KABANATA 23:

Is a risk worth taking?

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❝You have to build trust in relationships. I can't be convinced to believe again once this has been broken. I wanted to stop feeling things, but you're here, and the way you see things that I have never seen myself makes me want to be with you again. I like you. Please be kind to my heart.❞ — from the hues of the sunshine

༄彡፨֍༄彡፨༄彡፨֍

FOR SOME of us, trust can't be restored once it has been betrayed. Napakahalaga ng tiwala, and it's concerning that some people can cheat with their partners these days without feeling guilty at all, especially when it comes to relationships, because they can act like nothing happened, even when they're at fault.

Sobra akong nabigla when he confessed to me, I wanted to run after him, give him a hug in return, and tell him that I liked him too. But something's holding me back. Kaya naman sobrang magulo ang nararamdaman ko.

"Steele, did you mean it? Sigurado ka ba talaga sa 'kin? Minsan na tayo nasaktan and I wouldn't want us to ruin this relationship any more."

Nanlaki na lang ang mga mata ni Steele sa mga sinabi ko. I turned my head away from him and bit my lip. I'm still weary. I loved him, but I'm scared to show it because it will hurt me more in the end.

What did I do? I clutched my dress and felt my heart racing constantly, as if it knew, but I'm still denying all of this.

I just shook my head mentally. Get a grip of yourself. It's time for you to decide.

He extended his arm to touch me, then put his hands on my cheeks at tinitigan niya ako nang seryoso, "Do you still continue to doubt my feelings for you? What about you, Eteri? How do you feel about me? "

Mahal ko siya. Ngunit ang takot ko'y humantong sa 'kin. At 'di ko siya matignan dahil hindi ko alam kung ano'ng sasabihin sa kanya. Kaya't niyakap ko lang ang sarili ko at napatingin kay Steele, and my gaze toward him is showing a tinge of fear.

My voice is breaking as I say, "I—I don't know if I can..." I can feel my body quivering all over me.

"But I..."

Tiningnan ko siya muli pagkatapos kong iangat ang aking ulo. Wala akong ideya kung lalapit ba ako sa kanya or even what choice I might make. Nobody seems to want to ease the tension between us, and I feel as though my feet are frozen and incapable of moving.

I felt even more shy than I had been because I was unable to speak and could only muffle some voices.

"Do you still feel scared?" With a defeated sigh, Steele said, "Eteri, what are you so afraid of? Could you tell me?" Steele asked, but as he waited for my response, he didn't want to press me any further. After that, everything he could do was to smile at me and mouth the words, 'Don't be pressured. Give it plenty of time, please.'

Napayuko na lang ako habang hawak ko ang aking damit. Why am I so terrified? Marami. 'Di ko alam kung pa'no ko siya haharapin dahil ayaw kong husgahan siya ng mga tao. I could only describe how much I shifted my weight while tapping my heels.

When I finally closed my eyes, I whispered, "The thing is, Steele, I'm afraid of how they will think about us." My voice sounded so weak that I wasn't sure if it would get through to him.

Steele grunted a little and tangled his hair in frustration as he sighed, "Eteri."

"Do you really think I give a damn about what people say or think about us? No, that doesn't even matter anymore. Could you please at least have confidence in us for once? Is this really what you feel, huh?"

His gaze was intense, and he exuded confidence in his own judgment. And he's always had such confidence in everything. Even to his own emotions. Ako lang ang natatakot na sumugal. Natatakot pa rin akong magmahal.

Kung ako lang, gusto ko na rin na mawala ang mga takot ko. If only I had the courage to confront that.

"Is that too much for me to ask? I don't want you to be judge me the way I do." Lumapit ako kay Steele, tinaas ko ang kamay ko, at napahawak na lang ako sa damit niya and my eyes started to water, and I was overcome by all the feelings I was experiencing at the time.

"Let them make their judgment. Let them say whatever they want. Ano bang pakialam ko sa sasabihin nila, eh ikaw naman ang mas mahal ko?"

At handa siyang harapin ang lahat para lang sa 'kin. He's completely unaware of the extent to which knowing that he's prepared to fight for us is comforting. Kahit na ang daming tanong sa isipan ko, he would reassure me that he was always available and that he would always choose me.

Akala ko kasi dati siraulo lang siya at gusto lang ako bwisitin, kaya ano'ng alam ko kung ano talagang nararamdaman niya, huh? Kaya't tinitigan ko na lang siya sa mga mata and I gave a couple of blinks. Oh my god, why am I always falling for him? Running away seemed useless. There's no longer any use in hiding it. I like him because siya lang ang lalaking kayang ipaglaban ako ng ganito.

"Steele," I called him.

"Hmm?"

I breathed, "I like you too," I said as I was staring him in the eyes. "I still like you. Gustong-gusto kita."

Fantastic, Eteri, you've done it.

Alam kong 'di na ako makakatakas pa. I wasn't very honest about how I felt, and I still find it difficult to communicate with others. I'm a quiet person who enjoys reading most of the time. Mas pipiliin ko pang magbasa ng libro, kaysa makipag-interact sa ibang tao. That's the reason I have a hard time understanding what love is. Madalas, sobrang bitter ko 'pag may mag-jowa sa harapan ko. My first love was books, so why must I fall in love with a real man?

Okay na ako na mainlove sa fictional character, at magkaroon ng maraming crush—mga anime, k-pop actor at mga fictional boyfriends! 'Di ko inisip na may magkakagusto sa 'kin. Akala ko 'di matutupad 'yung pangarap ko na magkaroon ng boyfriend, pero posible pala!

It was more than just infatuation, hindi lang basta crush, sa mga nangyari sa amin noon, marami akong natutunan. I have to be cautious about reintroducing people into my life because of this. He was the only guy who could make me feel warm like this, and he always seemed warm to me. Every part of me was surrounded by the heat of his gaze. I took a deep breath, felt my heart race, and reached for his hand.

Nanginginig ako, pero binuhos ko ang lahat ng tapang ko para harapin siya. Once more, my mind was racing with thoughts, and I couldn't help but feel ashamed and hot all over. "Oh no, what have I done? I remained baffled and all that. I was scared. Tell me, did I just admit how I felt?"

"Yes, you did. I'm proud of you. Let's go slowly, shall we? It brings me joy to know that you feel the same way about me." He grinned at me.

He turned away from me in a hurry at nagsimula na akong maglakad palayo. His entire face was unable to focus as he walked with large steps eh hindi naman ganyan maglakad 'yan eh! Oh my, we're both ashamed. Alam kong pinipilit lang niyang maging okay kami pareho even so, we both confessed it now. What should I do?

"Steele!" I shouted.

"Hmm?"

I placed my hand on his chest, attempting to calm my breathing, which became increasingly labored as he moved closer.

With each step, I closed the distance between us, rising onto my toes just to lock eyes with him. Ang tangkad niya! Napalunok ako nang bahagya and I held his cheeks, my hands nervously fidgeting against his skin. Everything around me felt amplified, and my heart pounded like thunder. There was no escape from this moment anymore..

Certainly not from this.

Yet not for him.

I leaned in, our lips grazing each other as I shut my eyes and kissed him.

He tensed up for a moment, and then I felt his hands lightly grazing my shoulder. His eyes widened, blinking as he took me in, and the intense gaze softened while a blush crept across his cheeks. At that moment, I caught him by surprise, and I found myself enjoying it.

I moved nearer to him, feeling an overwhelming urge to hold on this time.

He kissed me in return, starting off slowly, but soon it became more passionate, filled with hunger. I clutched at his shirt as he drew me closer, his lips pressing against mine with increasing intensity. It was deep and profound—something I never could have imagined. Each kiss left me breathless, intensifying my desire, and I found myself wanting more, not wanting this moment to end.

And it seems that none of us is willing to let this go.

The atmosphere crackled with tension as warmth enveloped us. Our lips danced together in harmony, mirroring the intense connection he had shown in that battle—we were simply echoing each other. He kissed me as if there were no turning back, savoring every moment. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he exuded confidence in his actions. I gasped for a moment as his arms encircled my shoulders.

He cradled my face in his hands, and his lips stayed glued to mine. His kisses deepened, overflowing with intimacy as he savored every moment. With each tender brush of his lips against mine, I felt myself melting. Each stolen breath sent my thoughts spiraling.

I can't distance myself from him.

Maybe I just didn't want to.

This moment felt incredibly genuine and perfect, and I craved even more. Yet, I'm fearful of just how much I desire it.

"Eteri," he exhaled, bringing his lips nearer to mine. "open your mouth."

He then moved his fingers, gently grazing my lips as he touched them softly. His gaze met mine, studying me intently. There was a shadow in his eyes, yet he proceeded cautiously, as if seeking my permission to continue.

Napalunok na lang ako sa kanya. Hindi ko siya matitigan ng maayos. My heartbeat quickened as he drew nearer. Without hesitation, I offered him a slight nod.

And he kissed me more passionately.

His tongue slid into my mouth, purposeful and attuned to a sensual rhythm. A shiver coursed through my body, causing me to tense, but soon warmth spread within me. I closed my eyes tightly, my breaths growing heavy, a soft moan escaping my lips before he silenced me with another deep, lingering kiss.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, clinging to him tightly as I held onto his shirt, sensing that he understood what to do. He didn't rush me; instead, he gently guided me.

He pulled back just a little, and I struggled to catch my breath. The steady, patient look in his eyes caused my heart to race even faster than before.

His voice was soft as he said, "If this isn't what you want, then please, push me away. I won't continue if you're not into it either."

The atmosphere between us was thick with tension, making it difficult for me to breathe.

"Don't, Steele." I spoke to him in a hushed tone, but my heavy breathing made it difficult for him to hear me."Just kiss me."

He smiled slyly while gently caressing my cheeks with his thumb.

"You really ought not to have said that." He spoke before confronting me. "Your moans are going to fill this parking lot; you're making me look like a bad boy."

"Aren't you already acting like a bad boy?" I challenged him.

We share another kiss.

And everything was completely perfect.