Chapter 46

Someone snatched the picture frame out of my hand from behind.

“I told you not to touch anything.” Grayson was fuming mad.

I gulped and parted my trembling lips.

“My. . . my fa-father—”

“Go to your room and sleep.” He turned his back on me.

“When? When did you discover that. . .”

He stopped walking and turned the side of his face towards my direction.

“Four years ago.” He answered before passing by me, stupefied by what I just discovered.

My dad. . . he got jailed because he. . . he killed Grayson’s father for my sister’s treatment?

I bit my lower lip and turned to him but I got shock at Rhiana’s presence behind me.

“Let’s go.” He grabbed her hands and together, they walked towards the stair, leaving me completely alone in the living room.

“Babe. . .” I heard her called.

“Mmm?” He answered.

It hammered my heart as I stare at them heading  upstairs but before they could disappear in my sight, I met Grayson’s eyes and his eyes were cold.

The door clanked loud the moment they both dissipated in my line of sight.

I was left alone, leaving me completely dumfounded.

He chose to be with her rather than to be with me.

I can’t help but to smile bitterly at nothingness when I realize that we just kissed a moment ago and now he’s acting like this.

Am I just a woman who he missed physically?

This lowered down my self-esteem as a woman. Thinking that he just missed my body not me. I felt like my dignity as a woman got trampled at what I did.

I’m not like this. Why am I doing hideous things just to get him back?

“You deserve someone better.” I whispered at myself.

But it hurts to think that I know I deserve a man like him. That the crowned Alessia Mae Robins deserve to be with the man whom loved me even with my shattered pieces years ago. I know I deserve him.

But right now. . . I don’t know if he’s still the same man who deserves a woman like me.

“Grayson!” I heard Rhiana’s shout upstairs.

I couldn’t take it anymore so I decided to leave his place. They must be doing something that’ll definitely hurt me.

I opened my purse while I’m on the elevator, biting my lower lip to stop myself from the shit of breaking down again.

My fingers reflexes automatically pressed number 1 at my emergency dial speed.

“Hello, Alessia?” Justine immediately answered.

“Can you. . . grab me? I don’t have a car.” I tried my best not to stutter with my shaking voice.

“Are you crying? Are you okay?” His voice was worried.

“No. . . uhm. Can you? I-I’m in the building I-I used to live.”

“Of course, I’m coming. Stay right there, okay?” His voice was soft on the line.

I nodded even if he cannot see me.

“Mmm. Fa-faster please.”

“Don’t end the call. I’m in my car right now.”

I stepped away from the elevator and walked outside with my phone still on my ears. I sat on the small staircase and patiently waited for him to come.

“Did he hurt you?” He asked, worried.

“Mmm. I’m hurt.”

I bit my lower lip. I know I’m being bias to say that he hurt me because Justine only knew my side and not Grayson’s although I know the fact that I’m insensitive too.

“Do you want me to beat him until death?” He asked again, his tone was serious.

I laughed despite the forming tears.

“Nah. Don’t waste your time. You’ll just lose.” I teased.

“With only my stare of course.” He added.

I rolled my eyes and smiled.

He’s such a great friend. I should’ve chosen to be his friend years ago not to be his girlfriend, no wonder Andra liked him for me but nevertheless, I’m glad he matured.

I stood when I saw a shoe in front of me but instead of Justine, I saw Grayson, panting, and chasing his breath.

“Why did you suddenly leave?” He asked, mad.

“I might disturb you and Rhiana. I don’t want to hear disturbing noise while sleeping.” I said in monotone as I avoided his gaze.

“Nothing happened.”

“Because it will.” I added.

He shook his head and sighed.

“Let’s go.” He grabbed my hands.

I removed my hands off him.

“What are you doing?! Go back and I will go on my own!” I shouted with full of frustration.

“It’s not safe, Alessia. Sleep in my unit. Rhiana’s already sleeping.”

I scoffed.

“Are you playing with my feelings, Grayson? You knew I still love you and you clarified that you don’t want me but now you’re acting that you still want me.”

“I just care for you.” He put emphasis on his words.

“No! You’re playing with my feelings!”

He scoffed.

“So how does it feel being played with your own feelings? It feels frustrating right?” He asked back.

That gave me a dumbstruck. So all of that . . . the things he said . . . was just for revenge?

“Let’s go.” He grabbed my hand.

“I didn’t mean that!” I shouted.

“Well, I didn’t mean it too.” He answered back in his sarcastic tone.

He was about to pull me when a person from behind grabbed my left hand. I looked at the person and it was Justine.

“Let’s go, Alessia.” Justine pulled me.

But Grayson was strong that he pulled me towards his.

“Back off.” He warned Justine.

“Man, stop playing with my friend’s feelings.” Justine was irritated.

“That’s none of your business.” His grip on me tightened.

“Let me go if you don’t want me anymore. Pull me if you want me back.” I told Grayson with my stoic look.

I know I’m being unfair but I’m sure I’ll let him pull me if he’ll choose—

He let go of my hand.

I felt a pang in my heart.

Justine dragged me out there until we reached his car.

Playing with my fingers, I stared at the road.

“So you’ll leave me if he pulled you back?” Justine asked with a smile although there was pain in his voice.

I looked at him but he’s smiling. It seems fake so I avoided my gaze.

“Justine, I thought we’re frie—”

“I still like you.”

I sighed at his confession. It looks like I am indeed numb.

“But I want to treasure you so I’ll be a friend who can be with you in a long time.” His voice was genuine.

I smiled at him and he wiped my teas off that I didn’t even notice.

“Stop crying. I hate seeing you cry.”

I nodded and laughed.

“Thank you, Justine.” I uttered with full of sincerity.

“Anything for my precious friend.” He winked at me.

Our ride continued like nothing happened. We talked about frivolous things, anything that could shift my mind away from pain. Ever since Andra left me, I realized that talking is important rather than silence. It’s okay to talk frivolous things as long as the person whom you’re talking to is ready to listen and laugh with you.

I realized many things. Like how I should’ve talked more to Andra. Like how I should’ve laughed more with her. Like how I should’ve spend more time with her.

But all the attention that I didn’t get to give her during her time in this life was given to the time she left me. Regret is really stronger than gratitude. I should’ve been thankful for her presence and existence rather than focusing with the faults she did.

The moment I woke up, I decided to attend a charity art auction that was dedicated for young children who were abandoned. I remember interacting with some children in the orphanage and I realize that most of them came from an abusive parents that saddened me.

“Hi, can I ask who donated this art to this auction?” I asked one of the auctioneer after the auction was done.

Everyone was in their own world, talking about the arts they brought, with the artist thanking the buyer. I talked to the two artist who donated the two arts I brought but I didn’t see the artist of the most expensive art I brought, it didn’t even had a pen name.

“Oh, Ms. Robins. He was here a while ago. I’ll call someone to call the artist.”

I nodded when she left. While waiting, I went near the expensive canvas I brought and stared at it.

“The art he did was really impressive right? But he chose to donate it to this organization rather than selling it to a gallery.” The auctioneer said beside me.

I nodded. It was indeed impressive.

“Did you get what the art means, Ms. Robins?” She asked.

I stared at it and nodded.

“It’s a masquerade of a boy who looks fine on the outside but behind it was  monster in his mind.”

The auctioneer nodded as she stare at the painting.

“Behind it was his hands and feet that were chained. On the right hand, he’s holding the chain that wasn’t lock but still, he stayed in the position close to the monster. Do you know why?” I asked the auctioneer.

She scratched her nape.

“I don’t know why, Ms. Robins.”

“It’s because he cannot run away from the past which shows in his feet that were chained. He’s stuck with the monster as he remember the time were he was chained. The right hand he’s holding the chain means it is the right thing to do, to let go of the chain he’s lock to: the past; to let go of the past.”

It’s the same as mine. I was stuck in the past that it left a trauma in my heart. I kept on being stagnant on the phase of blaming myself on what if’s I could have done in the past, like saving mom, but in the end, I was free yet I kept on holding the chain.

“What about the left hand, Ms. Robins? Why is he holding a dove?” She asked, still confused with the painting.

I smiled. I think only the people who’ve been in a trauma can understand the painting.

“It means it is the left thing he needs to do; to fly with the dove and be free, away from the monster.” I said.

“Wow. . .” She muttered.

It feels odd that the painting is somewhat kind of familiar, like I saw it before but the memory was vague that I can’t remember where did I last see it.

“Oh! Here’s the artist of the painting.”

I looked at the direction where the auctioneer was looking at and got shock after seeing the familiar figurine of a man in his long sleeve white polo.

Now I remember where I last saw the painting. It was in Grayson’s room four years ago.

It looks like, he was shock at my presence too.

“I’m sorry I’m late.” He said in his baritone voice.

“It’s okay, Mr. Alonzo. Anyways, I’ll leave you two.” The auctioneer bid her goodbye.

Now it feels awkward with the two of us.

I cleared my throat.

“You’re a great artist.” I said, awkward.

“Thank you for buying my painting, Ms. Robins. If you have nothing more to say, can I leave? I still have work to do.” He was formal as if I was just a casual buyer.

I bit my lower lip and looked at him but he’s looking at his watch as if he’s wasting his time with me.

“Su—”

His phone rang.

I glued my lips when he answered his phone.

“Yes, Rhiana?”

I gulped after hearing the name.

“I’m with. . . uhm the buyer of my art.” He glanced at me.

I played with my fingers and pretended to stare at the painting.

“You want me to go? Okay, I’m coming. Just wait there.”

I heaved a sigh and looked at him but he looked down on my fingers so I stopped playing with it.

“Hey—”

“Babe!” Rhiana from behind.

She’s smiling and running towards him.

“Rhiana. . .” He was shock.

“Surprise!” She giggled and glanced at me.

I fight the urge not to play with my fingers when she wrapped her hands around his arms.

“She’s the buyer?” She pretended to be shock.

It was obvious that she was here before she called him. She knew I was talking to him.

“Yeah. . .”

“By the way, babe. Can we do grocery now?” She asked using her puppy eyes.

“Yeah. . . of course.”

I thought he has works to do.

“Once again, thank you for buying it, Ms. Robins.” He said.

I nodded and avoided my gaze.

“Let’s go, babe? Want to have a date?” Rhiana’s voice seems excited.

Before he could answer, I turned my back on them and decided to leave. It was painful hearing their conversation.

But I halted on my steps when I saw Justine’s appearance outside the ballroom where the auction was held.

He smiled at me and spread his arms, he must’ve seen Rhiana earlier that he knew what I’m feeling right now, probably, pain was on my face.

Without any hesitation, I ran towards him and buried my face on his chest to stifle my sobs.

He sighed and caress my hair.

“Stop hurting yourself.”

“I don’t have my heart, Justine. If only I could stop it but I can’t. It refuses to stop. It keeps on beating and finding for his presence. . .” I muttered on his chest.

He removed my head off his chest and grabbed both my cheeks to wipe my tears off.

“Is that the Miss Universe?” I heard whispers.

“Is he her boyfriend?” Another whisper.

“I wish.” He laughed.

I gave him my glare but he shrugged and wiped my tears off.

“Friends, Justine. Friends.” I clarified.

He wrapped his arms around my shoulder.

“Let’s have a dinner my friend, shall we?”

“What about the paintings?”

“I already told them to deliver it to your apartment. Don’t worry.”

I nodded and took a quick glance behind me and I saw Grayson in his dark eyes while staring at me with jaw clenched.

Being played with your emotions is really a red flag. Maybe this is how he felt back then.

“Where are we going?” I asked Justine.

“Thea. . . Thea invited us for a dinner that’s why I’m here. Hungover dinner she says.” He laughed.

I nodded and together, we head our own way towards the restaurant she addressed.

“Miss Universe!” Thea waved her hands.

“Shit, Justine.” I whispered after seeing Grayson on the table.

“I got your back.” He winked at me and grabbed my hand.

I could hear the loud beating of my heart with the way Grayson stare at our hands. It was dark as if he was jealous while his fist and jaw were clenched.

“Hi, I invited Grayson for our lunch today. Is it okay?” Lia asked me.

I nodded and sat on the table in front of Lia while Justine sat in front of Grayson.

“This is a thankful dinner for attending my birthday yesterday. I didn’t get to bid goodbye since I got drunk last night.” Thea smiled.

“By the way, where did you came from, Alessia?” Lia asked in the middle of eating.

“Ahh. Art auction for charity.” I smiled and started eating.

“What did you buy?” Thea asked.

Thea’s acting different because if this was a normal day, she would laugh off and flick her hair a thousand times but now, she looks behave. Maybe it’s because of the hungover.

“One is a portrait of dog and one is sunset.” I answered.

“Dog? I thought you don’t. . .” Justine gave me his confused look.

He knew I hate dogs.

“I like dogs. Especially dog owners.” I shrugged.

Lia coughed so I looked at her but my eyes shifted to the man beside her with the corners of his lips lifting a little while looking at his food.

Very different from the aura earlier. Now, he looks soft as if I said something that calmed him down.

“You can ride with us, Thea. Grayson has a car.” Lia offered after the lunch.

“Sure!” She then wrapped her hands around my arms.

“I’ll ride with Justine.” I informed.

“No. Ride with us, please. I’m jealous. You don't like Justine right?” She whispered.

Oh. So she was quiet because of Justine. Maybe something happened yesterday.

“Okay, I’ll ride with you. Justine’s just a friend.”

She celebrated so I have no choice but to ride in Grayson’s car.

“I’ll drop Lia to the hospital first, Thea. Is it okay?” Grayson asked while texting someone in the driver’s seat.

I looked at the window outside Grayson’s car while Thea’s in the middle. I don’t know if he saw me or not because he was busy with his phone, texting someone, probably Rhiana.

“Yes, hottie!”

Lia laughed and the engine started.

“Let’s turn the music on.” Lia said.

“Uh-huh.” Grayson answered while eyes on the road.

I was just quiet while Thea kept on blabbering things now that Justine’s not with us.

When the guitar started strumming on the stereo, my heart started hammering against its chest with its familiar intro. I looked at Grayson but his eyes were on the road.

“There I was, an empty piece of a shell. . .” It’s just the start of the song but it already made my heart ferocious.

Thea looked at me, shock and confused.

Grayson hummed the song while eyes were on the road.

“Just minding my own world,
Without even knowing what love and life were all about. . .”

I gulped and grasped my dress as I listen to the song. It felt nostalgic. The feelings of sadness and happiness could be mixed with it, it was as if it doesn’t have a word to describe the feeling.

“You gave me a reason for my being,
And I love what I’m feeling. . .” Grayson muttered the song while smiling as if reminiscing something.

I coughed.

Our eyes met on the rear view and I saw how his eyes widened after seeing my presence. He muttered a curse before changing the song to the next.

“Weird. The singer’s voice earlier sounds like Alessia’s voice.” Thea commented.

Lia laughed while I stifle my smile.

He didn’t delete it. He’s still listening to my voice. And that smile I saw earlier. . . I knew there’s still a chance.

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