Chapter 20

He was quiet for a while.

“Wait. . .” He paused for a while. “What did you say?” It was long before he added that.

I loosened my hug and glared at him.

“Next time, don’t harm yourself. Why did you harm yourself?”

He sighed and tucked the strands behind my ear.

“I didn’t. But I won’t harm myself for you.” He locked my face with his palms and kissed my forehead.

“I wish I can sleep with you on bed.”  I sighed.

“Never did thought my baby would be this caring.” He laughed.

“Go back to sleep.” I stood up.

I gaze at the closet room and it was a mess.

“Do you have CCTV here?” I asked.

“Yeah. . .” he yawned.

I was about to turn to him when he hugged me from behind.

Shit.

“I wish I could stay tomorrow and be with you.” He said in a raspy voice.

I bit my lower lip and let him stay for a second before untying his hands off me to hoof out.

I sat on the bed and waited for him to come out of the closet and when he did I signaled my head, telling him to lie on the bed.

His gaze went down to my legs.

Well I’m not wearing any shorts but nevertheless, I don’t care.

“You look hot.” It was his playful tone.

He sat in front of me and pulled my arms closer to him, and he kissed me without warning. Unconsciously, my lips kissed him back.

At first, it was just a normal sharing kiss.

But his hands traveled upward from my knees to inside of my loose sleeve so I stopped and spanked his hand.

He laughed.

“Sleep.” I said in a serious tone.

“Okay.” He kissed my neck.

I held onto his shoulder tightly when he gave my neck a tickling peck.

Peck after peck that unconsciously, my neck lifted on its own. He held my waist and pulled me closer to him.

He sucked it.

“Grayson!”

“Okay!” He laughed.

Never did thought he would be this inflamed.

Especially with his innocent smile.

He lied on his bed with a smirk playing on his lips so I gave him my glare.

“I want to hug you.” He closed his eyes.

“You’ll end up fucking me.” I said in a matter-of-fact.

“I agree.” He admitted.

I didn’t respond as I silently watched his face. I leaned my back against the head board and positioned my legs on the bed.

Even with eyes closed, he covered my legs with his blanket.

He grabbed my left hand and held it with both his hand.

I stared at his handsome face for a long minute.

Using my right hand, I lifted his sleeve on his arm and I saw his bandage there. I caressed it gently.

Why did your Grandma hated you? You’re such a good person.

“I’ll schedule a CBT tomorrow with Lia.” I weakly uttered.

He didn’t respond. His breathing was already slow and based on his face, I can presume he’s already sleeping due to tiredness.

“For you. . . Even though I’m still scared to unfold my past.” I smiled.

Shit, Grayson. I’m doing this for you. You should be flattered.

“Because I want to be with you during your nightmare.” I played with his soft hair.

Just like what you always did.

“Don’t make me fall hard. I’ll end up clinging more to you.” He uttered with eyes closed.

Shit.

He kissed my left hand, still eyes were closed.

“Oh right, I forgot. I already fell hard.” He chuckled.

I bit my lower lip to stifle a smile.

Shit, Grayson. I am too.

This night became a part of those peaceful nights I have, not only did I manage to have a light heart with a smile plastered on my face but also the fact that I wanted for tomorrow to come faster.

Which I’ve never felt before.

I’ve always hated the tomorrow, loathed the yesterday, and abhorred the today.

Not until now.

This must’ve been the best day of  my whole 22 years of existence.

I wish tomorrow would be the same as today.

“Alessia. . .” He softly called.

Even though I’m still tired. I opened my eyes and removed my head against the side of the cabinet to look at him.

My forehead knotted when I saw him with his usual attire. His hair was wet and he was all ready to go so I felt sad.

“What time is it?” I asked with a tired tone.

“Almost 5 in the morning. Go to sleep. I’m just going to inform you that I’ll go because I don’t think I’ll be able to answer your call during my duty. I also cooked a breakfast. Just heat them using the oven.”

“When are you going back?”

He chuckled and caress my chair.

“Why? Is my baby going to miss me?”

I didn’t respond.

Because it’s true.

“It depends with how the day goes.” He kissed my forehead.

He was about to stand when I held his tie to stop him.

“When will your duty start?” I ask him without drowsiness.

“6 am.”

I still have one hour.

I nodded and stood up so he looked up to me with confused look.

“Wait for me.” I said and hoofed my way out.

I went inside my room’s bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth.

When I felt satisfied, I went out and I saw him in the kitchen, preparing a food for me.

His attention was on the food so he was oblivious of my presence when I went near him.

I grabbed his tie and pulled him closer to me for a kiss.

He was shock but that didn’t last long. He immediately locked my face with his palms and tilted his head to kiss me deeply.

I wrapped my hands around his shoulder when he lifted me and made me sat on the kitchen sink. He slid his tongue inside my mouth along with his warm palms that slid from my knees up to my thighs.

He started to unbutton the long sleeve I was wearing.

I heard a loud clank.

But he continued.

“Babe, today is your bir— what the fuck?!” She shouted out loud.

He pulled out his mouth off mine but his other hand stayed still on my thighs.

“Rhiana, what are you doing here?” He was frustrated.

I am too.

“I’m here to surprise you! But it turns out, I got surprised!” She said in disbelief.

“Leave.”

“No!”

He looked at my eyes but it went down so I looked at what he’s looking at and I saw the half-opened sleeve, showing my bra.

He sighed out loud and lifted me down before avoiding my gaze.

“Go, eat.” He grabbed my hand and pulled a chair.

I sat on the chair and buttoned up my shirt, not minding both their stares, I silently ate the sausage like no one’s staring.

He went near me and sat beside me.

“When will your shift end, babe?”

He didn’t respond to her question, instead, I felt his hot palms on my thighs so I looked at him who’s just silently eating bread using his left hand while the other was pinching my thighs.

I shrugged it off and continued eating my breakfast.

“Grayson!” She frustratingly shouted.

“Oh. You’re talking to me?” He pretended dumb.

I unconsciously shook my head and didn’t mind their fight. Food is more important rather than involving into frivolous fights.

“Yes! I’m talking to you! When will your shift end?!” She shouted and glared at me but I didn’t mind her.

“None of your business.” He coldly said.

His hand on my thighs went up and down and caress it with his thumb which tickles so I slightly flinched.

He lowly chuckled.

A huge smash of glass echoed the kitchen so I looked up to her who’s now glaring at Grayson’s hand that were on my thighs.

He stood up.

“You’re still the same old spoiled brat.” He spat before leaving to maybe grab some half brush and shovel.

“You bitch. After playing as the victim, now you’re snatching him away from me. What a psychopath.”

I didn’t respond. I continued eating like I didn’t hear anything.

“You deaf woman! I’m talking to you!”

I looked at her with a stoic look while her face was etched with annoyance and hatred.

“You’re talking to me?” I played dumb.

“Of course, bitch. Are you that crazy not to realize that?” She uttered with full of animosity.

“Oh. You said bitch. I thought you’re talking to yourself.” I shrugged.

“What?! What did you say?!”

“Now you’re the deaf woman.” I said in monotone and continued eating.

She went near me and slapped me hard.

I scoffed and looked at her with a stoic face even when I wanted so bad to sabotage her.

“What?! You’re not going to slap me? Oh right! You’re weak!” She let out a restraining laugh.

“Nah. I’m still eating. Don’t want to touch dirty things while eating.” I gave her my smirk.

“Bitch wha—”

“Somebody entered the house. Didn’t you see it?” It was Grayson, catching his breath when he went near us.

“What? I didn’t. Where was he?” I gave my full attention to him.

“He got away. He’s still in his highschool uniform but don’t worry, I’m going to check the cctv later.”

I nodded and felt a slight nervousness.

He caress my hair.

“Call me or Lia if you feel something weird. I’ll ask the guards to monitor this unit.”

I didn’t respond when he went near the broken glass to clean it.

The bitch was just staring at me while I let out a loud sigh and continued eating my food.

“I’ll go to work.” He kissed my forehead and rubbed my back before hoofing his way.

I sighed out of sadness.

The girl glared at me but he pulled her out and. . . the door clanked.

Now I’m left alone.

It was a minute of silence when a phone telephone rang. I stood up and suddenly become anxious thinking that it might be some stranger.

I looked at the teleconference phone near the huge glass window covered with curtain before gulping and hoofing my way near it.

I answered it with a fast beating.

The line was quite.

“Hello?” I asked with a nervous tone.

“Oh. My baby’s nervous.” He chuckled on the line.

I let out a sigh of relief.

“You should’ve called me through my phone.”

“Your phone is not with you. You might not answer it.”

I bit my lower lip and slid the curtain window in order to see the city.

“Where are you?” I asked while staring at the wide city of Manhattan, New York.

“Driving.”

“Why did you call?” I sat on the table as I wait for his answer.

“Just checking if you’re okay.”

“I’m okay.”

The line was quite for a while.

“Well, I guess I want to hear your voice for no reason rather than the beeps of cars on the street.” He said.

You miss me to be exact. Just say it directly.

I blushed at that thought and bit my lower lip to stifle a smile.

“We’re opposite.” I said.

He became quiet on the line.

“I want to see your face rather then hearing your voice.” I added.

I heard him weakly chuckle.

“Are you— fuck!” I heard him loudly beep so I stood up.

His beep was followed by consecutive beeps of car from the outside which made me worried.

“Fuck you man! Watch where you turn!” I heard a shout of a stranger from the line.

“Grayson?”

“Hey! You! Stupid asshole! Focus on your driving! You almost gave my wife a heart attack!” Another man shouted on the line and beeped loudly.

“Grayson! Are you okay?” I started to become anxious.

“Oh. Yes. . . I’m okay.” His voice was catching a breath.

“What happened?!” I shouted with an apprehensive tone.

“It was the same boy who robbed in my closet. He was in the motorcycle then he suddenly went a turn without warning.”

“Shit that boy’s recklessness. Are you hurt?” I asked worriedly.

It was a long silence. I can hear him catching his breath on the line.

“Grayson!”

He chuckled.

“Yeah. . . I’m not.” His voice was reluctant.

“Shit. Should I go there?” I panicked.

“No! I’m okay. Just stay right there.”

I sighed and didn’t respond.

“I’ll hang up now. Bye.” He sighed so my lips parted.

I was about to utter a word when the phone beeped, sign that he already hung up.

So I did nothing. All I did was to do the calm breathing and progressive muscle relaxation alone like what he advised me to do everyday in order to reduce some of the anxious and tense feelings in my body.

I also texted Lia about our Cognitive Behavioral Therapy session and she agreed to meet me this afternoon.

With my simple white top and white blazer partnered with ripped jeans and white heels I opened Lia’s door.

“Good afternoon, Alessia.” She smiled at me and went near me.

I gulped and hoofed inside when she locked the door.

She rubbed my back.

“Are you sure you’re ready?”

I heaved a sigh before nodding.

She walked her way to the sofa and signaled me to come closer.

“Sit on the recliner. I ordered that days ago for you to be comfortable while telling your story.”

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Face this, Alessia. Face this if you want to be free.

I sat on the recliner but I didn’t lean yet, instead I looked at her and gathered all my courage to ask a question I wanted so bad to ask.

“Did. . . you talk to mom? Real mom.” I trailed off.

She smiled faintly.

“It would be best if you tell me the story yourself instead of your mom.”

I bit my lower lip and nodded.

“Lean and relax.” I followed her order. “Close your eyes and do the calm breathing.” I did what she said.

She didn’t say anything for a minute. She let me calm may way first before uttering another word.

“Okay, Alessia. If you really want to heal, you should be brave, strong, and have the willpower to do so. I’m going to ask you once again. Are you ready to open up your past?”

I gulped and tightened my grip on the recliner’s arm.

“Yes. . .”

“Okay. So what do you always see whenever you’re having your episode?” She asked in such a gentle tone.

“Mom. . . and dad.”, I paused for a while. “Gun. . . Bed. . . Blood.”

“Okay. Good job. What exact scene do you remember with those things that you see?”

I bit my lower lip.

“It was my. . . sixth birthday that time. We were okay. Everything was okay. Mom even gave me a guitar.” I smiled at that memory.

She was quiet.

“After singing a song. We decided to sleep on the. . . bed together. We were even laughing and hugging each other tightly before dozing off to sleep.” A tear fell from my eyes.

“Calm down. We’re in the present, Alessia. It’s okay.” She said when I started to show signs of agitation.

I nodded and let out a deep breath.

“Then. . . a huge clank of door made me awake. It was dad. Drunk and mad and I don’t know the reason because all I remember was that he was shouting at mom.”

I paused.

“Mother-fucker!” I remember his shout again.

“Continue. I’m right here.” She held my hand.

“I-I protected mom. Because he was beating her so I stepped in and hugged her but he. . . he pushed me off to bed. I was sobbing and he. . . he was irritated by my sob. I kept on shouting to stop so he shot the gun on the wall. I-I was scared.”

She held my hand tightly and gently rubbed it.

“Mom. . . mom shouted at me and told me to stay beside the cabinet. She. . . she said that I should stay there while he. . . he was beating her to death. I wanted so bad to be with her but I’m a coward so I followed her order.”

I breathe in and breath out.

“And in front of my eyes. . .” I stifled a cry.

“Calm down.” She wiped my tears off.

“I-In front of my eyes.” I held her hands in a tight manner.

“In front of your eyes?” She gently asked.

I sobbed again but I gathered all my courage to utter the words I’ve never thought I’ll say again.

“He-he. . . on bed. . . he ra-raped her.” I sobbed loud.

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