofi here on purpose? To really enslave?

Another step.

Lo stands like a statue, faer gaze blank.

Attack me, I growl in my mind. Come on, Lo! I can't scatter eight people with my mind, but you can! Fuck it, let everyone know that I am a shaman. Let them shoot me, you'll cure me. And if I die, I don't care. I wasn't going to stay here anyway!

No, Lo doesn't know what I'm thinking. Maybe fae doesn't want to know. And when I take the last step, finding myself face to face with Mentor, only Loretto's eyelashes flutter. Tayen finally looks up at me. Fae looks as if fae sees me for the first time: a little surprised, confused, angry. As if fae doesn't understand what to expect from me.

I'm thinking now that all this is really my fault. I wanted Mentor to stay with me, right? I wished for it. I got lucky.

The danger of a Zagovor that binds two souls by fate and luck is not that one sacrifices themselves for the other--the danger is that the other one does not realize the power granted. I can take away Tayen's free will, but Tayen can't take away mine. And no matter what Mentor does now, nothing will work if I'm not ready to let faer go.

And I'm too in love. I have no idea what thought--what desire--can overshadow my craving to be with Loretto. Wish that we were safe? But no one is shooting us anyway. Peace of mind? Peace is death. Happiness? And what is happiness? It's a wrong wish, it's a fuzzy thought.

"You should have fallen in love with someone better than me, Lo," I whisper, looking at the collar in my hands.

My love is Loretto's curse. Maybe that's why Mentor was actually trying to escape.

I slowly lift the collar. Silver doesn't hurt Lo, but when the weight of the metal bang falls on Loretto's shoulders, Tayen flinches. And finally, fae focuses faer gaze on me.

The sky is reflected in Lo's eyes at this moment. Bottomless and cold. And despair so strong that my heart aches. Two hundred years of self-improvement to give up today without a fight. Several centuries and generations of your ancestors, who fought for the freedom of their lands, so that Montejo would put you in chains. To trust in order to die.

"I'm sorry, Lo."

The lock on the collar clicks.

Kofi squeals with joy.

Tears gleam in the corners of Loretto's eyes.

I hate myself.

༄༄༄

When we return to Tik'al's main square, we are greeted by a frightening silence. The smoke has finally cleared, there are no hens, and the old shaman who threw that lies dead by a broken fountain.

Someone managed to shoot the hen breeder after all. I try not to look at his bloodied body. And I don't look at the other corpses covering the square.

The survived plainbloods now either silently limp to the gate, where a doctor with bandages is waiting for them, or help others limp. Only occasional moans and angry cries are heard.

And at the doors of the Great Temple, which nobody managed to conquer still, I notice shamans sitting on the ground--a few, about a dozen--who Cale's people managed to catch. Shamans are sitting on the ground, their gazes detached, bitter, pained, each wearing a silver collar around their neck.

I can barely stop myself from throwing myself on the ground next to them, to help, when the bastards who are dragging Lo throw my mentor next to the rest of the prisoners. Among them, I notice Yaling, who gives me a look of burning hatred.

"Hey!" Cale notices me. After leaving the friends he was chatting with, he immediately runs up to me and Kofi. He doesn't hurry to hug me, wincing at the sight of chicken giblets covering my shirt, but he still smiles. "Well, finally! We've been looking for you, Eli!"

"Eli didn't waste his time," Kofi grins.

Cale frowns at me, then looks at the shaman Kofi is pointing at. Cale's eyes light up at the sight of Loretto--Tom.

"This is..."

"The one that was staying with us, yeah." Kofi nods. "Eli figured faer out."

I hate myself more and more as I watch the plainbloods gather around, laughing, and pointing fingers at the captured shamans. At Lo. But Loretto doesn't look at them. Loretto's expression turns into a cold mask, which is alien to all mundane things, again.

Cale opens his mouth to say something, but at that moment, someone exclaims behind us. "This is the goddess Ixchel!"

A chill runs down my spine. Did she really show up? To save Loretto? Turning around, I...do not find anyone. All I see is a dirty, middle-aged man running across the square. It takes a long moment for my tired brain to remember him: the madman who caught Lo and me at the door of the bakery not so long ago. And he seems to be really crazy.

Because he's looking at Loretto.

"Get out!" Cale barks as the homeless man reaches us. Obviously, this is the man's first time in Tik'al; the guards usually don't let homeless people in here. The man runs toward us with a beaming smile on his dirty face.

"The goddess! Ixchel!" He repeats stubbornly. "Oh, Ixchel, forgive us! Save me!"

Everyone looks at him in disbelief, including my mentor, in front of whom the homeless man falls to his knees.

"Are you blind? Which goddess?" Kofi snorts. "First of all, Tom is not a woman. And second...there is no goddess. Otherwise, she wouldn't be chained up now."

Cale's friends hurry to drag the homeless man away and escort him out, but he tries to fight them.

"You're the blind ones!" He shouts. "The goddess Ixchel has many forms! The only thing that remains unchanged on her body from one incarnation to the next is the sacred symbol on her body! Take a look for yourself, the sun on her neck! Oh, the goddess is testing you, yes! And she will punish those who do not prove their loyalty to her!"

Kofi, who started to grumble something, quiets down, confused. He looks at Cale. Cale also stalls for a moment, glancing sideways at Loretto's ribbon around faer neck, but then only grins.

"A symbol? Well, let's take a look at her sacred symbol." And before I can open my mouth, Cale pulls out a knife, bends down, and cuts the ribbon around Loretto's neck. A thin drop of blood trails down Lo's neck, but Lo doesn't even wince when the silk ribbon flies off and... "What the fuck?"

I'm not moving. Lo? But fae refuses to meet my gaze. I was sure that Loretto's ribbon was intended for beauty, nothing more. How many times have I seen Loretto's neck naked in the morning? And the night Mentor pretended to be Tom? And nothing--nothing, not a trace--was on faer skin!

And now there is.

The sacred symbol turns out to be nothing more than a tattoo of a square sun, which was described in the shamanic texts I read. The symbol of the goddess Ixchel, the goddess of the sun and moon. Only...I suddenly remember Montejo's magazine. The paragraph that said that during his first conquest, he marked shamans with tattoos--so as not to confuse them with normal people, not to let them escape, and disappear without a trace.

Only now do I realize that Mentor has never allowed me to touch faer neck since the day we met. Every time we kissed, Lo stubbornly wanted to put my hands on faer hips or waist. And in the mornings, most likely, I did not notice this sun, because Lo always covers faer neck with faer long hair. And when we woke up in my bed, when Lo had a hickey on faer neck, which then disappeared just as quickly after Mentor washed...I decided it was magic, but...maybe it was a ton-up cream. Covering up such a tattoo is easy these days.

Why did you decide to hide the tattoo from me? I try to catch Loretto's eye, but in vain. Mentor looks in front of faerself. The goddess Ixchel? Why are you a goddess? Why do you have a slave mark on your neck that hasn't been put on people for four hundred years? No one lives that long!

My brothers are also staring at Loretto's tattoo. Just like everyone else. And then Cale laughs.

"Have you decided to make fun of us?" He says. And then he grabs Lo by faer hair, swings a knife, and cuts it off.

Loretto gasps. I'm startled. Loretto's beautiful long hair is cut off to faer neck, so as to let all those who gathered see the tattoo.

My heart misses a beat. But before Cale can raise the knife again, I grab my brother's arm. "Cale, no!"

Cale freezes. He looks at me. An evil light dances in his pupils.

"Let everyone see that this is not a goddess," he says, staring at me. "And if it is a goddess, let her fight back, Eli! She can't? Oh, No! Because it's just another shamanic creature trying to fool us! A powerless creature in a collar, look, look!"

Lo really won't be able to summon aura now, even for the simplest spell, as long as there's silver around faer neck. And I still have no idea why Mentor allowed me to put this collar on faerself.

A million questions are now swirling in my head. Where did the tattoo come from? Where is the real goddess Ixchel?.. But I can't ask everything in front of everyone.

That's why I have to lie.

"Cale, don't you think that if shamans believe that this is a goddess, then you need her alive more?" I whisper, angry. "This goddess probably knows how to get into the palace. And the Empress is also her heir. As soon as the Empress finds out that we have the goddess, she will surrender without a fight. You still haven't been able to break into the Great Temple, have you?"

Cale narrows his eyes, he likes the way I'm thinking.

"You've gotten smarter while you've been living among shamans," he chuckles. "You're right, Eli. Let's keep the goddess alive. For now."

༄༄༄