I tried to fight
But I'm not strong enough
I just want you here
But I also want to be alone
I don't know what I want anymore

Planes.

I fucking hated planes. They smelled of plastic and something artificial that I couldn't quite discern, plus they moved too much. Maybe they were faster than other means of transport, but they were just fucking ugly. They flew high enough to trigger my fears, and I couldn't bear them.

My fear of heights was always really active, ever since I was a kid. My parents knew about it and they respected it, but that didn't stop them from taking me on airplane trips. I couldn't complain though, because the destinations were what I cared about.

And my fear wasn't just regular. Sleeping in planes was the only thing I could do - and now I didn't even sleep on ground. I couldn't move, because whatever I did would cause me a major headache. And zip-lines were never an option. Neither were balconies in buildings or double-decker buses. Yes, my fear was that bad.

But apparently, Harry loved planes. And the motherfucker had convinced me of taking one to Barcelona.

We had two options; we either traveled on a regular plane or we accepted Louis' private one. My instinctive reaction was to go for the regular one, since I had no intention of accepting anything that had to do with him.

But of course Harry had to join the scene, talking to me and convincing me of going for the private jet. My mood was shit after that conversation, mostly because Harry probably cared more about facilities and money than anything else.

Well, I couldn't blame him, he wasn't the one in a personal brawl with Tomlinson.

Plus, we would've had to travel in a plane either way, so it was better traveling in one that could guarantee us all sorts of mod cons. So yeah, I was about to accept the private jet of one of my enemies. Simply perfect.

I opened my eyes, but I couldn't see past the gray seat in front of me. The jet consisted of four open cubicles, each of them with four leather seats in a square-shaped position; two facing one side and two facing the other.

Harry and I were the only ones on the plane, except for the pilot in the cabin and two flight attendants occupying the cubicle next to us. And everything was silent. Peaceful silence I always craved for but never got.

Actually, the plane wasn't completely silent. I guess quietness wasn't something I got to have after all.

The voices in my head were nearly screaming and I was surprised no one else heard them. The flight lasted two hours and I had been lost in my imagination for fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes of peace where not even the voices could be heard amongst the silence. But they started yelling, and I find myself staring at that gray leather seat once more.

And as soon as I was fully aware of my state, the plane jolted really hard. I hated turbulences, they made me think the plane was about to fall. And I didn't want to die. So I had no choice but to grab the first thing I saw and, sadly, that was Harry's hand.

He immediately turned his head to me, a slightly worried expression on his face. But when he saw I was okay, he just smiled warmly, and I really appreciated that. He had a sunshine smile. His eyes glimmered with the lights of the plane and I couldn't help but at least try to smile back.

"You okay?" He chimed, still smiling. The words were stuck on the back of my throat, and as much as I tried, nothing would come out. So I limited myself to gulp and nod. "Want to see the view? It's beautiful."

Oh, hell no.

I lapsed my tongue over my bottom lip and finally found the strength to talk, "I'm scared of heights."

"It's okay, I can hold you," Harry nodded, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze and making electric shocks course through my veins. "I won't let you fall."

I had heard those words before. Someone told me that before. I didn't know who, but I had been promised I wouldn't fall. And I fell. And I was still falling nowadays.

I won't let you fall.

"Do you promise?" I suddenly blurted out, although I wasn't in control of my mouth anymore.

Harry was looking out the window when he heard my words, so he turned to me and gave me another one of his sunshine smiles. His reassuring smiles that made me so happy. Somehow.

"Always."

Harry's weird choice of words made me smile, because he promised. I don't know why, but he was being nice to me and I really liked it. It felt good. He wasn't a killer, so his attitude wasn't like the ones of my friends. He was just soft.

Always.

I looked down at our hands latched together and I couldn't help but smile to myself; his large hand engulfed my tiny one and they matched like puzzle pieces, as if they were meant to be held together.

Dammit, Natalie, get your shit together and stop thinking about this crap.

And as the stupid bitch I was, I decided to blame my thinking to the pressure of the plane. My ears were plugged and every limb in my body hurt, so it was the pain's fault I was acting like this.

I closed my eyes and my senses disappeared, because I was again lost in my imagination. I wasn't asleep because I could still feel Harry's hand on mine and the turbulences and vibrations. I never slept, I wasn't asleep.

After last night's incident with Alex and everything, I drove Harry to his house so he could pack some essential stuff for our trip. Back in my apartment, I packed my stuff too. We had already been told by Louis that we would have a private jet so we just had to wait till the night to depart.

And the next place was a fundraiser event. I didn't own many fancy dresses, just some that I had never worn in my life. So I had to turn my whole closet upside down in order to find something that could help me.

I ended up going for a black dress with spaghetti straps and a slit on one of my legs. I had never worn it before, but I knew it fitted me well enough. I had also borrowed a pair of Alissa's black stilettos, so my attire choice was complete. I was curious about what Harry was going to wear.

I had also packed important stuff like my laptop, my phone, airpods, guns and knives. And of course, some comfortable clothes in case we had to spend more time in Barcelona than we expected.

We would be staying in a small house near the beach, and we would be there three days. The first and third one would just be fillers, while the second one was where the event was set. And oh my, was I nervous.

I had never gone to one of these fancy events, so I had no idea how I was supposed to act or what to say. The only thing I did know was that the man we had to look for would be wearing a red dress-coat. When they told me this, I nearly laughed out loud. I mean, a red dress-coat? Please.

"You awake?" I heard a deep voice next to me, and I didn't even bother to open my eyes when I answered.

"I was never asleep." I said, and then I felt a big hand on my shoulder. Of course that was Harry, and his bare touch was enough to make me dart my eyes open and stare at him with a cryptical expression.

"We arrived," Harry broke a lopsided smile and exposed only one of his dimples, making butterflies erupt in my stomach. I shook away every thought about him and limited myself to just nod.

I don't know why I was thinking like this. Liking Harry was the most remote idea and it was not happening. I didn't like him. He was annoying and grumpy. I couldn't like him. I would be the end of him.

I left my seat and grabbed my bag from the overhead bin, not waiting for Harry when I directed myself to the door and walked down the stairs. I needed to sleep, but my brain was aware that wasn't an option. Sleeping was never an option.

The airstrip was completely empty and the day was windy. It was currently seven p.m., and the sun was setting low in the horizon. Everything was mildly dyed in pink and orange and, as much as I hated the sun and summer, these types of sunny days were always my favourite.

A black car with tinted windows was waiting for Harry and I. Courtesy of Tomlinson, clearly. Once again, I didn't wait for Harry when I gave my bag to the driver and sat on the back seat, latching my hands together on my lap.

The trip to the city of Barcelona wasn't long, but the atmosphere was awkward. Probably the driver wasn't aware of the tension, but it was really noticeable to me and I was founding everything pretty much suffocating.

The house was basically perfect. It was on the beach, so we had quite a view and full access to the sea. It also had a pool, which I doubted we would use but it was still cool having it. It was all very modern and expensive, so I guessed this was one of Louis' vacation houses.

The insides were as cool as the exterior. The floor was made of varnished fake wood and the walls were really tall and white. There was a very nice rustic chandelier and fake plants adorning everything. Golden-framed mirrors and black metal decorations.

I gaped at the area, mostly because this was the most expensive house I had been in in my life. My parents' house was nice and cozy, big enough for everything we needed, but it was nothing compared to this one - not to be mean.

The driver left our bags on the door and left, leaving us in charge of everything. So of course, the first thing I did was grab my things and walk up the stairs to the rooms. I was really fucking hoping there were two, because there was no way in hell I'd share room with Harry.

And luckily, there was a guest room. I figured he could sleep there, and I didn't need to tell him because he basically chose that room to be his own. Well, I wasn't going to complain, right?

None of us had said a word since we talked in the plane, and it had been the longest two hours ever. I hadn't talked to anyone else either, and my voice felt really unused. I don't know what was up with us - or with me at least. Everything just felt so weird, and his words kept repeating in my brain like a broken record.

It's okay, I can hold you. I won't let you fall.

Do you promise?

Always.

Why did those words mean so much to me? They weren't that big of a deal, they meant nothing. They shouldn't mean anything, they couldn't.

But they did and I was battling myself. I needed to stop adding significance to every single show of affection I got. I wasn't used to love, that was true, but I couldn't be like this every time something happened. I couldn't put distance between us just because he was being polite, especially now that we were working together.

The bed felt way too comfortable to leave it, but I wanted to. And my personal getaway was waiting for me right around the corner. Harry was asleep for sure, so it was my moment to be alone.

I left my room silently only to peek through Harry's ajar door. He was, in fact, asleep, and I wasn't the one to wake him up. Nope, sir.

So I took my chance to put on one of Zayn's old hoodies and open the front door. The lights of the pool were creating beautiful patterns on the walls and ceiling of the exterior gallery, and it was really tempting. But no, this wasn't my purpose out here.

The moon was already high in the sky and its brightness reflected on the flat surface of the sea, giving me enough light not to be scared. It wasn't long till I felt the sand under my feet, which meant I had arrived at my destination.

And when I reached a spot where I had a perfect, clear view to the sky, I laid down on the floor. I didn't even care if later I found sand on my hair, the stars were now with me and I wasn't alone anymore. The moon was keeping me company too, and I was so grateful they never left my side.

Zayn's hoodie smelled so much like him and the only thing I could think about was nuzzling myself into the fabric, just to take a sharp intake of its fragrance. Fuck, I missed him so much. If he was with me right now, he'd be the one comforting me instead of my dear stars.

Maybe it sounded stupid, but you just had to think about it this way. I was scared of the dark just like I was scared of heights. The difference between both fears was that I couldn't wash away my vertigo. Instead, I could wash away my nyctophobia, at least momentarily. And the stars were the perfect solution.

So I just laid there, counting stars.

I distinguished the Lacerta constellation almost immediately, since it was really simple. Five stars in a zig-zag shape that represented a lizard. Then, I noticed the Camelopardalis, and later on, the Monoceros. I was having trouble to find my favourite one, but I knew I'd eventually spot it. I always did, I just had to found the Syrian star and-

"Hey," I heard Harry's deep voice, so I turned my head. And oh, my.

He certainly looked as if he had just woken up; his curls were a huge mess and he was wearing no shirt, just gray sweatpants. He kept rubbing the side of his fists against his eyes, like trying to clear his just-awaken sight. He looked so damn cute and hot at the same time, was that even possible?

"Hey," I answered simply, looking back at the sky. Where was the goddamn star? It was the brightest out of all, it shouldn't be this complicated...

"What are you doing?" He said, lying down next to me. My whole body immediately tensed because I wasn't used to doing this with someone. I wasn't bothered though, I didn't mind.

"Stargazing." I said. I kept searching and searching and searching... and I found the star. "Here, look."

The Syrian star shone brighter than the rest, and it was a part of my favorite constellation: the Canis Major. It consisted of around eighty stars and it represented Orion's dog. People also said it could be Lelape, Zeus' gift to Europe, or Icario and Erigone's dog, Mera. But if you asked me, I hardcore believed it was Orion's dog.

I pulled Harry closer so I could trace the Canis Major with my finger, and I was pretty sure he couldn't see anything. I wasn't an astronomer, but I did like star study and that had made me gain experience in this.

"I know you can't see it." I chuckled before letting go of his arm so he could go back to his place. We both laid on the sand but, this time, we were even closer. Our shoulders were grazing against each other, which made me hold my breath for a brief second before relaxing.

"It doesn't matter, you can still explain it to me." He almost whispered. My heart fluttered with his words, because this was a first to me. I had never talked about this to anyone but Zayn.

"Do you want to hear a story?" I answered back quietly. "The legend of Tanabata."

"What's it about?" Harry encouraged me to talk. I inhaled a deep intake of air before starting the story my grandpa had once told to me.

"Orihime, daughter of Tentei, wove beautiful clothes by the bank of the Amanogawa river. Her father was proud of her, he... he loved the clothes his daughter wove. But Orihime was sad; because of her work, she couldn't meet a handsome man and fall in love." I started to narrate. "Tentei was concerned about his daughter, so he arranged for her to meet Hikoboshi. Hikoboshi lived and worked on the other side of the Amanogawa and, when the two met, they immediately fell in love and got married."

"But what's the problem there?" Harry turned his head to me, though I didn't reciprocate the gaze. My eyes were stuck on the moon. It was brighter than usual.

"I'm not finished," I laughed lightly. "The thing was, both of them neglected their jobs because of their love. And so, Orihime's father got angry and separated the two lovers, setting them separated on each side of the river. Orihime was... depressed. So her father, touched by her tears, allowed her to see Hikoboshi once more, the seventh day of the seventh month."

"And what happened?" The excitement in Harry's voice gave away how into the story he actually was, and I couldn't help but smile under my breath. He was so cute when he was like this.

"Orihime was adamant in crossing the river, but there was no bridge. She cried and cried till a flock of magpies came flying to her. They promised to make a bridge with their wings that would allow Orihime to meet her lover once more. And they met, they were so happy. The magpies would appear every year as long as it didn't rain, and Orihime and Hikoboshi met the seventh day of the seventh month for the rest of their lives." I looked at him playfully, finishing my story. "The end."

"That's a really nice story." Harry said sincerely. "But what does it have to do with stars?"

"Well, I was hoping you'd ask." I said, pulling him closer once more. "See that? That's the Milky Way. In the story, the Milky Way was represented as the Amanogawa river. There are two stars, the Vega and the Altair, which represent Orihime and Hikoboshi. Each of them are on one side of the Milky Way, just as the legend tells."

I turned to glance at Harry and he was practically gawking at the sky. His eyes kept moving from star to star, and the way I could see the tiny white dots reflected on his pupils made me smile so damn hard that my cheeks hurt.

"That's amazing." He whispered as I kept staring at his side profile. Every part of his face looked heavenly under the dim lightning of the moon.

I didn't answer. Instead, I turned to lay down on my side and started tracing his side profile with my hand. I felt his muscles tense as I lowered my index from his forehead down to his nose and to his lips. His godforsaken lips. So beautiful and rosy and-

You swore you wouldn't think about this anymore.

I hovered my finger over his mouth for one more second before pulling away. Harry laid down on his side too, so now we were facing each other. And the proximity between our noses was enough to make electric shocks course through my veins.

"Why did you come out here?" He suddenly whispered, the warmth of his breath fanning my face lightly.

"Stars keep me company," I answered back simply. "But there's a whole galaxy in your eyes, so I think I'll keep you instead."

Alright I know you don't give three flying fucks
about astronomy, but Natalie does so you'll
have to cope with it

Thank you and goodnight