GLORY OR VALHALLA
   — 11. Reconciliation

Later that night, Ylva was lying outside on the ground near the fire, fast asleep.

Suddenly waking up with a gasp, Ylva sat up to find herself sitting in the Great Hall of Ashton, much to her confusion. She was sitting upon her throne and after a few short moments, the doors to the Great Hall opened.

She watched as her father walked in, moving straight toward her. "What are you doing here? What is this?" Ylva asked in a soft tone, feeling uneasy, "Why do you keep appearing to me?"

"Only you can answer that," Sigefrid answered in a calm tone, stopping when he was standing directly in front of her, "It's just you and me now."

"What do you want?" Ylva asked her father in a low growl.

"The people you surround yourself with..." Sigefrid trailed off as he dramatically looked around, "They're holding you back. They know nothing. They are fools. You mustn't listen to them. They fear your power. They fear what you're capable of. Your husband is one of them. He knows you are destined for greater things than him."

"I spent my whole life being told by you that I am weak," Ylva argued as she laughed in amusement, "What made you change your mind?"

"I was you once," He suddenly told her, causing Ylva's smile to fade, "I was destined for greatness but I let the madness took over. Just as it did Erik and Freya. But you're different."

"How so?" Ylva questioned, smiling since she clearly didn't take him seriously.

"You reside in the middle," He stated, which piqued Ylva's interest.

"I don't understand," She replied softly and shook her head.

"You have both the madness and the greatness. For you, it goes hand in hand," He informed her as he intertwined his fingers together, "You use both sides of yourself equally to do what needs to be done. You know how to control both sides and use the madness to your advantage. You know when to let it all out. You know all the right times to let that chaos bottled up inside you explode. And you must continue to do so instead of letting the madness take over."

"What are you getting at?" Ylva desperately asked her father as she leaned forward in her seat.

"You are capable of far more than you realize. You underestimate yourself. You allow your husband to hold you back but if you truly wished, you could be Queen of all Norway in due time," He explained, moving closer to her.

"Tell me how," Ylva demanded and Sigefrid smiled in response.

"I must know first that you are prepared to do what it takes," he replied and Ylva found herself growing impatient.

"I am. Tell me!" She ordered and Sigefrid smiled as if Ylva was proving herself unworthy already.

"First, you must learn patience," Sigefrid stated, placing a hand on Ylva's shoulder.

Ylva frowned and turned, shocked by how she could actually feel his touch. She looked back at her father, who was staring down at her.

"You are the most dangerous woman on this earth, even more than the Great Shieldmaiden Lagertha. You gain the respect of men as if you were a man yourself. Never once have you shown yourself lesser than them and never once has a man seen you to be lesser than them. You gain the respect of everyone around you. When you walk in, everyone's heads turned. Either they fear you or they love you. Either way, they respect you," He explained in a calm tone, "Use that to your advantage. Bjorn won't win that election but you can. Win the crown of Norway. Become Queen of Norway and give your children a dynasty that will last a thousand years."

Ylva stared up at her father, her lips parted. She looked intrigued by his words, clearly wanting to do just that.

_____

The following day, it was around dawn and Ylva found herself standing in front of where her youngest son's body was buried. Asa and Thyra stood on both sides of her, the older woman's arms wrapped around them.

"Farewell, my son," Ylva spoke up in a soft tone, trying to contain her tears, "The gods have decided to take you to the Halls of the Aesir before I was ready, but it brings me relief to know that you will not be alone. You will get to see Sihtric and Freya again. And Grandfather Ragnar. And sweet Hali will be with you."

Ylva moved closer to the burial site, beginning to cry as she placed down the sword that her son had been carrying at the time of his death. "You fought for your home, you fought for your family, and I couldn't be more proud. I am told you were so brave and I am not surprised," She explained, smiling sadly, "You had always been so brave, never showing any fear in whatever mischievous acts you took part in with your sister and your cousins."

Ylva opened her mouth to say more, only to have a soft cry escape her lips. She sighed, wiping her eyes before she looked downwards. "You are..." She trailed off, choking back a sob, "You are not gone, my sweet Erik, because you shall always be in all our hearts. I love you and I will carry you with me always. No matter what."

Crying softly, Ylva looked down at Thyra and Asa, who was staring at her with sympathetic looks. She bent down to hug and kiss them both, trying to contain her sadness.

In her crouched position, Ylva grabbed both of the girl's hands, smiling sadly as she glanced between them. "I promise you on this day that no harm will ever come to you both. Nor Gyda or Halig or Rorik. Not while I am alive and breathing," She assured them in a determined tone, "I have lost enough children. I will die before I lose any more. I swear by all the gods."

Ylva paused and turned to Asa, placing a hand on the side of the girl's face. "While you may not be my child, sweet Asa, you are of my blood. You are my brother's daughter, his heir, and no harm will come to you, I promise. I will protect you no matter what."

"You're leaving, aren't you?" Thyra suddenly asked and turned to Ylva curiously, "You wish to be Queen of all Norway."

"If I was Queen of Norway, I'd have the power to protect you all even after my death," Ylva replied and instead of looking upset as Gyda usually did, Thyra smiled, "Are you angry with me?"

"Why would I be angry?" Thyra scoffed and moved closer to Ylva, "Mother, I want you to go. I want you to be Queen of all Norway."

"And perhaps I will be," Ylva replied in a soft tone, placing a hand on Thyra's shoulders and her other on Asa's, "I will be leaving this afternoon, but I promise, I will return in time to protect your grandmother's farm from the bandits. I will kill Whitehair myself for taking Erik and Hali from us. He will pay. I will make sure of it."

Both girls nodded and moved closer to Ylva, wasting no time hugging her tightly.

______

That afternoon, Ylva stood wearing her battle attire and her fur coat. She stood in Lagertha's home and it wasn't long before Asa and Thyra were brought toward her by Lagertha.

First, Ylva bent down in front of Asa, smiling as she hugged the girl and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "While I am gone, you must stay strong, you hear me? No matter what happens, do not be afraid. I will return soon and I will bring you to see your mother," She explained and Asa smiled, nodding her head in agreement, "I love you."

"I love you, too, Aunt Ylva," Asa replied, pressing a kiss to Ylva's cheek.

Next, Ylva moved toward Thyra, smiling as she crouched down in front of her. "Hey," She spoke to her daughter, smiling softly, "Remember that you are a daughter of Queen Ylva the Dread and Bjorn Ironside. You are stronger than these petty bandits. You always will be, even at your young age. The blood of many great kings, queens and the blood of Odin runs through you. Don't make rash decisions and try to stay out of meaningless fights," Ylva explained to Thyra, who nodded confidently.

"Yes, Mother," She replied, looking anywhere but her mother's eyes.

Just then, Ylva lightly grabbed Thyra's chin, causing the younger girl to turn to her mother. "And if you must fight, win," She told her in a low tone and the younger girl smiled, "I will return soon, to take you back to Kattegat with me. But in the meantime, you must do what your grandmother and your sister tell you."

Ylva paused, smiling as she glanced between Lagertha and Gyda. She leaned closer to Thyra, beginning to whisper in her ear. "Most of the time, at least," She whispered, causing Lagertha and Gyda to playfully roll their eyes.

Ylva removed a blade from her sheath and held it out to Thyra's, whose eyes lit up at the sight.

Gyda frowned as she watched the scene occur. It looked like the same one Ylva had given Freya when the girl was Thyra's age. "Only use it if it's necessary, you hear me?" Ylva told her daughter, who smiled and nodded.

Ylva placed it down on the ground beside Thyra, just before hugging her daughter tightly. "I love you, Thyra, and I will return soon, I promise."

"I love you, too," Thyra replied and Ylva stood up, moving toward Gyda.

"Come with me outside," Ylva demanded and Gyda looked surprised, not even expecting her mother to acknowledge her before leaving.

Gyda sighed and nodded, wasting no time following her mother outside. "What?" She asked in an aggravated tone and Ylva rolled her eyes.

"Enough with that," Ylva demanded and Gyda frowned, "Enough with all this hatred toward me. It's getting tiring. I admit it. I wasn't always the best mother. I admit it. I went off for months on end on journies and left you with untrustworthy people like Aslaug or forced you into the position of taking care of your younger brothers and sisters at ages you shouldn't have had to. I took Freya into battle for the first time when she was twelve but when you were twelve, you were forced to be at home, taking care of Halig, Erik, and Thyra. It's why you feel responsible for them. You were like a mother to them. And I am sorry you were put in that position. Freya put you through hell and I did practically nothing to stop it. I know that. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did to wrong you in the past and I understand why you hate me, but I'm trying to make up for everything. I'm trying to make things better."

"You claim you're trying to make things better and yet you're leaving again," Gyda complained and Ylva sighed as she moved toward her.

"I'm leaving for all your sakes," Ylva admitted causing Gyda to frown in concern, "If your father or I don't become ruler of Norway, King Harald will. I can't let that happen. He is untrustworthy. He may act like our friends but with his newfound power, he will destroy anyone he sees as a threat. Your father and I are the biggest threat of all. For he knows we will never give up our kingdoms to him. He will come after us. It will lead to bloodshed and more loss than you could ever imagine. That is why I must do this."

Gyda remained silent and stared at her mother, knowing she had a point. If Ylva and Bjorn didn't become King and Queen of Norway, someone else would and no matter who it was, they'd be put in grave danger.

"I don't blame you for Erik's death," Ylva confessed, causing Gyda's eyes to widen in surprise, "And I'm sorry for striking you. It was uncalled for. Your brother's death wasn't your fault. It was mine. I could have taken Thyra and Erik back with me to Kattegat months ago. As their mother, I had the last say, and yet I did nothing when you insisted on keeping them here. You couldn't have known they'd be put in danger here either. As my son, he would have been in danger anywhere he went. This could have easily still happened if he had been in Kattegat. Whitehair wanted vengeance. It didn't matter the place. He would have gotten his hands on one of my children sooner or later. I should have seen it coming. His death is on me, not you."

"I could have stopped him from fighting," Gyda admitted, tears threatening to spill from her eyes, "It's my fault. I should have made him hide."

"It wouldn't have mattered if you made him hide. He would have come out of hiding to fight anyway," Ylva reminded her, smiling sadly, "He is the son of the two of the most stubborn people who ever lived. He wouldn't have listened and as your father's and my son, he would have felt the need to protect his home as well, despite his young age. I know I snapped at you but it was uncalled for. This wasn't your fault, Gyda, and I'm sorry for blaming you."

"But it was my fault and I deserved you striking me," Gyda reminded her and Ylva scoffed.

"I spent my whole childhood being beaten by my father and then by my brother Erik. When I gave birth to you, I made a vow to myself never to lay a hand on any of my children. And yet I laid on you. I shouldn't have. And I will never forgive myself for that. There were other ways of handling it," She explained, only to sigh when she turned to see her father standing there, glaring.

"You're being weak. She will betray you. Do not forgive her. This is all her fault. Do not let her back in—" Sigefrid began to complain but Ylva ignored him and kept her attention on Gyda.

"You are my daughter, my firstborn. You may be an adult, but you are still my child. I have lost enough children. I will not lose anymore. You may still be alive, but the distance between us feels as if I have lost another one of my children and I cannot take it. And I know you can't, either," She explained and Gyda slowly nodded, "You hated Freya. I know you did. She made your life miserable but she's dead now. Don't hold a grudge against someone who is dead in the ground and has been for months now. Start off fresh. Without the horrific memories of the past stopping you from having a better life than you did before. I might not have been there much before, not as much as I should have been, but I am here and I do not want to fight with you anymore. I want my daughter back. You're my daughter, you're my blood, Gyda..." She trailed off, placing a hand on Gyda's face as the girl quietly cried, "And I need you. I need my daughter back. I don't want to fight anymore. I want us to be better and I know you do, too. I need you, Gyda. I need you by my side. Do you forgive me for everything?"

Tears rushing down her face, Gyda nodded. She moved closer to Ylva, who wasted no time hugging the girl, who immediately broke down once she was in her mother's arms.

Ylva teared up as she hugged her daughter. She realized the whole ordeal could have happened earlier on if she had been completely honest. Her previous apologies weren't truly from the heart but the one she just spoke was and it was why Gyda finally forgave her.

"All those times away in battle, I always thought of you and your siblings, you must know that. None of you ever left my mind. You were what kept me going. You were what made me want to live and fight on. And no matter what you think, no matter what you've done, no matter what you will do in the future, I will always love you. And as spineless and idiotic that it might make me, Freya is just proof that you could do your worse and I would still love you and forgive you for anything. For you are my daughter, my blood, and I will always love you no matter what," Ylva explained, cupping Gyda's face in her hands, "Now, I must go and take the Kingdom of Norway for our family. But I will return to help you fight Whitehair. I will make him pay for taking Erik and Hali from us. I promise."

Gyda nodded and Ylva pressed a kiss to her daughter's forehead. She pulled away, sighing before she moved toward her horse.

Gyda watched her mother ride off and for the first time, she felt no ill feelings as she watched her mother ride off. She understood why Ylva had to leave and she knew her mother would return soon.

___

It was nighttime and in Kattegat, Hvitserk sat on the cold ground of his cabin, shivering and flinching as he heard the loud banging on his door. He moved toward the window and looked out, shivering. "Go away!" He shouted loudly, "Leave me alone! Go away!"

Just then, a pair of hands seemed through the walls and Hvitserk gasped, crawling up against the wall in fear. He watched as Freya moved toward him looking to be in the same state that she did when he came across her corspe. Bruised and pale as a ghost.

Freya moved toward Hvitserk slowly, staring down at the frightened man. "Look at me, Hvitserk," She demanded in a low tone.

"Go away! Go away!" He pleaded, letting out a small cry as he refused to look her in the eyes.

"Ivar did this to me. Look at me!" She insisted as she crouched down in front of him, "Don't be afraid."

As Hvitserk slowly turned to look at her, Freya reached her hand toward him, lightly running her fingers through his hair.

"What have you come back here?" He asked her in a soft tone, "Why do you want to haunt me?"

"I want revenge," Freya announced in a low, threatening tone, "The only person who can avenge my death, my love, is you! My mother has forgotten me. She grieved my death and now, she will not even think of me. But you...you, my sweet Hvitserk, you can still avenge my death."

"Tell me! Tell me how!" Hvitserk pleaded in a desperate tone, "Tell me and I'll do it."

"You must kill Ivar," Freya replied, lightly running the back of her hand across Hvitserk's cheek, "Ivar killed me. He killed our child, our baby boy. We could have had a life together, but he took that away. He ruined our lives and then took mine and our child's. You must avenge us. You will do it, won't you? You will avenge me?"

"Yes," Hvitserk replied softly and nodded his head.

"Promise," She insisted and Hvitserk nodded, "Promise me, Hvitserk. Swear it on your sacred arm ring."

As he wept, Hvitserk placed his hands on his arm ring. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to it. "I swear it. I swear I will avenge you," He quickly told her as Freya slowly backed away but didn't disappear, "I...I told you, I swear!"

Just then, as he looked around, he frowned when he found Freya nowhere in sight.