CHAPTER EIGHT
why the leaves change color

For the past two weeks, Lyssa has dreaded today. She'd tried to ignore it, but it had always been lurking just in the back of her head.

They'd officially been drafted into the Second Army after their graduation nearly eighteen years ago. Lyssa is not stranger to saying goodbye to her friends. She isn't even a stranger to the haunting feeling of possibly saying goodbye for the very last time.

Still, she'd never been able to get used to it. She always hated this day. Saying goodbye to the others without knowing if she would ever see them again.

When she was little she thought serving in the Second Army meant being a hero. But it wasn't all heroics and glory and medals. The war demanded its pound of flesh from everyone eventually.

Lyssa lets out a long sigh from and leans back in her chair, massaging her temples. She basically had to force herself up half an hour ago. If the fear of not seeing Alexei and Zorah again for months upon months hadn't chased her out of bed, she might've just laid there and stared at the ceiling the entire day. In all honesty she was still tempted to do exactly that. Then again, their departure this morning was what made Lyssa want to pull the covers over her head and ignore the day in the first place.

The weight of a hand settles on her shoulder and when Lyssa opens her eyes again she finds Aleksander crouched in front of her.

"You're going to be late," he says softly and Lyssa's eyes flick to the two keftas over one of the armchairs. One black and one red.

"I know." Lyssa says quietly. And she does. She just can't seem to bring herself to get up from the chair just yet. Because once she does she'll put on her kefta and leave her room and then she will go to say goodbye to Alexei and Zorah.

Lyssa decides to give herself a single more moment to put it all off and then she will go and see two of her closest friends off. Again.

"When they're gone," Aleksander continues from in front of her. "You will regret that you put it off for so long when you could be spending more time with them before they leave."

He's right. Of course, he's right.

It's always like this. Lyssa will put off saying goodbye because it makes leaving real and in the end, she will always regret it.

"I know." Lyssa says again, frowning at her red kefta, lying on top of his black one. A presence that presses itself into her mind no matter how much she tries to ignore it.

"Lys." Aleksander says and his hand moves from her shoulder, capturing her chin. Gently, he guides her face back to him, looking her in the eyes.

"I have a meeting in the Fabrikator workshops soon anyways, so how about I accompany you for a bit on the way?" He offers and Lyssa lets her eyes wander over his face.

She nods. "Alright."

He leans forward and presses a kiss against her lips before he rises back to his feet. One of his hands held out to her.

For a last moment, Lyssa hesitates, before she takes it and lets him pull her up from the arm chair. The moment she is back on her feet Aleksander is already moving. Before Lyssa has a chance to do so herself, he has her red kefta in his hands and turns back to her, helping her pull it on before he takes his own kefta and does the same.

Absentmindedly, Lyssa reaches out with her right hand and smooths out the collar of the black fabric near his throat.

One of Aleksander's arms wraps around her waist and pulls her against him before he brushes a strand of her out of her face. "Let's go." He says.

Lyssa looks up to him and lets herself sink against his chest for a last moment. Lets herself enjoy his embrace and his warmth before she nods. "Let's go."

He presses a light kiss against her hair before he lets go and leads them over to the door out into the corridor, opening it for her. "After you."

Throughout the course of her life, Lyssa Golubeva has said goodbye more often to people she holds close to her heart than she'd care to admit.

Still, it never gets easier.

🕊🦂🕊🦂

The small group scheduled to depart north is already gathered, with Irina, Zorah and Alexei waiting for her by the time she arrives.

Alexei draws up an eyebrow at her when she stops next to them. "You're earlier then I expected," He greets her, reaching out and ruffling through her hair lightly.

Lyssa swats his hand away, smoothing out the strands again. "Well, if you continue to mess up my hair I will be even later next time." She mutters and Alexei rolls his eyes.

"I'll believe it when I see it."

It wasn't much easier on them, especially after Mikah. Leaving Lyssa and Irina behind. They'd always be more at ease together.

But Lyssa couldn't blame them for getting restless in Os Alta. After those first handful of years, after that ambush, the calm and quiet of the Little Palace had always made Zorah and Alexei restless when they were here for too long. Just like Irina and Lyssa had grown more comfortable when they were away from the clamor and the death and carnage of the war.

She knew they'd wanted to ask Irina and Lyssa if they would like to join them, to come with them to a post for a few months before returning to Os Alta upon their next leave. But they hadn't for the same reasons that Irina and Lyssa had never asked them to stay longer in the city. They each dealt with it in the way that was best for them and they would never say anything against it, even if they missed each other horribly whenever they were apart.

"When are you leaving?" Lyssa asks and Zorah and Alexei exchange a look.

"Now." Zorah admits. "We were only waiting for you."

"Our commanding officer is antsy to return to the outpost," Alexei adds. "He's been rushing us along all morning."

She knows he says it more for Lyssa's benefit than anything else. Already, she hates herself for wasting so many precious minutes sitting in her chair, staring at nothing in her room after waking up.

Lyssa nods and gives them the brightest smile she can muster. "We shouldn't keep him waiting, then." She replies and pulls Zorah into a near bone-crushing embrace. "Write whenever you can. I don't care if it's about Alexei's smelly feet, but just do, okay?"

"My feet don't smell." Alexei protests next to them and Lyssa huffs.

"Are you sure about that?" Irina mutters as Lyssa lets go of Zorah and pulls Alexei into an embrace, too.

Zorah looks between the two Healers. "Same goes for the two of you. Write every week. I want to know everything, okay?"

Alexei grimaces. "Well, not everything." He corrects Zorah, who sends him a side-look.

"No, everything. If they feel like that's the most important thing to share then they damn well will write about it and send it to us." Zorah says fiercely and Alexei groans softly.

"I love you guys, but I seriously don't need to know... everything about everything." He sighs.

Irina shrugs, sending him a wink. "You couldn't handle our everything of everything." She points out with a grin.

It only makes Alexei look more miserably. "That's not helping."

"Alright, soldiers! Get ready to move out." A loud voice announces. It's like any humor, any lightness between them is wiped out with that one command.

Silently, the four of them look at each other before Alexei lets out a quiet breath and wraps his arms around all three of them, pulling them into a giant hug against his chest.

"Take care of yourselves, alright?" Alexei's voice is muffled from all the amount of hair in front of his face, but he doesn't seem to mind. He only squeezed them tighter.

Lyssa closes her eyes as she returns the embrace, savoring each moment with them. "I'll miss you guys," She whispers.

Zorah sends her a sad smile as they pull apart. "We'll be back. We've talked to our officer. We'll be there for the winter fete at the latest."

They pull each other into a last embrace before Zorah and Alexei join the rest of their group, the first of them starting to mount their horses.

I don't care how long it takes, Lyssa thinks as she watches them leave. Just come back.

🕊🦂🕊🦂

It's late at night by the time Aleksander at last returns to her room. Lyssa is sitting at her table, looking over one of the tests she is currently grading for a class when the door opens and he slips inside. Immediately, his eyes find her as he closes the door behind himself with a soft click and he takes off his black kefta.

Lyssa looks up to him, sending him a small smile. "Hey."

He takes off his thinner leather coat and puts it over one of the chairs, where his kefta is already lying. Then, he makes his way over to Lyssa, stopping only when he is standing against her side. Aleksander presses a kiss against her temple. "Hey."

"How was the meeting?" Lyssa asks as she puts away the papers while Aleksander takes off his boots.

"More of the same." Aleksander shrugs. "Would you mind if I rand for a bath?"

A small smile tugs at her lips. "And you needed to come over here to ring the servants for a bath?" She says.

Aleksander gives her a serious look as he takes her hands and pulls her up from the chair and towards him. "Oh yes. I needed to discuss important business with my Healer."

"Did you now?"

"Hm." He makes as he tugs a lock of her blonde hair behind her ear.

Lyssa leans into his touch, watching him. "You do realize they're only gonna talk if you ring for a bath from my bedroom?"

Aleksander cups her face. "I really don't care what the servants here talk about."

A small laugh escapes her as she shakes her head. She supposes General Kirigan wouldn't be bothered by what other people said about him. She wondered if she would ever be able to manage that feat, too.

"As long as it's warm." Lyssa replies and Aleksander gives her a look.

He draws up an eyebrow. "Should I be insulted that you believe I'd ask for a cold bath knowing that you prefer them warm?"

Lyssa rolls her eyes, still smiling.

For a moment, they stand there in silence. Lyssa's hands resting on his hips and Aleksander still holding her face. Lyssa takes in a small breath, looking up at his dark eyes. She hesitates for a moment before she voices the question that has been nagging at her since he entered.

"Was your meeting with the Fabrikators about the Ultralight?"

He leans back slightly, mustering her. "It was."

"Did they say when the Ultralight will be ready for the first test run through the Fold?" Lyssa asks.

Aleksander is quiet for a long moment, then he nods. "A matter of weeks. David thinks they might have it ready for use in two months time."

"So right around graduation, then." Lyssa states, an odd note to her voice, frowning slightly at herself.

Even though she doesn't look up to him, she can feel the weight of Aleksander's dark eyes on her.

At last, Aleksander puts his hand underneath her chin and guides her gaze to his eyes in a motion much like the way he'd done it this morning. "What's wrong?"

What was wrong? Lyssa isn't entirely sure how to answer it. Not meeting his gaze, Lyssa draws her eyebrows together, a small crease appearing between them.

"Will you go to the Fold then?" Lyssa asks eventually, casting Aleksander a glance.

She finds him already watching her intently. At her question, he narrows his eyes slightly. As if he was trying to figure out a riddle he was not yet entirely sure about. "I don't know yet." He says slowly. "But I've been considering it."

Lyssa nods. She'd expected the answer. She also expects that he would, in fact, travel with the Ultralight to the Fold to be there himself when they first use it on a skiff.

"Why?" Aleksander asks and she can hear the caution in his voice.

Lyssa looks back to him. "No reason." She says and sends him a small smile.

The smile is an utter lie - a mask in front of a swirling storm of worries and thoughts.

But she couldn't voice them. Not to him, or to Alexei or Zorah or Irina. She couldn't even voice them out loud to herself right now. But, ever since he had told her about the Ultralight, they had taken root. And Lyssa wasn't quite able to shake them.

The idea of voicing them feels like speaking into existence. So, Lyssa doesn't. Instead she adds, "I was just wondering."

AUTHORS NOTE

i have decided to call the darkling aleksander every time i get the chance in here as a power move simply because this guy has made such a point of his name being a secret in the books and really just went "call me aleksander 😟" in the show. so. i will call him aleksander just to prove a point

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