"A tragedy, when a mature mind and a romantic heart are in the same body."

_

"Alright, I'll tell you."

Jungkook got his hands clamped behind his nape as he stood up. Rest them free. Inserts them in his sweatpants pockets. Ducks his head back and pinches his brows together for a few good seconds.

And you're staring, staring and staring. Waiting for the tale to unfold. It's itching your insides.

"Jennie..." he starts, lowers his head and looks ahead.

You are sitting in anticipation. Anxiousness crippling your mind and you want nothing but to put a stop to it.

Jungkook's back is beautifully reflecting amidst the moon's shine. He's so perfect. So good-looking. So nice. Soft-hearted, filled with so much love. It's like a catastrophe to have this disaster happening.

"When I went in, she thanked me for being there for her." He continues, whereas you sit, waiting for the bomb to tick in. There was definitely something wrong or Jungkook wouldn't beat around the bush to get to the point. He's hesitant to say further, and it's only scaring you.

"And what went wrong?" You let out after a half minute of silence.

He's sighing, shaking his head in denial. Hands together, pressing against each other heels. "She gifted me the key to the padlock of love. The one from the infamous lovers spot Namsan Tower."

He keeps spewing out words and there are bullet wounds everywhere on you.

He dares to not look behind his shoulder. Not really prepared to see that panic on your face yet. There's so much more to say and conclude. "Said she wanted to start dating me." A confession comes forward, and it's as if your oxygen has been seized by the mere simple words.

Oh, what has happened to you and your life?

"What did you say, then?" You're shocked that you're still able to talk, communicate and listen. It's just so hard to believe and understand.

Jungkook walks further. Still not meeting your eyes. Hands on the window slap. He slides the panes up higher to look at the empty sky. Wind flowing in and slapping two of you on your face with reality. So uninviting and mean.

"I just said, maybe now it's not the best time and both of us need time to think through." He rubs his hands on his face. "She didn't expect that coming–but I just brushed it using some lame excuse—" He breathes hard. Shrugs. "It-it—was hard to lie. Y/n, I genuinely think we should talk to her about this before it's too late."

And this time he turns behind his shoulder to see you and you're making your way to him. He watches you stand beside him and stare at the starry night. Your beautiful hair flowing against the wind. Eyes shining under lights. You were so beautiful.

He comes back to reality. Sees that there's no reaction from you, and it's tensing him. But he's stalled and waits for you to talk.

"How is she dealing with herself emotionally?" One question.

He lets out his collected breath. He did not know he had been held captive since then. "Better." That is all he can say. Although it's a bit of an understatement, she's dealing pretty well unlike before.

"Do you think she'll positively take the news if we talk to her?" Your eyes don't avert. Fingers clutched at the window slap. Tensed up. Almost white.

Jungkook glances down. Wants to hold your hand. Knows you are uneasy but he can't do anything about it. It's level hard. And it's kicking all bad luck in. And he needs your cooperation–which is quite doubtful fearfully.

"She's an understanding person. She will. I presume." He convinces himself by saying that and you're not convinced, even in the slightest. At all. Just because she understands, doesn't mean you can treat her like whatever.

You lick your dry lips. "But if in case she doesn't, do you have any backup plans?"

Jungkook twists his lips.

"Are we ready to take this risk, Jungkook?" You're looking at him and he's leaning towards the slap. Head down. Thinking hard. Speaks his thoughts. "Foremost, she did not email me." Tilts his face to see you. Meet your sad gaze, "You did."

Suddenly, you are shivering from the chilly breeze. Wanting nothing to go back and get cooped up in warm sheets.

"She let you write to me. Not even bothered to write me once herself." He's telling the truth and you can't deny it. "Got no idea of what we felt when we talked for the last ten years."

You're just quietly listening.

"So there's no place for her to get upset over something that happened because of her." He says, rigid. Bold. "It's her fault that we ended up talking and falling for each other."

It's hurting you.

"I have absolutely no regrets, not even a single ounce." He's cupping your cheeks, "Tell its luck that I've ended up in your arms instead. Never felt happier." That he always does. Calming you. In the right ways.

You nod, but it's obvious that you're unsettled. He caresses your cheeks with the tip of his thumb, only to let go a few moments later. "We need to talk to her." He concludes.

"And you think she'll easily take that?"

"Of course not, but it's necessary."

You sigh and there are no words shared between the two of you for a few minutes. "Jungkook..." your voice gives it all to him. He clutches his fist tightly on the window's edge. Jaw clenched and eyes choosing to not look at you.

"What if..."

No, no. Why was your voice a few octaves lower, filling with regret? Oh, he wants to go back to London with you.

"What if Jennie catches one of us doing this behind her back?" Your voice is deep, filled with emotion he doesn't want to decipher.

"Until we talk to her." He repeats. "That's the only choice we have. I asked for your trust Y/n, didn't I?"

Slumping your head, you take a minute to answer. "I trust you, but what if she's going to end up hurt either way when she's got plenty on her plate already?"

Jungkook is slapping his hands against his forehead and you think you're about to cry. "What do you want me to do? Date her? How long? Until she kisses me? Until she decides we should marry? Have children with—" You jerk your head at him, "Just until she gets better." You clench your teeth. "Please."

He's looking at you, but not the way he usually does. There's something wrong with his gaze on you. Just as if he's disappointed with you and he can't sit right with the fact that you're giving up so easily.

"Until when kitten..." The words from his lips come out shattered, slow, hurt. "You said you would choose me, that your answer will always be me." He faces you and you lift your head as he closes the proximity between you both. "Was it all a lie?"

No. You never have lied to Jungkook. "No..." you're clasping his cheeks, eyes glossy. "It's a temporary solution." You're trying. "Let me figure out some alternative."

You don't want to give up on him. Not really wanna torture yourself by seeing him with someone who isn't you. Like keep him to yourself and be a selfish person, choosing yourself over your best friend who requires the warmth of the only person you love so dearly.

"You know..." You start, drop your eyes. The moment your gaze leaves his. He feels like he's going to lose it. You point your finger at his chest and he glances down at your finger, "... This has already become worse since the moment you decided to help her."

He glares at you with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Not your fault, of course." You clear it immediately, folding back your finger and resting it down. Your eyes glimmering, "Luck is not on our side, Jungkook." You read his deadly eyes, "It's just hard to work it out in this current situation given—"

Creasing his brows, Jungkook takes a long time to process whatever you are saying right now. His gaze is so strong on you that you have to look away. Can't handle them at all.

"What did you just say?" Jungkook asks you in disbelief. His body stiffened. "I didn't take this topic out just to hear you say those words." He was on the brink. Begging you to take your words back. Ticking with the time as you don't assure him. Don't take your words back either.

Instead, biting your lower lip in guilt, you pick on the shirt he lent you, "I didn't know she'd propose to you, or else there was a little hope but it's just not possible—"

"Hey hey, hey. What the hell are you talking about?" Jungkook cuts you off and grabs both of your arms, the whole world breaking apart as his voice falters.

A deep frown covers his face. "Are you saying you're breaking up?"

"Look — it's not like I'm happy with this. I just—don't know—like." You groan. "I don't know Kook."

Jungkook forcefully makes you look at him. "That's not an answer, goddammit." He's eyes, oh dear god. They're shades of hurt and hurt and hurt. What did you just do? Where is the balcony again? Can't you just flee away? The room is so hot. And you're sweating or it's just your tears?

Jungkook is stepping back. Getting the puzzles together. Your words and everything happening right now. He's so taken aback by the conclusion he's come up with.

"Do not tell me you've..." he grits his teeth, his facial expressions hardening, "...you've thought a lot about this since our time spent apart?"

Your eyes widen. As if he's caught you red-handed. You considered other options until there was a possibility that Jennie might not start dating him, but in the end, it's happening. What you were afraid of. Leaving you with no choice, either.

You were stuck, too. So helpless. How can you explain it clearly to him? So he can understand too?

Jungkook barely catches onto the headboard of the bed to settle down. He's staring at the floor with no expression on his face.

"These past few days I was with Jennie you've thought about all of this and decided on your own." He whispers to himself, "I shouldn't have left you alone with your thoughts."

"No, there was another option, but..." You groan, trying to explain, but he interrupts you by raising his palm to your face. The silent breeze freezes you in your place as Jungkook spews out words that snatch the ground from under your feet.

"This isn't even about Jennie, she might be a part of it... but Y/n—" He meets gaze with you, those eyes far from being comforting, he's so damn hurt, "I've known you for the past ten years and I could figure out at least this much." He lifts his head, a hurtful smile on his face and his eyes with the brightest light lost.

"Just say that you don't want to be the bad guy, don't want to feel guilty, and that is why you're pushing me away. To be clear of your conscience, to not be the one to hurt her." He chuckles and you stumble back.

He stands up and you feel the weight of your chest getting heavy. "You think this decision of yours will work out? C'mon, you know better than anyone else that I could love no one in the world like I love you." He comes closer and your back hits the wall. Dread filling in your eyes. As if Jungkook has stabbed you.

His face is close to yours, "Love..." He whispers, cupping your face, "You don't love me enough, right? Your guilt is far more than the love you have for me." He breathes, and a tear falls from your eyes. It was not true at all. No. No.

You shake your head vigorously, tears suddenly streaming down your cheeks as Jungkook shuts his eyes, feeling as if he has been stabbed multiple times too.

"That's not true- at all." You whimper under his gripped grace as he rests his head on yours, nudging his nose with yours as if you can't give him any more excuses and that he knows it all.

He breaks down, his nose turning red while he strokes your cheeks, wiping your tears. "Why did you give me false hopes and promises? I thought we could stay through thick and thin, so why do you have to abandon me, hm?"

You held his palms, cupping your cheeks, hiccups following every breath you were taking. "I NEVER- " minor hiccup, "-never gave you false hopes. I meant each word I- " hick, "-I said to you." Jungkook bites his lips inside and is tremendously hurt.

"Your actions say otherwise."

Shutting your eyes tight, you take a deep breath. Try to collect yourself to explain it all to him, but he speaks away, not giving you a chance to redeem. "I've been explaining that I've only wanted you. I don't want to lose you and I've been trying to calm your anxiety by promising to solve it for you, but you're too focused on giving up. And I don't even understand why."

Your eyes swell as he keeps on adding words of realities on you, "You thought you were the only one who was suffering through this? Did it ever occur to you I was being hurt, too? That I..." his voice hitches, "... I was trying my hardest too?"

"What were those ten years to you? How can you give me away so easily, as if I am nothing to you? And why do you think you're the one who makes the decision? Do I not have a say in our relationship?"

He lifts your chin, his eyes filled with so broken that you never imagined you would see such a day. "Why can't you be strong enough to take your stand? What the hell are you even so scared—"

"—You know, you know how Jennie is right now and how out of a hundred people around her, she has decided to only listen to you." You grit your teeth. Eyes wet and squinting. Teeth clenched tight. "You think I'm doing this on purpose? You think I don't love you enough to fight for you? I don't like this either."

You scoff, the tears still wet on your cheeks. "You weren't here, I was. I know her. I know how much she loved her dad and how much it has affected her and looking at her recovering in your presence It-"

"So you think you can use me?"

"You're her friend too."

"FRIEND. YES. But I LOVE YOU." He spits in disbelief, "How could you..." He steps back, shocked that you were trading him. Trading this relationship, his love.

You reach out to him, suddenly realizing it came out too wrong. "You know I don't mean—"

"Get out."

Your hiccups come to a pause as he doesn't look at you at all. "Get the hell out of my room."

"You should hear me out." You beg, desperate to clear the misunderstanding, but he stands in front of you, completely broken. Biting back a lot of words that could pierce a wound in your heart.

"Hear what huh?" He asks, "If you've got anything to say about us working out, I'll happily hear you. If you wanna argue or explain why you're doing what you're doing–leave this second. I'm done listening to things that do not include us being together."

This is ruined. All of it.

"I have no way..." Your voice barely comes out as you look down, lost. You're throwing your hands in the air. "I've got no clue. I just don't don't want to hurt her."

"Me? And you want to hurt me?"

"God, Jungkook please try to–"

"Stop being ridiculous Y/n!" He's so, so angry. "There are ways but you're going with the option that you think would least hurt her, but you know what..." he whispers, face close and jaw clenched. "This option might hurt her feelings far more than any. Ask why?"

He questions and answers himself. "Because if you're thinking, I will put up with this pretend game and show her love and affection — no. I am not, neither I can and I will not. You're not forcing me into something I don't want!"

You crease your brows, eyes glistening, "Tell me Jungkook, what other options do you have?"

"We're going to tell her the truth. That's it. That's what we're going to do," He claims and this time you step up, going closer to him. Seeing him eye to eye, "She just lost her father. Don't be selfish." You sternly whisper, and he glances down at your lips and back into your eyes.

"You just can't assume she's going to be alright after hearing that one person she thought loved her betrayed her."

"I didn't love her."

"But you did propose to her."

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" He's lashed out. The meter of patience bursting open and you flinched at the sudden rise of his voice. He's never raised his voice to you. Never.

You're so taken aback. What have you done to have such a patient man lose it like this?

"WHY ARE YOU EVEN SO ADAMANT ON PUSHING ME AWAY?" He's losing it. Can't believe you're literally fighting hard to give him away to some other girl who's not you. Got him gripping the back of his neck.

"YOU LOVE ME Y/N!" he's making you realize that. What the world has come to.

"Of course I do." You're stammering.

"Then why? Why? Why?" He's lowered his voice. A cracked open heart, bleeding nonstop. "Do you realize what you've shown me?" He's so weak in his knees. Have no idea when he's going to fall.

"What?" You ask broken, and he gets to the door and unlocks it. Asking you to leave his room now, don't really want you here anymore.

"Chose friendship over love." He looks at you, hurt, "You remember that night when I asked what if you were to choose between friendship and love what you'd do, right?"

You hear him quietly, getting where he heads as he further elaborates, "You never quite gave me a proper answer. But you said your answer could be only me." He lowers his head, hovering his arms on the door, laughing at himself. "I should've known better."

You open your mouth to give your answer, but he cuts you before you can even utter a word, "Who's the betrayer now?"

You hurt him. To the level that he would hurt you back. Well, you deserved it. He was right. You're the worst person ever.

What were you even trying to prove? What was the use when he was getting hurt in the end? Of course, you didn't want to do this too, but like he said, you chose the easy way out. That could portray you as a saint who'd sacrificed your love for friendship when you just don't want to take the blame for hurting her next.

You're too scared to scar the one who's hurt but scar the one who doesn't deserve it. When you're the one who should suffer the most for your choices.

Stepping closer to the open door, you decide to leave his sight. He despised you. Hated you. Wiping your tears with your forearm, you step out guilty when Jungkook speaks for one last time before closing the door.

"You know what's funny?" His eyes glisten with tears, and your eyes widen as the pain rises to the surface, choking you. He was crying. "I- I am still willing to have you back if your mind ever changes."

And the door shuts you out, leaving you be. You fall on your knees and grip your heart. Oh God. This was so terrible of you. How could you hurt such a soft soul of his that still chose you? Even after you always give him chances to turn away from you.

He never gave upon you. Not when he realized the truth and not when you decided to give him away. It was the point where you questioned yourself if you even loved him. Cause who in their right mind would let go of such a person? Who in their right mind would argue over leaving Jeon Jungkook?

The man every girl wanted. The man who solely chose to be yours at the end of the day. Literally is fighting to be with you and yet you do this.

How were you to fix this?

+++

"Wake up!!" You get pushed away aggressively, ultimately falling to the ground. Your head hits the ground and you wince in pain. For the past two days, you barely slept. Lost your peace. Cried yourself and turned into a literal mess. Crushed and exhausted, with nothing to do with life.

"Hey get ready!" You blink your eyes open to see your mom. She was wearing a light blue dress, sunglasses, a bag hovering on her shoulders, her short hair wide open and a hat in her hand.

Where was she going?

"What's wrong?" You ask, rubbing your eyes and getting up, forcing yourself to sit straight. Your mom smiles widely, "We're going to the penthouse in Gangnam near the beach" She looks at herself in the mirror, "We've planned it just this morning."

You grunt, falling back on the bed, "Not interested." The smile on your mom's face drops. "C'mon, everyone needs a change. besides Jennie wants to come too." You nod, "Yeah take her."

"Everyone's coming, so get up and start getting ready." Pressing your face under your pillow, you groan. "Who?"

"It's like a trip Y/n, stop asking questions and get up." Your mom pulls on your wrist, dragging you out of your bed and you sigh, deciding to get up. No one would allow you to rot in peace.

Zipping up your knee-length blue skirt, you adjust your cardigan, slipping off your shoulder. This outfit was long lost in your cupboard. After again complaining about not coming, your mom picked it out for you. It was a pretty dress that showed elegance on you, but right now you weren't interested in looking good at all. Let alone deserve any kind of happiness.

Tying your hair up in a clutch, you grab your tote bag wearing slippers before getting out of your room for breakfast. The hallway is cheerful. Very careful of your steps, you look out especially to not bump into Jungkook and to your luck he wasn't there.

Getting through the little children running around with water toys, you make it to the dining table without a hitch. You were starting to get a headache at this point. It was nuts. Why'd you think that everyone meant only yours and Jungkook's family with Jennie? They invited every single member of their own family. This was chaos and you were starting to regret coming.

Grabbing the bread from the dining table, your mom approaches you, carefully not stumbling on her way while the children are playing around. "Isn't it so lively to have everyone? Today is gonna be so f—" She glances at your face and pauses, "What's wrong? Why do you look like a literal zombie??"

"Hm?" you lazily ask.

Stuffing the bread in your mouth, your mom grabs a chair to settle down next to you. Your father arriving at the right time, too. "Hey," he takes his seat next to you, watching your mom put on lipstick for you as you stop chewing the bread she fed you a few seconds ago.

"There will be a guy coming today, so please make it easy for me Y/n. It's time you get a boyfriend and get married." She adds a blush to your cheeks as you don't even argue at this point. Letting her do whatever she wanted. You had no energy. "I don't know what you're talking about, Mom."

"Just listen to me, will you?"

Shaking his head in disbelief, your dad stops your mom. "Stop making her do all of this. She's pretty even without all makeup and what are you talking about, guys? She doesn't even want them."

"You're so sweet, Dad." You give him a subtle smile as he appreciates it, but a hard smack gets delivered on your head for acting like this, "You're in your twenties. How long do you wish to stay single, huh?" Your mom glares at your dad. "And you, my lovely husband, don't be so selfish. She's got to leave this home, eventually. She isn't going to live with you forever."

"She's still my princess." Your dad pats your head, and you press your lips, giving him a forced smile. Before your mom could doll you up, you successfully get up, "I'm going out." Your mom sighs and your dad shoos you away.

Smiling a little, you go towards the garden area of your house, inhaling fresh air to put yourself at ease and calm yourself. It was quiet without any children.

As soon as you get further, the water splashing sounds distract you. Looking far away at the entrance of your house, you see Jungkook washing the cars.

He was wearing knee-length denim shorts that complimented his perfect calves and thighs. He put on a black shirt with its sleeves rolled up to his shoulders, flexing his biceps and lean forearms. Those raven pretty hair dishevelled in his eyes before he decided to brush them aside. If you notice, his hair seemed longer than before, reaching his neckline. Did he decide to grow them?

You let out a long sigh. He was just breathtaking and extremely pretty. Too bad for your heart. He was not aware that you were here, and you did not even want him to see you right now.

He hated you.

As you turn away, you meet Jennie, who holds two mugs in her hands, stumbling back carefully to not spill any coffee on you. "Oh, hey." She smiles at you, her eyes looking dim. "Hey." You notice her eyes falling behind at Jungkook. "Stay right here, I'll come in a second and yeah–" she hands you one of the coffee mugs, "—this is for you."

After you take it, she hurries outside the house with the single cup in her hands. Her wavy hair fell on the grey hoodie she wore on trousers and simple shoes. Still looking exceedingly pleasant with no effort.

Jennie always had that charm. When she walked into a room, she grabbed everyone's attention but didn't acknowledge anyone. Ultimately falling for the most unexpected person she thought she would even find attractive.

Her childhood best friend. The guy who you fell in love with.

Your best friend had feelings for your lover and she had no idea you loved him and you don't want to hurt her with the truth. But Jungkook- he was willing to do anything if he could have you.

When Jennie reaches Jungkook and greets him, he puts away the water pipe and turns off the tap before wiping his hands and taking the cup from her. Jennie says something to him. He hears and turns towards you, but you immediately hide behind the door, not letting him catch you watching him from afar.

Slowly peeping through the sides, you see Jennie exchanging smiles with Jungkook. They looked happy. But you knew none of them were genuine. Turning back, you decide to walk away from the scene as Jennie hurriedly approaches you in time.

"Hey," she taps at your shoulders, "Is anything wrong?" Her smile slowly sets off, looking closely into your eyes. The remaining glow in her eyes dims as she realizes there is something wrong with you. "Is it me?" She asks, unsure, "Are you upset because of me?"

You blink, "What? no."

"You look like you cried all night." As soon as she worded the sentence, Jungkook passed by you, coffee in his hands, not sparing you even with eye contact. As if you weren't even there. Your heart, lord. It shattered into pieces and tears.

"Y/n."

Flickering your gaze back at Jennie, you realize how she must have seen you looking at Jungkook. "Did Jungkook do something?" She asks immediately, looking back and forth, "You want me to talk to him or–" You hold her hand, stop her. "No. It's nothing." Close the topic, "I just couldn't sleep well last night."

Jennie frowns. "Since when did you start to lie to me?"

How did she...?

"You're wrong about that, I'm not—" she stops you from speaking further, "If you're hurt, tell me. I'm willing to get hurt with you, too. If what happened with me losing my dad is making you hold back, don't." She says with a clear voice, being well aware of her words coming out, "I'd feel pathetic if you do that to me."

You just stare at her, speechless. Jennie sighs, tightening her grip on your hands, "What I'm trying to say is, don't keep things to yourself. You can share it with me, too."

"And..." Jennie adds, "I've got something to tell you too, so let's talk in the car." She lets go of your hand, "I'll get ready and come down, until then wait for me." She makes you sit on one of the couches and run to her room.

She got something to tell you too?

What could it possibly mean?

♡♡♡

A/N

Oh damn, that was one hell of a long chapter. Huff.

We quickly updated thoooo eeee

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