Chapter 23

“Can I step now?” I asked.

He looked at me with a confused look.

“Step for what?”

“In your life.”

His lips parted out of shock but it didn’t manage to speak some words.

“Why can’t you answer? I didn’t even let you court me. You should be thankful for that.” I said in a nonchalant manner.

“I mean I thought we were already together. I even bragged about that.” He scratched his nape.

Now I’m the one who’s lips parted out of shock.

“We weren’t!”

“But we had se—” He didn’t get to finish his sentence because I covered his mouth.

“That’s desensitization.” I smirked.

He removed my hands off his mouth.

“Desensitization?! So you’re telling me that we had se—”

I turned my back on him and walked my way out of the rooftop.

I felt a heavy arm on my shoulder and it was his.

“So you’re my girlfriend now?” He confirmed.

I didn’t respond, instead, I continued my walk.

“Hey, young lady. Are you my girlfriend now?”

“I’m hungry. Do you have your wallet with you?” I asked.

He stopped walking so I stopped too and looked at him.

“Are you my girlfriend?” He asked again in his serious face.

“If stepping into your life means like that, then I’ve already stepped forward.” I nodded and avoided his stare.

His serious face faded and it immediately shifted into a playful smile.

“I wish your words could be more direct and simple.” He kissed my temple.

He continued his walk down the stairs so I continued too.

“By the way, why are you in bad terms with your brother?” I asked when I remember my conversation with Aiden yesterday.

He was quiet for a while.

“What do you want for breakfast?” He changed the topic.

“He was about to greet you for your birthday when he approached me outside the hospital. He even helped me buy the things I need—”

He stopped walking.

“You were with him?”

I looked at him with my confused look.

“Yeah.”

He removed his hands off my shoulder and shoved it inside his pocket.

“Next time, don’t be with him. Avoid him.” He said in monotone.

I raised my brow.

“I don’t like being ordered around neither being controlled.” I also said in monotone.

“Just stay away from him.” He shook his head and sighed.

“Why would I? What’s the reason?”

“So you want to be with him?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Are you this toxic? We haven’t even have our first day yet and yet you’re already controlling me.”

“Just avoid him. It’s that simple.”

I shook my head.

“I’ll be with him whenever I want. I’ll avoid him if I want to. He’s my friend—”

He left me alone.

My mouth parted out of shock.

“Wow. This is going to be a toxic relationship.” I uttered at nothingness.

I stayed. I didn’t move. It was minutes when he went up again to look for me.

“Why are you still there?” His forehead was knotted.

“I’m warning you, Grayson. If you want our relationship to last. Don’t be toxic.” I  passed through him and walk away.

I heard his loud sigh from behind but I didn’t mind him.

It was quiet between us. He’s silently cooking while I’m only sitting on the sofa while watching t.v. Thank god those two bitch ended up leaving.

“Breakfast’s ready.” He said.

I didn’t respond.

He sighed loud.

“Alessia.”

I stood and turned the t.v off.

The whole time, I was silent and he was too, beside me.

Not until he pulled my chair closer to him.

“I’m sorry.” He softly said.

I didn’t respond.

“Hey. I’m sorry. . .”

I sighed and nodded.

“Are you mad?”

I continued eating.

“Alessia.”

“No.” I firmly said.

He was quiet for a while.

“Let’s have a date.”

“I have a schedule with Lia today.”

“Then I’ll be with you.”

“You don’t need to. You should rest.”

He sighed once again and stood so I looked up him.

“I’ll wash the dishes.” He turned his back on me.

I shrugged it off and went back to my room to brush my teeth.

I saw my phone on the ground so I picked it up and tried to open it but its battery was drained so I charged it.

Minutes, I stayed for minutes on the floor, trying to scroll on my phone when a message popped.

Unknown:

Hi! This is me Aiden. By the way, I got your number through Lia 8-)

“Weird emoji.” I uttered at nothingness.

My phone rang and it was the same number as Aiden’s number so I picked it up.

“Wassup!” He greeted on the line.

I didn’t respond.

“By the way, Lia told me that you’ll visit her later. Mind if I join you?”

“I don’t like other people during my session.”

He laughed on the line.

“Okay. So how’s my brother? Is his shoulder okay? I told him to use arm sling but he refused to. It looks like he doesn’t want you to get worried.”

I unplugged the charger and went outside to check if he’s done washing the dishes and he really is because I saw his head leaning on the sofa’s head board while watching t.v.

“I don’t know. Is the injury that bad?” I asked.

He glanced at me after hearing my voice.

“I don’t know. Lia said he refused to have x-ray.”

I went near Grayson and sat on the sofa while he was watching me.

“Who are you talking to?” He asked.

“By the way. I’ll go now. Bye, Alessia.” Aiden said on the line, he must’ve heard his brother’s voice.

“Aiden wai—”

He hung up.

“Aiden?” Grayson asked.

I nodded and shifted my gaze to the t.v.

“How did he get your number?”

“Lia.”

He didn’t respond, instead, he moved away from me so I looked at him but he was looking at the t.v with a stoic face.

“Do you have work?” I asked.

“Yeah. Night shift.” His voice was cold as an ice.

“But it’s weekend.” I commented and tilted my head.

He didn’t respond.

I moved near him so he moved away again but I moved again near him so he moved away again until he was at the end of the sofa.

“The movie’s boring.” I leaned my head on his shoulder.

He sighed in defeat.

“Yeah. You want to watch another movie?” He kissed my temple.

“Actually. . . yes.” I said as I remember what Lia said.

I removed my head off his shoulder when he was about to grab the remote.

“What movie do you want?” He looked at me.

“But movie would be boring without food. Don’t you think?”

He chuckled.

“You want me to get food? Okay. I’ll go get some.” He stood up.

I waited for him until he arrived. He was carrying a tray full of junk food and a soda. He opened the can and gave it to me then he opened a can for himself.

“What movie?” He looked at the t.v and drank the soda.

“Porn.”

He spat the soda out of his mouth and coughed hard.

“What?” He asked while he was smacking his chest because of his cough.

“I want to watch porn.” I repeated what I said.

He coughed hard again as he smacked his chest harder.

“Why?” He asked in disbelief.

I looked at him with confused look but he didn’t see me because he drank the soda to lessen his cough.

“Because I want to be better—”

He spat the soda again and coughed harder.

. . . Person.

I waited for his cough to lessen but every time he looked at me, his cough comes back.

“I mean. . .” He said when he catch enough breath. “You don’t need to be better.” He avoided my gaze.

My forehead knotted.

“You don’t want me to be better?” I asked in disbelief.

“Yeah. . . you’re already. Uhm. Good?”

“Why don’t you want me to be better! I want to be better! You might leave me if I don’t get any better!” I couldn't help but to get mad! I thought we agreed that I need to heal!

He gulped hard.

“No. I won’t leave you.” His tone was awkward.

“That’s kind of unfair. It’s easy for you to say that because I’m not as better as you.” I spat.

I mean. He can ride elevator while I can’t? He don’t want me to be better?!

“What?” He asked, shocked.

I rolled my eyes and moved away from him.

“I’m a man so it’s normal that I’m better than you, you know?” He shyly said and scratched his nape.

“Now you’re being a sexist.” I crossed both of my arms and stared at the boring movie.

“Just because I don’t want you to watch porn doesn’t mean I’m a sexist!” He defended.

“You don’t want me to be better. I know you’ll be tired of me because—”

. . . I’ll get heavy for you to carry.

But I didn’t get to say that because he kissed me.

In a deep manner.

With passion.

His huge palms dominated the back of my head as he pulled it closer to him to deepen the kiss.

In just a snap, his already on top of me.

I didn’t even get to notice it because I was too distracted with his dominating kiss.

My sanity slapped me when I felt his hot palms inside my hoodie, on my stomach.

I spanked his shoulder.

He groaned out of pain.

“You can’t get me with a kiss! I’m still mad!” I pushed him off me and sat on the sofa.

He laughed although his face was squeezing because of pain.

“You’re better than me huh? I’ll prove you wrong!” I glared at the boring movie.

He chuckled and wrapped his hands around my waist.

“What movie does my baby want?” His tone was like asking a baby girl.

“Porn!”

“How about barbie life in a dream house?” He suggested.

I glared at him.

“My little pony?” He tried again.

“How did you know things like that?” My brows furrowed.

“Tom and Jerry?”

Suddenly, my brows that were furrowed left my face just by hearing my favorite cartoon.

“Go!” I shouted and smiled.

He bit his lower lip to stifle a smile and nodded.

So we watched tom and jerry by episodes.

I kept on laughing and laughing because of Tom’s dumbness while the person beside me was just staring at my face the whole time.

“Why do you love tom and jerry? They don’t even talk.”

“I love tom not jerry.” I crunched the junk food on my mouth while my eyes stayed on the t.v.

His body faced my direction then he leaned his left elbow on the couch’s head as he played with his lower lip while staring at me.

“Why Tom? He’s dumber than jerry. He had a lot of chance to eat jerry but he didn’t and that’s how the episode becomes longer with tom chasing jerry the whole time.”

I glared at him.

He shrugged and tucked the strands behind my ears.

“Tom is dumb, yes. But that’s what I like about him. He kept on failing and failing to catch jerry but still, he continued. Because he’s persistent and relentless with his goals, that’s how immense his dream was even when he got hurt a lot of times. And . . . I dream to be like him.” I shifted my gaze back to the t.v.

“Dream? Why dream to be like Tom?” He asked.

“Because even when I’m dumb like what others see Tom as, or even when I kept on failing with how people view Tom’s failure is, still, I chase for that dream just like how he chased jerry the whole time. That’s what I want to be, to have this relentless pursuit with my goal.”

He was quiet so I looked at him who’s now, mouth were half-opened.

“You know what. You have such a wonderful mindset. You could be a Miss Universe.” He uttered in a jokingly manner.

I rolled my eyes and shifted my gaze back to the t.v while he kept on clinging onto me.

Sometimes he would wrap his arms around my waist but when he gets tired he would wrap it around my shoulder but if he gets bored again he would stole my hands and play with it.

And now he’s sleeping on my shoulder. He really don’t like watching cartoons, he even yawned a thousand times I guess.

I looked at the wall clock and it’s already 2 in the afternoon.

“Grayson, I need to go.” I whispered.

He didn’t respond. I guess he’s in his deep sleep.

Slowly, I removed his head off me and made him lie on the sofa. I hoofed my way towards my room to grab some comforter and wrapped it around his body.

“I have to go.” I kissed his forehead before walking my way again back to my room to change clothes.

With a white long sleeve and ripped jeans. I head out of his unit.

“Good afternoon.” Lia greeted after opening the door for me.

I stepped in but I halted after seeing a familiar person, sitting on the sofa and seems nervous.

“A-Alessia. . .” She greeted.

“Let’s have a good exposure for today, shall we?” Lia smiled.

I gulped and nodded before slowly stepping my way towards her but I didn’t sit beside her, instead, I sat on another sofa.

I couldn’t look at her eyes. My palms are now sweaty with the thought of having another episode once I look at that familiar eyes.

“How are you?” Mom's voice was nervous.

“I-I’m fine. . .”

“I miss you.”

I didn’t respond.

She grabbed my hand so I looked at her hands who’s now covered with long black gloves.

“Is you hands okay?” I bit my lower lip when my voice trembled.

“I’m okay. I’m okay, my daughter. I’m very okay.” She uttered softly.

I shook my head when a tear fell from my eyes.

“No. I couldn’t protect you, mom. I’m sorry. . .” I bowed my head and stifled my emotions.

“It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. Please don’t blame yourself.” She hugged me tightly.

I sobbed because of how much I missed her hug.

Finally, I’m back at my mother’s arms. I’ve longed for this my entire teenage years. I’ve longed for this until now.

“Mom. . .” I sobbed and hugged her back. “I missed you too. I miss you very much . . .” I almost couldn't breathe because of my sobs.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving you alone. I’m sorry. I’m very very sorry, my daughter.” She rubbed my back as her voice trembled

“Don’t hate me. I love you, mom. Please don’t hate me. I’m sorry for not protecting you.” I sobbed.

“No. No. I don’t hate you. Please don’t say that.” She kissed my forehead.

I sobbed and hugged her as tight as I could because I don’t want to let her go again.

We talked a lot. I mean, she talked a lot while I was quiet. Lia on the other hand was smiling at me the whole time.

“Are you sure? I’m so sorry, my daughter. I need to go. There’s really an emergency. I’ll call you with your number.” My mom said in her apologetic tone.

I nodded and smiled at her.

“It’s okay.”

She kissed my forehead before running towards outside. It must’ve been that important.

“You’re almost in the process, Alessia! I’m so proud of you!” Lia sat beside me and smiled at me.

“Do you think so?”

“Yes! I’m so happy for you. All you need to do is a little more exposure with the things you fear of in a healthy manner.”

And that’s what I did.

I’m already in front of the elevator, waiting for it to open up along with my courage.

And here it goes, it’s already in front of me, the elevator who’s inviting me to gather all my courage up and threw all my fears away.

So I stepped in while doing the calm breathing Grayson thought me.

You can do this, Alessia. You won’t be stuck in here, so just trust me. You’ll be able to successfully head your way.

With a trembling hand, I pressed 9th floor, Grayson’s floor.

I was alone so I kept on calming myself down until my phone rang.

I grabbed my phone in my pocket and I saw Grayson’s name.

“Hello?” My voice was nervous.

“Where are you? I already finished cooking and realized that you’re not here.” His voice seems tired on the line.

“I-I’m on. . .” I bit my lower lip. “The elevator. Alone.”

“What?!” I heard loud clanks from the line, he's panicking. “Fuck! What are you doing there?!” 

I laughed at that thought.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You should’ve told me!” I heard the door’s loud bang.

And with his voice, I knew I calmed down.

“What if your episode happen in there and I’m not with you?! You should’ve told so I can be with—”

The elevator opened and he’s in front of me, his phone on his ears, looking at me with disbelief.

“Wow. You really did—”

I ran towards him and hugged him as tight as I could.

“Finally! I am healed, Grayson!” I shouted with full of delight.

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