After: Run

As expected, I couldn't sleep. I'd been rolling around in my bed for hours, unable to get comfy or stop the incessant thought-train steaming between my ears. Finally, at 1:30AM I had enough and climbed out of bed, pulling on my sports gear and heading downstairs. If a night-time jog didn't tire me out enough to sleep, I knew nothing would. I filled up my water bottle and headed outside, locking the door quietly behind me.

The warm summer air felt sticky against my skin as I set off at a slow jog, my long ponytail swaying against my back with each step. It was eerily quiet down the residential roads, something I wasn't used to after living in a big city for six years, and I shivered at the dangerous atmosphere despite the warm temperature.

I didn't think about where my legs were taking me until I noticed the park I was jogging into, and I was about to turn around when I ran straight into a dark figure stumbling onto the path. I screamed in terror, struggling to find my footing to run away – I should have known better than to run around here in the middle of the night and this was how I'd pay for it.

I finally managed to pull myself to my feet, but a large clammy hand had already wrapped around my wrist. I kicked at it hard, and the guy swore in pain. I knew that voice.

"What the fuck, Seb?" I yelled, stepping backwards away from him and grabbing my wrist protectively. He groaned in pain and tried to stand up, but he was obviously drunk out of his mind because he instantly collapsed back down. "Jesus." This was not good. As much as I hated the guy, he was really vulnerable in this state and there was no way I could leave him here. I crouched down in front of him, trying to meet his drunk, wandering gaze. His eyes were red and glistening as if he'd been crying for a long time, and concern rose in me. This man was not okay. "Okay, Seb," I started slowly. "I need you to help me here. I need to get you home-"

"No," he almost snarled at me, and I flinched back. I knew what he was capable of.

"Seb, you need to go home. You can't be wandering the streets like this, you could get in serious trouble." I was getting more worried by the second. There was no way I could get him home by myself if he wouldn't co-operate, but I couldn't just leave him here either.

"Can't go home," he slurred, head rolling as he tried to look at me. "Not yet." He sniffed, and I could see his eyes start to glisten even more.

"Okay..." I sat down on the grass beside him and popped the lid of my water bottle. "Try some of this." Seb tried to grab the bottle but missed and knocked it out of my hand.

"Fuck," he mumbled as I snatched it back up. I wiped the lid off and held it to his mouth, helping him take a few big sips. I took back the bottle and we both sat there in silence for a minute, until I heard a wet gargling sound as Seb threw up on the grass next to him. A good sign, I thought, as disgusting as it was. At least that meant he'd start sobering up soon.

I heard him wipe his mouth, and I helped him to some more water. A few minutes later, he'd stopped swaying where he sat and instead had his forehead pressed against his bent up knees, and it was only when I looked directly at him that I saw his shoulders were shaking with silent sobs.

"Seb-" I started, before I heard he was murmuring something under his breath.

"I miss you, B. I'm sorry, I miss you so much. God I fucked up, you have no idea how much I miss you." He kept repeating this over and over again, and it was all I could do to hold back my own tears. I gently pulled his head onto my shoulder and stroked his messy overgrown hair as sobs wracked his body. Slowly, very slowly, he began to calm down, until the only sounds left in the night were his rattling breaths. "Is that really you?" he finally whispered, still not pulling away from my shoulder. "Am I dreaming?" 

I didn't reply.

A few minutes later, Seb had almost completely calmed down and seemed to have sobered up a lot too. He pulled away, and glanced at me, unable to meet my eyes. "I'm sorry," he murmured, and unsteadily began to stand up. He'd only made it a couple of paces before he stopped and threw up again, though it was probably just the water I'd given him at this point.

"Let's get you home now, okay?" I said quietly and he nodded, letting me take his arm to guide him as he stumbled.

Somehow, we made it back to Seb's house and up to his front door. I fumbled in his jacket pocket for his key and jammed it in the lock. As quietly as I could, I took Seb up the stairs one step at a time, eventually reaching an empty bedroom with an open door which I assumed was his. I guided him to sit on his bed, which was clad in rumpled blue bedsheets, and bent down to meet his deep brown eyes.

 "Seb," I whispered. "I need you to take your shoes off now. I'm going to go get you a glass of water." He nodded absently as I tiptoed out of the room, his eyes following my every step.

When I returned, he appeared to be sound asleep and snoring softly, still fully clothed with one shoe half-untied. At least he'd tried. I placed the glass of water on his bedside table and untied his trainers before doing my best to shuffle him until he lay in bed properly and tucked him in.

I straightened up beside him, just staring at the man I used to think I knew. The deep bags under his eyes looked like they were a permanent feature now, appearing more as purple bruises on his tanned skin. His smile lines I used to love so much had mostly disappeared, and had been replaced with wrinkles no healthy twenty-three year-old should own. His dark curly hair had grown wild, and it looked like he hadn't combed it properly in weeks.

The boy I used to think I knew was long gone.

I was just turning to leave when his sleepy voice reached me. "Aren't you gonna stay with me?" He sounded so small and helpless, but I shook my head at him.

"You know I can't do that," I told him gently, slowly walking towards his door.

"I regret that day every second of my life."

I froze for a second, before setting my jaw and opening the door. I couldn't deal with this. Seb might be vulnerable right now but with someone as good at lying as him, I couldn't believe he wasn't just manipulating me.

I closed his door after me and jumped when I noticed a figure standing on the landing by the open doorway opposite me. Thyme.

Her gaze met mine, not wavering like it used to. After a few seconds, I broke it off, leaving her staring after me as I hurried out of the house.