Chapter 7

"Where's William?! Where's my husband!!" My mom instantly shouted when we arrived at the hospital.

I didn't even know how did we managed to get here with a misty thoughts and trembling body, all I remember was we were in such a hurry when the police gave us the hospital name to where the ambulance brought my father.

One police officer went near us so I unconsciously ooze backward and covered my mouth with both of my palms as my sight began to be blurry in such a shock that it was really real. I wasn't really dreaming. For the first time, I wished everything was just a joke because I cannot accept the fact that...

"He killed a person?" I subconsciously asked.

"Are you Ms. Alessia Mae Robins?" He asked, not minding my question.

"Yes, he is. Where's William?" It was mom who answered in behalf of me.

"Mr. William C. Miller is finding his daughter Alessia Mae Robins."

"W-Where is he?" My voice trembled.

He turned to my mom.

"I presume you're Mrs. Miller. Both of you, follow me." He then turned his back at us.

My feet unconsciously followed his step while mom was holding my hands, wanting for support. He entered a room so mom entered it but I remained outside.

"Where's my daughter? Where's Alessia?" It was dad.

"William..." she sobbed. "Why did you chop off your arms, you stupid asshole!"

"Shut up! Where's my daughter! Is she alive? Where is she?!"

"You stupid policemen! How did he chop off his arms?! How could you all be so careless?!" Mom shouted while she sobbed.

"It's a part of rehabilitation program, Mrs. Miller. Vocational or livelihood skills training. He chopped off of his hands using the saw while performing the activity. He even pointed it at his neck."

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

"Where's my daug—" I entered the room.

My grip tightened on the door knob after seeing his cut off arms. He's wearing a sling bag and his prison uniform was full of blood.

He smiled at me but I didn't.

"Alessia, are you oka—"

"Why did you kill a person?" I asked coldly.

He gulped while the sob of my mom became more vociferous.

"W-Why are you mad? I turned myself in and admitted that I was guilty!" He then avoided my gaze.

"Why did you kill a person!" I shouted with all my might as tears began to drop from my eyes.

"I-I have no choice! I stole the mo-money for your sister's treatment and I-I was afraid so I killed a person!" He stuttered.

"You have plenty of choices but you chose to choose the easy yet illegal one! I'll never say thank you for doing such a hideous act! You're a murderer!" I shouted, unrestrained because of my emotions.

"We're just the same, Alessia! You're a murderer too for attempting to kill yourself! Don't act as if you're ashamed of me because being a murderer runs on our blood!"

I paled with his remark.

"N-No! I'm not a mu-murderer like you!" I cried.

"Yes, you are and it runs on your blood! You're a murderer yourself just like me!"

I sobbed and sobbed, unable to fathom my emotions with the things he just said because...

He was right. I almost became a murderer myself.

My knees gave up because my sobs absorbed all the energy that was left. It was all quiet except for mom and my sobs who ruled over the ambiance. I know the police officers were pitying on both of us but I didn't care because I have no strength left to cover and hide all my emotions.

Will I be able to find hope in the middle of despair just like what that man had said?

I sighed and shoved my hands inside my pocket as I look at the peaceful sunset here in my favorite place. It has been seven years since I last saw the man whom comforted me as well as it has been seven years since my dad was jailed; many had changed but the sunset did never.

"You still are beautiful." I uttered at nothingness while looking at the sunset.

"And so are you." A sudden voice of a man that made me shriek out of shock.

He laughed and then hugged me from behind tightly.

Oh, It's Justine, my boyfriend.

And... the main reason of our relationship was because of my younger sister. My Andra loves him for me and she's really into our relationship so I decided to give it a shot for her because they were pretty close and I was happy that she won't be lonely anymore.

Because she was bullied and the only friend she has is Justine.

"Happy 3rd anniversary, babe." He whispered.

"Ohh..." I forgot.

"What's your gift? Hmm?" He asked tenderly.

Oh Shit.

"Let's just enjoy the sunset, shall we?" I changed the topic.

He loosened up his hug and then grabbed both of my hands in order for me to face him so I faced his handsome face. He's really tall as my height is enough just for his neck, actually, I'm a tall woman but he's way taller. He had such a great masculine body which makes sense since he's a model.

He sighed heavily.

"I have a gift. Did you perhaps forget it again?" His voice was resentful.

Hell, I'll never be sweet with men.

"Oh... so what is your gift, Justine?" I asked with a stoic face.

His jaw clenched and avoided my gaze.

"Call me babe. You never did call me that way. We've been together for 3 years, babe." He said in monotone.

I mentally grimace.

Cringe. I'll never do that.

He sighed because of my silence and then shoved one of his hands inside his pocket. My forehead knotted when he grabbed my hand and gave me a key.

"What's this?" I asked, confused.

"Condo unit. We'll live together."

"What?! No!" I instantly rejected his offer and gave him back the keys.

I know what he wants but my mind wants to deny and pretend that I don't know it.

I'm still not ready.

"Babe, we've been together for three years..."

"And so?" I raised my eyebrows.

"And... thinking of it. We haven't slept together yet."

I scoffed and crossed both my arms, revealing him my intimidating aura.

"Do lovers require to sleep together? I mean... married couples do that but there's no article or explanation that says lovers requires to sleep together. It's not an assignment, Justine." I said in a matter-of-fact.

"Babe, it's the trend, come on." He said frustratingly.

"Shit that trend. I don't follow trends."

He sighed and then went near me to hug me. I let him even though I know he was disappointed.

He kissed my lips and bit my lower lip so I unconsciously pushed him away immediately. My heartbeat began to pound fast against my chest and beads of sweats starts forming on my forehead just because of a simple kiss.

"Alessia... are you okay?" He asked worriedly after seeing my state.

I stepped backward and tried my best to calm myself. I bend down and touch both of my knees to chase my breath.

It's just a kiss. It's just a kiss. It's just a kiss, Alessia. Calm down.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

"I-I'm okay." Finally, my heartbeat became normal.

I straighten my back and looked up to him who's at the moment, brows were furrowed.

"Why do you always panic when I kiss you?"

I swallowed hard and avoided his gaze.

"Just... don't ki-kiss me."

"Is that even possible?! You're my fucking girlfriend!" He shouted frustratingly and messed his hair.

I closed my eyes and touched my head as I feel little nausea just by thinking about what happened just now but that wasn't long because he grabbed my hand so my eyes opened, welcoming his face etched with annoyance.

"J-Justine... let's talk later. I'm sorry." I then stole my hand from his grip.

I turned my back at him and decided to leave him.

"Fuck! Until when am I going to wait, Alessia?!" He fumed.

I didn't respond to his question and just went my own way.

I unlocked the condo unit and entered the place in my clumsy walk because of tiredness. The scent of carbonara enveloped the whole unit. The unit was medium size, not too big nor too small.

I instantly removed my shoulder bag and beige blazer revealing my spaghetti white top paired with jeans and white heels. I threw my blazer to the single sofa and in a lazy manner, I lie down to the other sofa.

"What's my patient doing here? Let me guess, it's about Justine, isn't it?"

I sighed heavily after hearing my psychiatrist's voice, Lia.

I rose both of my feet and used a force to threw my heels on the ground.

"It attacked again. My anxiety disorder." I said tiredly.

She was for a minute... silent.

"Do you want to do another cognitive behavioral therapy session?" It was long before she stated that.

I let out a sigh.

"No. I just want to rest."

Well, I have a philemaphobia, fear of kissing to be exact.

My heartbeat becomes abnormal whenever he kisses me or with just the thought of kissing him so I don't know why am I even dating him.

Well because I love him, I guess.

And I hate the fact that even a single kiss, I can't find myself doing that thing with anyone.

And this is because of my awful trauma when I was a child and I don't want to open up about it yet even with my psychiatrist.

I don't like being pitied. I'm still not ready to trust others yet ... again about my trauma.

Because the last time I trusted a person about my past, he left me. Probably, he's making fun of my painful trauma with his friends... I guess.

"Look, Alessia. Do you have any willpower to overcome your phobia?" She asked me seriously.

I groaned in frustration.

"I said I wanted to rest, Lia. Just let me."

"Just answer me."

"Yes...?" I was hesitant.

"Get up. Let's have a session."

"No. I'll rest."

"Alessia!"

I frustratingly got up and gave her my deadly stare.

"Don't act as if you're my friend. We're not friend so don't you dare raise your voice on me. I'm your patient, remember?" I irritably said.

She scoffed.

"Oh, look who's talking. Isn't that bitchy attitude Alessia who shamelessly trespassed her psychiatrist's condo unit as if they were close friend?" She added emphasis on the last word.

I rolled my eyes.

"It's your fault. You gave me your unit's password."

"I gave it to you so you could talk to me whenever you're having attacks not to make my place your resting place."

"Whatever, Whatever." I murmured.

I wore my white heels back and brushed my newly curled black hair while I continue with my little murmur. I stood up and instantly grabbed my bag then I rudely turned my back to the owner of this unit.

"What a rude bitch." I heard her mumbled.

I didn't respond and just left her alone. I'm definitely rude especially when I'm tired. I just came from photoshoot so what does she expect?

For the past 3 years I became a model. I got noticed by some random agent from one of the agents and then they offered me a job for modelling so I took the opportunity.

I didn't get to pursue college because I dropped in high school due to depression. I chose to work instead to support my sister financially at the restaurant as a waitress and that's when I met that one agent who offered me a job.

Luckily, my sister survived and I thank God for not disappointing me with that little hope I have.

As well as him who had thought me how to keep on hoping... even though I still hate him for not even saying goodbye or whatsoever.

I was already at the lobby in the building when my eyes accidently saw the familiar figure of a man with another girl. His hands were wrapped around the waist of the woman while both were giggling as if they're about to do something funny. They didn't notice my attention when they pass by so my blood suddenly boiled.

Justine you asshole.

Half running, I went near the two demons when they were about to head on the elevator. They were already kissing when I blocked the door that was about to lock the elevator. I can't see their lips but I know they're kissing because Justine's back was facing me and the girl was facing him, he's cornering her like what you see in a romance movie.

They were basically oblivious to my presence because of their passionate kiss. I leaned on the door of the elevator, still it was open, while I continued watching the marathon although the sounds of their kiss disgusts me and just wanted to vomit, I still managed to be composed because of my rage.

"Wow. Perfect. 1,2,3 cut! Let's head to the next scene which is the best scene." I sarcastically said like a director with the mix clapping my hand, applauding.

"What the fuck!" They both cursed because of my sudden presence.

His cursed turned into gasp and the lust in his eyes turned into fear as his face that was full of desire turned paled after seeing me.

"A-Alessia..."

"Oh hi. So... how was the kiss? Did she finally fulfill your needs as a man?" I asked in a mocking tone.

"Fuck. Uhmm no! We're just a friends!" He denied even with the evidence standing in front of me.

"What?! Justine!" The shameful bitch protested.

"Oh..." I nodded consecutive times, acting to understand his situation. "So, this is the trend nowadays? Kissing your so-called-friend? Am I right?"

"It's not what you think it is!" He defended.

"Justine! You said you loved me!"

"Of course, Honey. Of course." He weakly mumbled.

I laughed although there was a slight pinch in my heart.

"You want to break up?" I managed to be composed.

He scoffed and gave me his annoying smirk but instead of answering me, he just grabbed the arms of the woman and in front of me, he kissed her passionately, with both lips sharing together.

My grip tightened on the hem of my blazer as I felt the rapidly increasing of my heartbeat while watching both demons kissing together, sharing the lips. I was unable to move and beads of sweats once again formed on my forehead, my breathing hitched and I was almost out of breath.

I stepped backward and with a trembling hand, I opened my bag to find my anti-anxiety medicine. I can't. I just can't bear seeing both couple kiss, sharing lips together.

It always reminded me of my... painful past.

"A-Alessia, are you okay?" He asked worriedly after noticing my state.

Oh Shit! Where was it?!

I removed my shoulder bag and hurriedly threw all the things on the floor to find my anti-anxiety medicine. I kneeled on the floor reason why everyone who passes by was looking at me, I know I looked like hell but I don't care, I'm having my full-blown panic attack.

Someone kneeled in front of me but I don't know him because I was busy finding my medicine. He rubbed my back and gently lifted my jaw in order for our eyes to meet.

"Miss, listen. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Do not mind anyone and just breathe." He instructed.

I nodded and followed his instruction. I tried my best to focus on my breathing although it was still hard. He held my hand tightly to calm me down while rubbing my back with his other hand.

"Breathe in slowly, deeply, and gently as you can through your nose." I followed his instruction. "And then breathe out the same way through your mouth." He said gently.

I grip on his hands tightly while he was wiping the sweats on my forehead with his handkerchief. My eyes were still close, focusing on my breathing.

"B-Babe..." It was Justine.

"Sir, I believe you're the reason for your girlfriend's panic attack so if you truly care for her, would you mind heading your way out with your second girlfriend?" The man said in a matter-of-fact.

"And who are you to mingle with our relationship?" Justine irritably said.

"Honey..."

"Justine, just leave." I tiredly said.

He let out a loud scoff.

"We're not done yet, babe. Remember that."

I didn't respond. It was a minute long before my beating went to its normal phase. Slowly, I opened my eyes welcoming his eyes who's observing the features of my face with his forehead that were creased as if I was familiar to him.

His eyes... it looks vaguely familiar. Who is he?

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