KABANATA 02:

Let's have a deal, shall we?

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❝It may have escaped your attention, but you are stunning. You can find comfort in her even though she isn't wearing a crown or anything else. I wanted to hear her voice since it sounds like a whole melody. ❞ from the fragments of photographs.

༄彡፨֍༄彡፨༄彡፨֍

SINAMAAN KO lang si Steele ng tingin at napahampas sa table niya. Ang galit na nararamdaman ko sa kanya ay halos mamuo sa inis ko. The pounding in my chest is getting out of control, and it seems like the world is crumbling. Hingal na hingal ako at sinamaan ko na lang siya ng tingin.

My hands are shaking, and I feel as though I've lost my path. My eyes grew wide, and they began to blink one after the other. My concerns were flashing back and forth, and there was no way out of this. The mere sense of his closeness makes me want to hate him.

Dapat siguro maglagay na'ko ng warning na bawal ang mga ghoster dito! Lalo na 'yung mga nang-ghost sa isang katulad ko noong summer. Yeah, magagawa nga 'yon!

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at tinarayan ko na lang siya, "Ayos ka rin ha, Steele?"

"Come on, let's talk."He said

"Sinabi ko ng wala tayong dapat pag-usapan. Layas. Lason ka," Inis kong sinabi at nagulat siya sa aking mga pahayag.

Ang pagpapagago sa kanya ay ang tanging bagay na pinagsisihan ko. Sa katunayan, ano siya? Sinususwerte?

Bukod pa rito, 'di na kailangang magpatuloy sa aming talakayan. Tiningnan niya ako nang diretso pagkatapos niyang mapakagat sa labi niya. Oh, please, if he finds that sufficiently appealing, 'di rin! Hindi ako napopogian. I could simply drag him into the ring and start fighting if I wanted to.

I turn to face him and roll my eyes, thinking,  'This fucker.' I feel as though I'm a nomad who has lost her way. And yet here I stand, confronting every fear I want to overcome.

Steele stared at me intently as if he wanted to say something. And he moved his arms and grabbed my arm at halos mapalapit na lang kami sa isa't-isa at napahawak na lang ako sa dibdib niya, "And if I don't?"

Sa totoo lang, parang wala siyang ginawang masama, ha! Ang kapal ng mukha niya na sabihin sa 'kin ang mga bagay na 'yon, 'di ba siya 'yung nakakahiya? Tangina, ano ba talaga 'yon?

Nakakalimot na siya agad sa mga kagaguhan niya! Hindi ba sapat na umiwas ako para sabihing ayoko!? At kinakailangan pa niya talaga guluhin ang manager ko, ha!?

Ang mga kagaguhan niya'y kabilis naman niyang kalimutan. 'Di' ba sapat na umiwas ako para ipahayag ang aking ayaw? Bukod pa rito, bakit kailangan pa niyang guluhin ang manager ko? What the devil is wrong with him?

Kung trip niya 'to para asar-asarin ako, then congratulations! He simply destroyed my job.

"Excuse me? May trabaho pa ako dito sa restaurant na ito Steele.What aspect of that do you find that confusing, huh? Or talagang gusto mong mang-insulto? You said it yourself, didn't you?"Napataas na lang ang kilay ko.

This jerk is too much for me to handle. I'm not like him, though. 'Di ako paasa so I'll just express my feelings to him.

Hinigit ko ang buong lakas ko at sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. I just let out a sigh at iniwasan ko na lang siya ng tingin. I rubbed my whole face and I let out how disappointing this was to me.

"Have you not said it yourself? You won't ruin your relationship with a woman like me? What is this, then?Para kang asong naghahabol sa babaeng hindi mo naman dapat pagtuunan ng pansin," sabi ko na lang at tinarayan ko siya.

At least I'm entitled to this level of rage, am I? Matapos niya akong iwan sa ere noon, I have every right to feel this way about anger! And I do not want others to perceive us in this manner. Baka mamaya sabihan pa akong ginayuma ko siya. Psh, katarantaduhan.

And everyone will take this extremely seriously. At ayoko no'n! Any problem involving Steele is something I really detest. At itong gagong 'to, ang galing! Ito'y tila wala lang sa kanya.

Nagtaka pa siya sa aking sinabi at kumunot na lang ng noo.

He rubbed his nose at napangisi na lang siya sa 'kin, "You really hated me that much?"

Yes, that much!

Kaya ni kahit ano'ng presensiya niya dito, ayokong makita! He used to treat me like a valuable gem, but when he began cheating on me, things began to fall apart. The glass shattered into deep shards that could cause you more pain. No thread can be fixed at this time. Just little ripped pages with no ink.

So what do you even expect me to act to him? Na parang walang nangyari? That we'll be back in one square tapos magkaibigan kami ulit? Gago siya kung gano'n! He ghosted me, remember?

Kung ano man ang gulong 'to, there was no need for him to bother. Tama na. If he shares the same traits as other attractive men who enjoy making fun of me and other ugly girls, then tumigil na siya!

Why do people act this way toward me? How could I have gotten this treatment? The only thing I want is to be treated like a human being, regardless of how ugly I am. Pero binigay lang ba nila ang respeto na 'yon?

I raised both of my hands and gave him a disappointed face. "Kung gusto mo ng babaeng paglalaruan, please, Steele, I'm not cut with those. 'Di kita gusto and I'll never like you!"

"It's not about us, Eteri. This is about my sister. Didiretsuhin na kita. I heard you telling your friend that, despite being anonymous, you're a well-known blogger. I take it you're Sunshine Grin?"Tanong ni Steele at halos mapanganga na lang ako sa mga sinabi niya.

It's not about us niya mukha niya! Sino bang nagsabi sa kanya na makinig na lang siya sa usapan namin? Napipikon lang ako sa mga sinasabi niya sa halip na matuwa dito. He's really annoying. And swearing at him isn't even enough.

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TINITIGAN NIYA ako ng seryoso habang hinawakan niya ang mga kamay ko. Sa tingin mo, ano'ng ginagawa niya, ha? He seems close, yet there seems to be a gap between us making it tougher for me to breathe. Despite being close to one another, we feel so different from one another.

The icy tone of his comments makes me feel as though I couldn't even touch them. I'm not even able to identify my feelings. My feelings seem to be a secret that I am unable to share with him.

"You're Sunshine Grin right?In that case Eteri, you're the only one who can save her company. Become her model. I will help you to become pretty." Napakurap na lang ako ng tawagin niya ako. 'Di talaga siya titigil sa kagustuhan niya, noh?

'Di ko alam kung pa'no ko siya haharapin dahil sa mga sinabi niya. The only secret that I'm keeping, basta-basta na lang ba 'yon malalaman ng isang gago na katulad niya?Hindi pwede to! 'Di pwede 'to! Basta. Hindi pwede. I can't tell anyone who's behind Sunshine Grin.

Ngumisi na lang ako sa kanya and I expressed how frustrated I was, "Ha!" Inis na sinabi ko 'to sa kanya and I glared at him,"You must be joking with me."Seryoso kong sinabi.

Kailangan ba talaga niya akong i-blackmail ng ganito? Bullshit!

'Di ako papayag na i-blackmail niya ako ng ganito!

"Mr. Sasaki, are you trying to blackmail me?You're aware that I have work. Kung di mo lang kinulit ang manager ko, edi sana trabaho pa rin sakali ang iniisip ko ngayon!" sigaw ko na lang sa kanya.

"If you have plenty of time pwes ako'y marami pang ginagawa. H'wag mo akong istorbohin. You arrived here unannounced tapos, i-blackmail mo pa ako?"

"Oh, please. For the sake of my sister—"

Ang galing talaga niya kapag sa pagiging gago ang usapan 'no? 'Di ko talaga alam kung saan niya nakukuha ang kapal ng mukha niya! Seriously, that bastard!

He got a hiss from me as I bit my bottom lip. "Then my answer is no. You're free to leave." Seryoso ko na lang na sinabi.

H'wag niyang ipamukha sa 'kin na parang ako pa ang may kasalanan! It pisses me off.

Tigilan na niya ako. 'Di ako umaasa sa isang tao na katulad niya.

Gayunpaman, nauunawaan ko ang kanyang mga dahilan. Kahit na patago na lang, gusto kong gawin ang mga bagay na gusto kong gawin. Wala akong kagustuhang sumikat.

All I wanted was a quiet place to record my vlogs. That's that.

Sa ilang sitwasyon, mahirap para sa isang tao na makaramdam ng pagmamataas kapag ika'y sikat. Akala mo sila ang pinakamahusay sa mundo and they frequently lose sight of the reason they were able to fulfill their dreams.

Technically, lumalaki ang ulo nila. And if being popular merely means stepping on other people, I don't want that type of fame.

I must say no, even though I adore makeup and use it as the most of the content in my vlogs. I am aware of how many girls detested me for continuing to hang out with a man as attractive as him. I'm never going to get along with Steele.

Masyado nang masakit sa'kin ang nangyari sa'min para pagbigyan ko pa siya.I hope he understands that I am simply protecting my peace.

"Are you truly that self-centered?" Natawa na lang si Steele and he brushed his hair up after that at sinamaan na lang niya ako ng tinginand he hissed at me while punching the table.

Oh, Teka! Siya naman itong may kailangan, ha? Tapos ngayon siya pa talaga may gana na magalit!? Talagang sinasagad ako ng lalaking ito! I said I didn't want to get connected with him, didn't I? Pero kanina pa siya pilit ng pilit sa 'kin! Does he not realize that seeing him was already difficult for me? Ang kapal naman niya!

Ang mga taong katulad niya'y wala na talagang pagbabago, 'di' ba? Baka 'di niya naisip na wala na siyang karapatan pa sa 'kin. Gusto ba niyang paalala ko, ha? Sige lang! Remember how he abandoned me, right?

Kaya, kung siya'y isang matalinong lalaki, maaari siyang makipag-break sa 'kin nang malinaw, 'di tulad ng pag-alis ng bula at pagkatapos ay magpapakita ulit as though he had done nothing at all.

I smashed the table, rolled my eyes, and moved toward him, "Ang galing mo, noh! Ang galing mong sirain ang araw ko 'di' ba?" Tanong ko na lang sa kanya at sinamaan ko siya ng tingin and I gave him a slight shove.

"Ano ba talaga gusto ang  mo ha!? Para matapos na 'to, bwisit ka."

If he still believes that I am the same dumb girl he knew in senior high, 'di na ako 'yon. Everybody changed. I felt the same way about him. Do you want to know my feelings? I feel as though I was in a void where nobody could ever discover me. Just like a little girl, I feel exhausted and empty after sobbing.

I can taste the bitterness, and I don't think any other taste could ever take its place. Isang bagay lang ang alam ko. Hindi na ako 'yung Eteri na madali niyang saktan; 'di na ako 'yung babaeng gusto siyang sulyapan at habul-habulin even though I am aware that he doesn't care about me. Because I'll know better this time.

And I will never fall for a pretender like him.

Huminga na lang siya ng malalim para titigan ako sa mata and he was unable to look at me as he grasped the glass. Talaga bang ganun na lang siya ka-desperado, na mapapayag niya ako sa gusto niya?

"As I've already stated, I need you to save our company, so please, Eteri pumayag ka na, tulungan kitang maging model." seryosong sinabi ni Steele. He's unbelievable. Talagang nakuha pa niya akong i-scout sa sitwasyong 'to?

Ano bang trip niya? Talaga bang ipagpipilitan niya ang kagustuhan niya? Wala na ba talagang hiya siya na nararamdaman? I'm not saying anything; all I can feel at the moment is anger building inside of me.