Your body felt heavy from crying and the pain in your hands were coming in waves, as if you were cut over and over again. The deep wounds were nothing that bothered you, but seeing the tall lost boy lying dead on the hill, broke your heart over and over again. You desperately wished that the russian would open his eyes, but nothing happened. He kept being motionless. You buried your face another time into his side and let out a loud, shrilling scream of frustration. 

Screaming at the top of your lungs faded the sadness away, as anger replaced that emotion, burning through every cell in your body. You gritted your teeth and slowly raised to your feet, pulling the long, well known knife out of Gleb’s cold chest. 

It belonged to Felix. 

You were hundred percent sure about that, the second in command would always play with it when the other boys danced around the bonfire while he stared into the flames as if they would enchant him somehow. With heavy steps you walked back up to the camp, sneaking back in and walking over to the large clearing. You held the blood smeared knife tight inside your hand when your eyes detected Felix sitting under a big oak, his eyes were closed and his arms were crossed behind his back as if nothing in the world could bother him. 

You felt your heart beating faster and more tears formed in your swollen up eyes when you slowly stepped closer. The lost boy shifted his gaze to you when he heard some steps approach, just to jump in the right time aside, before the knife in your hand landed where he just sat.

‘WHAT THE FUCK?!’ He yelled and held his aching chest in shock, his gaze shifting from his own dagger to you. 'Where did you get-'

‘WHY DID YOU DO IT?’ You cried out, your voice shrilling all over the clearing. The lost boy knitted his eyebrows together and gave you an irritated look, not understanding this situation at all.

‘What the hell are you talking about?’ he asked and picked up his dagger in surprise. When he noticed the blood on it, his eyes widened, curiosity overcame his features.

‘You killed him!’ You whined and began to beat him as hard as you could. ‘I found your dagger in his chest!’ 

You beat harder and faster against his chest while countless tears flooded over your face, blurring your sight.

‘What? Who do you talk about-’ Felix tried to block himself with his arms, even though your punches didn’t hurt him anyways.’ I did nothing, I swear!’

‘I HATE YOU!’ You yelled and punched him another time. ‘I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!’

Felix's facade broke down and he took a deep breath, trying to catch your hands while you beat into him as if it were changing anything of Gleb's death.

'Calm down!' Felix yelled and embraced you with his arms to make it impossible for you to fight him. 

'FUCK YOU!' You cried out and still tried to struggle against his strength while you cried in his shirt. You hated yourself so much for liking that embracement so much.

'I did kill nobody.' He whispered and held you until you stopped fighting against him. You tilted your head to look up at him, still not believing him.

'You're a liar. Always been.' You whined. 'Gleb is dead and I found your dagger in his chest!' 

The lost boy kept silent for a moment, afraid to say something wrong. 'But I was here all night…' he spoke sadly. You ripped yourself out of his now loosened grip and stepped back. 'I believed you too many times.' You sniffled and walked away from him. Not a few steps away stood Pan, one of his eyebrows raised in curiosity and he carried the most grotesque smirk on his lips you ever saw. You frowned when he teleported in front of you. 

'How sweet of you,' he chuckled and caressed your wet cheek. 'Crying about a dead boy?'

The green devil had nothing good in mind and he always came to mock you in the most unpleasant moments. You felt nervous when he was around, frightened and weak. 'Lost boys do what they've been told, pet.' He purred. 'You should never forget that this is my island and my rules.'

'You told Felix to kill Gleb?' You whimpered unbelieving, your chin trembling. Pan’s face twisted and for a second he looked too confused to answer before he quickly sorted his next move. The green devil made an annoyed grimace and swayed around without answering your question. 

'BOYS!' Pan yelled over the clearing, catching everyone's attention. He looked over to his second in command, your eyes following. When you saw a grin on the tall blonde's lips you couldn't believe your eyes. You felt like you were choking and slowly spinned your head back to Pan as you tried your best not to cry anymore and endure his stupid humiliations. The lost boys that were on the clearing slowly crowded around you, awaiting Pan's next order as they already nervously hollered and jumped around. The green devil grinned mischievously as he looked through the group.

'Seems this little girl got a bit too soft.' He said sternly and the lost boys started to chuckle, as if they already knew what this meant. When you turned around to look at Felix's face, how that grin dropped, you were sure he probably knew it, too. 

'We need to beat that softness out of you.' Pan snorted and pulled you violently at your hair so you were forced to look at him. Your eyes widened and your body stiffened, hoping that he just made a joke or exhilarated, but the leader's face was as serious as ever. You felt nothing more than hate for him.

'Have fun.' He laughed and let go, stepped aside and watched how the first lost boys started to beat you with sticks. A hand gripped your collar, dragging you backwards onto the ground and you immediately gripped the opposing wrists, stopping yourself from being strangled by your own shirt while you twisted furiously, trying to break free from the strong grasp. The boy held you on the ground as the boys started to let their anger out on you, enjoying every kick or punch. 

The first one hit your leg, causing you to drop onto your knees in pain. The second one hit you on your back. The boys beat senseless into you, ignoring your grunts and tears. All the time you looked Felix in the eyes. His face was blank but you saw in his blue orbs how much he hated to watch this scene. You pressed your knees against your chest and covered your head with your arms. The boys who crowded around you laughed in amusement while kicking you like a sack.

Felix stood not far away, watching the scene like a scared boy. He just watched. The lost boys started to kick you for a while and you closed your eyes, waiting for it to be over. You stopped screaming, stopped crying, just laid on the cold floor, waiting for an end.

'Enough!' Pan yelled and the lost boys stepped aside. You were cowered together, silent tears dropped into the mud but you felt too weak to say a word or to move.  Everything hurt and you believed to have a broken leg, on the other hand you didn't hear it break and the pain could be worse. 

'Hope you had a great time.' Pan smiled evil and caressed your cheek again, wiping some hair out of your face. You hated him so much. The green devil turned on his heels and strutted away, the same stern look as usual. 

'Get to work!'

The lost boys left you there in the mud, walking away to their tasks like nothing happened. Soon the clearing was empty and you were alone and beaten up, crying to yourself like a baby. Your arms trembled as you tried to lift yourself into a sitting position. Some steps from behind caused you to shrink, knowing it was Felix. You turned around and faced the second in command, he stood tall and intimidating. The lost boy dropped onto his knees and gently placed his hand on your shoulder. 

'I didn't know he would-' you showed that hand roughly aside and crawled forwards. 'You are a coward, Felix.' You whimpered and held tight onto a tree while you lifted yourself up. 'A liar.' You continued and turned around to look at him and were sure that you must look as horrible as him now. The lost boy slowly approached you, his eyes piercing you cold. 'And a murderer.'

'I am sorry.' He sighted and reached for your hand, then stopped immediately when you flinched away. 

'I thought you would help me.' You choked out, forcing yourself not to cry again. 'What is it what you want? Why can't you just leave me alone?' 

You pushed him away and limped off into the forest. The guards seemed to have left their position as well, at least you saw no one nearby. The first place you had in mind was the small lagoon, even though you had to walk a while to get there. Felix followed you, not leaving your side. His eyes were glued onto you. 

'I am worried-' 

‘-Leave me alone!’ You hissed at him and rolled your eyes. He wasn't wanted right now, couldn't he see that? Couldn't he respect that?

'You don't care, don't act like it."

'I am your friend, of course I care.'

You scoffed and bursted out laughing at his ridiculous words

'You have the fucking audacity-' you started and shut your eyes unbelieving, smiling wide before you continued,' Nevermind, Fuck you.'

You turned on your heels walking further out of the camp. 'I really mean it. Fuck you, Felix. Gleb didn't deserve to die ' 

‘I didn’t kill him.’ The second in command snapped back and held you at place, this time more urgently.

‘Do you ever mean the things you say?’ You asked and gave him a spiteful look.The lost boy waited confused for you to continue talking, but you simply huffed at him and strutted downhills.

‘You have no idea what it means to be me!’ Felix growled in all of a sudden, shouting down the hill. He was his tears close, his face reddened in anger and he pressed  his hands so tight together that his knuckles turned white.

You ignored the trembling boy and stormed faster through the narrow trees, not even looking back one more time. Felix was the only one seeing you come back yesterday and Gleb didn’t follow you. How could you be so sure if Felix didn't kill the russian boy? He saw that you were close to him.  

Something appeared in the corner of your eyes and you instantly stopped. With a slow movement you turned your head aside to see Mitch's round face, his blue eyes wide opened at your sight. Even though the small lost boy was as tall as you, every muscle in his body tense, ready to storm off.

'Mitch-' you spoke and gasped, noticing some deep cuts on his arms and small ones in his face. With him it always was like seeing a deer- you needed to be calm so he wouldn't run off.

'Stay.' 

The nervous boy gave you an unsere look, his chin trembling and eyes glistening, but he relaxed at your sight.

'I am so sorry.' He whispered barely audible and stepped carefully closer. His face was twitching and he looked unsure at you. 

'Mitch, why did he do this?' 

The boy shrugged at that question, he pressed his bushy brows together and bit his pink lip to prevent himself from crying. Then he slowly reached his arms forward and when you understood the questioning eyes you leaned in and gave him a tight hug. 

'I didn't think he would do that when I told him about you and Gleb.' Mitch sniffled and pressed his hands tight against your back, burying his face in your neck as he started to cry. You couldn't comprehend his words, or rather didn't want to. 

'I saw you at the cages, kissing him-' he stopped and took a deep breath while your cheeks turned into a deep scarlet of the  thought that Felix knew about the kiss.

'You… helped to kill him?' You choked out, not believing what Mitch just said. 

The lost boy placed his hands on your shoulder and looked at you without answering your question. 'We'll talk later. He might be around and listens, that boy is a master in sneaking up.' He whispered before he swiftly jogged away, vanishing behind some wide, green bushes. 

Mitch helped Felix?

Why would he do that? From all the gossip in the camp you were well aware that Mitch was a snitch to Pan. Nevertheless you couldn't hold it against him, he did what he had to do in this hellhole,- even when it meant to be a hated cockroach. No, nobody seemed to like Mitch, he was constantly bruised and beaten up that you couldn't even imagine the skinny boy without an black eye.

You turned on your heels and felt how your body was shaking with every step. Everything hurt and you were glad that nothing was broken. It still slowed you down, causing you to take three times longer to get to the waterfall as usual. Climbing over some rocks and fallen trees seemed impossible, but you knew no other way to force yourself through narrow bushes in hope to get there faster than walking around the high ground. After a while you felt some raindrops fall onto your skin, wetting it and pouring down in tons before you could even look up. It hasn't rained on Neverland since you arrived and you wondered if a storm was coming up. You wiped the water out of the face and pulled your hood over your head, protecting you from the harsh weather. The pain in your leg got worse with each time you tried to limp faster. Your feet slipped on the muddy ground and you crashed with a loud scream into the dirt and wet leaves. The cuts in your hands came back, tormenting you in stinging waves and your leg burned, feeling as someone was constantly kneeling on it. With each day you started to hate Neverland more, nothing was more certain than that. You looked with eyes full tears  up into the sky, letting out a loud frustrated growl before you dropped your head again. 

Feeling frustrated enough to crawl through the mud you felt the dirt burning in your wounds. Staying here was no option so you had to keep going, no matter what, even if you felt like breaking down,- you needed to be strong.  

Pan will not break me., a cold voice inside your head snarled as you started to use your leg to move forwards, looking in a weird way a frog very alike. 

I am a survivor.

A short moment later you collapsed onto the ground, barely able to lift yourself. The boys did a pretty good job with beating you up. You relaxed your muscles and took a deep breath, deciding to ignore the cold waterfall that rained down on you, draining all your clothes. 

'AYE!' Someone yelled and you turned your mud covered face towards the deep voice. The lost boy jogged into your direction, stopping next to you where he bent down to lift you up into his broad arms. Your body felt like a heavy sack of potatoes, hanging motionless down as he pulled you into his broad arms. 

'What ye doing out here all alone?' The scottish boy mumbled and placed you back onto your feet, still holding you when he realised your legs couldn't carry the weight of your own body anymore. It was hard for him to tell which were tears or rain drops on your cheeks.

'Thomas.' You choked out and shook your head in disbelief. He was one of the last persons you wanted to see right now, fearing if Gleb's words about him were true. 

'Shush.' He said and placed his wet cloak over you, as if you weren't already soaked up. The corner of his pink lips rose into a warm smile. He looked so fake. Was he, or did your mind start to play games with you now?

'What happened to ye?' Thomas asked when he saw the bruises that were visible to him. 'What did he do?' 

You shook your head and twisted your face in confusion. 

'You weren't there?' You asked and bit your lower lip. Talking felt exhausting. 'Pan told the boys to beat me up and-'

You stopped. No, that Felix stood there and only watched was irrelevant. You didn't understand why you felt so embarrassed about the idea of mentioning it. 

'And?' Thomas raised his eyebrows. He blinked furiously to fight the rain entering his eyes that would blind his sight. 

'Nothing.' You shrugged it off and searched with your eyes for a place to find shelter. You wondered how he found you in this small area and why he didn't know about the beatings.

'I'll bring ye back to the camp.' Thomas said and lifted you up into his arms. Your body stiffened at the thought of going back. There was no way you wanted to face Gleb's murderer and the crowd who beat you, especially not in this pathetic state. You felt uncomfortable in Thomas’s arms with each step he made.

'Why weren't you in the camp?' You asked him, pulling his cloak over your stomach. The rain got milder the sooner you reached the camp and you wondered if it even rained on the whole Island. 

'I needed to bathe.' Thomas smiled and chuckled low. '

You didn't question him, your mind was clouded with regret and shame and you needed to see Mitch to answer your questions. There was no possibility to think rationally, your heart was bleeding too much. 

'Wait.' 

Thomas stopped and let you down from his arms, his eyes following you as you walked towards a bush with big leaves, a small waterfall formed on them by the rain. You cleaned your face and washed the dirt off your clothes, they were already soaking so more water wouldn't hurt. 

'I think I can do it alone.' You glanced over to Thomas as you limped forwards, gesturing not to be carried again. The camp was closer than it felt like and when you saw the hill with the high hedges you swallowed hard and stopped, biting your lip as you thought of going in there. The echo of the lost boy's laughter still rung in your ears. 

'How are ye?' The lost boy led the way and stopped when he saw you didn't follow.

'I need a moment. Don't wait for me.' 

'If ye need to talk aboot what Felix did-, ye ken where to find me.' Thomas said mournfully and sank his head. You didn't listen to him at all, your focus was laid onto the big hedgehogs that towered up in front of you like a giant castle and you felt relieved that the scottish boy would leave and that he gave you a moment for yourself.

'Aye, see ya later, luv.' The lost boy blinked at you and jogged to enter the camp, his heavy boots sprinkling the water on his pants, whenever he landed on his feet. 

Your eyes beamed down at your shrivelled up hands, you were shaking and felt like being glued at the ground. There was nothing else than humiliation waiting for you, nevertheless you couldn't turn back, this camp was your home now. Pan would never let you leave alone, his eyes were everywhere and he already started his evil game of manipulation. You had to leave. 

With a deep breath you paced up and you stepped closer to the camp's entrance, passing it and stopping next to a big tree. 

'There you are!' Someone yelled before heavy steps stormed into your direction. You recognised Marco and you felt instantly like someone turned your guts inside out. The chubby boy grabbed your cloak and dragged you over the clearing, throwing you at the green devil's feet. You landed with a grunt and hissed when you felt the cuts on your hands burning again. Your eyes beamed up into Pan’s green eyes, he scanned you with that hideous grin. 

'Who allowed you to leave?' He mocked and raised his eyebrows as he spoke. He gave you an disapproval look. 'Get some towels from Felix cabin.' He snorted and furiously turned around. 'Don't you dare get a cold.'

You forced yourself not to growl at him, feeling your whole body getting tense at that order. Pan knew that Felix was the last person you wanted to see right now, you saw it in his satisfied face when he vanished between some trees. You turned around and looked over to Felix cabin. The clearing felt empty and lonely without the russian boy and you could feel the bad mood like electricity in the air. The air around you thickened and you felt uneasy with each step towards the shady cabin. A stinging feeling coming from your guts, eating his way up to your stomach, making you feel sick. You had to walk a little further than to your tent, just like always the second in command seemed to love his privacy. You stopped at Gleb's cabin. It stood lonely next to a few lost boy's camp, not far away from Felix's. At the sight of it your heart dropped to the bottom of your body, pulling you down like an anchor stopping any further movements. You didn't know if Gleb could be your world. Not even having the chance to find out broke something inside you.

You took a deep breath and continued walking over to Felix's house, knocking at the wooden door. Everything was calm, you always believed the cabin was empty so you turned around just when the door sprung open. 

'Y/N.' Felix spoke surprised, attempting to pull you in a hug. You pushed the lost boy aside and snorted, not even looking at him. 

'Pan sent me here to get some blankets.' You mumbled harshly and started to rub your arms to keep you from freezing. Felix pulled you inside and closed the door, a puddle forming under your feet. The second in command walked over to a chest in front of his bed, pulling out a soft blanket that didn't look like it was from this realm. He threw it over your shoulders and carefully grabbed your wounded hands. You instantly flinched back from his touch, enjoying the pain in his eyes for a second.

'Don't.' You simply said, well aware that you would really need his help. Felix scanned you unsure, awkwardly standing next to his bed. 

'I really didn't do it.' He spoke soft and again tried to come closer, once again grabbing your hands and you let him. The second in command turned them around and for the first time he noticed the deep cuts. 

'You're hurt.' He said surprised and you yanked your hand away again.

'I have way more injuries.' You hissed back and watched something in his face shatter. Felix pulled his hands away and turned away from you, taking a seat on his small bed. He looked guilty and he knew he was, that he never helped you in someone's sight.

'Do you have an idea what he will do to both of us, when he sees how I am helping you?' He asked low and fixed his eyes onto the ground for a while before his gaze shifted back to you again. 

'Why do you do it then?' You asked suspiciously. Felix didn't answer the question, he bent over and reached to open the drawer of his nightstand, pulling out some bandages.

'What happened to his body?' You asked when he didn't  say a word and stared into Felix’s eyes, already knowing it wasn't something you liked. 

'They threw him into the river, so it would bring him into the ocean.' Felix swallowed hard as he saw your terrified reaction and pulled at your cloak to embrace you in his arms without having you fighting back. His fingers run down your spine and he buried his nose inside your wet hair. You felt how your muscles relaxed by themselves at the sudden warmth, even enjoying it for the moment.

'Please don't let him hurt me anymore, Felix.' You begged and pressed your face against his delicate neck, his scent intoxicating your mind as he ran his fingers down your spine as you both enjoyed this intimate moment. The lost boy pressed his arms tighter around you, unable to speak, he let out a frustrated sight.

'He will hurt you in ways I can't prevent.' He whispered and pulled away from you to reveal his sharp features. Without thinking about it you pulled down his hood to look at him closely, his eyes filling with confusion. Felix didn't look scary at all and when you really thought about it you had to admit you loved the way his hair was messy and always hung half over his cold eyes. 

The lost boy stopped breathing for a second and looked at you in awe, his face lit up as if he was drowning in your eyes like you were in his. He got tense and you felt how he fought against the urge to pull you with the hand on your back closer. 

Your hand moved by itself and placed herself on his scarred up cheek, trailing down the 'x' and before you realised what you did, your nose touched his, already tasting his breath on your tongue. Just when you both were about to close the few centimetres that kept you apart, a loud, heavy knock caused you both to jump away from each other. 

'Felix!' A dark voice shouted. 'Get ready for hunting!' 

You clenched the blanket tighter around your body and walked over to the window, watching the boy strutting away, trying your best to avoid Felix's gaze that burned itself into your back.

You didn't hesitate and left the cabin to get away from the second in command and that too comfortable feeling you had around him. Without a last glance back you closed the door and jogged to your own tent, feeling your heart heavy beating from the previous event. It happened again,- that weird moment between you and the second where you both melt into some strange tension.

Your clothes were cold and wet so while you tried to relax, the first thing you did was changing your clothes. Just when the last piece dropped onto the floor you heard the curtains behind you opening. 

'Y/N-' the lost boy stopped talking at the naked sight of you. You shrinked and quickly hid your body behind the blanket in embarrassment, when you turned around to meet Felix's nervous face, his cheeks blushing slightly.  

'Sorry I just wanted...-' he stopped speechless and shifted his eyes to the ground. 

'You saw me naked once, forgot?' 

The lost boy gulped, his eyes were glued onto you and you caught him glimpsing at you again, whenever he tried to look away as if he couldn't help himself but stare. You clearly saw he had some unspoken words on his tight shut lips. 

'But it was different then.' He spoke, his eyes wandered over your features, admiring what he saw. 

'Different in how?' You asked and raised one eyebrow skeptical. 

'It just was.' 

Felix stood awkwardly at the entrance, not knowing what to do or say, he simply looked at you in hope you would talk to him about anything to make this feel less weird.  

'Ehm,' he said and turned around. 'I will go for the hunt now. I will see you later.' 

Felix quickly left the tent and you let out a loud, relieved breath. For a moment you had hoped he would stay longer and then you realised how close the rough second in command was to your exposed body. He saw you naked for the second time and only at the thought of seeing him without his clothes made you feel hot. It felt so wrong at the same time. 

But what if he manipulated you for Pan? What if this is how he was going to break you?

The sweet thought of living in a world without the green devil conquered your mind and filled your sorrow heart with the desire to leave this place behind. Before someone else could sunrise you, you quickly dressed into fresh, dry clothes, ready to fulfill your daily task. With a quick look into the mirror you finally saw all the bruises and your puffed up eyes. This place didn't treat you well and it was on you if you would survive.  Your eyes were empty, they looked for some light in your own features, but only found dark lines and how the corner of your lips got pulled down as if smiling felt too heavy, too unbearing. Your body ached, still the pain  was quite bearing, the boys must  have been softer  to you than you thought. Still, you preferred not to have another round.

When you stepped out of the tent your feet immediately led you towards the big hedge, stopping when you heard your name.

'Where do you think you're going?' Pan said cockily, raising one eyebrow as if he expected you to be smarter. 

'There is a pile of clothes to wash for you at the river. Make sure you'll be there before some animals take them.'

You bit your tongue and nodded. If he thought you were really that dumb to displease him, he was wrong, very very wrong. It wouldn't be the smart move, well aware of the fact that he could end you immediately. You turned back around and stepped faster, heading downhill towards the path through the trees, walking around the mountain towards the river until you saw a pile of clothes.  

'You motherf-' You groaned as the giant cotton mountain grew bigger with each step towards it. With an annoyed sight you dropped onto your knees, staring into the water as you grabbed the basket next to the pile, filling it with water and the soap. Making the water bubbly with that soap bar alone took you an eternity and you knew that you would spend the rest of the day doing this. Peter truly hated you. 

You started pretty fast, touching the clothes as carefully as possible in disgust while your mind wandered off to Gleb. At the thought of him you felt how your limbs got heavy and washing got more and more tiring. Felix looked so convincing when he said he didn't kill him, but he had wrapped so many lies in such a beautiful way that it was hard for you to trust him- If you didn't feel this tingly curiosity for the second in command.

Stop., you thought and tried to focus back onto the dirty clothes, rubbing them clean like a maniac while Felix's face still possessed your mind until you feared you would never stop thinking about the shaky, blonde boy, before you suddenly held a stained shirt that caught your attention. Your eyes widened and you stopped mid move, your breath fastening as you added two and two together.  These were dried blood stains, the only one so far from a boy who couldn't-

He had followed me and Gleb. You thought in shock. He heard us.

All the things the boy said suddenly flooded your mind, shining in a completely different light. 

How could Thomas know about Gleb's death this morning when he wasn't in the camp?
 
He went to the waterfall to shower and didn't know why you got beaten up, the russian's death wasn't a surprise as well. You understood the second in command's confusion about his knife and Mitch-

Yes, Mitch, how could you forget? A few times you overheard some of the lost boys random talks and Mitch's nickname: Mitch the snitch. It explained why no one seemed to like him. You were definitely sure he stole Felix’s dagger for Thomas. Your sight went blurry and your hands slowly started to feel numb in the cold water, still refusing to take them out or move at all. You sat there in silence, trying to breathe and let your systems calm down by the sweet smell of pinewood and grass. It felt like you were stuck in a wicked nightmare that you desperately craved to get out from. Pan played you since day one with his manipulative games and you knew that you needed to control your emotions to win. The green dressed brat underestimated you in every way, not realising that he could break you for the moment but never in a long time. There was no other way to defeat him and take away his powers- without them, Peter Pan was nothing but a boy. 

The thing you hated most after his manipulative behavior was the phrase,' Peter Pan never fails,' with everything he did. The leader had never been your focus yet, all the time you spend trying to get away from his lap dog, Felix. The brat had some evil plan's that clearly involved you and you needed to find out what it was or how to get away from him before it was too late. You painfully remembered Felix's promise to get you away from Neverland and wondered if his words were true or just a way to trust you. 

You squinted your eyes and pressed your teeth together, wiping the tears away as you suppressed a frustrated scream. You didn’t want to cry again, you had enough of these mental games.You hated Thomas so much for taking Gleb away from you. The rough russian was the only one that lit up your life on this Island for at least a moment.

I hate Thomas.

That sentence burned itself inside your head when you returned late in the evening to the camp. You felt tired, angry and hurt, grieving but still not crazy enough to attack Thomas instantly when he touched you. As soon as the lost boy saw you entering the camp a wide smile appeared on his freckled face and he jogged into your direction, placing his hand on your shoulder. You grabbed the basket tight in your arms and paced up, ignoring the filthy liar.

‘What are ye doing?’ 

Anger broodled inside you as the lost boy followed you into the clearing. 

‘Leave me alone.’ You mumbled and placed the basket next to the tall oak, your eyes searching the clearing for Mitch. 

‘Why are ye like this?’ You heard the anger in his voice and dared to take a glance at him, that friendly smile disappeared completely under that upset facade. Thomas stepped uncomfortable close, placing his big hand on your shoulder and pulled you in. 

‘Forget aboot Gleb.’ 

His voice was cold and his voice was as scratchy as splinters and merged in sync with the silent singing of his biting eyes,- hungry and demanding they crawled underneath your clothes, marking you and leaving you with a strange feeling of being exposed. There was nothing to see and still this honey coloured marbles turned into a roaring dessert, its wind scratching every little exposed piece of skin

‘I am not dumb.’ You choked out, biting your lip. ‘Mitch stole the knife, am I right?’

Thomas frowned and let you go, confusion spreading over his face. His eyebrows twitched and he tried to understand what you said. ‘Which knife?’ He asked unsure, fixing his gaze at your angry face. 

‘Felix's knife.’ You hissed, stepping away from the taller boy. Your eyes wandered carefully over the clearing again, hoping to see the second in command nearby in sight or someone else to get you out of this situation and far away from Thomas.

He lies. You saw his shirt. 

‘There was blood on your shirt.’ You pointed at the basket and batted your eyes back at the lost boy, his eyes still confused, playing his game very well. 

‘I went hunting.’ He chuckled. ‘Of course it will get bloody.’

No matter what you said, the lost boy would always find a lie to cover it up, so it was no use to talk to him. The only one who could tell you the truth was Mitch, but the small frame of a boy was nowhere in sight and you were sure you wouldn’t see him so soon. The sun was almost going down, maybe in an hour or two and when you saw the first of the older boys returning from the hunt you felt like a stone dropped from your heart. 

‘Well, take your clothes. I won’t bring them to your tent.’ You spoke harsh and used the moment to distance yourself, feeling even quite relieved to see Pan entering the camp. He walked next to Felix and discussed some plans in silence, not even gesturing much, just whispering in each other's ear. Your desperate try to read something off the second in commands’s face ended in no results, it was completely blank.A few moments later the hunters came back as well, carrying a big boar through the entrance.

‘Y/N!’ Pan yeled as he spotted you spying behind a tree. You flinched and stepped out of your hideout, stepping over to him and his loyal lost boy. Felix’s gaze burned on your skin as you tried to concentrate on what he had to say to you. 

‘Make some fucking garnish!’ he commanded and without looking at Felix you turned around and stepped into the kitchen cabin. She was a mess like always and you were definitely sure that Pan would make you clean it the whole night so his boys can mess it up again. 

With a swift movement you shoved the dirty pots and plates away, wiping over the table and looked for something that you could make for dinner. The only thing you found were potatoes, onions and mushrooms, butter fresh milk and the herbs Ian once stole from the pirates. It was better than nothing and you were sure to turn this few ingredients into an amazing meal.
 
When the sound of heavy boots entered the cabin you turned shrinking around to face the intruder. Felix stepped closer and pulled the hood down from his head, revealing a rare sight. 

'May I help you?' He asked in a nervous tone, scratching the back of his head. The second in command couldn’t stop himself but let a surprised gasp slide over his lips when he found himself in your arms. In the moment you laid your eyes on him you dropped the spoon in your hand, sprinting towards him and wrapping your arms around his hips. The tall lost boy bent down and pressed your shoulders against his chest, curving your body into his form.

'It was Thomas.' You said and buried your nails into the cotton of his shirt. The lost boy's body stiffened and you let go of him to see his widened eyes. 

'How did you-' he started and shifted his gaze away, not believing what you just told him. 'He would never. He is my friend!' 

His eyes pierced through you, burned on your skin with unspoken demands for an explanation. Felix moved his hand to his belt, touching his dagger in disbelief as if he was a simple boy that could never hurt someone, but you knew better and this shocked parade caught you off guard. 

'I need to talk to Mitch, he stole your dagger and-'

'HE WHAT?' Felix interrupted you furiously, his eyebrows knitted together and he gritted his teeth, causing you to flinch and take a step back at this sudden temper. Felix built himself up and tightened the grip around his dagger, his cold eyes were glowing. 

'He didn't know-'

Felix smashed the dirty pots from the counter, ignoring your words and cutting you off completely. 

'MITCH!' Felix growled as he jumped out of the door, his reddened head spinning furiously around, trying his best to find the small rat.

The heads of some lost boys immediately shot into his direction, frowning, waiting for what would happen next. You followed the second in command onto the clearing, pulling him back from whatever he tried to do. Full anger, the tall boy yanked you away from him, before his eyes detected something behind you. 

When you spun your head around,your eyes began to water, knowing what was going to happen now, knowing that you couldn't stop it. 

'Felix.' You whined and grabbed his legs, biting your lip. 'Don't.' 

The second in command glanced down and when his eyes met yours you really thought for a second he would listen and turn around, before he strutted into Mitch's direction. The boy was shaking in fear underneath the oak, not even able  to run like he always did. There was no way to run from Felix, his stupid long legs would always be faster.

Before Mitch could even realise it, he had Felix’s fist in his face, the force of the taller boy smashed him brutally to the ground. You shrinked at the sight of that and sprinted to them, just to be held back by Javier. 

'He will hurt you too!' He warned you cautious and kept you at place, no matter how hard you struggled. Felix straddled the smaller boy and started to beat countless times into his face with grunting noises and throbbing veins on his neck, releasing all the anger he had inside.

'FELIX!' You cried and felt how water filled your eyes as you watched the scene. Why did he do this? Mitch only stole the knife, it wasn't him who killed Gleb. Even if it could be seen as assisting, the small boy didn't deserve this. You heard something crack and let out an ear splitting scream.

'Stop!' 

It couldn't be that the lost boy was this cruel, even after all this time you kept telling yourself that this was just a facade he held so tight onto. This temper couldn't be fake and it wasn't commanded to beat Mitch up. Not every evil thing came from Pan, Felix was his own source. It took you so long to see this, to realise that you tried to see a loving and protecting boy.

'Stop!' You cried. 'Please, Felix.'

When you said his name, your voice was already cracking, finally catching the second in command's attention as he spun his head swiftly around, his eyes widened and switching unbelieving from his bloody hands and the bloody mess in Mitch's face. Javier still held you, as you had sunk into the ground in frustration, well aware that you could have never stopped Felix in your weak form and you desperately wished to be much stronger. 

Felix watched you turning on your heels, freeing yourself from Javier's grip and running away into the kitchen cabin where you didn't hesitate to close the door shut behind, shoving a stool under the door knob to keep everybody out. You hated Pan for making you do the dinner for such beasts but also gave you an opportunity to cry in silence while cutting onions. While you prepared the dinner you already decided not to eat with the lost boy's. When you shoved a spoon of potato mash inside your mouth, a knock of one of the boys  echoed through the hut. 

'Go away.' You responded and blew some air onto the hot food. That Felix quickly went to violent acts before asking questions seriously got you thinking about your feelings for him as if it wasn't even complicated enough. Would he do the same to you would upset him? He was still a stranger and you were a fool if you believed you knew him. It was no good thing that he chose violence over asking questions and frankly he started to scare you more and more.

'Open the door.' Felix's voice entered your ears as if you didn't already know it was him. 

'So you can beat me up, too?' You cockily gave back, the second in command responding with a sad sight before he went completely silent. 

'Why do you want to talk now? Why not earlier?' 

'Please open the door.' He simply said and after a small pause he added, 'I am sorry.'

You shoved another spoon inside your mouth, another one and then another. No way you would attend dinner where you would probably sit between Felix, Thomas or Pan.  You would not open the door. 

'That won't help Mitch now, your words are empty like your promises.'

While you prepared the rest of the dinner no word came through the door and you expected the second in command to have given up and left. Some of the younger boys already sat impatiently at the wooden table, teasing each other while the older ones brought the grilled meat. Just like you expected them to, no one raised a finger as you towed the heavy pots and bowls to them. Not a single word meant for you as they chattered only  about their day and further plans. It seemed like you were a ghost to them, no one to care about or take any interest in, maybe a maid or waitress. No wonder why you never liked joining dinner, even if you did so, your appearance alone was an insult to them. You could clearly tell what was supposed to be a joke and what an insult, unfortunately though, you never felt like hearing jokes. 

'Climbing sound's good.' Marco's voice drilled into your ear and your eyes instantly shot to the chubby, blonde boy. He grabbed with dirty fingers for the food and shoved it down his stinking food hole. Whenever he ate he would push in more food than could fit just to lay later sickly onto the ground, aching and unable to move. However, his devious behavior outpaced his laziness and you hated thinking of how he had sneaked up at you and Felix to win this stupid game with the box. Because of this filthy rat you were stuck with Pan's anger. 

You shifted your eyes at the nasty sight of eating boys that looked very alike Pigs in this moment. Pan wasn't in sight, neither was Felix, so you went to your tent and quickly grabbed your bag before sneaking out of the empty main entrance before one of them could ruin the rest of your day.
Mitch wasn't laying where Felix had left him and you suspected him to be brought to his tent.

There was just one place to go, one person you could trust. Tinkerbell. She was the only one who could give you answers, the only one you trusted right now. She was right to be careful and you didn't listen. Instead of distancing yourself you found yourself feeling something towards the murdered Russian and still, nevertheless of what he did- Felix. After all this time he was still such a mystery to you, unpredictable, tempterously and still caring somewhere for you. There was no need for him to be brutal in Pan's absence, wasn't it? His behaviour was a riddle like the boy himself.  

Just when you took the path uphills you heard someone call your name. 'Where are ye goin', lassie?' 

You bit your tongue to stop yourself from letting a nasty comment slip over it and slowly turned around. Brown eyes and brown hair, not dangerous, not suspicious. Thomas still looked like an ordinary boy, roughly treated by the weather, still nothing uncommon about him, nothing that striked and told you he was a killer. 

'Pan sent me to get some wood.' You answered scruff and prayed he would believe you. Thomas wrinkles moved up into a fake smile and he squinted his eyes as he stepped a few steps uphill.

'You know I wouldn't harm someone.' Thomas sighted and turned nervously around and took an suspiciously long time to check the surroundings. When he faced you again the smile was gone and he rather looked frustrated and scared. The scottish boy opened his mouth to say something, but again his eyes were looking for some unwanted ears. 

'He is playing with us.' He whispered hoarse and blinked nervously. 'Don't let him fool you, please!' 

He stopped whispering and before Thomas could do anything else you hurried away, getting out of his sight as soon as possible. His presence made you sick, his words made you sick. Even after the confrontation earlier he wouldn’t admit killing Gleb and he looked so convincing that you could hardly tell the truth. Unfortunately, the only person able to tell you was beaten up and out of reach for a while and there was no other choice left than trusting your instincts. 

All along the bushy way to Tinkerbell's treehouse you still had this unbearable feeling nagging at you and never leaving you in peace. You really hated this place by now, or rather the people on this goddamn Island that constantly tried to trick you. Pushing some leaves and branches away, the small, rusty building was in sight. With high hope you hurried towards the latter and immediately noticed the trapdoor was open, rising some caution inside you.  For your surprise the treehouse was empty and everything inside except the furniture was gone. After you checked everything you were sure that the blonde woman must have left this place, which was quite logical if you kept in mind that you might weren't the only one to find this hideout. 

'Fuck.' You mumbled and bit your lip, forming your hands into fists as your eyes wandered through the empty room. This didn't go like you had imagined and now you stood there in silence, so many unanswered questions in your mind. The first of them was where the blonde woman was. 

You made your way out and climbed down the ladder when a cough from besides caught your attention. With a shriek you jumped aside and quickly relaxed when you recognized the scarred up face under the blonde's hood. He gave you a deadpan face and stayed where he was, leaning causal against the tree as if he had expected you to be here.

'You scared me.' You muttered, not even granting him eye contact, still not wanting to see him after he beat up the only boy who was willing to give you answers. Again you were confrontaöed by the second in command, no matter what you said, he would never leave you in peace, deep inside you there was something that admired that.

'She left.' Felix answered dryly. 

'How did you know-' you stopped when you realised the irrelevance of this question and gathered your thoughts to find a new one, but no one occured to be the perfect, to find out about what he knew about the relationship between you and Tinkerbell. 

'How did you find me here?' You corrected yourself in a stern voice. 

'I followed you.' He answered bluntly.

You rolled your eyes, of course he did. 'How could I ever forget that you creep after me.' You hissed and when he gently grabbed for you, you took a step back. The pain in his face hurt you more than your own stubborn behaviour. 

'Haven't seen you in the camp.' You mumbled more to yourself than to him, but the boy ignored it anyways. 

'Why are you here?' Felix squinted his eyes.

'Where is she?' You asked, doing the same as you stared into the distance, not even expecting the second in command to know. His look was unbearable and you knew that if you would look into his eyes that they would only capture you and that all the anger you felt would fade away. It was a paradox, how you would forgive the tall blonde boy anything, that you couldn't stay mad no matter how much pain he pulled you through.

'I can't tell you.' 

You shot your head into his direction and let out an angry groan. Again he kept secrets from you and you were tired of this. 

'I really want to tell you!' Felix tried to calm you down.

'But it would put them in danger!' He added quickly and stepped closer to take your hands in his. You stopped every thought and got stuck at the way how Felix built the sentence. 

'Them?' You asked curious and watched the colour of Felix's face fade as he realised what he just revealed. He gulped and let your hand drop before breaking eye contact immediately. 

'He doesn't know that I didn't-' He stopped and gulped, shifting his widened eyes back to you, then shutting his lips tight as if this secret would cost his life. For a moment he hesitated, didn't seem convinced enough to tell you, but when you locked your eyes with him his look softened and he let out a sigh.

'The first lost girl,' Felix dimmed his voice and shoved you towards the bushes, he suddenly didn't feel safe on the open clearing anymore.

 'I never killed Sopha.'

Don't  forget  to leave  some comments❤ they mean a lot to me😊 what will happen  next, huh? 😇