CHAPTER NINE
beautiful and kind and sad

Lyssa is standing in front of the open window, her eyes closed and her head tilted towards the sun. The warm summer air envelopes her as behind her, Irina is looking through papers on the graduation exams from one of her classes. She lets out a content sigh before she casts Irina a look over her shoulder.

"Do you know when the grades are supposed to go out?" She asks. Mikhail had been on edge for days upon days now. It had nearly robbed her of her last nerve to watch the young Healer bounce up and down the entire time during their sessions. She has thought that maybe once the graduation exams were written and over it'd be better, but no. It only got worse.

In a sense she can understand him. She really can. She remembers the nerves and the anxious energy vibrating through her those last weeks of her school education well. That doesn't mean she isn't about five seconds away from snapping at Mikhail pretty much every time she sees him.

Irina shrugs. "This evening. Maybe in two or three hours?" She replies, not even looking up.

They were always on the later side when it came to announcing that the final grades were officially done and ready to be collected by the students. Lyssa had never bothered with the entire thing until, suddenly, she had an eighteen year old nearly exploding with fear that he might've blown his exams. Never mind that Mikhail was a brilliant student and Lyssa very much doubts that he has anything less than the best grades.

She lets out a sigh. "So not before my session with Mikhail today." She states.

Today was going to be the worst of them all, she can already tell.

Irina doesn't even react, only scowling at whatever paper is in front of her. Lyssa seriously hopes that that is not Mikhail's exam.

She walks over and peers over Irina's shoulder, nearly letting out a relieved breath when she sees the name and it isn't Mikhail's.

Irina shoos her away with one hand. "Don't you have a lesson to get to?" She says, at last tearing her eyes from the exam and looking up to Lyssa.

Lyssa gives her a look, drawing up an eyebrow. She, in fact, had today's lesson with Mikhail in five minutes. But Lyssa could already see him standing there, practically pacing holes into the carpet in front of her classroom and the idea of having to deal with another's nervous energy when she had so much herself lately, didn't really sound appealing to her.

"I do." Lyssa amends and gives the clock on the wall a dark look. "And I need to go now."

Unfortunately.

She still hadn't told Mikhail about the request she'd made to the people in charge for assignments yesterday.

"Well, then good luck." Irina replies, already focused on the papers in front of her.

With a sigh, Lyssa makes her way over to the door. "I'll see you later, Irina." She says without really expecting a reply.

Just as she opens the door, Irina casts her an assessing look over her shoulder. "This is confidential information for another two hours, so don't you dare tell this kid what I just told you. But before you annoy me any further with your hovering, Mikhail passed all his exams with flying colors. I'm pretty sure he only had about five errors in all of them put together."

Lyssa gives her a grin. "Thanks Irina." She calls out.

As she closes the door she can hear Irina grumbling something unintelligible under her breath that she decides not to bother paying closer attention to.

🕊🦂🕊🦂

Sitting in one of the chairs, her feet propped on the table next to it, Lyssa watches Mikhail standing in the room. Like the last dozens of sessions, he is blindfolded.

When Lyssa had first announced that, in addition to being her assistant they would start lessons too, he'd been utterly elated. That had been until their first lesson arrived and Lyssa had handed him a blindfold.

Mikhail had looked at Lyssa like she'd just completely lost it.

Lyssa had given him a flat look, handed him the blindfold and told him to put it on.

"Why?" Mikhail had asked with a frown as he did so.

It was always difficult to explain this part. It had been the same with Karine. At least this time she'd expected the question.

"Because I want you to learn how to use your Healer powers with here," she said tapping his chest above his heart. "Instead of with here." She added, tapping his temple.

"I..." Mikhail had broken off, frowning. "Why?"

"Well, can you use your Corporalnik powers right now?"

"No?"

"Exactly." Lyssa had shrugged. "And what gives you the guarantee that there won't be any obstructed view when you're in the field?"

He hadn't answered. He hadn't needed to.

Everyone knew that Corporalki needed a clear line of sight to use their powers. Without that, they were rendered basically useless. So, Lyssa needed to teach Mikhail how to go around that first before they did anything else.

What she hadn't told him was how long it might take. She had no idea how long it would take to learn this different approach to their Grisha powers in average, but she imagined it was a lot like with anything else. The older someone got the harder and longer it ended up being.

After their first session, when exactly nothing had happened, Mikhail had given her a discouraged look. He'd asked her how long it had taken Lyssa to learn it.

She had only shrugged and told him that when he successfully finished the task, she'd tell him.

Ever since then, they'd only made marginal progress. But, Lyssa supposed progress was still progress. Even if she had long lost count of how many times she'd pricked her stupid finger to give Mikhail a wound to heal.

A knock on the door to her classroom makes her look up as Mikhail nearly jumps out of his skin at the sudden sound. Apparently, waiting for your graduation exam results and being blindfolded simultaneously made her student a little antsy.

"Don't stop, Mikhail," Lyssa sighs as she turns her head to the door. "Come in!"

She isn't entirely sure who she'd expected but seeing his familiar figure glad in the black kefta was not it.

He gives Mikhail a long look before he turns to her, raising an eyebrow.

Lyssa only shrugs.

"Is it the exam results?" Mikhail asks from where he stands, breathless with anticipation.

Aleksanders glances at Lyssa before he looks back at Mikhail. "I'm afraid not."

Lyssa can practically see Mikhail blanch in horror before he whirls around and hastily rips off the blindfold. "I... uh... general." He stammers, staring at him. "I'm sorry?"

"I thought I told you to continue, Mikhail." Lyssa points out, sending a glower at Aleksander. He only gives her an innocent look in return.

"Well... I... uh..." Mikhail says slowly, looking from Lyssa to the general, who looks like this entire situation is bringing him great amusement.

"I was under the impression that Miss Golubeva was done for today." Aleksander says and Lyssa lets out a breath as she takes her legs off the table and stands up.

"We still have five more minutes left." She replies.

"Ah." Aleksander says, sounding not at all sorry. "I shall come back in five minutes then."

Mikhail looks at Lyssa in horror at the implications of sending their general away for mere five minutes more of lessons with him, but Lyssa doesn't spare him a glance. Instead, she is just about to tell Aleksander that he indeed shall come back in five minutes so that she can teach her student some damn important things when another knock sounds at the door.

Slowly, Lyssa turns to the door. "Yes?"

The door is thrown open and a heap of frantic students nearly fall inside. One of them gives Mikhail a wide look and Lyssa think he isn't even registering that Mikhail isn't alone in the room. "It's up!" He says, catching his breath between words.

When Lyssa looks away from them Mikhail is already looking at her with those puppy eyes of his. Lyssa closes her eyes and lets out a long sigh as she pinches the bridge of her nose between her index finger and thumb.

After a moment she looks back at Mikhail and nods to the door. "Go." She says and Mikhail looks at her in surprise, clearly torn between wanting to stay and wanting to find out his results.

"Go before I change my mind." Lyssa adds, waving to the door. It's a lie. There's no way they'd be able to even create the semblance of a proper lesson again now that Mikhail knows that the results are up and there's no way he'll be able to concentrate again.

"Thanks, Miss Golubeva." Mikhail says quickly, putting down the blindfold at the table closes to him. Then he hurries to the door before he stops and looks at Aleksander. "Um... general." He says awkwardly and gives Aleksander a bow before he runs to the door.

"Mikhail, please come find me later today. There's something I'd like to discuss with you." Lyssa says before he can disappear through it and for a moment, she can see the hesitation, the worry in his eyes as he draws his eyebrows together slightly.

He opens his mouth to reply just as another of his friends calls from the hallway. "Come on, Mikah, let's go!"

Lyssa flinches at the nickname before she can stop herself.

Mikhail glances to the door, torn and Lyssa quickly gives him a small smile. "Go on." She says and at last, Mikhail moves through the door.

Just before he disappears into the hallway, Lyssa calls after him. "Oh, and Mikhail? Congratulations."

For a moment, he blinks in surprise. Then a bright grin breaks out across his face as he realizes what she meant. "Thanks, Miss Golubeva." He replies before he closes the door behind himself and leaves the two of them alone in the room.

Silence envelops them for a long moment, before Lyssa turns to him. "What did you want to talk about?" She asks.

When her eyes find him, she realizes that he is already looking at her. Eyes serious and something like worry in them. "I've been told that you requested to join the group that is going to the Fold in two days for the Ultralight trial." He points out and Lyssa lets out a long breath as she sits down in the chair again.

This was what she still hadn't told Mikhail about. What she hadn't told anyone, really, except for Irina. Only, Lyssa hadn't just requested herself to be added to the group. If it was only for herself, she would not have put in the request but now... now she had Mikhail.

And she needed him to finally realize that the fantasy world of the Little Palace that he had grown up in wasn't the entire reality of a Grisha's life and the Second Army and Ravka.

And, just maybe, returning to the Fold might also be what was necessary for her.

Aleksander steps in front of her, pushing strands of her hair out of her face. He cups her face, mustering her like he can scope out the answer simply by looking closely enough into her eyes. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Lyssa stiffens at the question, her throat bobbing. No. She was not. But... "Mikhail needs to see these things." Lyssa says softly. "He needs to understand what this life means."

"I don't care about Mikhail." Aleksander replies. "You know once we leave, you cannot change your mind until our entire group returns, right?"

Because Lyssa had been right. Aleksander had not been able to say no to the opportunity to watch how the first trial run of the Ultralight on a skiff through the Fold went. He'd been the first to be added to the group travelling to the Fold from Os Alta in two days. The group Lyssa and Mikhail would be joining, too.

Unless Lyssa said the word now and he would make sure that they were not among them.

Slowly, Lyssa looks up to him, her eyes finding his. "I..." She breaks off and closes her eyes for a moment. Lets herself relish the feel of his touch against her skin. Then, she looks back at him. "I think I might need to see it, too."

She hadn't since four years ago. Hadn't even considered returning to Kribirsk in all this time. Not until now.

But now... now she had a student again. And she owed it to Mikhail to do better than she had with Karine.

She supposed she owed it to Karine, too. To not fail another student the way she had failed her.

Aleksander watches her for a long time before he slowly nods. "Alright." He says.

Maybe he understood. Maybe he didn't. Lyssa supposes it doesn't really matter. What matters is that the group to the Fold is departing with the Ultralight in two days and Mikhail and her are going with them. Deep in her bones, Lyssa knows it's the right thing to do. To stare that wall of her nightmares down in a way she had not been able to for four years.

Even if she does not know what it will mean for her.

AUTHOR'S NOTE
we had a short!time jump between the last chapter and this one and basically now the first prototype of the ultralight is finished! also this is *not* the visit to the fold where alina's powers are revealed. we're still a bit off from that and s1🤭

but, as always, please consider leaving a comment as it always means a lot to me to see them and interact with you guys💖