GLITCH.
015 | a bit sus

RENEE SAT IN SILENCE. Twiddling her thumbs. Trying her hardest to distract her mind from rethinking about the past events by trying to get the mud from the rooster hut that was embedded under her nails out. But it wasn't working.

The only noise she had made for the past ten to fifteen minutes was an occasional loud exhale from when she got too caught up in her own thoughts to actually remember to breathe.

JJ sat opposite her, his head down with his hair flopped in front of his eyes. The eyes trained on her and her very closed off body language. Facing the window although she wasn't looking out of it like she usually did.

He wanted to do something to help, he wanted to do anything to help. But he didn't know how. it wasn't a everyday thing when your friends house gets invaded by the same two guys who shot at you (with the intention to kill) the day before.

There was no book he could buy from the book-nook in town in an attempt to survive this summer that was quickly becoming one summoned from hell.

Pope flickered his eyes awkwardly around the van, normally would have been taking part in JJ and Renee's antics, but now he was just stuck stiffly in his seat with the same closed off language as the blonde girl he sat next to.

Renee just wanted to go home. Which was a rare thought that would ever graze her mind or she was speak out, but she did.

But not because she actually wanted to be there and to be comforted by her mother or even her older brother.

Instead, because the only other place she had ever thought of as being her home was the place were all her rules and violations were just broken. It didn't feel like much of a home or even a safe place to be anymore.

But Renee also wanted John B to quote on quote 'shut the fuck up' about this compass. Renee was positive is was cursed with island voodoo magic or something like that.

" why am I not surprised we're not currently driving to the police station right now?" all other conversation was silenced as Renee spoke actual put together words for the first time in almost a half hour.

JJ felt a smile tug at his lips, smirking at the sarcastic nature he was still glad Renee had.

" you get use to their idiocy after a few years." Pope's told her from his seat. she hummed in agreement. Pushing her head back to rest against the window.

her attention quickly deferred from their surroundings as they were driving by and back to the blonde boy who sat opposite her.

A look of offence covered on his face, a tinge of annoyance to the fact that Renee had agreed with Pope about them all being idiots.

" was he wrong though?" Renee began to tease, popping her lip out jokingly. Shuffling her foot over to sit by JJ's. A silent reconciliation of sorts.

JJ just turned his head to look out the window, still curious on where John B was driving them, the same thought being shared amongst the rest of them. Renee hadn't ever remembered driving down these roads or even being driven down them before.

Although it was a pleasant view from the van window. The sun peaking up from behind the trees but still gentle outlines of light presenting themselves on her knees and thighs giving her warmth as they leaked through the windows of the van.

"JB, Where are we going?" she shifted her body to the left slightly, peering her eyes into the small gap between the two front seats where JohnB and Kiara sat.

" where the compass said to obviously." she frowned as his words portrayed her as dumbfounded. Which she wasn't — anything but even.

Renee, unsatisfied opened her mouth and began to speak again, " how do you know that's what the message was?" she continued to pry.

Renee had no idea what they were doing. Nobody but John B himself seemed to, but unlike the others she wasn't just willingly accepting to it, especially after what had happened because of said death compass.

As she would say, ' it's all a bit sus'

The blonde girl eyed up Kiara who held the chain of the compass in between her fingers. Seemingly mesmerised by the turning of the pendant.

" I mean it's obvious right?" he directed his words to the rest of the group, meanwhile Kiara handed the compass to Renee who scanned at it momentarily with her beady eyes before passing it onto Pope.

" a family heirloom. What a better place to hide the message?" he turned his head to tell Kiara who was still convinced John B had some sort of logic behind this mission.

" a family heirloom that gets everyone killed." Renee spoke sharply under her breath.

John B continued talking, either not hearing Renee or choosing to ignore her. whilst the three others in the back of the van gazed at each other in curiosity .

" I mean..he had to know it was gonna get back to me right?"

Renee noticed JJ shift his body  uncomfortably, as if he didn't have the stomach to tell his best friend he didn't believe a single syllable of what he was saying.

None of them did honestly...at a push, not even Kiara believed John B's rampage of concoctions and theories that all came to a conclusion that he wanted to hear. But Renee understood, believing the people who would question her dad's death due to the body, which nobody seemed to see. She knew he was dead, but a bit of her wanted to believe he wasn't. To grasp a strand of hope that she would see him again. 

She reached out and placed her hand on top of JJ's, which sat against the frame of the van door. JJ's eyes shot up to her in slight shock but his expression softened as he was greeted with a small, closed mouth smile from Renee.

Kiara let out a small exhale, as if she was preparing herself to lie to him.

which she did, " yeah...it's possible." her words earning a roll of the eyes from Renee, who wasn't an advocate to heightening his hopes for his dad being alive.

" it could also be possible you're concocting wild theories to help-" All eyes turned to Pope, although John B's only momentarily since he was still driving.

" you know," he began again, with John B cutting through,

 " Pope?" it was almost as if he was warning him to stop- which obviously Pope took no regards of and completed his sentence anyway.

" deal with your sad feels." His gaze was quickly shot down by Kiara, who glared at him from the other side of the van.

" bro, you know how I process my sad feels-" Renee lifted her head up to look at JJ, her lips curving into a small smile as she waited for him to continue.

" dank nugs and the stickiest of ickies, that's how I do it." he admitted, Renee let a smallest of chuckles stifle out her mouth.

The tone suddenly became more serious as John B once again cut off someone.

" I'm not concocting again, okay?" His voice as harsh, trying to get through the message that he wasn't going completely insane.

" my dads trying to give me a message!"

JJ, Pope and Ren looked at each other  awkwardly, not knowing what to say or what to do.

" if it helps you believe, John B." Kiara said softly, looking at him side on as he continued to drive.

JohnB's palms seemed to become sweatier as they clutched the steering wheel heavier. "Look, I don't need a therapy session, okay?" He stuttered with a slight fluster of anger with his friend through his words but also his sudden stiff body language.

Renee rubbed the padding of her fingers over her lips, feeling awkward. A wave of deja vu began to drown her, she understood why John B was being so persistent about his dad for.

Renee was the spitting image of denial when her father died — and maybe without the pogues she would have been exactly the same as John B if even a shred of hope that her dad was still alive. But she knew he wasn't, she attended his funeral — she had spent the last two years without any sort of message given to her to make her believe otherwise.

" Look, I'm not trippin' out!" John B claimed, tearing his eyes away from Kiara.

JJ turned his head slightly to look over the seats to the front. " it's okay to trip, bro, but-"

The van seemed to halt at an extreme speed, Renee felt her heart force itself to stop beating for a few seconds as John B turned his head back to look at JJ.

" My dads missing, okay!" John B was beginning to grow tired of telling people that he believed his dad was alive and well somewhere, it was hard enough to tell the locals who pitied him.

But his own friends, sometimes he wish that they had been in his situation. Hence why him and Renee had grown so close because she had, she too had felt the pain.

" You don't know what it's like to have the person closest to you vanish." His tone became softer but still had tension in the midst of it.

Both Pope and JJ looked to Renee, wanting to see how she has reacted to what John B had just said. Knowing the mention of father figures who were no longer present wouldn't mix well with the anxiety of the events at the chateau, which was continuing to churn in her stomach.

Renee kept her eyes steadily back on the outside surrounding as they continued to drive. Her top row of teeth stabbing into her bottom lip, sure enough the pressure would pierce the delicate skin soon and fingernails digging into the skin of her palms as both of her hands balled tightly.

She stopped as the taste of what could be described as a rusted metal slipped onto the tip of her tongue — taking a internal breath which included her eyes closing for a second to regain her thoughts, regain consciousness of her mind.

John B continued, his voice in clear distress, "and then have no idea what happened." His pity almost overwhelming his words.

Renee just opened her eyes, returning to her closed off position, her head turning back to the two boys who continued to stare at her, almost waiting for her to implode. But to their misfortune, Renee simply slipped a smile at them. although not the most convincing; it was just another way to get them off her back.

" just wake up every morning wondering." he concluded.

Kiara mumbled the bitter truth but of course in her own sugar-coated ways, " it's been almost a year." her voice was gentle, although the reality was heartbreaking to John B who just looked at her.

" Hey! He could have been kidnapped. That's definitely a possibility!" JJ was wrong to think that his words would ease the thick tension and depressing atmosphere the conversation had turned into.

And so was Pope to join in with his stupidity "Yeah, could be in a soviet sun getting interrogated by the KGB somewhere." Renee had to roll her eyes at the impracticality of both of their words.

Knowing somewhere in his mind it was instilling John B with false hope — although they all had been for almost the last year, even her for a while.

" Absolutely....or Atlantis." JJ didn't seem to get the memo of shutting up, well that was before the girl opposite him kicked her shoe covered feet into the side of his boots.

His eyes widening, silently asking, 'what did I do now?' as Renee spoke a single "JJ." in a warning to once again 'shut the hell up'.

" Look, what do you think the message is?" Kiara asked John B, taking a mental note to thank Renee for shutting up the boys later, after doing....whatever they were doing.

JohnB's voice was solemn " Redfield." His eyes still stuck onto the road, not tearing away for a second to look even momentarily at Kiara.

Renee looked at the rusted sign as they sped by. 'Redfield lighthouse' although the other information was covered by a large tin sign clearly stating the famous tourist attraction was closed due to the storm that had only hit a few days ago now.

As the group pulled up to the white picket fence bordering the towering beam of light, Renee let a shaky and uneasy breath. Nerves filling her stomach as soon as the van door opened.

" I'm wiped out." Renee spoke , taking the hand JJ had held out for her to help her out of the seat. " I don't think I have much energy left in me, J."

" I'm sure we won't be here for long." he said, reassuring Renee as they both exited the van finally, JJ shutting the door as he did so.

The two teenagers reached the group of their friends, all staring in some sort of awe at the light house. Their heads raised for a few more moments before all falling back to look at eachother.

" alright here's what's going to happen." John B stepped closer to the group, their eyes all falling to him awaiting instruction.

"you're gonna post up and look out for bogeys okay?" John B pointed his finger, pushing it lightly into JJ's chest.

Renee watched in anticipation, knowing JJ wasn't going to take not being part of the main course of action well. Which of course he didn't.

" wait...why me?" JJ spoke, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked at John B.

Pope groaned under a breath before speaking "because you're not coming." his tone was serious, although that wasn't a good enough answer for JJ.

" why?" his tone sounded as if he was some sort of sour boy who didn't like what he was being told, only in a sixteen year olds body.

" JJ, come on." Renee mumbled in a tiresome frustration, she wanted to go home. That's all she wanted right now, but instead she was listening to Pope and JJ bicker on why he was on lookout.

" JJ, there are independent and dependent variables." both the blonde and brunette girl glanced at eachother, silently annoyed with the three boys.

" and you're an independent variable, we don't know what you'll do." Pope carried on speaking although JJ's finger was being pointed in his face and was constantly being threatened to 'shut up'

The invisible single thread holding Renee's insanity together seemed to break, she scoffed loud enough to stop the boys arguing.

" can you two shut the hell up, you're giving me a fucking headache!" the boys immediately felt slightly guilty whilst the blonde left the conversation and wondered over to the tree, sitting down in the shade of the fully bloomed leaves attached to the many twigs of the tree in order to try and settle her resurfaced nausea.

Her hand resting against her stomach as the shakiness began again. Having trained herself to deal with this entire predicament by herself after her dad died and she found herself in these situations many more times than she had before.

" Listen to me for a second!" John B told JJ, who continued to watch Renee, her head pushed back against the trunk of the tree, eyes closed and it was obvious she was calming herself down with the heaviness of her chest.

He tested his eyes back, listening to his friend for once.

" Pope, you stand look out with JJ and I'm presuming Ren okay?" It lacked the curiosity of a question but instead was more of a demand.

" If we get split up, we meet back at JJ's house." John B spoke up slightly, hoping Renee was listening in, the small nod of her head signalled that she was acknowledging what was going on around her.

When Renee finally looked up, her eyes drifted to John B and Kiara who were jumping over the white picket fence surrounding the lighthouse, but it quickly diverted to the sheepish blonde boy strolling over to her with his hands tucked in his pockets and head low.

" how you doing pretty girl?" he asked, shuffling to hover down opposite her. Renee sighed but remained eye contact with JJ, silently giving him her answer.

" where's Pope?" she changed the subject, to where the dark haired boy had seemed to disappear to.

Her hand presented itself to JJ, an indication to help her up. Which he did as their fingers intertwined whilst he lifted her up off of the ground.

Renee felt her chest press against his, a small amount of sheepish low toned laughter leaving her lips from the embarrassment presented by the surfaced redness over the bridge of her nose.

" shit sorry." she mumbled, pressing her hands onto JJ's chest and pushing back.

Their faces hovered for a few seconds, JJ's eyes drifting down to the small gap between Renee's lips. The girls stomach was flipping and filling to its brink with butterflies — which she misunderstood for the way she was feeling only a few moments ago.

The same kind of nausea, but for two completely different reasons.

Renee's mind desperately searched for the feeling that she was currently seeming to drown in and why it felt so good.

" is he looking?" JJ asked, clearly referring to Pope — Renee looked back, noticing their friend was nowhere to be seen. Shaking her head and allowing her eyes to go back up to JJ.

JJ let his head hover down to kiss her. It was no shock to either of them that she kissed him back, deepening it ever so slightly.

But despite how nice it felt. This wasn't the deal — the deal was just intimacy, zero feelings attached. Nothing that actually went against the rules of their group.

Renee closed her lips and stepped back, she was convinced she was purely caught in a moment of weakness and heightened emotions which could be easily misconstrued for other ones . Her and JJ both.

" not here." she said. JJ slightly butt hurt by the dismissal but nodded.

Her eyes moved down to the small ball JJ had been suffocating in his hand. JJ's eyes quickly followed hers landing on the same ball.

" wanna play?" she asked, hovering back up to JJ to look him in the eye.

He swallowed dryly and nodded, not knowing what to say. Renee smiled, jogging over to the van where Pope sat his head buried in a notepad and a plastic ballpoint pen on the verge of cracking in his mouth from how harsh he was biting on it.

" wanna play ball with me and JJ?" Renee grinned widely as a form of persuasion, although it never really worked.

Pope shook his head " and be the third wheel? No thanks, I'd rather finish my scholar-"

Renee cut him off " I swear Heyward, mention that goddamn scholarship again I will force you to watch dirty dancing again." almost immediately, Pope began to scurry towards the opened van door.

" you think that's a threat?" pope asked as he strolled past Renee with a smirk " I love that film."

" J! I've got a third member!" Renee called out to JJ, moving to stand to the three of them merely represented a triangular shape of sorts.

" nice to see you've emerged from the bat cave Pope." JJ teased, a small grin on his lips as he threw the ball at the boy who looked less than please to be playing catch.

" JJ, stop teasing him." Renee warned, palming the ball as Pope grumpily threw it at her.

She turned to JJ, " JJ catch this in your shirt pocket!" Renee knew JJ liked a challenge, hence the mischievous grin on his lips as her words ended.

" what do I get if I do?" The tension seemed to thicken, Renee rolled her eyes and shook her head.

" nothing, you're not exactly doing anything spectacular now are you?" She fired back sassily, earning a small snigger from Pope.

" oh come on Ren, don't you think I deserve a little something." JJ continued, more or less pushing his luck with Renee.

But before Renee could become infuriated with JJ any more, the sight of the flashing fluorescent blue and red lights caught Renee's eye and the screeching of the police siren against the uneven roads that they had just driven down making all three of their ears prick up.

All of the joy they felt for a second seemed to diminish to the familiar sense of fear in an instant. Renee felt a heavy pull on her wrist. Noticing JJ pulling her towards the van,

" what about Kie and John B, pogues never leave pogues behind, remember?" Renee called after JJ, knowing she was too weak to resist when he was moving at such a fast pace.

JJ flickered his eyes at the police now swiftly emerging, " Ren, you heard John B when he said if we got split up we'll meet up at mine." His voice was slightly rough with her although it was deafened by the blaring of the sirens becoming more predominant in her ears.

" Now can you stop this undying loyalty shit and get in the van before you get arrested!"

Although Hesitant, Renee sprinted towards the passenger door of the van. her hands becoming clammy and chest tightened from inside her chest from the guilt that was already consuming her from what she had just done.

After a few moments of rubbing her hands up and down her thighs — her mind running rapid about how much of a bad person she was for what she had just done. A familiar hand sat upon her own, intertwining fingers.

Renee looked up. JJ wasn't even looking at her instead focusing on the road off of the estate the lighthouse was situated on. He was just there for her, she didn't even have to ask.

She wanted him to always be there. Day or night, sun or rain. Renee always wanted to be with JJ as long as she could do so. Little did she know that JJ wanted the exact same since the day that they met. Maybe if she had, thing would be different already — and not hiding their feelings for one another in a form of secret intimacy that was doomed from the beginning.

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