17 | i miss you, i'm sorry
Peter and Remus stared at the rather big dog that stood barking up at them expectantly. Sirius was the last one to shift into an Animagus. Peter had been first, James had figured it out shortly after and Sirius took almost a year after them. But he had it now.
And he wasn't shifting back.
"Come on, Pads," Peter tried. "You can do it."
"I really don't think that's going to work, Pete," Remus pointed out with a frown. "Maybe we should get-"
"No," Peter interrupted. "He said that no matter what happened, we were not to get James. No matter what."
"I don't think he expected this to happen," Remus countered, "And James did all the research so he might have an answer for us."
"You get to deal with the consequences."
"The alternative is him being stuck like this forever," Remus pointed out. "I'll happily deal with the consequences if it means I get Sirius back."
Remus made his way through the castle quickly, Peter standing guard in their room. James had tried a few times to talk to them but he deflated, losing courage every single time. They hadn't been sure what was wrong with him but he had seemed to be getting better. They just wanted to give him space.
He entered the library to find the boy in the same spot as he normally was. He seemed a bit more put together then the last time they'd seen him in here, the permanent scowl wiped clear from his face. It was an improvement.
Remus approached the table and stood there until James eventually noticed. The boy looked up, "Remus?"
"We need your help," he admitted immediately, not wasting a second. "Sirius needs your help." James immediately stood up, leaving his stuff on the table and following Remus back to their dorm.
"Oh, shit," James muttered as he stared at the black dog. The dog bared its teeth at him. "How long has he been like that for?"
"Almost a day," Peter said, glancing at his pocket watch, "In thirty minutes."
"A day?" James demanded in surprise. "He was like this for a full day and you didn't say anything until now?"
"You haven't exactly been the most accessible person, James," Peter pointed out. "And he asked us not to.
"So?" Remus said. "How do we fix it?"
"We can't," James said. "He has to do it on his own or..."
"Or what?"
"He'll be stuck like this forever."
"We can encourage him, right?" Remus said quickly, his anxiety clearly heightened. "Like, help him come back?"
"We can try."
"You have to fix this."
"Me?" James asked, "Why me?"
"Because this is your fault!"
"What?" he asked in disbelief. "It was Sirius's idea to become Animagus to help you!"
"You guys have been fighting for too long!" Remus accused. "Over stupid, petty bullshit! And you have been a horrible friend. An abso-"
"Remus," Peter tried but the boy kept going.
"-lute asshole lately. I mean, top tier, Slytherin level asshole for no reason other than the fact that you were butthurt."
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh, please," Remus scoffed. "I have been so patient with both of you this year but you have been insufferable. Between Regulus and-" he cut himself off as he realized what he was saying.
Peter's eyebrows were furrowed in confusion, "Regulus? What about him?"
James deflated, leaning against his bed post, "It doesn't matter."
"Am I missing something?"
"No," Remus and James said in unison.
"Wait," James said as he pushed himself off the bed. "Maybe Regulus can help."
"How can he help?" Remus demanded and it was clear that he was one wrong move from blowing another fuse.
"He's an Animagus."
"He is?"
"How do you know that?" Peter asked, still trying to figure out what was going on.
"You could go get him," James suggested. "See if he can help."
"Wouldn't it make more sense for you to get him?"
"I haven't talked to him since the Slytherin party," he admitted and Remus was taken aback by this. Since he drunkenly told him he was in love with him. Unfortunately, he remembered everything from that night.
"Oh," Remus said. "Yeah, I can find him."
"I'll be in here," James said, gesturing to his bed area. He waited and eventually there were footsteps approaching the room.
"Only Sirius is stupid enough to get stuck in his Animagus form," Regulus muttered as they entered the room.
"Thank you for trying."
"I make no promises," he said, "Sirius would only be more stubborn as an animal."
James stood up and approached his curtain. He peeked through to look at what was going on. He could see Regulus standing next to Remus. He looked the same except he cut his hair and maybe lost a little weight.
Regulus snorted at the dog in front of him, "Of course he's a big, shaggy dog." The dog jumped up and Regulus caught his paws before it could dirty his clothes, "Yeah, yeah." He sat down on the floor so he was at eye level with the dog. "Have you tried becoming an Animagus to help him?"
"Oh, I'm not-" Remus began.
"I know you aren't," Regulus said. "I was talking to James."
James stumbled at this, making rather obvious noises and muttering a few curses to himself. He left his area after he composed himself. "Uh, no, I haven't," he admitted. "But we aren't exactly on the best terms at the moment." He gestured towards Peter, "And he's a rat so that's probably not very helpful."
Regulus grimaced, glancing back at Peter, "That is unfortunate." He turned to James, "I assume that's why you told them my secret?" He nodded, "I don't know if you've noticed but my brother and I aren't particularly close."
"Yes, but you're still brothers," James pointed out. "He'll always be connected to you even if he doesn't want to be."
"I can't promise it will work."
"You trying is more than enough."
"I want something in return," Regulus announced.
"You can't just do a favor for your brother?" Remus inquired and Regulus raised an eyebrow. "Right. What do you want?"
"Nothing from you," he admitted. He turned to James, "I want to talk to you." James seemed surprised by this, "So? What do you say?"
"Fine," he said, "But only if it works." Regulus narrowed his eyes but conceded with a nod. A moment later, there was a black dog and a black cat in the middle of the room.
Peter gulped, "He's a cat?"
James shrugged, muttering, "It would make more sense if you knew him."
They watched the cat and dog watch each other. The dog moved forward to sniff the cat and the cat hissed, his hair standing on end. The dog flinched slightly but continued sniffing. The cat seemed to relax after a moment, rubbing his face against the dog. The dog shook slightly before it morphed back into Sirius.
A very naked Sirius. Remus was quick to grab a blanket and wrap it around the boy. He helped him stand up, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Sirius waved off. He moved toward the cat, "Regulus?" The cat meowed before it morphed into his little brother. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What are you doing here?"
"I was recruited to help," he informed him, brushing his hands off on his pants. "My work here is done."
"You're an Animagus?" Sirius asked. "How? When? Why?"
"That's a lot of questions, Sirius," Regulus pointed out. "Maybe they can wait until you feel better?"
"I feel fi-" he began but he stumbled and Remus was quick to catch him. "Yeah, it can wait."
Remus helped him towards his bed and Regulus looked at James expectantly. The Gryffindor sighed in defeat, following him out of the room. "I'll be back with food," James announced before closing the door. "What do you want to talk about?"
"A few things," he admitted, "One being about you."
"What about me?"
"At the risk of being the millionth person you snap at," he began, "Are you okay?"
"I'm doing better," he admitted. "Pomfrey gave me some medicine to help with my moods."
"Is it helping?"
He nodded, "It is, yes."
"Good, that's good," he nodded as they left through the Gryffindor portrait, ignoring the looks sent their way. "I also wanted to talk about us."
James's entire body tensed but he kept moving despite himself, "Go on."
"I've been thinking and I'm ready," he informed him and James was surprised by this. "If these last few months have taught me anything, it's that I don't want to be without you."
"Then I need to tell Sirius."
"What?"
"If I keep keeping things from him, he'll never forgive me," James pointed out. "And he's the most important relationship I'll ever have."
"And what if he disapproves?"
"I guess we'll cross that road when we get to it?"
"I - I don't know if I can do that," Regulus admitted.
James stopped walking and moved so he was in front of Regulus, "Then I can't do this."
"James, please-"
"No," he cut him off, raising his hand. "I will respect that you don't want Sirius to know. It's not my place to tell him. But I won't keep hiding from him. I can't lose him. And as much as I don't want to lose you, I can live without you. I can't live without him." He tilted his head slightly to look him in the eyes, "Do you understand?"
Regulus watched him for a moment, searching the sincerity in his expression, "Yeah, I - I think so."
James huffed, shaking his head slightly. He ran a hand through his hair as he glanced around, "Goodbye, Regulus. And this time for good."
Pomfrey upped the dosage for James and suggested that he talk to someone. Apparently she could bring someone from the outside that was more accustomed to dealing with circumstances like his own but he didn't want that. He didn't want pity. And he certainly didn't want to vent to a stranger about all of his problems and his feelings. He would deal with it on his own.
"Can I ask you something?" Sirius asked suddenly and James looked up in surprise. The two had made up. At least mostly. They were talking again so that was...something.
James watched him for a moment, placing his quill down, "Ask me what?" Remus and Peter exchanged a look and the latter was about to run away but Remus stopped him, pinning him to his spot.
"Were you seeing someone?" he asked and James was surprised to find that this was what he was wanting to ask.
James sat with the question for a moment and he turned to Remus and Peter, "Could you give us the room?" Peter looked relieved at this and Remus nodded. The two made themselves scarce and James focused his attention on Sirius. "Yes, I was."
Sirius frowned, "Why wouldn't you just tell me?"
"Because it was a guy." Sirius's mouth parted at this but nothing seemed to come out. "You don't have to say anything. I get it, it's...it's not normal. And I really don't know why, you know? It just sort of happened but it's over now. I really don't feel like talking about it. And if you don't want anything to do with me, I get it but please don't tell anyone. I'm not ready for that so if you could just-"
"Prongs," he said, interrupting his rambling. "It's okay."
"It is?" James asked in surprise.
Sirius shrugged, "I don't think it matters. Not really." He tapped his pen against the desk, "Can I ask who?"
"It's not my place."
"No, yeah," Sirius said quickly, glancing at the door. "Can I ask you another question?"
James nodded, "Sure."
"How did you know?" he asked and James raised an eyebrow. "That you were- that you-"
"I don't know," he answered honestly, saving him from his nervous ramble. "I still don't know, if I'm being honest. I mean, I like girls. I know that for sure but I also think that maybe I like guys, too?"
"But what if I don't," he said, his focus on the work in front of him.
James faltered at this, "What?"
"Don't like girls," he explained.
His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "But you dated Marlene. And Mary and-"
Sirius shook his head, "I know, I know. But it wasn't, I mean, I didn't - Not the same way that I...I just don't think I like girls. I mean, I like them well enough...But not like...how you're supposed to."
James frowned, "Maybe you're-"
"No!" Sirius said quickly and James froze. "Don't say it. Please, don't say it. I'm not- I mean, I can't be that."
His frown deepened, "Why not?"
"Because I'm not," he explained, "Forget I mentioned it." He began to gather his things and James stood up quickly, "I'm going out, I'll let the boys know they can come back."
"Sirius, wait!" he called out but the boy had already slipped out of the room and James thought it was best to leave him alone.
Sirius was avoiding James now but not in the way he had been before. This time he knew exactly why and it wasn't anything he could fix. He just had to wait until Sirius was ready.
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