It was dark when you opened your eyes again and your arms where freezing in the cool night breeze. You must have fallen asleep somehow, yet you didn't understand when and how. The cage was big enough for you so sit in and look outside, but it was everything else than comfortable. Something would always poke one of your limbs.  You started to cry silently and hugged your legs, trying to warm yourself up. Since no one was around you didn't bother and started to cry out louder, sobbing in frustration, sight blurry nose running.  At least Felix could have given you a blanket- your fingertips and toes started to feel numb and you desperately begged for the sun to rise up.

Something underneath you in the bushes started to rustle, causing you to stop crying. Your eyes beamed down and you covered your mouth and nose to avoid making more sounds. 

'Y/N?' A voice rang through the woods after a small moment.

You sighted relieved and pressed yourself at the bottom of the cage to look at the russian boy underneath it, your mouth curving into a tremulous smile. Gleb sat against the tree, his head lifted up to look at you. He seemed tired as if he waited all night for you to wake up. When he saw your movements he started to climb up the branches. The sound of rustling leaves and branches echoed through the silent night.

'Don't worry,' the broad boy exhaled as he reached a big branch besides your cage. His hand touching the wooden bars. 'He won't keep you in here forever- It's just a punishment.'

'J-j-just a p-p-punish-m-ment?!' You spat at him freezing in the cold. Your eyes were still filled with tears and you touched Gleb's warm hand through the bars. He flinched lightly and pierced you with his cool eyes. 

'I won't let him kill you.' He whispered and bent over to the cage. 'I promise!'

You smiled again and rested your head against the bars, when Gleb suddenly grabbed your cheek and lifted it up looking you deep in the eyes. After a brief moment, they wandered down to your lips, as if they were glued to them before he slowly bent his head down. He pressed his warm lips against your cold ones, removing them as quick as they were placed on yours. You missed the warmth immediately.

'I am always there when you need me!' He muttered, his breath still tickling your lips. You saw how his pale cheeks turned red and before you could say anything, the tall lost boy turned around and jumped his way back to the ground before running away into the dark.

You followed him with your eyes in disbelief, couldn't comprehend that Gleb just kissed you, as if he were just an illusion and everything was only in your mind. For a moment you had thought it was like back then with Felix, the moment Gleb bent over and stared at your lips. But he really did kiss you, unexpectedly, caughting you off guard. A weird tingling feeling spread inside your guts, replacing the cold that bit its way through to your bones. You even started to imagine that it wasn’t cold anymore, or maybe you were only too startled to think about that. 

The next hours you hoped to see someone again, but no one appeared. Gleb’s actions confused you more than ever- did he mean it? Or were this just a game for him, just like after spin the bottle? You feared to think about further mistakes or the choices you might had to take one day. All lost boys confused you, but no one more than Felix. He acted so nice, he wanted to protect you and even tried to… or did he? You weren’t even sure now if Felix really attempted to kiss you. If that were his intention, what stopped him? Overthinking wouldn’t help, but laying always in that position, drifting off into your thoughts were no way to stop yourself. Even though the cage was very uncomfortable, your own madness in your head created the perfect lullaby in your head, made of fantasies that will never happen, that slowly cradled you back to sleep. 

Your slumber didn’t last long, when you woke up, your neck hurt so much that you could hardly move your head. You remembered how you woke up in the middle of the night and how Gleb stole a quick kiss before vanishing. The cage was moving down and you wondered if it was the russian who came back and saved you.

'Gleb?' You called excited.

‘Y/N.' Another voice called back.

You breath stayed away in despair and you backed away into the corner of your cage when you heard Felix’s voice. The cage reached the ground and Felix opened it, squatting down in front of you with a loaf of bread in his hand. The second in command looked horrible: half of his face was swollen up and he got one bloodshot eye. It must been a torture to walk back up here, every part of skin that your eyes could detect were covered with bruises and drained blood. He breathed loud and unsteady. 

‘Leave me alone.’ Your voice was trembling, it felt like you had a big knot in your throat.
The sun was rising slowly, leaving everything in a golden, orange light. Felix face looked dramatically beautiful and you hated yourself for even thinking that. 

He looked hurt, not his appearance caught your attention, rather his facial expression.

'I…-' he started but never finished the sentence. His eyes beamed down to his hand and the bread inside it, before he stretched it towards you. You both connected eyes again, for a long time, but you didn't move, didn't attempt to grab for the bread. Not until he told you why he was like that. Why did he care for you so hard when he treated you like garbage in the next second. Javier had warned you about him, Gleb too. Maybe even the mermaid? You shook your head and glanced aside. Everything was better to look at than this beautiful, beaten up face. 

Felix sunk his head and sighted. He placed the bread in front of you and backed away, still looking at you. 

'Fuck!' he said calm and started to hit his head against the wooden bars violently, caughting your attention immediately.

'I...I just...never meant-' he stopped and closed his eye, resting his forehead against the wood. 

You knew he tried to tell you something, but no words crossed his lips. The second in command stayed silent, the golden light that shone on him made him almost look innocent.  He sat there in front of you, like a beaten up kid that was his tears close, but still tried to fight against it. Except that Felix didn't really looked like crying, rather angry, maybe disappointed. 

You didn’t care about how he felt, what he would do or say, except it were the answer you craved. His behaviour was unpredictable and he even broke his promise.

‘You broke your promise,’ you said and looked into his startled face.’You said you would never hurt me.' You made a long pause and continued,'But here we are.’ 

You spoke in a cocky voice before turning away again. Felix sunk his head, not daring to speak. He knew exactly what you were talking about. After a while he seemed to have gathered his thoughts. The second in command opened his mouth to say something, closed it,opened it again and said:’You know that he makes me do it.’ 

You scoffed and shook your head in disapproval. ‘There is always a choice that we make.’

Felix stood up and ran hand through his sweaty, golden hair. It was a mess like himself. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he glanced back to you.

'Being the second in command doesn't work around anymore." Felix said."But not being the second in command doesn't work either. Not without some help at least.’

Felix closed the cage and lifted you up, this time not as high as before. He grabbed his club and turned on his heels, walking down the hill, limping from Marco's and Cosmo's outrage, leaving you startled behind.

As soon as the second in command was out of sight you grabbed the bread and hungrily bit into it. Maybe it tasted so good because you felt like starving, but you swore this bread was the best thing you ever ate on Neverland. You filled your stomach and tried to find a good position to lie down without hurting some of your limbs, but it was hardly possible. Since you had nothing to do in there, you closed your eyes again and tried to fall back asleep. Being awake right now was simply unbearable. Everything you thought about was how Gleb kissed you and the things Felix said to you. You didn’t know whom to trust and what to feel. Whenever Felix crossed your mind, butterflies spread inside your guts and you couldn’t stop but smile. You knew he had a good side in him, but the cruel parts would always break your heart. 

Thinking about Felix always broke your heart, as if it were too big for your body. You knew there was more than this aggression, but what? Thinking about Gleb didn’t confuse you less. He mocked you in front of everyone and told you to stay away because it was too dangerous. Why did he kiss you then? Didn’t he love someone else? Well, he loved the girl that got murdered by the boy you fell for. 

The more you thought about all this, the sadder you got until you didn’t even realise how silent tears runned down your cheeks again, dropping through the bars down onto the ground. At least you weren’t high up in the trees now and you wondered if Felix forgot about it or simply did you a favour. He played his own games with you and it broke your heart. 

'Why is everyone lying?' You whimpered to yourself and wiped the tears away, only to have them replaced with new ones. 

It took you a long time but you fell asleep again, being even more tired later, so you kept on sleeping. It was way better than being awake and in a cage anyways. All you did was rest and even that exhausted you. Sleeping too much wasn't good either. It made you lose every sense of time. The sun warmed your cold limbs and for a while you found peace. You didn’t bother about your feelings and dozed inside the cage for hours before you would wake up again by someone kicking against the wooden bars.

When you ripped your eyes opened and lifted your head dizzily, you were already on the ground, door open to face the king of neverland himself. His eyes were glowing like always in a mischievous way. Pan kicked again at the cage, this time harder. A mocking smirk was plastered on his face.

‘Do you like your bed?’ He chuckled and raised an eyebrow. ‘You know, love. It was necessary- you failed me!’

At Pan’s evil sight you tried your best to not start vomiting, even when you desperately felt like it. That green dressed bastard wouldn’t break you so easily, not after what Felix did.

‘I know that you have a good heart, Peter.’ You said calm. ‘Don’t act so vain.’

Peter scoffed at you and bent one knee down onto the grass. He gave you a spiteful face. 

‘You always see the good in everyone, love. Am I right?’ His voice was like poison.You pressed your teeth together and nodded.‘You can bet your ass on it!’

Peter raised one eyebrow again, grinning wide before he gestured for you to come out.

‘Looks like someone is allowed to come out and play again!' 

You growled at him and crawled out onto the warm grass and stretched your body. Peter Pan was a fucking asshole and you wished to kick his face, but you didn’t lie- you truly believed that deep down everyone is capable of love, even him. 

You turned around to say something, but Pan was already gone, vanished into thin air. With another growl you stamped down hill into the direction where the camp was, truly hating every moment of it. If you were honest you didn’t want to return. Seeing Pan and his second in command made you sick. It made you sick that you fell for the bloody bastard. Some of the boys were right when they called him Pan’s lab dog. That boy was a monster and he would follow ruthless any of Pan’s orders. At the thought of how many girls Felix might have killed, your guts began to feel like they were impaled with a pitchfork and someone started to twist it. It was an uncomfortable emotion of wanting to vomit and faint at the same time. One day he would finish you off, too. That you were certain of.

You jumped over some rocks and fallen trees to get faster to the camp, even though it got harder to move after a while without tripping over some large roots and bushes. In the distance was a walnut tree; so you headed slowly forwards it, away from all the undergrowth. You placed the flask onto the ground and stuffed your pockets with walnuts before you continued to walk down a small path alongside the empty training area. This was very odd, no boy that seemed to look for a fight this morning.

When you came closer to the big hedge two boys were guarded the entrance like always. You recognized Beau’s swollen up face, his eyes widened when he saw you. Next to him stood Ian, the same expression on his slender face. No one said a word when you strutted past him, they only gave you a weird, startled look.

Happy to see you, too, boys., You thought in annoyance and gritted your teeth. Your eyes wandered directly to the extinguished campfire. Thomas sat on the muddy ground, sharpening his spear while Felix listened to one of his stories. They came along pretty well now as it seemed. When the scottish boy saw you, he stopped talking and gave you a wide smile. Felix followed his friend’s gaze. His face told you nothing like usual.

In the corner of your eyes appeared a tall blonde guy. You turned your head and watched Gleb carrying some wood into the stock. He didn’t wore his shirt, exposing his pale skin, almost blinding. You marched towards him, a wide smile plastered on your face, not even realising that both,-Thomas and Felix, were heading into your direction. They stopped and exchanged a look of confusion.

‘Gleb.’ You called as you entered the little cottage and the russian turned. He dropped the wood that laid on his shoulder and jumped forwards, bending down to you and embracing your little frame with a short hug before quickly shifting to his feet.

‘You’re out of cage!’ He said and you laughed at his accent, but still started to like it.

‘Thank you.’ You said and looked up to him with a warm smile. Your heart was beating so fast, you almost feared he would notice. You breathed faster and felt a tension between the tall boy and you. There were so many questions and you knew that Gleb would answer them.

‘Y/N!’ You heard Thomas’s excited voice behind you. He grabbed your wrist and pulled you away from Gleb against his soft chest. Thomas was as tall as Gleb but not as trained. That he defeated the russian was only because Gleb got ambushed on. 

They both glared at each other while Felix stood in the doorway, watching the scenery in curiosity. 

That second you noticed him your blood run cold. Every Cell inside your body screamed at you to get away as quick as possible, but on the other hand it was his rough hands that you wanted to feel against your back, not Thomas’s or Gleb's. It was too late to lie at yourself, still, this feelings weren’t acceptable. The second in command would be your death one day.

‘Fuhck off ye doaty pig!' Thomas growled at the russian and pressed his arms tighter around you. Gleb squinted his eyes and formed his hands into fists, growling back as if he was an animal.

‘Well, this is too much for me today!’ You said and freed yourself out of Thomas’s grip, heading to the exit when Felix stepped forward and blocked your way. 

You didn’t look him in the eyes, you weren’t giving him the chance to say something. 

‘Get away.’ You said and pressed your hands against his muscular chest, trying to move him in vain. It didn't work.

‘I said get AWAY!’ 

You punched against his chest and when he did nothing, another time. He was in a bad shape, but even after a countless time of beating him he wouldn’t move, not even when you tried to shove him away with full force. Frustration overcame you and tears formed in your eyes, but you denied to let one of them roll over your cheeks. You wouldn’t give Felix that pleasure of that sight. 

'We need to talk.' He said dry and pieced you with cold eyes.  Gleb shoved Thomas rough aside and stepped closer to you, glaring at Felix. If looks could kill-

With a quick movement the russian kicked against the lost boy's chest, causing him to crash rough onto the ground. You used that moment to leave the cabin and jog back to the tall oak and the three stumps. Felix groaned in pain and still laid on the grass when you glanced back.
He didn't move and stayed where he was.

Turning your head back forwards, you headed to your tent, dropping onto your bed to scream into your pillow. Your whole body ached and you only wanted to rest. The feeling of sinking into your soft mattress was like heaven.

When you threw your shoes away you almost hit Thomas who stuck his face through the curtain.

'Easy lassie!' He purred, the corner of his lips rising. 'Do ya wanna see sheep?' 

You shook your head exhausted and buried your face back into the pillow. Thomas sighted disappointed and stepped closer, turning your head with his warm hand. 

'Something wrong?'

You shook your head again, slowly getting annoyed by him. How could you tell Thomas that you fell in love with the most ruthless boy on the island, or that Gleb kissed you again, when you seemed to like Thomas a few days before? The scottish boy disappeared fully out of your mind. If you had felt something for him it was gone now, replaced by so many other confusing emotions.

'Can you just-' you swallowed and looked into his brown deer-like eyes. '- leave me alone?'

'I am just so tired!' You added in fear to might hurt him. 

Thomas smiled understanding and he opened his mouth to say something when Gleb suddenly entered the tent. His blue eyes pierced Thomas's like icicles. They told you how much he despised the scottish boy. Thomas turned around to face Gleb, that friendly facade dropping immediately like a heavy stone, pulling the corner of his lips down. 

Both of them just stared at each other, hands formed into fists and teeth gritted together. You could swear you even heard them growl at each other like stray dogs. That moment felt like an eternity to you, before it happened real quick. Everything went under into a silent explosion of silence and the sudden sound of knuckles hitting the skull of the other.

'Eye for an eye, blyat!' Gleb shouted and watched with a smug face how Thomas crashed against your bed. He touched his own, still bruised face and smiled. 

'Leave her the fuck alone, you filthy rat!'

Thomas stood up, going to strike down on Gleb. Before he could hit him you jumped out of bed betweem down. The two boys stopped fighting immediately when they almost hit you, still glaring at each other.

'I am tired, boys-' you sighted and moved your hand to your forehead. 'So tired of this bullshit.'

Both of them gave you weird look when you silently walked back to the bed and crawled under the sheets. 

'Get the fuck out.' You said bravely and didn't expect that they would really do it. Both looked startled over to you before they quickly attacked each other again outside. It was none of your business but obvious. You pulled the blanket over you and closed your eyes, pushing every thought of them away. What really bothered you, were the cages. How many girls have been in there before? How many girls did Felix treaty like this…? Your mind snapped- did she knew this would…- yes, of course. She knew. The mermaid obviously meant Felix. He wasn't to be trusted. Neither was Pan. You let out a frustrated sight when you thought of the green devil and you were certain that your punishment wasn't over yet. Even though you slept so much your body screamed for rest. You knew that this might be the last time to relax and that Pan will make your life a living hell. If you only knew why…

The next morning you rose early from your bed and strolled into the kitchen to grab some breakfast. When you walked down the short path next to the storage room, Felix was still lying motionless on the ground. You stopped for moment and gasped at the sight of him. 

He was here all night., you thought. No one picked him up. 

Felix always looked innocent when he wasn't awake, seeing him here wouldn't change anything. A false picture. You closed your eyes to stop tears forming in them and swallowed hard, then moved on into the kitchen. When you entered the cabin, Gleb, Mitch and Javier sat at the table. The russian boy had several black bruises on his face and Javier seemed to have his arm broken. When you walked in they stopped talking and shot their eyes into your direction.

'Y/N' Gleb smiled and rose from his seat, slowly walking towards you, leaving just a small amount of space between your bodies. His fingers wiped the hair out of your face. The lost boy didn't say a word, but his warm smile told you anything. 

'What happened to your face?' You asked him and reached to touch it. Gleb squatted down so you could reach his face, his hands cupping your cheeks. 'Don't worry about me, love.' The lost boy placed a quick kiss onto your forehead. 'I endure every pain to keep little girl save!' 

The russian laughed and jumped to his feet, placing himself next to Javier. Mitch shrinked when Gleb came back. He had a red handprint on his cheek and you assumed he got beaten up by the russian.

'Gleb,' you muttered. 'Can you meet me tonight at the chestnut trees behind the training field?'

The lost boy stared dazzled at you, then smiled after a while and nodded.  

'See you then, моя любовь.' He grinned before you ate a plate filled with bread and fruits and a little meat.

Leaving the cabin and meeting Pan this morning  was more than unpleasant. He stormed towards you, grabbed you rough by the chin before he glared at you through slit-formed eyes. 

'Better pray, that Felix will get up soon, or you'll suffer for that, too!' He growled through gritted teeth. His long eyelashes threw dark shadows over his red underlined eyes. With that, the king of Neverland let go and pushed you harsh onto the ground. 

'I want rabbit traps. Go build some in the woods.' Pan commanded aggressive before strutting to the kitchen cabin, probably giving them boys some tasks, too. You went back the storage room for the supplies you needed, just to notice that Felix was gone, pan must have moved it. You wouldn’t admit it, but now you really wished that Felix could help you and show you how to do it. 

I don't need Felix. Screw him.

No one would say your work was perfect, but after hours of struggling it would be a lie to say these traps were shit. They were as best as you could made them, even though you never did that before, they looked as if they could work. You looked up and breathed in some air and realised that you were horribly stinking and really needed a bath. Back in the camp Pan seemed to wait for you like a strict parent when their kid went to a party. 

'Bring Felix some food.' Pan commanded with a stern voice, raising his eyebrows furiously. He gave you a despitefully look when strutting past you and you fought the urge to bark at him. Pan hated to see his second in command knocked down, no one else were to be trusted with his tasks. No one even really knew what his tasks were. Pan wasn't used to have Felix not around and you noticed how mad he was about it. Pan was obviously disappointed with you for not winning a stupid game. 

But you nearly did.

When the green devil was finally out of sight, you made your way to the kitchen where you grabbed a plate that you filled with bread and meat, together with some mashed potatoes. The food that the boys did always tatsted plain, nothing spectacular about it. Sometimes you preferred to eat nothing at all and it was all Felix would get from you now.

When you walked to the second in command's cabin, the door stood wide open. You already noticed that the curtains were closed and you assumed the second in command would be asleep. The temptation to be alone with him again and talk with him made you feel nervous, in a odd, pleasurable way. Fighting against it, you swiftly walked towards Felix's bed and placed the plate on the lost boy's nightstand. In the moment you turned around to leave, Felix's slender fingers embraced your wrist, holding you gentle at place. You froze in shock and darted your eyes down to meet his. 

'Talk to me, please.' He gasped and stared at you with round, glistening eyes. 

'I have no reason to talk!' You hissed and ripped your arm away, taking a step back into the part where the sun shone into the cabin. Felix noticed the anger in your face and he slowly sat up, suffering with every move. He still had no shower, neither did you. His bare chest was covered with drained blood and multiple black bruises. The sweat run down from his hair to his cheeks, dropping onto his already wet chest. The wound in his shoulder looked better, but still not healed and it seems as if he had a fever.

'You look sick.' You remarked and tilted your head, feeling bad and guilty for him. After all he tried to fight Marco. The second in command grinned painfully and shook his head. 

'I am okay.' He said with a trembling face. It was an obvious lie and it only upset you more.

You threw your hands furiously into the air, raising your voice at him,'You're always lying!  What's your fucking problem?' 

In addition you stormed out of the cabin, ignoring the hurt face that was plastered on the lean boy. He wouldn’t hurt you another time. You wouldn’t let him. Why did he even had to lie about his emotions? 

'Y/N!' Felix's called with a raspy voice as you stormed out of the door. 

'Please come back…' He added quietly, well aware you were already gone.

You went to your tent and grabbed fresh clothes and a towel before you headed off to the pond  with the small waterfall,- the place where Felix saw you naked. You shook your head and your cheeks reddened in embarrassment. He only upset you with all those lies.  Why was it so hard to be honest? You tossed your clothes onto the ground and dived into the cool water, brushing the dirt off your skin. Your hair was sweaty and oily, you needed to brush your teeth. For a moment you filled relaxed and soothed by your calm surroundings. The waterfall patterned down in a beautiful melody into the pond, along to sounds of the birds lovely tune.

You dived your head under water and forced yourself to think at anything else than Felix. Whenever you pushed him out of your mind Gleb appeared instead, leaving a tingling feeling inside your guts. 

As soon as you were clean again you stepped out of the water, wiping your skin dry with the towel before you slipped into fresh clothes. All your tears were dried and within the dirt you wore to wash off some off your fears. This wasn't you- a little cry baby that couldn't help herself.  You needed to remind yourself that you were braver than that,-strong and independent. That Pan put you in a cage was clearly an attempt to break you. He almost won.  You had to find out what he wanted. 

The sun shone through the dark paths as you made your way back to the hedgehogs that covered the camp.  With gritted teeth you strutted past the guards, ignoring their laughs and gossip. The boys were constantly talking in secret, each of them sharing another one. If you wanted to find out the truth you needed to get close when they gossiped. Unfortunately no one would invite you to join a group. It was impossible to get information. Your eyes beamed up, detecting Pan on the clearing. The brat leaned against the oak, arms crossed while watching excited one of the boy's games,- a game with much violence included of course. You followed the scene with curiosity. Devin stood in front of Marco, both throwing knives at each other's feet. Both of them jumped, tried their best not to get hit, so you already figured out the rules yourselve. Don't get hit. When you saw Marco you felt nothing else than hate and the deep desire to throw one of the knives into his chubby moonface.

Suddenly Pan’s body got tense, as if he could feel your appearance. Without tilting his head the leaders eyes shot into your direction, a malicious grin crept on his pale face. That green eyes glittered devilish in the bright sun light. He gave you goosebumps.

'The boy's clothes are dirty,' He spat.' Clean them!'

Pan pointed his index towards a pile of dirty clothes, laying next to the dining cabin. You let out a frustrated and strutted towards it so you can walk back to your pond. Your own clothes had to be cleaned as well, so you took the chance to see the positive sight. No matter how much you craved to rebel against him, it was the smarter choice to obey, play the game and follow Pan's rules. He thought he won, but this wasn't over yet, you would only get stronger!

You spent the whole afternoon washing the clothes of the lost boys, hanging them out in the sun to dry and folding them together. The days never felt so heavy before, never that unbearable.  The only thing you wanted was to go back and fight something out. Suddenly you remembered that women, Tinkerbell, and that she gave you something. Maybe she would give you some more answers. 

The way back to camp was peaceful and freed your mind. The cool breeze blew through your hair, carrying a nostalgic smell with it. It filled your sensed and build up an inner joy, a rarity of feeling happy. This place could be so peaceful if Pan and Felix weren't around. You passed high trees that ranked higher into the sky than you could ever see. Their green crowns looked like bushy clouds that protected every living under it's peaceful watch. The forest was your home and it would always embrace it with it's superiority. No one on Neverland would admit it, but the forest was the true king of this island. It held magic and live in a perfect balance. 

The lost boys didn't even thank you when you handed them their clean clothes back, not even wondering how fast you did the job. Pan took a quick look, then sentence you to sharpen the swords  and carve wood for new arrows, so you followed his order again. None of his punishments were hurting you, Pan noticed, so his face darkened whenever you fulfilled one task without any oblivious complaints. He was boiling in anger, face reddened and covered in blue veins. At least he didn't said another word. Your last task was to start the bonfire in the evening. When Pan rushed towards his thinking tree the whole atmosphere turned calm. Most of the boys went off into the jungle, playing some of their favourite games. A small group sat around your lit bonfire, talking in private. You desperately wanted to know what their subject was, but whenever you neared the group all of them would silence. It was surely an odd behaviour and you remembered that it had been like this since you arrived here. 

Why did Thomas lie about saving you? Or did Felix lie? 

You shook your head, trying to wipe your thoughts as you dumbed the last wood into the fire and slowly strutted to the kitchen. A pile of dirty plates was the first thing that would greet you. They towered like a mountain on the wood, staring at you and waiting to be cleaned. With an annoyed grunt you walked around it, not even giving it a second look. You pulled out a pan, oil and potatoes, deciding to rather cook for yourself. It wasn't your intention to be rude, but only looking at the lost boy's dinner made you feel sick. You took your time and peeled the potatoes, cutting them in pieces before you heatened the oil in the pan. A soft melody escaped your mouth when you threw the potatoes inside, frying them in the hot oil. 

'Smells good.' A dark, raspy voice suddenly spoke, causing you to jump in surprise. You felt how your heart beat faster and you turned your head aside to lock eyes with Felix. The second in command leaned at the door, arms holding his hurting body, his lips held a light smile. All the blood was washed away, his dirty blonde hair still wet. 

'You took a bath.' You noted silently and focused yourself back onto your food, even though you really wondered how he managed to do that. Still, he wasn't worth your attention. You flipped the potatoes with a quick movement and waited until the other side was crisp, too, then served them for yourself on a plate. Felix watched you taking a seat and slowly stepped forward, placing himself on the bench of the other side of the table. His steel like eyes were fixed onto you as if he waited for you to say something. He could wait forever.

'You're gonna eat all that by yourself?' He asked with a quiet voice.

'No.'

'Can I ha-'

'-No.'

Felix slightly nodded and after a while he broke the gaze and shifted his eyes down to his pocket pulling something out of it. You dropped the fork and swallowed hard. Your hand moved on itself towards to the dry flower crown that the lost boy placed on the wooden table. It was definitely one of yours.

'Why did he order you to follow me?' You asked sternly, keeping your eyes darted at the crown.

'He never did.' Felix admit dryly, causing you to gasp in disbelief and look back at him. Why would he follow you then?

'You're such a creep, Felix.' You snarled and raised to your feet. The lost boy knitted his eyes together and swallowed hard. He was slumped in deep dejection when you left him again.

You left some of the potatoes within the flower crown behind, heading over the fighting area out of the camp. You hated to walk past those guards and behind the big clearing, hidden past the chestnut trees, was a gap in the hedge. Your feet stumbled over some stones, leading you downhill to a small river that would bring you to the beach. It wasn't important where you'd go, but you absolutely needed to get away from the boys. You were angry and for a good reason, you wouldn't  talk to Felix for a while, no matter how hard he tried. Was this a game for him? 

Suddenly you heard some twigs break behind you. All your attention instantly fixed on the heavy footsteps from behind. With a swift movement you grabbed a stone from the ground, spun around and threw it at a lost boy.

'FUCK YOU, FELIX!' You growled. After noticing that it was Gleb, you frowned and stood still. 

'I-... sorry.I didn’t expected yoy.' You muttered and smiled sadly. 

'You must really hate him!' Gleb chuckled joyful, holding his shoulder as he closed the space between you two. 'What does Pan's most loyal want from you?' He laughed but his face got worried. He knew that something was wrong. 'Besides, you asked me to meet you at the trees. Remember?'

You chuckled and nodded at the last question.

'I don't know what he wants.' You said,'But I wish he would leave me alone.'

The russian nodded and joined you to wander through the dense forest. 

'It will be dark soon,' Gleb said. 'Where are you heading, little girl?' He raised his thin eyebrows and it barely changed his facial expression. His skin was almost as white as his hair. Gleb's blue eyes were like glowing orbs of a bulky ghost. His appearance fascinated you. 

'I just wanted to go for a walk- away from all of you.' You admitted, straying faster forwards. The lost boy paced up too, and stopped you by gentle placing his hand on your shoulder. 

'Should I teach you how to fish?' The bulky boy asked suggestively with the corner of his lips raised and gesturing one hand to his dagger and with the other one to a stick on the ground. You scoffed and rolled your eyes, trying your best not to look flustered.

'Felix already showed me.' You smiled, yet your voice sounded sad.

'Felix is horrible at fishing.' Gleb said and placed his thumb under your chin, lifting your head to face him. Those cool eyes looked like calm water, relaxing and intimidating at the same time. They trembled nervously, switching to look from one of your eyes to another.

'I'll sharpen a stick real quick.' He said.

'Just get an spear, we're not that fa-' 

Gleb covered your mouth and quickly moved you towards the trees. There was a rustling nearby and since the incident with Felix you understood what it meant. No risks.

'Don't be too comfortable.' The boy whispered. 'This place got eyes everywhere, remember?' 

You nodded and moved through the bushes, following the boy further away to the camp, where the russian felt safe. 

'They saw us this morning.' You said nervously. 'Mitch saw us.'
 
Gleb scoffed and rolled his eyes. Ignoring what you said he showed you a small path covered with enough trees and bushes to make you feel protected from being watched. Between the berry bushes grew thousands of flowers, their colour perfectly matching the foliages on the ground. 

'What did you and Thomas fight about?' You asked bluntly when you eyed the lost boy's bruises. His skin looked like someone spilled reds and blues over the left side of a white tablecloth. Gleb's eyes shot down to you, his eyebrows knitting sternly together.

'Aye, girl, you really don't know?' He asked confused and started to giggle a bit before he controlled himself again. 

'Every girl that ever came here- Thomas tried to win them for himself. He manipulates them, persuades them that they are something special for him-' he made a pause an expression as if he had to vomit, making you almost laugh. 

'He is up to no good. You know what he wants' Gleb continued. 'He even tried it with Galina.' 

When he mentioned her name your eyes widened and you suddenly realised again that it was Felix who killed her. You understood what Gleb meant, you would never forget the sounds some lost boys would make when they sneaked together in a tent for the night. Thomas had no interest in a boy for sure.  

'Why did Pan want her dead?'

You stopped the russian by pulling at his cloak. Gleb turned around, avoiding your gaze in the best possible way, letting out a sad sight. The forest git utterly quiet, the only thing your ears perceived were the singing of the birds and the rushing water nearby. Gleb needed a moment before he could speak.

'Pan played a lot of mind games with her, driving her crazy. She didn't just hated Pan,- she despised him with all her body soul and heart to death. When Pan found out that she and I fell for each other,  something switched in his mind.' The russian explained and made a small pause, his voice already trembling and he was fighting desperately tears back. 'She was the first lost girl.'

Gleb stepped out of the bushes and started to sharpen the stick with his dagger. You sat down on the ground and let your eyes wander high up to the orange crowns. The sun slowly went down and flooded the forest in a yellow light.

'You must miss her much.' You exhaled and let yourself drop back onto the dry grass. The russian boy smiled down at you and laid down as well. 'I had a rough life.' He gave back and closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the company. 

'She wasn't the love of my life, you see?' He explained and darted his eyes at you. 'There was this girl, back in the town where I lived. My father didn't  approve of our relationship. He had a friend who was a guard in the village and one night he visited that girl's house and paid her father a high amount of money.'

Gleb sighted and rubbed his hand over his face. 'That man took the girl and with her my heart.' Then he added,' She was never seen again.'

You were at a loss of words, staring at him blankly. He seemed comfortable with the questions but the strange feeling of changing subject wouldn't let you go.

'How was it hundred years ago?' Was the only thing you could think about, in fact, you were quiet curious about how it must be to live this long. 

'Hundred years ago?' Gleb chuckled and sat up in joy. 'I can't even tell you about last month!'

'Anyways,' The broad lost boy continued to sharpen the stick until it was ready to be used as a spear. 'Let me show you how to fish!'

He took off his shoes, pulled up the sleeves of his pants and stepped into the cold river water. His feet found grip on some stones where he positioned himself to wait for his prey. Gleb didn't need to explain that it would need patience and concentration. 

'Spear your prey.' He spoke quietly when he finally eyed a big fish. The boy swiftly pushed his arms down, impaling that animal . 'After hitting your target, grab either the fish or the protruding point of the spear to control the flapping fish.'

'Be sure that you are close enough to the fish and have a good aim, so that you have a greater likelihood of killing the fish as opposed to just harming it.' 

Gleb stamped the spear into the ground next to you and quickly cut off the fish's head. You closed your eyes at that sight.

'Now you learned.' He smiled and raised his eyebrows, then strutted back to you. It didn't took him long to start a little fire with the sticks around to grill the fish. It smelled worse than it tasted. Both of you ate in silence, no one said a single word, still you felt calm in Gleb's presence. 

'What makes you so different from Thomas?' You asked after a while with a cheeky grin spread over your face. 

'I am honest.' Gleb smirked and crawled forward, his nose almost touching yours. 'I don't play with girl's feelings.  Back in my motherland we treat women good.'

You chuckled and placed a finger on his lips, pushing him playfully back. 

'But we are on Neverland now,' you said. 'And in Neverland we play Pan's rules.'

'Then you have to leave!' He chuckled. 'Find some Pixie dust and we fly into another world'

You raised one eyebrow in confusion, your eyes were filled with curiosity. What did he talk about?

'Magic dust?' You asked.

'Forget about it, there is barely some on Neverland and if you find some-'

He stopped. The pale boy shook his head, grinning wide before he jumped to his feet to kill the small fire.

'It doesn't matter anyways. Better don't talk about magic dust-'

'-Or other girls…' you added and looked at him intently.

Gleb swallowed and stepped on the last burning  sticks. The moment the light was gone you suddenly realised how dark it already were. Gleb looked up into the sky, worry covering his face.

'Let's go back quick.' He said and yanked you by your arm up to your feet. 

'Why are you so concerned?' You asked unsure and even more startled. 

'It's not safe at night.'

You scoffed and tried to keep up with the tall boy. He pushed some bushes and leaves out of the way, taking another part that was harder to get through but faster. 

'Slow down!' You yelled when you got stuck between some branches, almost losing the boy out of sight. 'GLEB!'

The russian turned on his heels and covered your mouth, his eyes cold as ice. 

'The shadows come out of night!' He hissed, his hand still on your mouth. For a moment he got utterly silent, bending down to your height while staring anxiously into the sky. When nothing happened he removed the hand and let out a relieved sigh, then pointing his index on his lips to be quiet. 

'They see everything, Y/N.' He whispered. 'There are no bigger spies than the shadows.' 

You gulped and nodded slowly. You had never seen one before, except Pan’s. Rumours would say that they were they reason some of the boys cried at night out on the island. They drained their happiness from them. Felix on the other hand had spend many nights out here and you wondered if he was around, watching you and Gleb. A small piece inside of you hoped he did and that he got jealous. 

'We're almost there.' Gleb said and you recognized the hole in the hedge. You moved forward and kissed the lost boy on his cheek, using the moment where he was squatting next to you. 

'Good night, принцесса.' He hummed and watched with warm eyes how you sneaked back into the camp.

You snuck quietly over the clearing and wandered around the chestnut trees, focusing yourself on the fire in the distance with some dancing silhouettes around it. For a moment, when you thought about Pan might noticing your disappearance, your heart stopped and shivers went down your spine. Your body went stiff and you felt your heart beat nervously.

'Y/N!' An angry voice suddenly shouted before you where grabbed rough by the arm. You shrinked before whole body got tense again. The tight grip on your skin burned like someone was twisting your arm, causing you to scream.

'You are hurting me!' You yelled and ripped your arm away, facing Felix's startled face.

'No- I'm not.' He said and frowned uncertainty. 

'You are!' You yelled again, tears already forming in your eyes. 

'I'm not-'

'YOU DO IT ALL THE TIME!'

'-At least don't intended to… .' he finished his sentence and smiled sadly, then took a small step back to leave you some space. 

'I have to talk to you.' He said with a quiet voice after looking down at you for what felt like an eternity. 'Where have you been?'

You shook your head in anger, your body trembling. The temptation was big again, yet, you were pretty sure that he wouldn't give you the answers you craved for. The audacity to ask you where you have been… As if he didn't follow you again.

'Did you follow me again?' You said in a harsh tone and he gave you another confused look. You sighted annoyed and swiftly walked to the end of the fighting area, stopping at the storage to watch the dancing boys on the other clearing. Some played the drums while others jumped around the fire, drumming with wooden sticks to the beat. Pan was nowhere in sight so you assumed the party was just theirs. You exhaled relieved and leaned against the wood of the cabin. No one would stop this boys from having a good time. With a quick look you saw Felix limping closer to you, his face scrunching up in pain, it was hardly possible to be fast like this. In this light you saw all the bruises again, they reminded you how stupid your question was. This boy wasn't going anywhere so soon, especially didn't he follow you. You turned your head away, acting like you were ignoring the second in command, even though it burned inside you to know what he had to say.

'Y/N.' You felt Felix's breath against your ear and it sent immediately an electric sensation through your whole body. You didn’t respond and waited before you felt his hand touching your shoulder gentle. His touch was as soft as a feather, stroking some hair out of your face. 

'Tell me what Pan wants from me.' 

Felix pulled his hand away as if he burned himself. His eyes were melting in pain and he opened his mouth to say something but no words escaped his lips.

'I can't.' He choked out, his eyebrows trembling. He was torn apart between telling you and turning on his heels. The pain in his eyes told you how hard it was to him. There was no thing you could accept than the truth, Felix owed it to you. All this mysterious acting had a purpose and you needed to know why. Why did he act like he cared? Was this a game to him? 

'Then this conversation is over.' You muttered back and stormed off through the crowd of boys to your tent. 'Wait!' Felix called and you were definitely sure he was following you. 

Back inside your tent you didn't need to wait long before Felix arrived. You threw one of your shoes at the entering boy and when he blocked it, you threw the second one, too. 

'Fuck you!' You yelled and grabbed for the pillow to throw at him. It didn't matter what you threw but you just felt like aiming with several things at the the second in command. Felix widened his eyes quickly stepped forward when you grabbed for a glass bottle. He roughly pushed you back until he fell with you onto to the bed, pinning your arms down above your head. 

'Just listen to me!' He hissed while you fought with everything you had, forcing Felix to straddle you. His weight on your stomach made it hardly possible to breathe.

'I- i am trying my best, Y/N.' He whispered and let go of your hands. You buried your nails into his legs and lifted your upper body to get more air.

'Let me know what he wants, Felix!' You yelled as you fought the tears back that formed in your eyes. 'Please you have to tell me what he wants from me!'

When you felt a tear drop onto your forehead you stopped fighting against the lost boy, every muscle relaxed. Felix's blue eyes were a puddle of tears and he bit his lip to keep himself from spilling secrets.

'He has so much power.' The way his voice was cracking hurt you in your heart. 'I am scared of him.'

You moved your hands up to his face and wiped the tears away. The lost boy shrinked when he felt your skin against his. He learned forwards so his nose was almost touching yours. His breath tickled your lips and made you feel nervous. 

'If I am being honest I don't know the full reason why you are so important to Pan. But I'll have to do what he asks for.'

'You care about me.' 

He scoffed and rolled over, lying next to you. His hands laid on his stomach and his eyes stared at the ceiling. Your heart beat faster and you slowly turned onto your side, just staring at him. He laid next to you as if he were an old friend, drowning in thoughts obviously. 

'I want to leave Neverland.' You whispered after a while. Felix head instantly shot towards your direction, his eyes filled with disbelief. First he looked concerned, then he slowly started to giggle and shake his head. 

'What's so funny?' You said upset.

'Nothing.' Felix said. 'No one leaves Neverland without Pan's permission.'

You frowned and lifted yourself up and looking down at Felix. 'What do you mean?'

'This Island is enchanted as you already know. Pan feels when someone tries to leave or when a new visitor arrives. He is bonded with the island.' He answered and lifted himself as well. 

'I will get you off from Neverland.' The tall blonde boy whispered into your ear, his breath tickling your skin, then he stood up and limped out of the tent. As soon as he left you let yourself drop onto the mattress again and buried yourself into the pillow Felix was laying on. It smelled slightly like him and you couldn't help but smile while his sense entered your nose. Your mind slowly drifted off into some naughty daydream, forgetting about what was important. You needed to relax and calm yourself down.

Before you could realise what you were actually doing, you felt your hand slipped into your underwear. The thought of Felix on top of you wouldn't leave your head, his heat and weight against you made you feel hot, almost making you go insane. In this moment you didn't care about anything bad Felix ever did to you, the heat that overcame your body was too strong, it flooded you in waves. All you could think of was  how Felix looked naked and how his moans might sound. You buried your face deeper into the pillow while you played with yourself. The second in command was a tall boy, a ruthless one and in this moment it turned you on. You wanted him so bad to rip off your clothes and fuck you like an animal. When you reached your climax you let out a small moan, pushing your face a last time into the pillow to smell Felix.

Your breaths were heavy and when you opened your eyes you realised that all the time you thought of Felix while masturbating. With widened eyes you sat up and quickly grabbed a towel to clean yourself. You hated yourself so much, on the other hand you knew you'd do it again. Shame and embarrassed flooded you and you buried yourself into the pillow, trying to shake all the thoughts of the second in command aside, just to be greeted by his breathtaking smell again. Why did you love him so much when he was such an ass? He had a heart, you had seen it many times. He couldn’t lie to you all the time. Felix wasn't such a good actor. 

Forget him., a voice deep inside you spoke demanding. Gleb is the one who treats you well.

You felt something for the bulky russian, yet you couldn't quite tell what.  Your emotions were twisted up, trying to gather them seemed impossible. So many events in such a short time had made you to the person you were now,- but was it a good one? You rolled your body over and looked at the mirror next to your bed. What you saw was a girl that broke down many times, but also found the ground underneath her feet again. You were stronger than Pan would expect to and maybe he would wonder one day, when you found out the truth by yourself. Felix still wouldn't tell you, he feared the consequences, so you started to wonder what could be so important that the punishment for telling were so bad? You closed your eyes again and pushed your nose deeper into the cotton while you slowly drifted off into sleep. 

It was tough to get out of the bed the next morning. You just lied there for an hour and a half without thinking, just worrying what the day would hold. When you finally got up, you felt how your back still hurt from being in that tiny cage and you hated Pan and Felix for it. Thinking of this two made you jump to your chest to get dressed immediately before you sneaked through the tents to the trees next to the main clearing. You sprinted over the empty fighting area towards the hole in the hedge and slipped through. You startled to giggle, grateful to be away from the camp before Pan could give you any tasks. 

When you jumped down the hills, you tripped over a rock and with a rough crash you landed on the grass, ratching up your palm and sliding further down. Your hands instantly moved to the nape of your neck, which could have ended quiet bad if not,- when sliding down the hill, you felt a big rock cutting into your fingers, so deep into your flesh that caused you to scream. The pain was unbearable. Before you could roll any further, something big you did crash against stopped you. 

Your injured hands touched the wet grass and you slowly opened your eyes, realising that the earth was drained in blood. The air around you suddenly got thicker, making it hard to breath and with a quick glance aside you confirmed your theory.

Next to you laid Gleb, his body was cold and covered in blood. His eyes were staring into the air and you thought they couldn't be more pale. You felt a stinging pain underneath your chest and your body was trembling. Everything felt so unnecessary right now, as if the world broke down in just a second. Your eyes looked down at your hands- they were shaking and bleeding, the cut wasn't so deep as you had thought. When your eyes beamed up to the lost boy's wound, your heart stopped beating for second.

Seeing that dagger stuck in Gleb's chest almost seemed like a joke to you. Your sight went blurry from all that tears that were in your eyes but rather formed a puddle then to roll down your cheeks. For some reason you couldn't stop yourself and laugh as you grabbed for the dagger. Did he wanted to mock you? Break you further than even you thought could be possible?- You knew who killed Gleb. Well, this might broke you. He won.