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When I open my eyes, it's dark.

At first, I think I'm hallucinating, but...then I realize that it's just a night outside. Not a night exactly, but an early, early new morning, the hour before the dawn, the darkest, most silent, almost breathless hour.

I overslept! This thought wakes me up at once.

When I wash my face, untangle my curls, roll up the sleeves of my clean shirt symmetrically--and seductively--and finally feel confident enough to leave my apartment and visit Lo, sunrise is already beginning to dawn somewhere over the horizon. Its orange flashes illuminate the treetops, awakening birds and pleasantly warming the night air.

And it's only after breathing in the fresh air and stepping onto the threshold of Tayen's living room that I realize that it's still too early for meetings. Waking Lo up at such an early hour is uncivilized and careless.

That's why I'm waiting.

Without turning on the light, without opening the curtains. Without clinking tea cups or sticking my nose into Lo's bedroom, I'm nostalgically vegetating on the couch I once spent my nights myself...

Knock, knock.

Footsteps outside the front door startle me. Staring into the darkness, I hold my breath. I hear someone quietly, almost soundlessly, approaching Loretto's apartment from the outside. I tense up even more when a soft glow rolls along the door frame in the darkness, and the protective spell that Lo uses instead of a lock lets the stranger in. The door starts to creak open. But who can crack a shamanic charm?

Has the First Blood decided to come in person?

Or did the Empress send assassins?!

Without hesitation, I jump off the couch.

A moment later, a silhouette appears at the threshold.

In the darkness, I can't see anything except the outlines of a figure in strange clothes and with a tail of hair on the back of their head, but it doesn't matter. There is no time to think, and I only have a moment to scream, because aura flashes on the fingertips of the newcomer. Aura rushes to me with ominous, hot sparks, threatening, if not to roast me, then at least to deprive me of my senses.

I don't have time to fight back. I drop to my knees. I don't have enough skill to summon my aura, so I can only reflexively shrink, crouching on the floor behind the coffee table as a shield. My heart starts pounding in my chest, sending blood burning my veins, but I don't have time to properly realize my fear, either. The lamps in the corners light up.

The dark dissipates, forcing me to close my eyes.

"Eli, what are you doing here? Why are you sitting in the dark?"

I take a breath and swallow. After my eyes adjust to the light, I finally dare to stick my head out from behind the coffee table, and...no, I didn't imagine a voice. Lo is standing in the doorway in front of me. Fae stands and looks back at me with equal surprise. Faer posture is tense, faer eyebrows arched, and faer chest is heaving with adrenaline, just like mine. The strange clothes turn out to be nothing more than an old-fashioned tracksuit, which, combined with a high ponytail of hair gathered at the back of faer head, makes my mentor look like a different person.

When I don't answer, however, the surprise in Loretto's eyes turns into discontent.

"You can't wait for me in the dark," Lo says reproachfully, entering and closing the door behind faer. "I have unfriendly instincts. I can hurt you."

"I thought you were asleep," I exhale. My heart calms down, and I allow myself to get up from the floor, rubbing the future bruises on my knees. "I didn't want to wake you."

"Why aren't you sleeping?"

"I've slept enough."

Loretto does not respond to this. I see that discontent burns in Tayen's eyes for another moment, and then fades away, replaced by confusion. Or fatigue.

"I thought we'd talk," I try again, "discuss everything before the Trials...everything that will happen after."

It seems that I involuntarily found the right words, because Loretto suddenly freezes. Fae does not stop as fae starts toward the bathroom, but hesitates. From this reaction, I can only guess that Lo was tormented by the same worries about the future as I was. And that's probably why Mentor didn't wake me up in the evening and didn't come to me faerself--fae thought, but couldn't make a final decision.

"Can the conversation wait half an hour?" Lo says. "You're definitely not going to talk me out of the shower this time. You had a good night's sleep, Eli, I couldn't sleep, and sports are great at clearing my mind at such moments. Besides, with your training, I haven't had time to run outdoors for a long time, but I really love it."

I should have guessed that you were one of those who likes running, I think sourly, nodding in response. Such a beautiful body can hardly be kept in shape by magic alone.

"Wait for me in the bedroom," Lo adds, either because fae really wants to see me in faer bedroom, or because the curtains are not drawn there, which means I can no longer hide and scare.

And then Mentor goes into the bathroom, locking the door behind faer.

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Loretto's shower has never taken only half an hour.

I wait forty minutes.

An hour...

When the sun rises from the horizon and I seriously think about breaking into the bathroom, its door finally opens.

After a suspicious minute, although there are literally a couple of steps down the hallway to the bedroom, Lo appears on the threshold. Faer hair is indeed washed and magically dried, faer face is fresh and clean, but instead of a towel on faer hips, which I expected to see, fae is wearing a full set of clothes. Pants, a t-shirt and even faer favorite heavy boots, which must be hot to wear in our eternal heat, but the most eye-catching is an azure robe, the lacing of which Mentor quickly tightens at faer waist with faer skillful fingers.

When my eyes freeze on the lacing, Loretto's fingers stop. As if embarrassed by my embarrassment, Tayen blinks.

"Was I supposed to come out without clothes?" Fae says.

"I don't know. But I didn't expect the clothes would be more important to you than me sitting here waiting. You didn't have any hope that I wouldn't wait and leave, did you?"

"No."

It doesn't sound very sincere. But Lo's gaze no longer has the reproach with which fae looked at me when I was sitting in the dark. Lo's gaze is now full of apathy. Longing. Lo couldn't sleep, wanted to run and think...but the decision was never made.

"How was your yesterday's meeting?" I ask, hinting from afar. What did the First Blood tell you?

Lo shrugs. "As always," fae says. Fae walks past me, picks up a comb from the dresser and starts to brush faer hair. Fae stands with faer back to me, pretending that combing faer hair right now is very important.

"What did your friend say?"

"Nothing. They...listened."

Loretto's answer doesn't help me. At all.

I'm trying to understand something, but it feels like Lo doesn't want to let me understand faer anymore. It's like Loretto's soul is still closed for me. Mentor entrusted faer thoughts and feelings to me for one dark, rainy night, but with the sunrise, the rusty locks on faer heart locked again, leaving me neither a key nor a loophole.

"Are you avoiding me, Lo?" I ask directly. It's impossible to solve the problem if you don't talk directly, right? "Don't be silent, I'm not going anywhere until you send me away, Loretto."

Having stopped brushing faer hair, Tayen finally turns to me, albeit reluctantly. Fae looks at me for a long time, but the thoughts in Lo's eyes do not rush, as happens at such moments, but on the contrary, they stop. Like the hands of a broken watch. Like water in a deep swamp.

There is sadness in Lo's eyes. But this is not homesickness, which I have seen before, not the burden of disappointment, not the lack of sleep. No, there is something deeper in faer heart. I can't find the right feeling--I'm afraid there simply isn't one in my experience. This is something that suggests that yesterday we allowed ourselves to do something irreparable: we tore up a book, broke a covenant...And Loretto blames faerself for this.

"I'm not avoiding you," Lo says quietly and hoarsely, when I'm already beginning to believe that I won't get an answer at all. Fae lowers faer eyes. "I just don't know how to explain our last lesson to you."

"That's it? What is the lesson about? How to wash for ages?"

Lo shakes faer head. Fae doesn't laugh at my joke.

"It's about...About the fact that I don't think you understand where your life is heading, Eli. You don't understand the consequences of your decisions. And if you don't understand it soon, I'll blame myself." When I shrug, Lo sighs impatiently. "Whether you go to participate in the Trials or not, you will still remain a descendant of Montejo, the sworn enemy of Maricela, the most vengeful witch in the world, do you realize that? But if you go, even if you take the last place out of a thousand in the Trials, then you will also officially, publicly become a shaman, an enemy for your plainblood family, without whose approval you will not survive, I know. Are you ready for this?"

"Quite. And I can't neglect the Trials, then it would be cowardice and deception, right? I won't stop doing magic. It will take time, I know, but sooner or later everyone will realize that I am not a villain." I smile as casually as I can. "And I'm not alone, I have your support."

A stifled laugh escapes Loretto's chest. "Mine? You should have fallen in love with someone better than me."

It takes me a moment for me to understand the meaning of these words. And I do, I can't hold back my laughter, either.

"Better than you?" Even now, Lo stands in front of me as perfect as possible. Better than your smiles, ass, mind and centuries-honed charisma? No shaman, let alone a plainblood, is better than Tayen--everyone knows this, and those who claim otherwise are simply blind.

Of course, I guessed that Lo would continue to cover the secrets of the First Blood and say something different, but to be so blunt...Looking at Lo again, however, I realize that Lo is looking at me from under faer brows gloomily and soberly.

"You're not kidding." My laughter abruptly stops.

Lo continues to be silent, as if waiting for me to figure it out for myself.

"Why?" Something starts to tremble in my throat. "Don't you want to...like last night..." Did the First Blood tell Lo that I was watching them at the cemetery, that's why there's ice in Loretto's eyes now? Does Tayen know that I hid the silver? Lied that I'm not jealous?

My thoughts scatter, looking for an explanation of Loretto's words, and only one thing comes to mind. "Oh, better in the sense of worse, right? I am impulsive, violent and self-destructive." That's what Mentor told me once. And maybe now I've learned to rationalize and restrain my vices lately, but that doesn't mean I've got rid of them completely.

"Let me rephrase it," Lo says, rather gentle now. "I was lucky enough to get to know you, and now I think it's worth adding that your feelings are a fine line. Yes, you're impulsive, but that's what makes you decisive at the right moment, Eli. And you are inclined not to violence, but to protect those in whom you believe with all the means available to you, which may seem harsh to those who do not know what is happening in your world. Self-destruction...is a tool, it allows you to renounce the ideas that have outlived themselves and admit your mistakes." After a pause, Lo adds, "And you're looking for the ultimate truth in everything, that alone is captivating."

"I thought everyone was looking for the ultimate truth."

"No, of course not. Most people strive to impose their truth on others, not to find the ultimate truth. They are ready to kill just to achieve superiority. And you don't pretend to be more decent than you really are, and that's the beauty of it. You are real, faithful, guileless, my soul feels safe next to you, which I've not felt for a very long time."

"Keep talking like that, and I will believe that in the long run, I am perfect. Then why can't we be together?"

"We can. But you won't like it. I'm your teacher, and..."

"No more than a sophomore to a freshman. When I taught you to assemble watches, I was your teacher. Friends can be our teachers too, right? And parents. And lovers, Lo."

"...and I'm older than you."

I get to my feet.

"Years of life spent on books and magic don't make you any older," I say when Lo turns away. "They make you an expert on books and magic. That's all. And it's not about age at all. You know, my ma says that my dad never grew up, even though he and ma are the same age. Maybe she's right. My mother is really much more...competent. And my father once forgot me at a nightclub in St. Daktalion when I was about seven years old, can you imagine?"

Lo chuckles. This is a good sign.

"Yeah," I nod, smiling. "What was he doing at a nightclub with a kid anyway, huh? Why didn't he take me to a pizzeria or a zoo?" Licking my lips, I try again. "And you, Lo, you're not older. Especially when it comes to everything between us. It's new to both of us, these feelings. Right?"

"I already had feelings once," says Tayen.

"Oh." I did not expect such an answer. "And why did you break up, will you tell me?"

"He was killed."

This time I remain silent. Words of sympathy will be redundant, because I can hardly sincerely sympathize with the death of someone who, if they were alive, would not let me fall in love with Lo, and it would be completely inappropriate to ask for details right now since Mentor does not add a word. It's like picking at a scar that doesn't belong to you.

So, having come up with nothing better, I just go and hug Loretto from behind.

Lo freezes.

"My sister, who loved to give everyone nicknames," Lo says a minute of yielding, grateful hugs later, "would have called you sonk'o ninan."

The last words sound on Loretto's tongue with an accent, with ringing clarity, which is natural to the native language of the shamans of these lands.

"Sonk'o ninan. A small spark of a big fire. It's restless but hot. Warming because it has a big heart." Loretto rubs my arm wrapped around faer waist. "I'm older than you, Eli, not because age decides. But because memory decides. I remember too much, and in order to make us equal, so that we begin to understand each other not only in bed, I will have to make you go through as much as I did, but...I don't want to. Then you'll stop hugging me so tightly."

"I will always hug you."

"No. People who have seen too much lose the naivety that made you fall in love with me so hard. The fire in their hearts goes out, and..." Lo's sigh comes out heavy. "And sometimes they die before they reach the end."

"I'm not going to die, Lo!" I almost snort into Mentor's neck, but then it will sound like mockery, and I just want to emphasize the absurdity of Loretto's arguments. So I just sigh, too. "And I think that fear speaks for you, not your heart. Whatever lies ahead, we will manage. Together. Maybe you and I are fated to be together? Do you believe in fate?"

Lo doesn't answer.

Standing on my tiptoe, I then kiss Lo behind faer ear. Apparently, I'm lucky today and I inadvertently find some special place to kiss, because I feel as Lo is starting to melt. Fae doesn't argue anymore, just exhales, going limp in my arms, once again allowing me to love faerself with all my heart.

I guess what I'm doing next is bad. It's probably a manipulation, selfishness. But instead of waiting for Lo to drown in faer sad memories, I force Mentor to turn to face me.

I kiss faer. Fast, deep, greedy. Loretto's breath scorches my lips, and blood starts pounding in my ears again, but this time from lust.

A familiar, pleasant heat is gathering in my groin. Lo doesn't resist, answers to my tongue, and I use the next moment to put my hands under Loretto's robe, which is still unbuttoned to the waist. I press Mentor to me with faer whole body, feeling the tension of Loretto's muscles and faer labored breathing in my own chest.

Yes, definitely, I'm much better at convincing Lo with my lips. Loretto is able to resist verbal attacks, predatory glances, and sharp blades, but not kisses; my mentor either does not allow anyone to approach faer, or once faer lets someone get close, fae can no longer resist. If you think about it, it's a dangerous habit...but it's good for me right now.

Together we fall to the bed.

"This is not going to end right," Lo whispers into my lips, finding faerself on faer back under me.

"Then we will make sure that nothing ever ends." Having unlaced Loretto's robe to the end, I pull it off and reach under Lo's t-shirt with my palms, taking it off, too. I stroke Loretto's chest, the vulnerable, velvety skin, and goosebumps cover it under my touch, and I reach out to kiss faer neck.

"Let's leave?"

"Hmm?.."

"Let's drop everything and leave, Eli. Leave Cabracan. Forever."

Either my kisses don't help, or they help too much, because Lo's words sound like some kind of feverish delirium. Mentor faerself assured me that it was impossible to leave, that here was our homeland, our strength.

"Our home is in Cabracan," is all I say in reply. And I press Mentor into the bed, continuing to cover faer jaw line, cheeks and cheekbones with my kisses.

I feel Lo's body responds to my touches as faer legs confidently wrap around my hips.

"Any place can be our home if we're together," Loretto's voice does not give up, although faer body has long given up.

"We are already together."

"But your family..."

"Won't stop me from loving a shaman, Lo."

Lo doesn't have time to object, because I kiss Loretto's lips once again. Faer inflamed, passionate lips. Whatever Lo's worries are, they finally come to naught, because fae starts kissing me in return no less fervently. Tayen's fingers are ruffling my curls, and Mentor's heartbeat is pounding so hard that I feel it as if in my chest.

Pillows fall to the floor, Lo moans when I rub my groin against faers, and reaches under my shirt. I stroke Loretto's thigh with my hand and want to start pulling off faer pants, which prevents me from enjoying faer thigh, when my love is aroused with renewed vigor, but Lo suddenly stops. Fae doesn't take off my shirt.

"What is it?" Loretto asks, faer voice suddenly and unconditionally sober. Almost alarmed. "Do you feel it?"

I laugh.

"Yeah. It's me," I say, and again I press my aroused love against Loretto's groin.

"No, Eli, I'm talking about..."

An uncharacteristic hum echoes the next second. It's not even a sound, but rather a feeling, an icy lump somewhere under my solar plexus, from which all the hairs on my body stand on end, as if at the sight of a thunderstorm. This is how aura feels when it is somewhere nearby, when someone uses it not for the best of intentions. Danger. A threat.

And then a piercing, heart-rending scream comes from the street outside the window. And finally, a real, audible rumble, as if something explodes near the walls of our temple.

Startled, my passion immediately fades.

"What is it?" I meet Lo's gaze. I see the growing anxiety in Loretto's eyes in response.

Some thought begins to spin in the back of my mind, but my head refuses to formulate it, it is wild, terrible, absurd. No, it can't be like that. I hid the silver, it can't be Cale.

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