AFTER: Train

King's Cross was packed when I got there on Saturday afternoon after rehearsals, full of foreign tourists and visitors, and even a few early commuters. After checking which platform my train was leaving from, and seeing it was leaving in under two minutes, I ran to platform two, and managed to just jump on before the doors closed.

Again, unsurprisingly, I didn't get a seat. Instead, I had to sit on the ground almost dead opposite the toilet with three other latecomers, holding back my gagging every time someone went in or out of it.

My thoughts spiralled as I sat there, with no distractions since I'd forgotten my book in my rush to leave the flat.

Why now, after all these years, had Mum invited me? Especially after what happened at the last one I went to... I shuddered in pain and regret. That memory was one I wished I didn't own.

It wasn't even like it was my fault! Seb just-

The train jolted, breaking my train of thought. Best not to go there, I sighed.

So, there I sat, bored so far out of my mind that the emotions kept creeping up on me unexpectedly and launching me into memories I never wanted to think of again.

Suddenly, I heard a voice. A voice I'd recognise anywhere. One I wish was anywhere but here.

Slowly, apprehensively, I opened my eyes and lifted my head to look down the carriage to my right.

There. Sitting at one of the four-seater tables talking to someone on his phone, was the last person I ever wanted to see again in my life.

Sebastien Garcia.

The guy who had broken my heart far too many times in the four years I had known him. There was no way I would let him hurt me again.

"Shit," I mumbled to myself, ducking my head again so he couldn't see me, though he probably wouldn't even recognise me anymore.

He wouldn't want to, anyway.

I glanced up at him again, noticing that he'd stopped talking, and my stare met the rich brown depths of eyes that only belonged to one family.

"Briony?" Seb's voice sounded almost strangled, and everyone who heard him turned to see who he was looking at.

Me.

"S-Seb," I stuttered, like it was my first time talking to him all over again.

He stood up, grabbed his bag, and walked over to me. Actually walked over to me, and sat down on the floor too. Someone almost instantly snatched up the chair, but I was almost too far into my state of shock to notice.

"I haven't seen you in... Well. Six years," Seb said, and I shrugged, unable to say anything or even look at him. "You haven't been to any of the barbecues the last few years, or-"

I was suddenly fuming. "You honestly expected me to come to them after what happened at my last one?" I asked, a little too loudly, as everyone began staring, but this time in annoyance. I just glared straight back at them.

Seb flinched back, looking pained, but I didn't believe it. He was far too good at masking his true emotions for me to believe he felt anything real anymore.

"I honestly didn't mean for that to happen. You have to believe me!" He was even starting to sound desperate. As if that was real.

"I don't believe anything you say anymore. It's better that than let you lie and lie and lie to me all over again," I snarled, and those bottomless, lightless pits widened further, but his soul was still nowhere to be found.

"We are now arriving in Peterborough. Please mind the gap between the train and the platform." The electronic voice screeched through the speakers on the train, and I sharply stood up, grabbing my bag and turning my back on Seb, before reconsidering my action and facing him again.

You should never turn away from Sebastien Garcia; you never know just when he's going to stab you in the back.

The train stuttered to a halt, and I grabbed the rail to keep my balance.

"Briony, I-" Seb tried to grab my arm as I stepped through the doors, but I was long gone.

It was only when I got out of the station and spotted Chris's car that I allowed myself to breathe again. Seb was gone - for now at least - and I was left with just my brother, who was climbing out of his car with a massive grin across his face.

It was impossible to stop myself from running over to him, so I didn't even bother to try, jumping into his arms and not letting go even as he stumbled backwards.

"You heavy lump," he groaned playfully, putting me back down on the ground. "I don't know how those men lift you."

"Hey!" I protested. "Why was I even excited to see you - you're so mean!"

"As your older brother, it's my job to be mean." He grinned down at me, then glanced up and froze, a scowl replacing his teasing smile. "What's he doing here." It wasn't a question.

I turned, unsurprised to see Seb walking through the car park in the row next to us. "He was on my train. Sat down next to me like five minutes before we arrived and started talking to me." I paused, watching Chris's frown deepen further. "Well, trying to talk to me is probably more accurate."

Chris sent me a soft smile at this, loosening his tight expression somewhat. "That does sound like you."

"He'll be there on Sunday, won't he?" I asked, and my brother nodded heavily.

"If he's in the area then probably yes. But if he even tries anything with you, I'll-"

"Chris, I'm twenty-three now, not some little girl anymore. I can look after myself." I told him reassuringly, but he still didn't look happy.

"Okay," he said slowly after a long sigh. "But if he does do anything, anything at all, I'll be the first to know, okay?"

I nodded. "You always are."

It only took us ten minutes to get to Mum's and Simon's house after we left the station, the traffic surprisingly light for 5pm on a Saturday. Then we pulled up, and my weekend far too close to the Garcias began.

***

Despite the reason I was home, it felt really good to see my family again after what was probably six months apart. It had been even longer since I'd seen Jake. I just couldn't believe he was nearly five and starting primary school in September. It felt like yesterday that Laila was pregnant and I was living with them after my injury. My mouth tasted sour suddenly and I tried to push away all my memories of that year. The worst year of my life.

"Dinner's ready, guys," Simon called into the lounge about an hour after I'd settled back into the house, and we all headed into the dining room. Laila lifted Jake onto the chair next to her with a small booster seat.

"There you go, big boy," she said, smiling at him. "Sitting up here with all the adults. So you've got to eat all your vegetables okay? Or we won't let you sit at the big boy table."

Jake groaned and pouted before nodding. "Okay Mummy..." He was obviously exhausted after chatting non-stop to me after I arrived, and I smiled at the thought.

Dinner was home-made macaroni cheese. It was something I hadn't eaten in years, but I pushed my way through until I was full, leaving a few mouthfuls on the side and fiddling them with my fork absently. I helped clear up after dinner before switching on the TV to some game show.

Some hours later, it was just Chris and I left in the lounge, Laila having taken a sleeping Jake upstairs, and our parents also getting ready for bed.

"Are you okay?" asked Chris suddenly, his voice laced with concern, and I jumped out of my thoughts. "You haven't really been here emotionally all evening, and I noticed you playing with your food earlier. It's not getting bad again is it?"

I knew what he was talking about. He'd seen me at my worst, been the one looking after me in fact, and I knew how scared he had been back then.

I shook me head quickly, trying to reassure him. "No, no. I'm okay. I'm just not used to things like macaroni cheese, that's all. Plus I've got so much going through my head with Seb and tomorrow that it just feels like a lot right now. That's all, I promise."

Chris held my gaze for a few moments, before nodding and sighing, pulling me in by my shoulder for a side hug. "I just worry about you, that's all. If this situation is triggering it, please just talk to me, and we can sort something out. You're not being forced to go tomorrow."

"I know, I know." I rested my head against his shoulder. "I think some kind of closure might be useful though, you know? Like, the last time I saw him before the train today was..." I trailed off, knowing Chris understood what I was saying.

"Okay, if that's what you feel you need. But if you need me with you at any point tomorrow, or any day, I will be there okay? You just have to tell me."

Tears pricked in my eyes, and I struggled to hold them back. I knew how lucky I was to have a brother as great as Chris. I probably wouldn't even be alive without him. "Thank you," I mumbled.

We sat like that for a couple of minutes before we too headed off to bed, though I had no idea how I'd be able to sleep with all the thoughts spinning around my head.