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— may —

May 1st, 2019
Titans Tower Day Thirty-Five

SUN POURED INTO HAZEL'S ROOM, THE SUN RAYS CREATING RAINBOW SHAPES FROM THE SUN STICKERS. Carefully, Hazel placed the pot of lavender on the small coffee table, the pot making a crunching sound as it glided on the glass surface.

Hazel pushed and kicked the large pillows and beanbags away from the table. The heavy, velvety fabric blanket was tossed aside with them. As the pillows and blankets were pushed away, the cool wood floor beneath was revealed, its polished surface reflecting the sun. Hazel, undeterred by the chill seeping through her clothes, settled onto the cold wooden floor with a nervous breath.

The plants, once confined to the bedhead had spread over the room like artwork. Bluebells and silver falls cascaded gracefully from the ceiling, their delicate tendrils swaying gently as the small desk fan blew cold air through the room. Vines adorned with orange, red and pink roses and dahlias grew across the walls, weaving through the sturdy bookshelves like nature's own bookmarks. Some of the thicker vines served as organic pillars, cradling floating shelves that hosted an array of photos and small wooden carvings.

The lush vines embraced the bookshelves, forming organic frames around horror and fantasy novels. In one corner, a desk had been set up to hold all of her musical interests. Sheet music, neatly organized, found a home on vines weaved like music stands.

A second desk, adorned with the marks of Hazel's failed carving skills, cradled a half-carved guitar, a work in progress frozen in time. The grains of the wood had yet to be sanded, and wood shavings scattered the table.

Hazel ran her hands down her face and stared at the lavender flower. Hazel pushed her power towards the flowers, the petals shifting. "Terran," Hazel called, her eyes glowing bright green. "Talk to me. Please." The lavender plants rustled but did nothing more.

Hazel's sigh carried the weight of a heavy disappointment, the sound hanging in the air. Her head dropped, the disappointment carrying through her. With lazy movements, she rose from her seat, cradling the pot of lavender in her hands as if at any moment Terran would speak to her.

Reaching for the shelf above her desk, Hazel carefully placed the pot amidst a collection of curated memories. Her fingers, gentle as a whisper, grazed the lavender petals, scared the petals would break off. Her gaze drifted to a photo framed in pristine white, a quick photo Hazel's mother had taken of Hazel and Rachel's joy at a small carnival, their smiles wide as they held up their prizes.

The memory of their fight just days earlier bubbled to the surface, and in an attempt to ease her anger, Hazel gripped the edges of the desk. Tension coiled in her muscles before and without a thought she threw the fragile piece away from her, the flimsy wood snapping as it collided with the floor. The sharp sound of the impact reverberated through the room.

A second sigh escaped her as she descended to the floor, her body leaning against the cool wall. Hazel's silhouette, bathed in the sunlight, showed the change she was forced to adapt to in just a couple of months. Her biggest worry used to be making sure Rachel wouldn't eat too much sugar before riding a far too expensive carnival ride, now they barely spoke. Hazel looked up at the sun through the window, which once would have hurt her just made her eyes glow gold.

May 13, 2019
Titan's Tower Day Forty Eight

HAZEL TURNED IN HER SLEEP, HER SHALLOW BREATHS ECHOING THROUGH THE ROOM. Hazel's hands that clutched the sheets left imprints in the pressed fabric. Her body contorted, the blankets moving against her skin. The sensation of her skin crawling seemed almost audible, unease echoing in the silence of the room.

As her fingers fisted the sheets, Hazel's knuckles changed colour, veins standing out in stark relief against her skin. The room, usually an escape from the insane regime, felt like it was closing in on her, each breath she took seeming to grow quicker and quicker.

Flashes of vivid imagery assaulted her mind-a relentless reel of blood and bodies. Darkness spreading in her mind, shadow hands reaching for her body, pulling her beneath a river of blood. The scenes played out like fragments of an old movie. The pain she felt as her life slipped away months ago seemed to meld its way back into her bones, slipping into her dreams and turning them into nightmares. She could feel the air leaving her lungs and every piece of fibre of her blanket rubbing against her skin like sandpaper.

The bloody bodies and flashes in her mind ceased in an instant then Dick's looming figure stood over her, his eyes endless black, veins running down his cheeks and twisting into his demonic smile. "Don't cry Hazel," His voice was crackling, echoing through her mind. "Don't you want to die?"

Hazel shot up with a violent jolt. Her hands trembling, as she rested on her palms. Each heartbeat echoed like a drumbeat in the silence, the growing anxiety twisting her stomach into knots as each thump echoed in her. Hazel's breaths were sharp and uneven, the air around her cold causing the hairs on the back of her neck to stand. Hazel took a deep breath, trying to steady her hands as she ran them through her hair.

Once her shakes had settled to shivers, Hazel reached for her phone. The light was bright, making her squint slightly as she turned it on, but she ignored it and scrolled through the messages.

She clicked on Jason's name, debating with herself for a moment. Recently everything she had tried couldn't settle her nightmares. One night she had fallen asleep in Jason's room after watching a movie and the nightmares came and she woke up with a scream. Jason didn't even think before wrapping his arms around her and coaxing her through the aftermath.

Ever since, when the nightmares had violently woken her, she would go to Jason's room and spend the night with him.

New Messages | May 13

Haze Maze

4:26 am Hey

Jaybird

4: 26 am Doors unlocked

Hazel clicked her phone off, wrapped herself in her blanket and quietly made her way to his room, which thankfully was next to hers. She didn't bother to knock and pushed the door open. Jason was sprawled out on his bed, mindlessly scrolling through his phone. A pile of clothes had been pushed off the bed, making room for Hazel. Once Jason saw her, he clicked his phone off and tossed it away.

Hazel sat on the edge of his bed and Jason pushed himself up, brushing his messy hair back. "Wanna try and get back to sleep?" Jason asked, his voice slightly raspy. "Or we can talk about it."

Hazel sighed and dropped her head onto his shoulder. "I died again," Hazel mumbled, her hands picking at the loose string of her blanket. "I just feel stupid, I should be used to it by now."

"Did you just you should be used to it?" Jason repeated and Hazel nodded. "People don't come back from dying Haze. You're not going to get used to it in a couple of months." Hazel nodded softly and Jason pushed himself back, settling into the pillows.

Hazel followed after him, resting her head against his chest. His arm wrapped around her, pulling her closer. "You're gonna be okay Haze. You're safe," Jason whispered. "Try and get some sleep."

May 25, 2019
Titans Tower Day Fifty-Nine

Wyoming

BIRD CALLS RANG ACROSS THE OPEN FARM. Sun poured over the lush expanse of the emerald, green fields. Horses grazed in the fields, nipping at bundles of hay scattered across the grass. The bird's songs carried over the fields as the called out from the tall trees.

"Better than playing ball?" Hank asked.

Hazel laughed, fixing her hands on the reins of the horse named Shimmer. Hazel slid slightly and Hank chuckled. "So much fucking better," Hazel shouted, her smile growing. Hank walked to Hazel, grabbing the reins and slowing down the horse before it got too fast.

They walked along the edge of the field, Hank keeping a tight grasp on the reins. "How's the tower?" Hank asked and Hazel shrugged softly, keeping her eyes ahead. "That bad huh?" Hazel sighed and pulled the reins, stopping the horse.

She ran her hand down the horse's side. "I'm still getting used to it," Hazel muttered. "I lived in a tiny house with my mom for seventeen years. Now I'm in a literal tower with a bunch of guys."

"And Rachel." Hazel sighed. "Or not?"

"We..." Hazel paused, toying with the loose leather on the reins. "We got into a fight. A pretty big one. And it was fucking stupid." Hazel shook her head softly. "We haven't really talked."

Hank tilted his head. "At all?"

"I mean, we kinda talk when Dick's around but it's all training stuff," Hazel explained.

"You both went through some stuff, maybe you need a cool down," Hank offered, shrugging softy.

"Kids!" Dawn called, waving down the two. She stood by the stairs to the farmhouse, wrapped tightly in a woollen jumper. "Lunch is ready."

"Coming!" Hank shouted. "Eat some lunch, forget about it for now. You're here to relax."

Hazel nodded and they walked back to the stables. Hazel struggled to get her feet out of the saddle and hopped off the horse. Hank rushed to grab their things as Hazel petted the horse's side.

"Hazel," Hank called, his voice shaky. Hazel petted the horse a final time and turned to Hank. Hazel's shoulders dropped as she noticed what Hank was holding. Hank held Hazel's jacket in one hand, a silver flask in the other.

Hazel's stomach twisted and she let out a shaky breath. Hazel rushed to Hank and snatched her things, turning away from Hank. "It's not what you think," Hazel muttered, shaking her head.

Hank took a breath, "Why bring that here?"

"Well," Hazel huffed, rolling the jacket around the flask. "You weren't meant to find it."

"Why would you-?"

"Just leave it alone Hank," Hazel snapped, her voice raising. She turned and walked toward the farmhouse.

❁

THE SUN HAD SET, THE HIGH MOON ILLUMINATING THE STARS. Hazel threw the last of the things in her car and Dawn squeezed her hand one last time. She called a goodbye as she ran back to the house, saving dinner before it burnt.

Hazel looked up at Hank sitting on the fence that looked over the creek, a cup of warm coffee in his hand. Hazel closed the car door, her stomach twisting in guilt as she watched Hank watch the world. Hazel slid her hands in her pockets and walked down the dirt road, stopping at Hank's side. "You off?" Hank asked, turning to face her.

"I'm sorry I brought it here," Hazel mumbled. "I didn't think."

Hank nodded and motioned the fence. Hazel pulled herself onto the fence, sitting beside him. "You're a teenager, I expect you to drink with your friends," Hank started, handing Hazel the coffee. "But you're carrying around a flask like a depressed mother of three." Hazel chuckled softly shaking her head at Hank. "What's bothering you that much?"

Hazel sipped the coffee and looked over the creek. "I keep having nightmares, usually I have enough, and it knocks me out enough," Hazel said shrugging softly.

"Usually?"

Hazel sighed softly and sipped on the coffee, "It's been worse lately."

"You're falling back on what you know," Hank summarised. "It'll stay. It'll stay for a long time." He paused, plucking a leaf from the hanging branch and tossing it. "When I was a kid, I had this coach. He did things... things a coach shouldn't do."

Hazel turned to Hank, her eyes wide and he took the coffee back. "I used everything under the sun to make that stop. It never really worked. It's still there like an itch in my mind. But helping people, putting shitty people like him away helped. You need to find something for you that helps."

Hazel nodded softly; any words able to form in the mess of emotions filling her head. "Do you have it?" Hazel hummed and took the flask from her pocket. "Take a final sip. Just one. Then pour it out."

"Doesn't that defeat the purpose of poring it out?" Hazel questioned, her eyebrows furrowing.

"You ever jump from an ice bath into a hot tub?" Hank asked. "No cause that's stupid." Hazel laughed again. "You go cold turkey and your body's gonna freak out. Sixteen-hour drive shouldn't hurt too much."

Hazel groaned. "I forgot how long a drive it is." Hazel took a final sip of the liquor before tipping it into the grass and dead leaves.

"Next time I see you, I'm gonna ask about it," Hank informed and Hazel nodded. Hazel hopped off the fence, shoving the empty flask in her pocket.

Hank slid from the fence, balancing the mug on the wood. "C'mere kid. I know you don't like hugs, but this is for me." Hank held his arms out and Hazel threw her arms around his shoulders, squeezing him tight. Hank wrapped his arms around her, rubbing a hand down her back. "Drive safe kid."

"I will," Hazel promised. Hazel stepped back and gave Hank a final smile before walking back to her car.

— pain —