Jaden:

Outside the trailer, our entire group sat around a campfire. Kyle and Jess on one log, mom and I on another, and finally Xao sitting by himself. I wanted to go sit with Xao but every time someone moved to fill the seat next to him, he placed a hand there, as if to reserve it.

Floreen sat on a log of her own. She had actually volunteered to join us, but on the condition that she only participate as far as she was comfortable.

Finally, Xao spoke up on the matter of the seat. "Neither of us has a problem with faith- we'll pray to any god if he sounds nice. She should be here praying with us, sitting next to me. This is her spot. I'm praying to get her back." He looked up with a sigh. "Take it as a symbol. I believe in a god, I just don't know him. If I'm going to pray to him, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt." Looks of confusion came from the rest of us. "If I ask him to save J-Star and go on just believing and acting like she's dead, what does that say of my confidence in this god to answer me?"

Well, shoot. Not even a believer and with that one, he could put most pastors to shame I realized.

"Is that how believers act?" Kyle asked. "You just assume this god can do what you ask? You just assume he even cares to act at all?" He received a few glares. "Look I'm out here aren't I? But I have reasons not to believe. Plenty of them. Your god allowed all this stuff in the first place, didn't he? He seems like just a comfort. You praise him when you get what you want and don't even mention that he allows the things you hate. He can't be responsible for only good." We all looked away from him, no one knowing how to answer. "But look, if it helps you guys to pray to him, who am I to stop you? A boy clings to a Teddy bear, a wife to her husband, a Christian to his god- so be it. I believe it's just a coping mechanism, but why should I take it away?"

"It's a lot more than that," Jessica said.

"If a five-year-old could understand what I just said, he would say the same thing about his stuffed bear," he shrugged. "But what's the value in taking it away?" He shook his head. He had sounded arrogant in word, but something about his body language showed uncertainty as he bit his lip several times and seemed to be trying to avoid curling into a ball. "Sorry, I'm just uncomfortable. I don't like asking people for things I don't think they can give. Add to that, I don't like using people. If God is real... praying to him when I don't even believe in him feels... I don't know. Maybe right, maybe wrong?"

"You... you can leave if you want," Jessica said.

"I..." he squeezed his eyes shut. "D- call me weak. I need a stuffed bear of my own for a minute okay? I'll stick around. I've lost... I don't know... two family members to this... this Tyrin. I've seen people I love fall apart. I've seen my world turned upside down and- I feel like even if we win today it'll all just go back to the awful way things are." He held his head. "So let me cling to a stuffed bear for a while. Maybe I'll recover later and put it down, but- just for a few minutes, I'll cling to this toy with you." Cynical as some of the words tasted, you could see the boy fighting tears.

"It's not a toy," Jessica said. No one else spoke for a few moments.

Kyle put a hand on her shoulder. "I'll listen later if you want to try to prove it. I'll give it a chance- no promises though. But can we just do this?" She looked down. "Sorry, kinda messed it up even saying all that but... I'm sorry."

I spoke up on this note. "No. Speak your mind. You should approach this honestly. God is real. He doesn't like people just playing. If you're coming before him, be honest about what you're doing."

"I... I hope he does hear me," Kyle said, tears starting to come out. "This means nothing. It doesn't mean I'm converting, it just means- I hope things change. If he can do that, I just hope he does."

Jessica squeezed his shoulders. "You're gonna be one of us soon enough."

He shook his head. "Maybe... don't hold your breath. You are going to have to explain why bad things happen under a good God- and why I never hear anyone mention him when bad things happen. Good luck," he said with a shrug. "We gonna start?"

"Pretty sure people DO mention him when bad things happen- but yeah, we're not out here to debate," I chimed in. "As family head, I guess I should start a family prayer huh?" Shrugs and nods met that question.

Getting serious, I bowed my head and closed my eyes.

I began. "Dear Lord, we're all gathered here, believers and non, some who know you, and some who don't. We all have fears. We're afraid we're going to lose another member of this family. We're afraid we'll all die out here, though I don't think we've said so. Finally, we're all terrified the way we're living now is how we'll just keep living with no end in sight. We're so scared that there is no way to actually beat this enemy- Jacobson. God, I'm tempted to say- your will be done- like a pastor making a cheap attempt at an in prayer sermon. But I don't want to play- destroy Jacobson. Rid us of this evil, please. We are willing to fight for this end, so help us actually make it end. Please God, let us be human beings again, not always living in fear of this... this thing. Not always living looking over our shoulders. Help us... end this, please. Please, God. Please."

I squeezed my mother's hand, letting her know I was done.

She started. "God..." she sighed. "Without my husband here, I.... it all feels so wrong. He was the one who always led family prayers. I thank you dearly for the boy you gave me, but I'm so lost without my man." I held her shoulders, but she didn't respond to me. "I'm so thankful for the family you've given me. You've given me a home filled with children- most of them I didn't even have to go through labor to get so- I thank you very much for that," there were a few chuckles on that point. "Jay isn't one of my children, but even so, I do not want to see Xao's heartbreak, and she is a girl full of such promise and heart, wanting so much to help others, even if she doesn't always understand how to do it right. Her mother or not, I want to see her alive and happy again. Please return her to us unharmed... I too wish to return to the way things were, when these children went out on adventures to find lost lambs and return them home. I do wish to return to when we didn't always have to fear what was over the next hill- but Lord, I will settle if you just give us back that girl. Please, don't take her yet- just give us a little more time with her. That's all I'm really asking." She finally patted my hand on her shoulder.

After a few moments of silence, Kyle spoke up. "God... let's not mince words. I don't know if you're real, let alone do I know your name. Heck- I seriously doubt you're real... But please hear me out if you are. I don't believe in using people and I don't like being used- it's why praying is so hard for me here but... so much is at stake. If there's anything out there that can fix all this junk, then fine, I'll talk to that thing. I would rather talk to you as a friend or father or... something, not just a thing that I want something from." Kyle gave a grunt. "But I'm reduced to this. I'm asking you to do this for me and all of my family. They all say you love us so- maybe out of that. If you love us, please show us that love. Sorry if this sounds off- I don't know how to pray to something I don't believe in... I'm going out a limb here, so maybe... Hey, I'll be watching. If you're real and it's apparent... who knows maybe my mind will change. I mean, don't think that means this is tit for tat, I hate that but... just do something okay? Please?" Nearing the end you could hear his voice starting to shake.

Jessica started next. "This is my crazy family God- I know you love them, how could you or anyone not?" She chuckled to herself. "We need you right now. Not that at least I don't pretty much always need you, but hey, that's me, a plucky weirdo girl that for some reason you decided you would give the time of day. Thank you for that, by the way." I heard a few chuckles- good to hear she felt she could talk to God like a friend- or father more like it. "This world is crazy and things are spiraling out of control. You gave me power for whatever reason and wherever it comes from, but it's not enough to fix this mess. More and more I keep being reminded how small and pathetic the most powerful pharaoh alive really is. I need something bigger than myself. I..." she sounded like she was starting to cry. "I don't want to lose my big sister. I did something really stupid. Something really, really stupid, and now I'm so scared she and everyone else could pay the price. I even forced Raven along- she made me because she needed a friend. Some friend." She paused and I could hear a few sniffles, then slowly, she continued. "I'm not here to beat myself up. I'm here to ask for your help. I really do believe you can restore us. Please do. I don't want to live like this anymore. You can save us... please save us." There was a pause, then she spoke again. "There's more than one person in here so- wait your turn Xao."

"Hey God," Raven started. "So... not sure how to talk to you, kinda just make it up as I go whenever I do and Jessica seems to just talk so... I don't know. I know you're there, I know you care. I asked you to save me from my sins years ago cause that joker you gave me said to... gotta love her. Can I ask a little something more? I've spent a pretty long time before living in conflicts like this. Really I'm okay with it, even if everyone else is really bothered by it. But even so, even if you leave us living on the run like this- please don't, but all the same- I want my big sister back. Plus, I'm pretty sure Jessica will be pretty hard to live with if she's living with guilt all the time. C'mon- we want the joker up and not making sense don't we?" She breathed in deep and gave a purposeful exhale. "Jay and I have had our disagreements when I first woke up years ago, but ever since- I love her God. She's such a good sister. I want her back, I really do."

A little time passed. Finally, Xao spoke up, his voice shaking. "God, whatever your real name is, give her back. I always figured you were out there somewhere, but I don't know if you listen. Just... give her back. And if you could spare consideration on this point- I want it to matter that I was there."

To be honest, I didn't know what I was expecting from Xao.

The next person, I REALLY didn't know what to expect from her. Floreen started. "Hey there Jesus. I'm sure there are some shocks to learning that I'm a Christian. I don't share it well, I know. God, I've tried to not get personal with this family like always but- I think you have other plans. J-Star is annoying and we don't get along- but bring her back, please?" I peeked curiously, seeing her gritting her teeth. "Also, it's hard to do evaluations on the road like this, if you could make everything a little more peaceful, that would be wonderful. I can't demand either but, if I could just say, please, please restore this family."

I breathed in, starting to feel a little better. "God, thank you so much for listening to this assembled group of outcasts, failures, and people who just don't know what to do. We've all screwed up. We're all so lost down here. We need you so badly. What we need to do, we can't do alone. We need something big on our side. Something really big. We're all hoping you would consider being that bigger ... person. They've got a whole underground organization working against us. I'm really hoping... we've got God working with us."

I opened my eyes and rose, watching as everyone started slowly moving. I sighed, knowing what had to come next. I spoke, "I'm sure we all needed that. I certainly did. That being said, we got directions to Tyrin's hideout just outside of Austin."

"When do we leave?" Jessica asked.

Kyle stood up on that note. "We can't allow them time to prepare, and it's not like we got anything to get ready. Get your gear everyone."