❝ love drug ❞

            The rundown lobby of the small motel that smelled of smoke and mildew quickly became their refuge from the torrent now currently coming down outside. Cataleya flicked away a wet piece of hair that hung limp over her face to avoid the black dye staining her skin.

Seth slid the damp cash across the counter, earning a disgusted look from the clerk before he received a room key in return. Cataleya followed after him out the glass doors, her eyes trailing along the water-filled cracks that riddled the sidewalk leading to their room.

It'd been hours since they last spoke to each other. They instead chose to stare out at the road ahead, the hum of the wipers swipe, swipe, swiping against the rain slicked windows the only sound filling the car.

They'd shared what words – and actions – they needed to. The harsh words, the confession, the kiss. Everything laid bare out in the open, and neither one knew what to do about it. So they chose to do, and say, nothing.

"You want to shower first?"

Seth's voice sounded odd in the broken silence, a new, harsh sound accompanying the muffled pelting of the rain and quiet groan of the heater.

"Sure, thanks."

Her reply sounded equally strange, her hushed voice feeling as if it came from someone else's mouth instead of her own.

Cataleya gathered a small bundle of clothes from the duffle before stepping under the dim fluorescents of the bathroom. A sigh of relief escaped her throat as she shut the door, separating herself from the man that occupied the room on the other side.

Under the hot water she felt herself relax. Despite all that happened, they got the money and the passports and the transportation. They could go anywhere now, and just keep running.

"That seems to be your specialty."

Cataleya frowned. Their argument burned all too brightly in her mind, and although she knew the words were said mostly without meaning, they still hurt.

This is one problem you can't run away from.

A curt knock at the bathroom door interrupted her musings.

"Can I... Is it cool if I come in?"

A trail of shampoo stained black dripped from her face as she stared down at the drain, head leaned against the tile of the shower wall. She remained undecided on if she felt at all ready to speak to him again, nevertheless she called out to him. "Yeah, it's cool."

The frosted glass of the shower doors obscured her view out of them as she watched his muddied silhouette sit on the closed toilet and drop his head into his hands. Even over the running water, she heard him sigh.

"I don't even know where to start."

Cataleya had a few ideas, but she thought it best to let him speak uninterrupted.

"Christ, I was such an asshole to you. I–" He paused to let out another forlorn sigh. "I never meant to make you feel like a burden. I don't want you to feel that way, ever, because you're not."

There were so many words Seth needed to say, but none of them formed the way he wanted them to: into coherent sentences for an apology he wished to express. That was something he seemed to do a lot with Cataleya. Apologize.

"You always want to help me with dangerous shit and I don't want you to have to do that. So, yeah, I know I come across as overbearing sometimes, but it's for good reason. What I'm trying to say is you're not a burden, but I do feel obligated to keep you safe." He looked up at the foggy shower door, making out her still outline on the other side. "Cat, please say something."

"You don't have to protect me, Seth. If it means you're just gonna blow up on me when I try to help, then I'd rather you not care at all." The squeal of the shower head quieted after Cataleya shut off the water. She slid the door open just enough to stick her hand out, prompting Seth to hand her a towel.

"I can't do that." Seth looked up at the towel-wrapped girl leaning against the now open shower door. "Not care. Not when you're involved." He stood up, hand reaching out for the side of Cataleya's face. "I probably care more than I should."

Cataleya's eyes fluttered shut as his lips ghosted across hers, and she cursed herself for letting him off so easily. "I care too much too, Seth," she whispered, "and that's why I'm gonna help you."

Seth pulled away only slightly, their foreheads still leaning against each other as he spoke. "What are you talking about, sweetheart? Help me with what?"

"I'm done seeing you practically kill yourself. Before we do anything or go anywhere, we're gonna get you clean."

° ° °

The first day of detox isn't the worst. In fact, the first day's a goddamn cakewalk compared to the others. The second, and the third, all the days that follow, one after the other. Those are the ones that get rough, when the want subsides and the carnal need sinks in. It claws and claws at your mind, wiping away almost all rational thought and replacing it with one thought only: You need more.

Seth suffered through three days without a full dose of the poison he was so used to having run through his veins. He was constantly watched, day and night, with Cataleya making sure he didn't find the small amount she kept hidden when not in use for slowly weaning him off.

She only left him alone when she absolutely needed to, and she made sure to move the stuff to a new hiding place before stepping a single foot out of the peeling motel door.

Seth's symptoms were growing worse; the nausea keeping him bent over the toilet for hours, the insomnia only prolonging the pain, and the migraines that kept him bedridden despite the restlessness he felt in every limb.

Cataleya knew how each shiver and throbbing pain felt. She knew how terribly the body ached, both for the drug and from not getting it, almost as if it lashed out at itself for not administering what it wanted but truly did not need.

Having prior experience with the pain made finding what relieved it much easier. The plastic basket hanging off of Cataleya's arm grew heavy as she paced through the aisles of the small store, throwing in bottles of different medications she herself took and others she assumed would help.

Cataleya's last dose was only a year ago, a minor slip up on a particularly bad day. And as selfish as it sounded, Cataleya helping Seth get clean wasn't just for him. She needed him clean for her own safety, too. The drug's pull was strong, and she knew the longer she witnessed its use, the more likely another 'slip up' became.

The cashier eyed her with every new bottle and box he bagged. The number of nausea meds and sleeping pills that filled the basket he emptied was odd, if not slightly worrying. But she ignored his judging glances and carried the bag from the store into the beat up car she'd stolen, throwing it in the passenger seat next to the greasy fast food that grew cold.

Her drive back to the motel was a fairly quick one, seeing as most of her trip she spent speeding and running signs in an attempt to get back to Seth quicker.

When she opened the door, she expected to find the man like she left him, groaning from the bathroom, once again leaned over the toilet in another spell of nausea. What she definitely did not expect to find was Seth sprawled out over the small bed, eyes shut and his belt wrapped tightly around his arm.

"Seth?"

His stillness was odd, and in seconds she took in his shallow breaths and pale skin. He's overdosing.

"Oh my god, Seth. Wake up."

Her bags were abandoned by the open door, bottles rolling across the dark green carpet as she ran to him. She turned his head side to side, her hands lightly smacking at his cheeks to rouse him from the drug induced stupor.

"Come on, you fucker, you're not dying on me today," she frantically spoke, shaking his shoulders as she pat at his face. "Wake up!"

As she yelled out, she tugged at her hair in frustration while rummaging through the other bag of prescriptions she managed to illegally obtain. Something like this was bound to happen, and she knew she had to be prepared for it.

She shoved the syringe into his leg, pumping as much of the medication into him as she could. This idiot was not overdosing on her watch. Not today. Not ever.

Cataleya sat across from him in a chair at the end of the bed and stared at his unmoving body for what felt like hours. She waited, and waited, and waited for any movement. Then slowly, he started to stir.

He groaned as he lifted himself to a sitting position, his fingers rubbing at his aching temples before noticing the anxious girl sitting opposite him. "What's wrong?"

"Whats wrong?" Cataleya scoffed. "What's wrong is you could've died, you idiot, if you ever do that again juro por Dios que te mataré. No puedes hacer eso, Seth–"

"Hey, hey, English, please," Seth winced as he moved, "and why the hell do I feel like I just got hit by a bus?"

Cataleya took a deep breath before her concerned gaze turned to a scowl.

"How did you find it?"

Seth's eyebrows straightened, the confusion dropping from his face as memory of what he'd done came rushing back, along with the shame of his actions and fear of her disappointment.

"Seth, how. the hell. did you find it? It was wrapped up in my underwear for god-sakes!"

The man ran a hand over his face. "I did a little digging, sweets. I needed it, it was getting real bad and I just–" He sighed. "I needed it."

Cataleya winced at the pleading in his voice. She hated seeing him, hearing him, like this. This wasn't Seth. This was a sick and twisted version of the man she'd grown to know over the past few months. And she knew that if he could see himself the way she currently did, he'd want Cataleya to go through with the completely stupid thing she was about to do.

"Seth, we're gonna have to cut you off." She ignored his questioning glance as she promptly stood from the chair and grabbed at the pile of materials, marching towards the bathroom with determination and a half-baked plan.

"Hey, what are you doing? Stop! Cat–" Seth grabbed at her arm, pathetically trying to keep her from moving toward the toilet with the bag of white powder in hand. "Baby, please–"

Her hand hovered over the toilet, fingers releasing the baggy before pressing down the lever and watching the drug disappear. The rest she promptly dropped into the garbage can. Without the drug, they wouldn't be much use to either of them.

"Cold turkey, Seth. Starting now."

As far as she knew, no one died from quitting this way, but that didn't automatically make it the best idea. She knew it was dangerous, and with it came symptoms somehow worse than the ones he already suffered from, but for now, it was the only way. He'd been on it too long to be trusted to slowly quit, to let her give less and less until the need wasn't so great. So she did what she had to do, for the both of them.

Seth stared at the toilet before his eyes traveled to hers, his look a combination of defeat and anger. Deep down he knew she was only trying to help, but she didn't know what he was going through. She couldn't know. He hoped to a god he didn't believe in that she wouldn't know.

The motel door still swayed on its hinges, hanging open from Cataleya's frantic entrance. She gathered the spilled bottles and medicines and shoved them back into the bag before shutting and locking the door.

Seth still stood by the bathroom, eyes flicking between the tired girl and his now nonexistent heroin. "How could you do that to me?" He whispered, his voice more angry than disheartened.

"I didn't do anything to you, nene. I'm doing this for you." For both of us. "Come here, sit," she motioned toward the unoccupied chair across from her, "you need to eat."

"I'm not hungry," he grumbled, shuffling over to the bed and laying down with his back to her. He truly had no appetite even though his stomach was probably empty. He just couldn't bring himself to eat, and it'd been that way for days. The girl would practically have to force the food down his throat on occasion.

Cataleya rolled her eyes as she trudged over to him and pulled at his arm, leaning back and using all of her weight to pry him from the thin sheets. "Seth, you have to eat." She tugged again, but he wouldn't budge. So she dragged a chair over to his side of the bed, took a seat, and dangled the paper bag in front of him. "Please? For me?"

"For me?" Seth mocked. Nevertheless, he pushed himself up and snatched the bag from her hand. "Can't believe you used that against me," he mumbled, a small smile forming on his lips as he fished out a cold burger.

° ° °

"I need it... There's gotta be– fuck, where is it?"

Seth's crazed mumblings stirred Cataleya from her sleep. With her eyes still closed she sat up, her fingers pushing the dark hair out of her face as she slowly registered the noises coming from the wooden dresser across the room.

"Shit," Seth whispered, struggling to shove the drawer he'd dropped back into its place.

"What are you doing?" She asked groggily, palms rubbing at her tired eyes in an attempt to further rouse herself awake.

"I–shit, why can't you get me any?" Seth ran a hand over his face, fingers trailing back up to rub at his temples. "My fucking head is going to explode I just need– just a little bit. Please."

Cataleya sighed. She knew cutting him off like she had would be rough, but seeing him like this, practically groveling for the smallest hit, broke her heart. This was a whole new experience for both of them, and she wasn't sure how to help.

"Seth, why aren't you asleep?" She didn't know why she asked that because she knew exactly why he wasn't asleep. It's because he couldn't.

"I don't know, I feel like there's fucking ants crawling all over me. I can't sit still let alone sleep. You gotta give me something. I'm dying here, sweets." Seth looked at her expectantly, trembling hands running through his unwashed hair. God, he really needed to wash it, but currently, the only thing he worried about was finding more heroin. Showers were the last thing on his mind.

Cataleya halfway tumbled out of bed and over to the plastic bag of the various medicines she'd thought they would need. She pulled out a small bottle, quickly noticing the absence of rattling from inside it. "We're out of sleeping pills. I'm gonna go run down to the lobby and see if they have any, alright?" She stepped out the door before turning back to the pacing man. "If I come back and you're half dead again for some reason, I'll kill you."

Seth couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped, but once the door shut behind her and silence followed, the only thought that filled his mind was need. She had to have kept some. She had to, if she was smart. Maybe to sell, or to go back to weaning him off. Something.

She wouldn't just... toss it all out? There has to be some hidden somew–

He stopped, going still as he heard the door slam against the wall. He didn't want to turn, but he made himself, coming face to face with the man from the mercado.

"Long time no see, amigo," he bitterly chuckled, stalking closer as Seth backed away.

Seth shook his head. This couldn't be real. He'd seen things that weren't there a few times over the past few days, but Cat was always there to tell him it wasn't real. Only now she wasn't here to reassure him, to bring him back from the edge of whatever insanity he seemed to be slipping into, one that felt so real... And it never felt more real than right now, with the man wrapping his hand tightly around Seth's throat.

"Where is your brother?"

Seth's hand clawed at the man's struggling for air as his legs lifted from the ground. He reached back to fumble at the edge of the table they stood by, fingers grasping at any weapon he could get his hands on as he choked out breaths. His hand finally curled around cold metal and he swung out with it, the blade slicing into man's arm.

He yelped, somewhat high-pitched and unnatural sounding. Seth furrowed his brow in confusion, yet he continued trying to strike out with the knife. A hand grabbed at his wrist, and he looked up into the face of his assailant to find worried brown eyes staring back at him, hair wild from fighting him off.

"Seth," she breathed, ignoring the long slice along her forearm. "What the hell? Are you okay?"

He blinked away the hallucination, slowly gathering his bearings. His eyes traveled down to the bloody knife in his hand. "Oh my–Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry..."

Cataleya pulled him in, wrapping her uninjured arm around his shoulders.

"This room's probably seen its fair share of bodily fluids. A little blood is nothing, it's alright," Cataleya spoke, her words muffled by how tightly he held her to his chest.

Seth pulled away and frowned, eyes trailing down to the still bleeding cut he'd made on her arm. "I hurt you, Cat. That's not alright."

It's not your fault, she wanted to say. But she knew he'd argue that it was his fault, that he held the knife, that he first picked up that syringe, that he allowed all that emotion to cloud his judgment in the weeks following the twister.

"Look." Cataleya pulled a t-shirt out of the duffle and wrapped it around her arm, stopping the bleeding for now. "I'm fine. Here, take these," she handed him a small packet of pills, "go to sleep, and when you wake up I may or may not have some burgers waiting for you."

Seth just sighed, ripping open the packet and throwing them back before dropping down into the bed. It was no use trying to care for Cat when she didn't want it. Especially now, since she'd put all of her efforts into caring for him. Still, he made it clear he thought she carried too much on her shoulders. Many times he'd offered to share the weight, but she'd turn him down and somehow load more on.

His eyes started to grow heavy as he watched her disappear into the bathroom, her profile somewhat visible in the reflection of the mirror.

She winced while she wiped at the wound much worse than she let on. Seth turned away from her, not wanting to watch the grimaces that marred her face as she cleaned at the cut he'd made.

There was low, there was rock bottom, and there was where Seth currently resided. He hurt her. In a moment of mental weakness, he lashed out at the one thing that was pulling him from the downward spiral he'd fallen into.

Christ, he wished he could take it back. His thoughts raced and blurred together, the pills turning the words in his head into a muddy mess. He couldn't think straight, and slowly he fell into a sleep he'd needed for days.

Cataleya watched Seth's breathing slow from the dirty bathroom mirror, thankful that the presumably expired pills actually worked. Seth hadn't slept in days, and the toll of this rougher detox showed in his actions and features.

She sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth while the peroxide bubbled over her wound, burning deep despite its shallowness. She tore a piece of tape with her teeth and stuck it over the gauze wrapped around her arm to secure it.

Climbing into bed was a task much simpler when Seth already slept soundly beside her. She'd learned that normally he tended to be a very light sleeper, and the slightest movement from her roused him awake. But now, she assumed, he was fast asleep, soft sounds coming from his mouth.

The girl held her arm above her face, inspecting the now covered cut before sighing.

When she walked into the motel room, Seth turned to her with a crazed look in his eyes. He looked worried, nervous, afraid. Reactions he shouldn't have had to her stepping through the door with a small smile on her face. When he slashed the knife across her, she immediately knew he didn't know who she was. Quite possibly, to him right then, she was a completely different person.

As the hours ticked by, Cataleya stared up at the cracked ceiling, her mind racing and eyes refusing to shut. Not only did she worry for Seth, but her nightmares plagued her again. Seth needed his sleep, especially now. She would hate to wake him. She knew that once she did, he wouldn't go back to sleep. Not completely, anyway. More than once she felt his eyes on her as she slipped back into sleep, almost like he was guarding her from the terrifying images that tainted her mind.

On some nights he would roll over, pull her close, and run his fingers through her hair, telling her that everything would be alright. She knew it wouldn't be, but he always managed to convince her, even if it was just for a little while before she slept.

But tonight he couldn't do that.

She turned toward him, her eyes meeting the back she'd grown familiar with over the last three months, the back that told a story with the plethora of scars it wore. Her eyes traveled over his arm, the flames bold under the moonlight leaking through the sheer motel curtains. Cataleya carefully lifted her her hand, fingertips lightly tracing the dark lines of his tattoo. Her fingers ghosted over his skin until they reached his wrist, his hand, his fingers.

Seth let out a contented sigh as his fingers intertwined with her own. He tugged at her arm, urging her to move closer to him.

And she did, arm draped over his slightly trembling body. He was warm despite the withdrawal induced shivering, and even in the dense Mexican heat that no a/c could completely cool, she wanted to be closer, warmer.

He lightly brushed his thumb over her knuckles, and her eyes fluttered shut. Hopefully, his symptoms would start to subside, and maybe, just maybe, her nightmares would stop. Just for tonight.

° ° °

Seth's symptoms became less and less intense as the days passed. Cataleya definitely noticed a change in him. He started moving around more, eating more, getting out more. The two had actually gone out to eat the day before, at a little local place a few blocks from their motel.

He felt more himself, and Cataleya couldn't be happier. She hated seeing him feel so terrible and act so strangely. It wasn't him. It wasn't the Seth she'd grown so fond of.

"Here, take this." Cataleya dropped a pill into one of his hands and shoved a glass of water into the other.

"What is it?" Seth didn't wait for an answer before quickly swallowing the small thing and setting down the glass and bringing his attention back to fixing his tie.

"Just some meds to help with the rest of whole detox thing. The worst is done but that doesn't mean it's over."

Seth nodded in reply, smiling at her through his reflection. "How the hell do you know how to deal with all this?"

"It's a gift." More like a curse. Cataleya still hadn't told him about her history with heroin. It's not like it would make him feel any better. If anything, it'd only make him feel worse about the whole ordeal. Him doing the very drug she'd taken so long to part from practically right in front of her?

No. She couldn't tell. At least not now.

Cataleya grabbed the bags they'd managed to cram what little belongings they had into and headed towards the door. She had one foot on the outside pavement when Seth caught her attention.

"Sweetheart?"

"What?" She questioned. "I'm just going put these in the car."

Seth turned away from the mirror and beckoned her to him with his hand, a smirk growing on his face.

Cataleya rolled her eyes as she dropped the bags and walked over. "Yes?"

Seth leaned down and planted a small kiss on her lips, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear as he pulled away.

"Happy now?" Cataleya teased, turning away and heading back out the door with the bags.

"Yeah, but you know what would make me happier?"

She knew the grin on his face was ever-growing and didn't even bother turning to reply. "Don't even start, Gecko," Cataleya laughed, finally making it out the door and shutting it behind her.

Seth turned back to the mirror and fussed with his jacket a bit more, shrugging it on and off again until it felt right. The thing felt slightly baggy, and it bothered him. The jacket fit him perfectly the week before. He couldn't have lost that much weight, could he?

He gave up, fixing it back over his shoulders and deciding to just leave it alone. The door opened, and he began speaking to the only person who it could've been.

"You think we could stop on the way up there? I think I need a new suit jacket... This one's feeling a little worn out."

"Housekeeping." The man walked further into the room and looked around at the mess the two occupants left. "Wow. You really do need it."

Seth groaned. "Carlito." He turned away from the mirror to face the man. "Look at you. Back on top, I see."

"You know," Carlos widely gestured, "there is no top when the sky is the limit, Seth."

Seth shoved his hands in his pockets, casually walking towards the window to peer out. Cataleya hadn't come back from the car yet, thankfully, and Seth sincerely hoped that Carlos was unaware of his current roommate.

"How the hell did you find me anyways?"

"My boss sent a gunslinger after you, but he doesn't know what rocks to lift. I know where Geckos hide."

The door creaked and Seth glanced over Carlos' shoulder to send the girl a warning look. She started to back out, but the man's accented voice stopped her in her tracks.

"I know you're here, Princessa. I'd know that smell anywhere." Carlos turned and took a few steps toward her, looking over his shoulder at Seth with a taunting glance as he ran a lock of her hair between his fingers. "New 'do. I like it. Looking more like la diosa every day."

"Yeah?" Cataleya sneered, flicking his hand away from her face, "Seeing you does make me a bit homicidal. Maybe we have more in common than I thought."

Carlos laughed, head tilting as his eyes washed over the girl once more. "You know, Seth, I came for your brother and Santanico." Carlos harshly tilted Cataleya's head back to force her eyes to his own. "But I think the boss man would be very pleased to have his... orquidea back."

Fear washed over her face, and no matter how quickly she managed to hide it, there was no doubt in her mind that Carlos saw it. And she knew that her fear of Malvado was something he could use.

"Don't fucking touch her." Seth pointed his gun toward Carlos, hammer pulled back and ready to shoot before the monstrous man pulled Cat in front of him and bared his fangs.

"Ah, ah, ah," Carlos teased, fangs hovering right over the girl's neck. "Pull that trigger and diosecita gets a little makeover."

Cataleya knew what he was doing. Seth didn't know about her blood. She didn't think it was something she really needed to share. Somehow, Carlos knew Seth didn't know. But Carlos for sure knew how deadly Cataleya could be, and that was something she could use.

"Bite me," she taunted, "I dare you."

Seth's face flickered with confusion as he pointed the gun at the two. He must still be having hallucinations. No way in hell had his Cat just asked Carlos to bite her. No fucking way. But no, he'd heard it clear as day right from her pretty little mouth. What the hell is she doing?

The girl slowly unwrapped the cut along her arm that still hadn't healed and pulled at it. Her skin seeped red, and she lifted it right to Carlos' face. "Go ahead. I hear it's to die for."

Carlos scowled at her. She was bold. Using his own words from all those months ago against him now? He had to admit, Cataleya was not at all what he expected. He huffed in frustration as he shoved her away from him.

Seth scrambled towards her and pulled her out the door after him. She'd already jumped into the driver's seat and was halfway out of the parking lot before Seth was even all the way in.

Carlos couldn't do much to her. For one, her blood would kill him, and he knew that. And Malvado would rip him apart if anything happened to his precious orquidea.

A shiver ran down her spine as she pressed harder on the accelerator. Carlos couldn't do anything to her, but he could've done something to Seth.

Seth breathed quick in the passenger seat, racking his brain for all the possible reasons Cataleya wasn't still with Carlos while he laid dead on the floor. Don't get him wrong, he was glad that wasn't the case, but the thought still fluttered around in his brain.

"Why the hell would he just let us go like that?" Seth finally blurted, hands running through his hair as he stared over at Cataleya.

Her knuckles were white, grip tight on the steering wheel as she sped through the small town. "He can't hurt me," she spoke, "Malvado would have his head on a stick." That much she'd learned. The only people allowed to hurt her were her opponents, and him.

Seth seemed to let the topic drop, for now, giving one doubtful nod before leaning his head back against the seat.

"So, where we headed?" Cataleya spoke up, eyes flicking between the man and the road.

"Houston," he answered. "I might need to repair a tv."

°°°
a/n

after both hours of homework and babysitting, i was finally able to finish editing this chapter and get it up (lol)

i decided to take a different approach to seth getting off of heroin because in the show they make it seem super short, but in reality it's a really long and painful process. not everything is super accurate, but i tried my best to do a little research and give it a more of a realistic feel.

seth and cataleya being all domestic *heart eyes* can this even be considered domestic?whatever it can be now

so, this is super important. starting tomorrow, i literally do not have a single break until the following saturday. i have meetings and quizzes all weekend, and exams all next week for like every class. it's kind of upsetting but i don't think i'll be updating next week. i'll try my best for the week after that because i absolutely love this story and hope you all do too, so i don't wanna just leave it hanging.

plus, we're not even at the good part yet ;)

that'll be all for now, and probably for another week. if i can't post i'll probably publish an author's note or something funny to make up for it. love y'all. till next time...

tab, xoxo