Drown, that's all she could think of. Please, gods, let this ship sink or let me drown at least.

"A whore is but a penny. Bread is for half. Water is free. Is there a reason a man should not be happy?"
Someone was whistling cheerfully, his footfalls were rhythmic taps.

Vaxes hissed, she knew that song. She hated its cheerfulness, hated that damn singer, whoever he was for being so cheerful while she was sad.

The tapping and singing got closer and closer till he beamed at her.

"A beautiful morning to you, my friend. We are finally home-"

All it took was a deep scowl to send his good-natured face into confusion.

"Or never mind, I would be going now!" He danced away still whistling.

Vaxes shook the taffrail. She breathed frustration.

Across the seas, the sun was just rising, its light played across the waters, making it like a golden dream come to life. The cry of thousands of gulls filled her ears. There lying at the end of their journey was Thigia, the mother of cities

Drown.

"The gods haven't given man control over the sunrise nor the sunset. We don't command the wind and yet it seems to me that a man may shape his day with so little a thing as a smile or a frown in the morning," Biaros yawned.

"I'm not a man." She tightened her jaw.

"And that's your problem: thinking that not being a man is the source of all your problems, that and always being angry. A girl should smile often. Try it, smile with me." The corners of his mouth rose, effortlessly. His teeth were a white gleam. Although his blonde locks were slowly turning grey, it strangely gave him an odd attraction. A blend of youth and refined age.

She tried to smile.

He chuckled, his eyes twinkling. "No, no. Vaxes my child. That's not a smile, it's a frown. Show your teeth. Move your lips."

And she did just that.

He laughed again. It was most natural for him to do so. "No, that's a snarl! It's something a wild dog does. Try again."

This was ridiculous. "This is foolish! I don't want to smile!"

He glowed. "A smile makes one hardly age. It's my secret. A smile is also a weapon if you learn to use it well."

That snagged her attention. "How?" She growled.

"You're just like your father. Your emotions come out to the front. No hiding, no style. Mask your emotions. Bury your anger under layers and layers of smiles."

"That might work for you. You're a courtier. I'm a soldier. All I do is fight! I do not need smiles."

"Yet, it was with smiles that I saved you."

Unconsciously, she reached for his hand. "And for that, I will be grateful in all my lifetimes."

Biaros eyes laughed, pleased with the world. This man was called the queen's person. "I'm the Queen's and she's mine," he had told her on the. Island. He had been waiting for her at the camp.

"Don't mention it. Your father was my friend."

At that point, the steaming mugs were being passed among the sailors. Biaros took two steaming cups off the tray and handed one to her. "Drink," he smiled.

What she saw was Emmeso's face. She was back on his ship, beside him by the taffrail.

"A man can not escape his chi." His arrogant voice hummed just before he sipped from his mug.

"Vaxes."

She snapped out.

"You were out for a moment. Where did you leave your mind?"

With a bastard. He is in my head now

Biaros sipped his brew, slowly. How so like Emmeso like the day outside the camp. His hands so steady and- What was wrong with her?

"The queen would formally bring you before her court today or tomorrow. Amis is already so worn out from her travels. She would likely head to bed."

Vaxes knew no one who could say the queen's name in open. But Biaros wasn't a nobody.

"You are worried. It shows on your face. Amis didn't save you out of pity. She has her way with things. As a child, she would abandon a doll for weeks, but the slaves never took it out of her chambers. Because Amis always returned to her dolls sooner or later."

I'm a doll?

"Be happy. You're lucky. Three hundred years ago, Apita the stiff was defeated in battle. The king then wasn't so lenient. He had Apita scourged until his back bled. Then he exiled Apita beyond the south. What good did that do Apita? In all that heat, his wounds got infected and he died.
Vaxes my daughter. You wouldn't be executed. Amis loves her dolls."

Through rasped breathing, she thought, I'm the queen's doll.

"Vaxes, child." It was the queen. Vaxes gasped. The queen yawned as a lioness stirred from sleep. She was still in her purple nightdress.

Vaxes went on her shaky knees. "Your majesty. May the gods bless your morning. " The queen was here!

The queen's hand scrubbed softly across Vaxes' hair and Vaxes wished that she had taken time to brush it. But the queen had eyes only for Biaros.

"Biaros my own, Wouldn't you wish me a beautiful morning?" Her smooth hand stretched out to him.

Biaros white teeth sparkled. The queen hugged him before he could say anything more. "But then, the warmth of your hug is all I need for a morning blessing."

"And you, my queen give me all the strength I need to live."

Vaxes still kneeling saw naked hate and envy in the eyes of Gadi; the queen's advisor as usual was trailing after the queen.

"Look, Biaros. My city my people, how they must have missed me
"The people of Thigia must have not slept for a night since you left, gracious queen. They must miss you more than the farmers miss the rain."

Gadi interjected, but the queen didn't turn to him.

Vaxes nearly laughed remembering what Biaros had told him about Gadi and his long beard back on the island. "Amis my own, doesn't need advisers. That's why she chose Gadi. All he does is repeat what she says while tugging his ridiculously long beard and then throw in flattery like a decoration over it. I think I know why she chose him. She did always like to hear herself talk."

Biaros looked intently into the queen's eyes. "Like sailors for a beautiful shore.
Like night awaiting the dawn,
So have your people awaited you."

The queen's excited shriek caught Vaxes as odd. Here was a woman who made nations tremble, tittering excitedly in the arms of a man. "You say the sweetest things, Biaros."

She found Ivah, the finance minister scowling at her and she glared back.

Biaros had warned her about him. "Beware of Ivah, he has no love but money. Passionless, a hopeless miser. That's why Amis put him in charge of her gold. He was against your return. You, my daughter, have cost the state lots of money. He loves you not."

The booming drums below deck broke their duel of eyes.

She heard men groaning as their muscles pulled and pushed oars. It came after the drums like a sad chorus. Slaves.

Life in the galleys was worst than death. She had seen them, more beast than men. Backs scarred from countless whipping. Minds scrubbed of all senses, clinging to oars, back and forth, day after day. Chained feet. Until they wasted away and another took their place. What a cruel world the gods had made? Men to be wasted like candle tallow burning.

But the empire needed slaves. It grew on them. The gods are cruel. They have made many men so that their chosen would step on the heads of others, crushing them as they arise. "Slaves are meant to be used and crushed. They are unfortunate creatures of the gods. But men, real men are given a choice. Rise out of the many, step on others or be crushed. Which are you, Vaxes?"

She sighed. These days she remained her father's words more often and with more clarity. Unconsciously, she reached for Meat. His ball pommel worn off by her father's firm hands was cold to her touch. Emmeso had returned Meat to her. Why did he do it?

The ships were closer to the harbour now. Everyone was looking beyond the rails. Biaros with his hand now at the queen's waist was still talking, his eyes caught hers. "No matter how much you look at it. Our harbour is always a marvel. The sword!"

"Yea, the sword," the queen picked it up from there. "My great grandfather built. It is a wonder. There's no like it in in the world."

Gadi followed "The greatest harbour for the greatest ruler in the world."

This time the Queen favoured him with a smile but it seemed to Vaxes as an afterthought. "Yes, Gadi. " She had already returned to Biaros.

The white walls of the harbour were nearer now. The Sword. The only harbour in the world shaped like a sword. While the length of the harbour formed the blade pointing out to the sea, the circular hilt lay inward. The military harbour. It was from here that her doomed campaign had set off.

She sighed. What would the queen do to her? The queen hadn't said a meaningful word to her since the island. When the queen first saw her. She had smiled wryly. "I see" And that was it.

The queen never sent for her. Hardly noticed her presence on deck. Once she had held the queen's gaze as she took a stroll around the deck. She had bowed in greeting but the queen chuckled and passed on.

The queen did not do things in passing. She was cunning. Biaros had told her this. What would the Queen ask of her?

She could imagine those eyes flaring in fury before passing judgment "You disappointed me! You made a fool of me! You should not be alive!" But her eyes showed no condemnation. Not yet. What will happen to her in the capital? Her own home could become a prison as Alamaria had been. A defeated general was not someone the people gave their love to.
Her father had only one solution for a defeated general. "Cut your throat."

Skiffs and merchant's vessels dotted the way. The queen's banners were flying. The banner of Thigia: The warship riding over land and sea. Vaxes saw the awe rise among sailors in the merchant ships as they saw the queen on the rails. "It is the queen!"

The queen heard too and smiled for their sakes waving. "They truly love me."

They went through the entrance to the harbour. Now, the drums were beating hard. On each side of the harbour, vessels waited in quays with men loading goods in and out of them

"Are you worried?" she was surprised when Ivah spoke to her. For moments, she stared at his now blank face, counting how many birthmarks he had under his eyes combined. Black spots lining his lower lids. Ivah was not an attractive man. His owlish eyes seemed too big for their sockets. He could be fifty or less, there was no way of telling with the dullness he wrapped around himself like his dotted robe. Did he choose it on purpose to match the dots under his eyes? Somehow it felt possible for this miserable man to do so.

"You should be worried. You cost us very dearly." He was trying to keep his voice down. But the malice in his eyes was full and leaking "You are a loss. A wasted investment without the sense to get rid of herself." His huge eyes bore into her. A cold fear began inside.
"Ivah?" the queen said flatly.

"Yes, your majesty-" his frame fell into unease, his eyes shook with uncertainty.

"Shut up!"

"Yes, your majesty." He whimpered and moved over to the other side of the ship.

His words didn't go away, however, "A wasted investment."

The ships passed into the circular hilt, the harbour of the navy of Thigia. War galleys lined against the outer rings.

They headed towards the island that stood in the centre of the hilt like the jewellery impeded in a sword.

Vaxes exhaled. It was time. The gangway touched shore. The deck became noisy with sailors mooring their vessels. Hand in hand, Biaros and the queen walked down the gangway.

Ivah and Gadi followed like chicks.

Vaxes took a deep breath. Steady steps down the gangway. "Move it, snail!" A guard carrying the queen's baggage cursed. Vaxes bit back on the urge to pull him back and throw him sideways. But he was the queen's guard. She couldn't afford to get into more trouble with the queen.
Another day then.

Her feet touched hard earth, she exhaled. Was this home? Was it still home?

"Welcome home, mother!" A particularly good looking man was waiting for the queen on the quay. Vaxes needed only to see his face to know that he was the prince. He had his mother's face.

There were two princes. She had seen the eldest prince once at a parade of troops. He was a quiet man everyone said. Her father had remarked then that he had too much of his late father in him. It wasn't a compliment.

The queen's first consort had slipped off the steps breaking his neck at the hard base. Her father had called him weak and indecisive just like the eldest prince. Why wasn't he here to welcome his mother?

She hadn't heard much younger prince that now hugged the queen. They say the queen sent him to the eastern provinces to prevent further quarrelling with his elder brother. So, he was back now.

Vaxes' father had told her that while the queen first marriage had been political, she had loved her second husband. Everyone knew it. Singers made songs of their eternal love, how it would outlast sun and moon. It didn't outlast a year.

As the younger prince had quickened in her womb, the king had festered with a wasting disease. Doctors wasted their skills on him. Every day he slipped away until he could barely say a word. His eyes were open and staring emptily air the ceiling. His dark skin it was said turned grey. he began to stink and rot while alive. The queen had wept. Her had cries filled the palace like a wailing ghost, then she smothered her love with her pillow, so it was said in silence among the market corners and shops. But that was so many years ago.

She wondered if the prince ever loathed his mother for giving up on his father. Now, he hugged her. "Welcome back mother"

She nodded. "How has the city been?"

"Fine, fine. I have been helping my brother." She noticed the way he said"brother" there was a stiffness to it as if he didn't believe it himself.

When palanquins came, the prince led his mother to the gilded one. She felt Biaros soft hands clasp her shoulder. "You are coming with me."

He lifted the curtain of their palanquin.

"You are not going with the queen?"

"The queen needs some time alone with her son" and he said no more. He reclined on the cushions, watching her in a way that reminded her of a lazy cat.

She was grateful for the curtains. The people need not see her returned in shame.

"Are you afraid? Ivah is a fool. You don't have to think about what he said."

She groaned. "It is not that. Why doesn't the queen say anything to me? She's torturing me with smiles! She tells you everything. Tell, me what does she plan to do with me?"

He smiled"Patience. Amis doesn't tell me everything. Amis may be fond of me, but then I may as well be her favourite toy. Amis does what she wants to do. I can only persuade her." There was a slight bitterness in the way he huffed the last words as if he meant something else, but perhaps she imagined it, like the tiredness in his grey eyes which were now roving.

The bearers dropped the palanquin a while after. Vaxes could hear the screeching of metal against the earth.

"We have reached the palace," he said.

She swallowed nervously.

The palanquin rose again, swaying slightly. She imagined she could hear the groaning of slaves outside, muscles are drawn taut and sweaty beads running down.

Her stomach churned a bit. It was there in her gut, she could feel it. Fear.

Biaros yawned. "We should be going down the avenue now. The palace is large. Have you been here before?"

The years flashed backwards. She remembered the vaulted roofs, the polished marble floors. Vast rooms and countless statutes. Ornate decorations. Everything. "Once. The queen invited Father and me."

His eyes flickered in remembrance. "Oh yes! I remember that now. You were younger then. Times have changed."

The floor of the palanquin tilted upwards that she was now looking down at Biaros. "They must be ascending the steps now. You must remember them. Be patient there are many of them."

Short jolts from the shuddering wood travelled up her leg. Her fear within responded like it was a calling to it.

The jolts didn't stop, It didn't. Biaros didn't seem to notice anything. His eyes were shut. How could he sleep in such a condition?

The jolting stopped and the palanquin drew even. Biaros' eyes opened "We are at the courtyard now."

The feet of the bearers shuffled several feet. She heard the sound of rushing water. Fountains?

She stepped unto the wide courtyard of paved stones, wide fountains and arcades leading deeper into the palace.

"My strength is finished, Biaros come." The queen yawned and seemed to notice her for the first time since the landing.

"Vaxes, remain in the Palace. I will see you sooner or later."

Biaros gave her an encouraging grin and went after the queen with servants trailing behind.

She realized that she was all alone in the world. Then, she saw the prince looking at her.

He looked at her in a way she had seen several times in several eyes. With his head corked he was trying to find out if she was a man or a particularly ugly. He smiled. A cruel white flash.

She awaited the taunt that was to come. What would he say that would be worse than everything she had been called? Her gut tightened. She willed herself to look at his eyes. She willed defiance. What would this prince say to scar her? She was already scarred.

"You are beautiful," he said, his brows coming together in thought.

She stood still. Not able to move an eyelid. He had called her beautiful? What twisted taunt was this?

"Beautiful not in the common way. No, beautiful as in the way odd things are. Oddities have a beauty to them." He said it with so much frankness in his eyes that she didn't know whether he was frank or if this was some elaborate joke.

She waited for the accompanying laughter. The mocking eyes. They never came. He simply walked away leaving her among roaring fountains.