Warning: R-18+

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Chapter 19

He loosened his hug and lifted my chin. With a bloodshot eyes, I looked at him.

“I’m sorry. I was too fast.” He said in an apologetic sincerity.

I bit my lower lip and nodded.

His eyes went down to my body and that’s when I realize that I was almost half-naked in front of him.

My other bra strap fell in a wrong timing.

He sighed.

I gulped.

“Uhm. . . I’ll clasp your bra back?” He asked in an awkward tone.

“I-I can do it.” I stuttered.

He nodded and avoided my gaze.

“Should I go outside?”

“You can just. . . turn your back.”

He nodded again and stood up then he picked my shirt on the floor and gave it to me, not facing me.

With a trembling hand, I immediately grabbed the shirt and positioned my strap back.

“Shit.” I unconsciously cursed when I cannot hook back my bra from the back.

I feel uncomfortable if I pull down my bra knowing he's in front of me, I just don’t hook my bra that way so. . .

“Grayson, can you hook my bra?”

“Fuck.” He whispered a curse but I heard him.

He cleared his throat and turned towards me so I positioned my back in front of him in order for him to hook my bra back.

“This is torturing, Alessia.” He sighed really hard and loud.

“What’s torturing with hooking a bra? It’s not like it can harm you?” I asked, confused.

“I wish you’re not being sarcastic.”

“I’m not. Just hook back my bra, Grayson. Besides, you were the reason why it got unhooked.”

“Fuck.” He cursed again.

He held it, hooked it and eventually removed his hands on it so I looked at him who’s frustrated right now.

“I’ll wash my face.” He cannot look at my eyes when he turned his back on me to head to the bathroom.

I bit my lower lip and nodded even when he cannot see me.

I don’t even know why I did that even when I can do it on my own. It was like I was expecting something but I’m the one who doesn’t want it.

I’m confused to be honest.

It feels like I want it but something’s just pulling me to stop.

My demons.

I dressed back and went to the bathroom which is half-open.

I took a peek on it and I saw him washing his face consistently on the sink.

He messed his hair with full of frustration.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Control.” He whispered to himself and washed his face once again.

I wanted to comfort him but seems like he became more frustrated.

“Hey.” I entered the bathroom.

“Oh. . . Did I take too long? I’m sorry.” He said and grabbed the face towel from the towel holder.

I bit my lower lip and leaned against the bathroom sink while he was busy wiping his face with the towel.

“Bed. Well, it kind of remind me of the past.” I uttered while staring at nothingness.

At my peripheral vision, I saw him stop.

“Did I perhaps. . . remind you of something?” He asked carefully.

“No. I don’t know. Maybe the figure? The position? It just felt like I was in the past again.”

He sighed and leaned his back against the bathroom sink beside me.

It was a long silent.

“You know what. I remember this guy from the past.” I said.

He looked at me.

“A guy?”

I nodded.

“And I cannot forget what he said to me.” I smiled at the thought of it.

He looked back at nothingness.

“What was it that you cannot forget?”

“Life is unfair in order for hope to be created.” I said the exact same line he said.

“Well. . . life is truly unfair.” He commented.

“Right. Life is unfair. But he told me to keep on hoping because I’ll never find hope if I continue to remain disappointed in life.”

He was quite.

I looked at him but he’s staring at nothingness while forehead was knotted.

“So I kept on hoping that I’ll somehow heal someday.” I said.

He looked at me.

“You will. And I’ll help you.”

I shook my head.

“No. You need to focus on yourself first. How will you help me heal when you yourself is not healed yet? Stop running from that guilt. I may not know what’s the reason behind that but you need to face them.”

He sighed and looked at nothingness once again.

“It’s not that easy. I can’t forgive myself just like how she cannot forgive me. I hate myself too much to the point that I don’t want to heal just yet.” He said bitterly.

“I don’t like those who hates the one I love.” I shifted my gaze to the front.

He nodded and sighed.

“I’ll go now.” I straightened my back.

“Okay.” His voice sounds sad.

I hoofed my way to head out but one step, I stopped because I feel like I need to do something so I turned to him once again.

“Grayson, can you face me. I need to do something.”

His forehead knotted when he looked at me on the mirror.

“What is it?”

“Just turn.”

He sighed and faced me.

I stepped forward and tip toed to give him a peck on the lips.

His eyes widened a fraction.

“Desensitization before going to sleep.” I said and turned my back to step out.

I was about to grab the door knob when he pushed the door using his left arm and grabbed my arms to face him. Now I’m leaning against the door and he’s just meters away from me.

He smirked.

I gulped.

“Desensitization, huh? Then I’ll perform it.” He said with a playful smirk.

“Wha—”

He kissed me in such an aggressive manner as if his last string of patience has been cut by that one peck of kiss.

His tongue entered my mouth and tasted every corner of it before he sucked my upper lip and bit my lower lip.

Shit, Grayson.

I shriek when he lifted me and wrapped my legs on his waist.

“Gray—”

He kissed me again.

I kissed him back and wrapped my hands around his shoulder so he started to move forward.

Until I felt my back leaning against the cold wall of the bathroom.

He put me down and stopped the kiss but I was still against it when I opened my eyes.

We were both catching our breath when I looked up to him.

His eyes were dark and full of desire while both of his hands were pinned against the wall that was clenched.

“I still have a little string of patience left.” He said in a serious manner.

My forehead knotted out of confusion.

He removed his left hand that was pinned against the wall while the other stayed.

“Go if you don’t want me to do anything.”

And that’s when I realize that we were both inside the shower room of this bathroom. Beside it was the glass door.

“What if I stay? What will you do?” I gathered all my courage to ask that question.

“Then I won’t be able to stop myself anymore.”

Shit.

“My patience is limited, Alessia. Once I kiss you again, I know I’ll end up stripping you. So go if you don’t want that to happen.”

Shit.

But I want to stay.

I stepped out so he sighed loud but he didn’t stop me.

I gulped and halted when I was already in front of the glass door.

Should I stay?

I turned to him but he’s not facing me. Both his hands were on the wall, fist was clenched while his head was bowed down. Based on his back, his breathing was fast as if he was controlling himself.

I held the door handle of the sliding door in a tight manner.

And slid it.

To lock it.

I turned to him who seems shock with what I did.

“I’ll. . .” I avoided my gaze.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

“I’ll sta—”

He kissed me with full of passion.

His kiss was more aggressive so I held onto both of his hands that were on my jaw when he started tilting his head to find more of what he was trying to find.

He stepped forward so I stepped backward until I felt the wall on my back once again.

“Gray—”

He pulled out my shirt without warning and instantly unclasped my bra from behind.

Now I’m half naked in front of him.

He stopped kissing me so I opened my eyes only to welcome his gaze full of lust and desire. I bit my lower lip and held his shoulder tightly.

My breathing was fast and sweats began to form on my forehead.

But that vanished when he pressed the bottom beside me. Water starts to ooze down my body as if it was there to replace my sweats.

“Shit.” I moaned when he started massaging my mound partnered with his wet kisses that were on my neck.

He bit and sucked my neck so I tweaked his hair out of uncontrollable desire that rose from my libido.

With water invading my body, he entered the frame and replaced the water with his enticing kisses.

Unconsciously, my hand went down to the hem of his wet shirt while he was busy sucking and licking my neck.

“Grayson. . .” I tried my best to stifle a moan.

He stopped when he receives the signal of my hand, and in front of my eyes, he pulled out his shirt revealing his alluring body filled with water streaming down.

I gulped when his eyes traveled down to my body, then, without warning, he pulled off my shorts along with my remaining piece of cloth.

Shit. Now I’m completely naked in front of him.

The coldness of water felt so impalpable when the raging fire of desire lit up between both of us following the torch of lust waiting to be fumed out.

“Ah. . .” I softly moaned when he devoured my right mound using his mouth while his left hand massaged the other.

He licked and sucked it just like what he did to my neck but that didn’t last long as it traveled down making me lose my control.

“Grayson!” I screamed with shock when I felt his lips down there.

But he became deaf. I can even feel his hot breathing down there which made my sanity leave out of nowhere.

I pulled his hair tightly when his tongue starts entering my sensitivity but he held my hips and continued. My hands doesn’t even know where to go because it has nothing to hold onto. His fingers penetrated my insides and I groaned in both pain and pleasure.

“Shit. Shit. Shit. Shi— ah!” I moaned out loud when I felt something streaming down my abdomen, liquid gushing down from my nether region.

He stopped so I opened my eyes out of protest but it eventually went wide after seeing his large manly shaft.

“Grayson. . .” I suddenly become scared.

He let out an enticing and sexy chuckle.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take it slow and tender.” He kissed the side of my neck.

Shit.

He spread my legs wider using his feet so my short and panty that was on my feet was teared down.

Now I suddenly become scared that what happen to my cloth will happen the same thing to me.

He positioned his shaft in front of my entrance while I tightened my grip on his shoulder.

The water still continued streaming down as if it was there with me and along with it was him slowly entering me.

I screamed out loud because of pain so he stopped in the middle.

“Fuck. Should I stop?” He asked in a worried tone.

My eyes were squeezed in so much pain but I managed to shake my head.

So he continued while I bit my lower lip to bear the pain of his huge shaft.

He didn’t move when he successfully entered my whole. I was catching my breath out of pain so he kissed my forehead.

“It’s okay.” He softly said.

“Shit. It hurts a lot.” I gasped.

He kissed my lips in a soft way so I forced myself to kiss him back but I stopped when he started moving. He bit my lower lip and deepened the kiss in order to distract me from pain.

And he successfully did because pain soon partnered up with pleasure so I hugged onto him tightly and moaned.

He pressed another bottom beside me and the water from the shower began cascading roughly along with his aggressive move that made me moan out loud cause of both pain and pleasure.

His every push become more deeper and deeper that almost left me out of breath and every pull felt so empty. He continued doing that until both of us exploded.

With a fast beating and chasing breath, he pulled out and leaned his head against my shoulder while I cling onto his neck for support.

“Fuck. I never thought I’ll do this with you.”

“So do I.” I said, still gasping for air.

He chuckled and pressed another bottom beside me.

Water then stopped.

“I’ll clean you.” He said.

“Don’t fuck me.” I warned.

He chuckled and didn’t respond.

But in the end, we got allured once again so we ended up fucking while showering.

“I’m tired.” I leaned my head on his shoulder.

I’m already wearing his huge white long sleeve. Thank goodness my bra didn’t get wet, while down there I was wearing his unused boxer.

He kissed my head.

We’re still inside his room, only that we’re both seated beside his cabinet, me beside the cabinet covered with comforter, while he, beside me.

“Sleep. I still have a morning shift tomorrow.”

“What?!” I removed my head on his shoulder to face him.

He chuckled and grabbed my head to lean it once again on his shoulder then he held my waist.

“Yeah. . .” He yawned. “Don’t worry, I’ll call you whenever I’m free.”

“You shouldn’t have fucked me. You might not be able to focus tomorrow.”

“Oh. Is my baby concern?” He chuckled.

I remember him saying that to Lia.

Now I’m pissed.

I removed my head off his shoulder and leaned it against his cabinet with brows that were furrowed.

“Hey. . .” He laughed.

He yawned. I know he’s tired.

“Sleep to bed.” I said.

“Really?”

I didn’t respond.

He kissed my forehead.

“Okay. Thank you. I’m kind of tired.”

I didn’t respond until everything went black.

But as soon as my ears heard loud clanks, my consciousness slapped me back. I opened my eyes and stood up because of the loud noise.

“Grayson?” I shouted.

No one answered.

I went to his bed but he’s not there. And for unknown reason, my heart’s beat become ferocious.

I heard another loud noise and that’s inside the closet. I ran towards it and opened the door.

“Grayson!” I shouted after seeing him.

His sitting on the floor, holding a blade, pointing it at his wrist while everything was a mess on his closet. His watch and accessories were all on the floor.

I kneeled in front of him and immediately snatched the blade off him and threw it as far as it can.

“What are you doing?!” I fumed at him.

His breathing was fast and sweats were on his forehead.

“There was a boy. He. . . was trying to rob in my closet.”

“What?!”

He closed his eyes.

“Grayson, why did you point the blade on your wrist?!”

“I didn’t. He—”

I hugged him tightly.

“Don’t harm yourself!” My voice cracked.

His breathing become normal.

Seconds later, he hugged me back.

I sobbed.

“I don’t like you!”

He chuckled and rubbed my back.

“What? Why?” He asked with a low laugh.

“Because you harmed and hate the person I love.”

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