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As if in payment for the endless night, the sun is climbing up the sky this morning quickly and relentlessly.

Having convinced myself that it's better to get out of the house as soon as possible, before Loretto's mood has completely been ruined and I myself have grown as lazy as a cat, I finish my cookies in hurry. I get dressed. Wash face.

And while Lo is in the bathroom, I go downstairs, to the kitchen to pick up the bundle of food that our caring mom prepared for us.

I still feel euphoric, but despite my physical vigor, my soul feels out of place. Everything seems to be fine--birds are chirping outside, love warms my heart, but I still don't feel the serenity I felt at night. What's wrong with me?

Maybe I learned this habit from Lo.

This probably always happens when you achieve what you want and hardly believe your happiness. You're afraid that you don't deserve it, that it will turn to dust, which will dissolve like a sweet dream upon awakening.

But no. My feelings for Lo are not dust. And, therefore, there is no point in looking for fiction.

"Looks like you've grown up."

Flinching, I almost bump into the door. The voice pulls me out of my thoughts like a fishing rod when I enter the kitchen, and now my soul suddenly feels cramped not only in my body, but even in my own mind.

"Ariane?" According to all my calculations, there should be no one in the kitchen, but my sister is sitting at the table. Wearing her house robe, with a cup of tea in her hands. She's been clearly sitting here for a long time, and now she stares at me with an approving smile in her eyes.

"I'm proud of you, Eli," my sister adds, giving me an appraising look from head to toe. "But you look rumpled. Didn't get enough sleep?"

"Why aren't you at school?" I ask.

Still drinking her tea, Ariane just chuckles.

"I could have asked you the same question," she says. "You remember that you went to the same school I as do until recently, right? And everyone there is asking me where you are, what you've done and how to do the same shit so that they will be kicked out to work at Tik'al, where they don't have to take final exams."

"I'm going to have an exam. Shamanic Trials, I participate."

"Oh, so you and Tayen had Trials rehearsal last night?"

I was already approaching the table by the refrigerator, where Mom's food package is, when I stop again. Ariane's voice is laced with irony to the point of arrogant smugness.

Did Lo and I were noisy at night? Did Ariane hear Tayen's moans? My moans? I'm starting to hate the moment of silence, realizing that my face is blushing. What if everyone heard everything? And everyone knows that we... The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

I'm going to feel unwell.

An equally unwell picture immediately emerges in my head: that my Mom, breaking into our room early in the morning, was smiling not at Tom as a guest, but at Loretto's kiss-swollen lips. That Cale baked me cookies today because Kofi had talked him into being more lenient, and they ended up forgetting their revenge-obsessed plans for a while and mutually decided that their little brother had finally figured it out...What was it that Kofi said yesterday? ...Where your cock belongs, Eli. And cookies are a present in honor of my victory in the lustful field, because my brothers think that this is my first time.

But Ma...

Ma then, what? Still not chasing me around the house with a broom and not yelling at the top of her lungs just because she has a lot of work today? But tomorrow! Oh, tomorrow she would show up at Tik'al and right in front of Lo's eyes, she would list all my flaws in the angry manner of her edifying tone. She will rant that I am an ungrateful son who does not appreciate her labors, does not study or work, but instead spends his life on dubious pleasures, hiding from her behind the skirts of shaman robes.

You'll end up like your father! Ma will spit at my feet. Penniless, drinking his grandmother's savings in bars where prostitutes steal the last. I won't support you! And then she'll start chasing after Lo with that same broom.

The thought of my ma running around Tik'al after my mentor makes me blush all the way to the tips of my ears.

Noticing my sour expression, however, Ariane stops staring at me so blissfully.

"There was a thunderstorm last night," Ariane adds hastily, without irony. "No one could hear you except me, Eli."

"Then you couldn't hear anything either." With as much finality as I can muster, I straighten my shoulders and turn away again. "You dreamed it all."

"I dreamed it, of course!" Laughing, my sister hops of her chair. "I dreamed that you and your mentor dressed as a plainblood were running down our corridor in the dark! And I dreamed that you fiddled with the chair when you propped up the door of your room. And I dreamed of the fact that there is a thin wall separating our rooms, and your bed was banging this wall aaaaall night. I dreamed it, aha!.."

Ariane bursts out laughing, snatches the package of food before my eyes, and clutches it to her chest as she circles with it, waltzing, which makes the hem of her robe fly like a ball gown, and her hair, plaited in numerous tiny braids, flutters.

"My grumpy brother has won the heart of a wonderful shaman, my grumpy brother knows how to love..." Ariane purrs in a singsong voice.

Looking at my sister's awkward dance, I don't even want to be indignant at first. The impulse to joyfully, carelessly rush after her, as I did in childhood, deprives me of all worries for a few seconds.

But then I remember what kind of world I live in. What if our moms show up at this moment? Or if Cale and Kofi come back? And Ariane is here chanting mantras to praise their sworn enemies. Or Lo will come out of the bathroom and hear Ariane's song about how and where my bed knocked. It's not much better than spreading your legs in public.

How unpleasant it is to realize over and over again that in my own home, as it turns out, I have no less problems and reasons for secrets than in Tik'al.

"Ariane! Shut up!" Finally coming to my senses, I rush after her. I'm catching up with her on the stairs, when my sister is, still dancing, stealthily heading to the second floor, where Lo is hiding from the hustle and bustle. "If fae hears you...And says who! You're dating Faris, Ariane! He's also a shaman."

"You have to introduce us."

"Who? You and Faris?"

Ariane stops in front of me when I hurry to block her way up.

Out of breath, smiling, my sister looks at me with sparkling, pleading eyes, once again clutches the bundle of food to her chest, and then hands it to me as a venerable gift.

"You have to introduce me to Tayen, Eli," Ariane repeats, seeing that I don't understand. "Properly introduce me to your mentor, not to Tom and not at dinner in front of the others. You have to say that I'm not just your sister. I'm not a simpleton who doesn't understand the value of witchcraft, I study alchemy! Why do you think I'm not at school? Math lessons can wait, but your meeentor! Oh, the third most powerful shaman in all Cabracan...I can't let you just leave, I want to ask so many questions!"

After giving me the package, she grabs my sleeve, not letting me leave. "Can you fly with aura, Eli? Talk to the world of the dead? Can Tayen make me a shaman, too? Take me as another student? Please, Eli! I will study harder than you."

No one will study harder than me, I want to quip. Either at night or day.

"Today is not a good time, Ariane."

Ariane stops smiling. She slowly frowns. "Not a good time?" Releasing my sleeve, Ariane folds her arms over her chest. "Oh, of course! Only you always deserve to have a good time."

"Ariane--"

"It's always you who can to be in the right place at the right time to catch Loretto's eye and learn all the secrets of Tik'al, while I had to write a fifty-page essay three times--three times, Eli!--so that I would at least be allowed to take courses in alchemy there."

"Ariane! Lo is not in the mood right now."

It's only after I've said it that I understand how it sounds. Ariane pauses, and for a moment, her face takes on an expression of complete confusion. Then a smirk slips at the corners of her lips--when she catches that I'm calling my mentor Tayen just Lo--and then worried wrinkles form on her forehead.

"Not in the mood?" She repeats. She says be careful now. "Are you bad at fucking?"

Five seconds pass. We look at each other in confused silence. Ariane seems to be honestly worried about this issue, and now...I'm worried too. Am I bad at fucking? Am I okay? Actually, I am great?...But how can you say? If a person stays with you until morning, then the night was pleasant enough, wasn't it? And Mentor would have told me if there was something wrong. Mentor always says.

Paranoia. This is my paranoia...I'm happy. Everything is fine.

"I'm fine at fucking," I finally groan, frowning. "Keep an eye on your personal life, not mine."

And I turn around to leave, thereby putting an end to the dispute.

"And Loretto is not in the mood because Mom broke into our room while we were still sleeping. That's not the way it's done in the Great Temple, you know. Loretto appreciates silence". After a pause, as I leave, I still add, without turning around: "And you're squealing like a hungry hedgehog, Ariane. I won't introduce you like that today."

Ariane sighs behind my back. I hear her going down a couple of steps, walking in the opposite direction from me, as if she was really going to give up, but then she stops again.

"At least tell me that you talked to Kofi and Cale yesterday, Eli. They won't attack shamans?"

My sister's question makes my back go cold. Almost dropping the bundle and frozen with my foot already on the next step, I suddenly remember that yes. I talked. That's why I actually stayed at home at night.

And what I talked about...Frantically shoving my hand into my pocket, I come to a terrible conclusion: the bag of silver pearls that my brothers handed me yesterday is not there. There is a great-grandfather's watch in my pocket, which gives my pants the deceptively right weight, but silver, a deadly weapon on which depends who will live and who will not...I've lost somewhere!

My thoughts begin to swirl like a whirlwind. Did I drop the pearls when I was undressing at night?.. Did Mentor find it while I was sleeping? Is that why Lo isn't really in the mood today? Does fae think that last night I took advantage of the moment for my own pleasure, and today I will betray faer?

Or Cale suspects something after all, I think, gloomy. He snuck in at dawn and pulled his artifact out of my pocket. But then where did he hide it? If I can't control where and in whose hands the silver is stored, then I can't control the revolution either! And then Cale will definitely start something that will ruin us all...And it turns out I let him.

Well, it seems that my worries were not in vain. I missed something.

"Should I be worried?" Ariane asks, still standing behind me. Her tone takes on a tense, preoccupied note when I delay my answer.

"I...no, not at all." Well, that's a dangerous lie. But still, I'm probably really stressed for nothing, right? If the silver had fallen into evil hands, the birds would not have chirped so carelessly outside the window, and Loretto would not have wanted to share cookies with me for breakfast if the trust between us had fallen like a collapsed bridge.

I'll quietly search the room while Lo is in the bathroom. I'll find the silver under the bed, where I hid everything today, I silently assure myself. My heart that was enraged a moment ago calms down, believing.

But some unexpected melancholy comes over me now. I've been keeping so many secrets lately...from my family, from my friends, from the person I love so much. Even from myself, because I'm still not sure how I'll achieve everything I dream of without destroying anything--and anyone--along the way.

"How do you know which is the right choice?" I say, turning to Ariane. My sister helped me more than once. And there's no one else around to ask.

Ariane is taken aback by my question. She opens her mouth, blinks several times, and then, obviously, makes a wrong conclusion, deciding that my doubts are about Lo. How do you know that your feelings are not fake? That's what she hears. Is a relationship with a shaman worth going against the laws and parental expectations?

"You're not angry, Eli," Ariane finally says, smiling gently at me from the bottom step. "My dad always said that those who chose the right path don't get angry. Don't you remember his words?"

I purse my lips.

"He told me that when I broke my arm in a fight in kindergarten and cried. Cale screamed that I should take revenge, and dad Umar said that any wound, if it is not fatal, is experience that makes your soul wiser. Wise people understand that an eye for an eye will make the world not just, but blind, he told me." I shake my head. "But he said that just so that I wouldn't start another fight out of frustration again, Ariane."

"No," my sister laughs. "Dad did even allow the idea that you would go back to fighting like a bully. He just wanted to support you. So that you don't think that everything was in vain."

Ariane looks at me for a long moment, biting her lips and thinking about something.

And then suddenly she says her next words in the tone that is beyond her years, calm and caring, just like her father used to speak.

"Anger is kindness that does not know how to express itself, Eli. Kindness has to be learned, to be found in your heart just like the truth, so the right way is the way of your heart. Love. If your actions are dictated by selfless, unconditional love that does not require anything in return, and if this love does not fade from your soul no matter how much it shines, then you have nothing more to prove. You have nothing to be offended or angry about. Isn't that right? Because you're already happy. This is the right path."

Your truth already belongs to you, no one will take it away from you, I remember Lo saying once.

"There is nobility in the eyes of your mentor," Ariane adds in a more flirtatious tone, still looking at me. "And goodness. Such people sense other people's intentions and do not accept someone into their arms for one night, and if they love, then for real, from the bottom of their hearts. That's why I'm proud of you, Eli, you chose one of the best people in the world."

I open my mouth, then close it, not knowing what to argue with. Well, if everyone really has their own truth, then I choose this one. Don't let Ariane make a mistake. Although she did not understand my question, I am glad of her answer.

Maybe she feels right.

Maybe I'm finally on my right way, that's why I don't want to win the throne anymore, or prove anything.

I just wish Loretto didn't have a reason for all that, either.

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Returning to my room before Lo finishes washing, I--to my great relief--find my lost bag of silver, as expected, under the bed.

But I don't have time to get out of the dust environment when Lo enters the room.

"An entertaining way to seduce me," Tayen says, stopping, I hear, behind me. "You can show off your ass, I'll remember that. But in order to attract me like this, you should have taken off your pants then, don't you think?"

With a gasp, when the back of my head hits the wooden frame of the bed, I abruptly emerge from under it. Lo stands looking down at me with faer trademark warmly sly smile dancing at the corners of faer lips. However, when our eyes cross, I don't find the same flirtation in the eyes of my mentor.

"I was looking for glasses," I blurt out, imperceptibly putting the bag in my pocket. "It's sunny today."

"Mmm..." Lo hums in agreement. And turns away. Not noticing anything strange, fae goes to pull on faer boots, which are under the table, and swiftly loses interest in our the conversation, thinking about something of faer own again. Fae doesn't say anything else.

And I can't get a word out of Mentor until we leave the house.

It's really sunny this morning, and lingering on the veranda of the house, I take a deep breath with pleasure. I watch as Loretto also stops and looks around at the new surroundings, examining our small, overgrown courtyard with broken bicycles for the first time in daylight. Fae seems to find the yard quite tolerable. Fae is in no hurry to leave.

I don't want this moment to end, too.

Without allowing myself to think or doubt it, I reach out and grab Lo's elbow. It is necessary, apparently, to get rid of this habit, because Mentor immediately tries to break away, succumbing to suspicious reflexes, but then fae just turns to me.

I almost immediately let go of Tayen's hand, but then, suddenly finding faerself without support, on which the weight has now been redistributed, Lo...falls toward me. Loretto's hips sway against mine, and I lose my balance and crash back into the rough wall of the house, being pressed against it by Mentor.

We freeze face to face. The heat that became familiar last night spreads through my body below my navel, where Lo and I met, and my breath catches in my throat.

My heart is racing.

For a long second, Loretto and I look into each other's eyes in silence, neither of us says a word. Without saying anything, without asking or making excuses, the next moment Tayen leans even closer and suddenly kisses me.

I forget where I am.

Lo's lips are quiet, slow today, and the kiss turns out to be lingering and fascinating, but fleeting, like a moment. Deep and hot, but sad.

Fear, like a gingerbread house that is about to crumble, begins to bury my joy in its ruins.

Our relationship with Loretto has definitely moved to a new level, but this is a degree of intimacy that I haven't considered. How are we supposed to behave now? What does Lo expect from me?

"Lo," I exhale when our lips part, "when we return to Tik'al--"

"You return," Lo says in the same whisper. "I don't want anyone there to see me in my plainblood clothes."

No longer trying to kiss me, but on the contrary, stepping back and straightening faer t-shirt, Loretto looks around the empty street next to us. Then fae hands me the bundle of Mom's food, which fae's been holding all this time, and adds a little more agreeably. "I'll be back as soon as it gets dark, Eli. Meanwhile, I'm going to visit someone in Cabracan."

My mind sobers up in a flash.

"Who?" My voice involuntarily becomes louder and tougher, and the bitterness that came from nowhere settles on the tongue.

Noticing the change in my mood, Loretto squints at me. "Are you jealous?"

"No."

"Good."

"But I can go with you," I don't give up. I hand Lo the package back. "Does your friend like cookies?"

"I don't know," Lo admits after a moment.

Casting a wary glance at the street again, as if really afraid that we will be seen together--and thereby confirming my jealous worries--Lo hesitates.

Pulling off my sunglasses, I walk over and hand them to Lo. Raising an eyebrow, Loretto nevertheless accepts them and quickly puts them on the bridge of faer nose. I immediately begin to regret my generosity, because behind the dark glasses now you can't even see what emotions are rushing in Lo's eyes. But I must admit...

"Glasses suit you better."

Lo smiles.

In silence we reach the crossroads.

"Will I see you tonight?" I ask before we part.

"See you," Lo echoes, already turning away. But fae doesn't say that precious "tonight", just puts faer hands in faer pockets and walks away without even smiling goodbye.

I stare after faer for a long moment. Yes! Yes, I'm jealous! Cursing, I take an uncertain step forward. So what if I want to know more about the person I'm in love with, huh? If I go now and take a peek--just for a second!--at what kind of friend is there, thoughts about whom so easily extinguished all Loretto's feelings for me and occupied faer thoughts? Who should be visited secretly? I won't bother you.

Having convinced myself of my unshakable dignity, I take off. Silently, trying to stay in the shadows, I rush after Lo.

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