Chapter 41

I have shattered on my knees, crying out for salvation, knowing it will never come.

I have danced with my demons and chosen to feed them, locked secrets away from the last of my fears. I have put on fake smiles to hide tears and broken a million times for it.

One day, my face will fall, kept at bay tears will rise, my breaking point will be reached and I will slip into the darkness. Swirling, writhing, emotion will be gone at last.

I am a compilation of all that is wrong and someday I hope to be able to live with this very real fact.

For today, I have all the houses distracted and I've left a backdoor open for the Varkeshians to slip in when the ball is in full swing in a day's time. I should have my gown ready by four moons and at the party by five moons without anyone on my arm and Leander, Aaliyah and Draven acting as my procession.

The murders, which outwardly appear to be suicides, of Charlotte Night and Haley Atkinson have been distracting several of the houses as they try to hunt down all the details of their untimely deaths, while still getting ready for the harvest ball at Moonstone.

Things are going smoothly, but none of the pieces fit, or rather, they fit all too well. Lunata should be ready to take refugees starting in the days after the attack, I've started calling meetings with other sure allies and Jezebel has received the proper supplies and is readying for battle. The witch queen of New Orleans should be my first stop after the ball and the meetings with Tramile, Vienna and Qiem will be taking place in my New Orleans home. The rulers and their guards will shadow port to my location and we'll hammer out the details of alliance from there.

Everything is going perfectly and I can't for the life of me, figure out why. My alliance with Rory Nivirah hasn't crashed and burned yet and Haley is dead. I feel light. Yet I'm drowning.

Fear eats away at every inch of me as the sun touches my skin, trying to warm my frozen heart, encased in ice as it is.

A banging at my door rings my ears. Something must be wrong. Before I can answer it, Leander walks in, wearing jeans and a green, casual, shirt. I scan his profile. Lidded almond eyes, slim figure, ashy blonde mop of hair, no blood.

"Christ, Evelyn, What's got you so winded up this early?"

"What's Christ?" I frown, my lips falling flat as I don't even try to lift them.

"The human' living god. I thought you liked humans."

"Humans are great until they die. It was my mother who had the real obsession. I think my biological father might have been human, though, so I've kept tabs on Earth."

Leander took on a passive expression, trying to mask his shock and clearly about to ask something far too personal.

It takes me a moment to understand what I just did. No one knows that Aries Aculiac wasn't my biological father but me and Jezebel. I let my guard down and the trust just slipped out. I just hope this doesn't come back to bite me.

"Is that why Aries Aculiac wanted you dead?"

I blink, keeping myself blank. Give trust to get trust, right? I guess I need to tell him the truth, start to lay my secrets in his hands. If I don't have someone to hang onto, I won't get by much longer. I seem to have developed a fondness for Leander Varian Night.

Maybe it happened when we first met and he joked with me as if we were two friends reuniting after a long time apart. Or perhaps when I learned that Leader is into men. I suppose I can understand him better now.

Trust for trust. "Aries Aculiac made it his mission to see me at a point in my life where death would be a reprieve and the greatest gift I could wish for. My mothers mistakes cost me more than they did her. I suppose I've never been quite right because of him."

Leanders eyes snap open at my confession, all laziness gone, shock overtaking every inch of his battled-hardened face. He didn't expect me to answer his question. Sunlight pours into my heart as he finds it in himself to give me a soft smile.

"What are you here for?" I say, trying to get off the subject of the man I despise most in this world. I think that was enough personal trust for today.

He comes out of his frozen suporse, easily slipping back into lazy, calm, cool, jokester, Leander, "Draven wanted me to collect the reports from you. Pulled rank, too. I think he has some consul meetings with Miriam Temes."

I scowl at the name, "That girl is up to no good. Next time I'm in the mood, she'll be lying right next to Lucas Wright."

Leander slips his hands into his pockets as he leans against the wall closest to my desk, not at all surprised that I just told him I would be killing Miriam Temes, head of Temes house, soon. He doesn't look disgusted in the slightest and it makes me like him all the more.

The way he's leaning, the sun bathes his body in an angelic looking gold light, the picture of arrogant perfection. "And the reports?" He asks calmly, mildly.

I take out a fresh parchment, dip my quill in ink and start to write out a few numbers, dates and general information. It takes me no less than ten minutes of utter silence before I pass it to Leander, "This should be sufficient. Tell him that I expect the watches to be sloppy tomorrow."

This time it's Leander's turn to look disgruntled, "Draven asked for the original copies, so I'm sure I'll be back at his bequest and I'm not your errand boy. Can't you tell him yourself." His words have bite, but he seems more playful than truly annoyed.

"I'm sure Draven won't have the heart to be mad at you." I tease back, trying not to let myself slip back into darkness. It's like a whirl pool that I swim out of, only to be sucked right back in. I should be happy for Leander and Draven, and I am, but I can't help the envy that bitters my core.

He folds the parchment paper and slides it into the inside pocket in his jacket, which is black, "Thanks for this, have a good day. Lots to prepare for. General Richards and I have been corresponding back and forth, he thinks the Cretean army should be ready two weeks after the ball tomorrow.

Trying my best to push all thoughts of envy, fear and bitterness away, I smile like I have the sun caught in my heart and all I want to do is shine for all the world to see. "That's fairly fast, all things considered. Tell Edgar that I appreciate everything he's been doing. I should get back to these," I motion to the stack of parchments, "But try to get a good night's rest, yeah?"

"Of course." He flashes his signature smirk at me, showing teeth. It looks all wrong on him, but I know him, I've been inside of his head, seen and heard his thought process. To an outsider he looks fine, more than fine, but to me, he looks sad underneath all that bravado. It seems to be a common theme.

I only hope to uncover what kind of secrets the rest of my little inner circle has hidden beneath carefully built masks of perfection.

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