Chapter 39

By the time we arrive at Gislee's bakery, the lights are gradually going off and the air is growing colder.

I can't actually be cold, but I have the knowledge that it is cold around me from Leander's shaking hands and slightly blue lips. The shaking could be from being inside of my messed up head, but I'm hoping it's just the freezing air.

When we go upstairs to the home portion of Gislee's building, the others are already sitting around a fire, with mugs in their hand. Leander take off his coat and leather gloves that he had slipped on earlier.

He seems to have regained his good mood, or he's really good at faking, when he blurts out, "I thought we were below a desert. Why is it so Flame damn cold?" He shivers in exaggeration, trying to lighten up his mood and Draven's unsuccessfully.

They don't look quite as pale as before, so I suppose that that's good.

The room is warm and I look out one of the windows as night curtains the Sector and the last of the light goes out. Pulling my attention away from the window, I go to take a seat next to Aaliyah and Elliot. I now sit between them.

When I take a look at Aaliyah there is an undeniable sadness there that I cannot ignore, but try my best too. I rack my brain, trying to come up with a reason.

It clicks in my mind a second later and I can't stop myself from taking Aaliyah's hand, a wave of sadness passing through me.

I had forgotten. In the sea of everything I have to do and the weight of the world resting on my shoulders and with things going smoothly and falling apart simultaneously, I had forgotten.

For one moment in the endless vast expanse of it, I have been so swept up in Leander, Draven and the Halowins that I had not realized what today's date represents. I am a fool.

An awful, selfish, fool.

My mother was a horrid person filled with shadows, regret and a constant thrum of fear in her pulse.

From rumour and hearsay, I had learned that my mother had been truly alive with happiness and light once upon a time. Then she had met Aries and there was no going back. She fell in love. She was enraptured and by the time she knew what Aries was capable of, she was already gone.

One day mom had just gone missing. She was there and then she was gone. In a split eighth of a second her world had gone to the Hells and ended.

Now I, her only living legacy, stand here forgetting the one woman who I was meant to love.

Aaliyah pulls away from me, content to stew in misery alone. A pang of guilt goes through my chest and lodges in my arteries.

Elliot slings an arm over my shoulder, ignoring the tension in the room, "The shopping districts are stunning, you know. When was the last time you went?"

My face is tight as I answer her, staring at the fire, watching the flames flicker and dance with shadows. The writhing fire is hypnotic and I want to touch it because I've touched fire before and survived. How many Varsillians can say that? "I was here last time I was in Lunata."

"I'll take you before you leave."

"Maybe next time." I turn my attention onto Leander next. He's huddled up near the fire, rubbing his hands together, trying to warm himself up, his eyes two orbs of amber and half lidded. "I heard you got stuck with Elder Lee. How did you make out?"

He shivers, over exaggerating every moment as he answers me, "that womans a demon to be reckoned with. I think she was trying to lure us to an untimely death."

Before I can pull together a response to his somewhat interesting terminology, Draven cuts in, "she is not stupid. Killing us would be a declaration of war."

"She showed us framed teeth, Draven. If that's not a threat-"

Gislee stands up from her chair and goes to the cabinet on the left wall, her steps wobbling and her face annoyed as she stops Leander in what could have been the start of an hour long rant, "Those are Ravenna Nivirahs teeth."

"Oh." He pauses, slouching and leaning in so close to the fire that he nearly is touching it. "So, it was a threat?"

Gislee opens the cabinet door, revealing a well stocked liquor supply of fairly good years. Her eyes scan the bottles, searching for one in particular. Gislee ignores Leander, not willing to further indulge him in conversation as she turns to me, grabbing a bottle of bourbon and snatching up a few tumblers. She sets the glasses down and pours a drink for each of us, filling my glass fuller than necessary.

She hands the glasses out and by the time she places mine in my hand, she's sitting back down, a wicked curve of her lips firmly planted on a face filled with mischief, "Lets she if we can't get you at least a little tipsy tonight."

I tip my glass back and drink it dry. When I set the tumbler down its empty, not a drop left. I feel an intense burning at the back of my throat as I try not to gag and splutter, tears almost welling up into my eyes. I keep myself stoic, with an eyebrow raised.

Aaliyah takes a sip of hers and Leander and Draven refrain. Gislee looks at my glas, then the bottle. She flicks her wrist and sends the bottle flying into my hands. I only barely manage to catch it, "may as well take the bottle. Flame knows that it still won't be enough to get you to spill your secrets."

I sit back on the couch and relax, trying to ignore the two figures pressed up against me. I fold my hands together on my lap as I tilt my head back and sigh. I'm immediately reminded of that day when Lucas Wright first approached me. As my head hits the cushioned couch, I can faintly feel the solid concrete behind me.

For a moment I almost believe that my hair is covered in dried blood, tangled up in too many knots to undo or count. I almost believe that I am drowning. I am always drowning.

"I haven't been intoxicated since I was eight and had snuck into Aries back-stores. I figured he would never notice."

Gislee takes a small sip of the drink and I can tell it burns going down. This isn't her usual drink. It's not mine, either, but I do enjoy the occasional glass. "You always were a bad seed."

"Flame knows you only encouraged me when we met. You snuck me all sorts of illegal things."

I know without looking that Gislee's eyes are shining in the dim room. I also know that my own eyes are as dull and cold as they have alway been. "I could never resist with you. You talked me in circles until I gave in."

Elliot's arm around me tightens and I have the all-consuming urge to pull away. Red hair. Like a flame. Beautiful. Elliot and I have always had good chemistry, it's why we tend to spend a lot of time together on my visits to Lunata, but I don't want her anymore.

Where I once would have felt tingles and goosebumps race across my skin, I just feel nothing. I don't shift away from her though. I owe her everything. She was the body to warm me up when I was sweating, freezing and falling. I couldn't just give her up because I'm suddenly smitten with a flash of red hair in a vision that might not even be real.

I politely excuse myself from the situation, hugging Gislee goodnight and bidding the others a good night's rest, reminding them that we leave sharp in the morning. I take the bottle of bourbon with me and choke back a swig. It's not like I haven't faced worse pain than a little burning in the throat, right?

I lay awake in bed that night, hearing Aaliyah's voice mix with Leanders, the two of them caught in a game of banter, even bringing Gislee in a few times. I hear as Elliot tries to engage Draven in conversation, Draven politely stopping the conversation in its tracks each and every time.

It must be late when my eyes flutter closed, but I don't care.

Everything will be perfect.

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