***

He was angry. For reason that were my fault.

He was mad at me for denying that he had voices in his head. It escalated quickly with Joey.

"Now I'm the freaking crazy one aren't I? Probably everyone thinks I'm insane!"
He shouted. I always was able to calm him down, but on this subject, it was even harder to.

He was flailing his arms around, when he's going on rants and such he uses his hands a lot to describe stuff.

But he was hitting stuff this time. I didn't want him to hurt himself. He was driving himself into insanity.
I walked forward and grabbed both of his hands in mine trying to stop him.

He kept trying free his hands, but I kept a firm grip on them.

"Joey, honey, calm down"
I said in a normal tone, apposed to his loud one.
"I don't want to calm down" he said, a lot quieter, but still loud.

"I'm sick of everyone telling me to calm down! Nobody understands! You can't hear it I can! Don't you think I want it to stop just as much as you do!?
I want it to stop but it won't! And nobody freaking believes me and everyone thinks I'm a psychopath, especially you!"
He shouted at me smashing his fist on the counter.

"Joey, I don't think you're a psychopath. Just calm down"
I said normally.
He was sobbing so hard. He could barely even make out the long shouts at me without coughing up a sob.

It was horrible. I hated knowing he was in pain. Mental pain and he was hurt. And he was hurt because of me not believing him.
"I don't want to calm down! I-"
He stopped and just cried.

I tried some other things to get him to calm down that the doctor recommended, but none of them worked.

But I knew one of them that always worked.
I took his right hand and placed it over my heart. He would usually calm down when he felt my heart beat. It was beating slow.

I could tell he was calming down.
"I don't want to ca-" he stopped himself.
He took in a long deep breath.
His breathing was replaced from rapid and light to calm and deep.

"Oh G-god... I'm so sorry"
He murmured.
Normal Joey. That was normal Joey returning.

"I'm insane" he whispered. He took his hand off my chest and covered his face.
"You're not insane"
I said stepping forward but he stepped back.

"No no"
Murmured to himself. He began pacing back and forth.
"Hey hey, calm down." I said grabbing his hand gently.

"Why do I have to be like this?"
He asked with his voice cracking.
I stepped forward but he stepped back again.
"Don't touch me. I'm going... God-I'm hurting you"
He whispered.

I forced myself not to cry. I couldn't. I had to be strong for the both of his. Cause he can't be strong for himself. He refuses to.

***

"Has he gotten any better?"
Nicole, his sister, asked me as she we sat in a booth at the Pastella Café.

"If anything, he's gotten worse. But he seems to realize when he starts freaking out"
She sighed and put her left hand over her face.

"Hey, don't worry. He's gonna be fine" I said. She nodded slightly.

We had these once a month. Me and her worked out Doctor appointments and everything. But it was hard.

But it wasn't always hard. Cause yeah he would have these episodes and everything, but a lot of the time he acted like his normal self.

That's why I stayed. Because I knew he was there and I refuse to leave that.

***

I walked into the house and head the TV on.

When I walked into the living room and saw utter betrayal.

"Joseph. Are you watching Drag Race without me!?"
I said. He looked over his shoulder.

"Definitely not" he said grabbing the remote and changing the channel.
"How dare you?" I sarcastically said as I sat down.

He chuckled and put his hands up like 'Watcha gonna do?'

"Trash" I murmured resting my feet on the coffee table in front of us.

"Uh? You're so fake" he said sarcastically, then throwing a pillow at me.

"Go back to Drag Race, pig"
I said tossing it back. He rolled his eyes and chuckled as he switched the channel back.

"I could tell you who won right here."
He said after a few minutes of watching.

"Don't you dare"
I said giving him a death glare.
"I'm going to tell you." He chuckled.

I put my hand over his mouth.
"Don't. You. Dare."
I said. I moved my hand back.

I scooted back to my side.
And put my eyes back on the screen.

"Raja"
He murmured.

"God damnit, Joey!"
I shouted.

"That's what you get for telling me who won American Idol" he said laughing.
I let out a long dramatic cry as laid myself flat on the ground.

"You're so dramatic!" Joey sarcastically complained.

"You're so rude"
I said. He chuckled and began watching. TV again.

I stood up and walked over to the kitchen.
"Have you eaten dinner yet?"
I asked opening the fridge.

"No, mom" Joey said standing up.

"Okay well, you have to eat something. So what's it going to be?"
I asked browsing the food.

"How about nothing?"
I rolled my eyes.
"How about chicken fried rice?"
I asked, already pulling the ingredients out. "Please no. I'm not hungry" he whined.

"Can't hear you. Cooking"
I said. He rolled his eyes and angrily stomped back to the couch with his arms crossed.

After roughy 10 minutes, I walked back to the couch with our food.

"Not. Eating." He stated with his arms crossed.
"Do you want me to force this down your throat with my hand, Joey?"
I asked sarcastically.

"Sure" he replied with equal sarcasm.
I let a sigh.
"Joey, please. For me?"
I pleaded. He glared at me for a second then rolled his eyes.

He let out a huff of air as he took the bowl from me. "Yay" I exclaimed.

I was getting him to eat more.
He would avoid eating at all costs. Which, I didn't understand. But either way, I wasn't going to let him starve himself to death.

I can't let him hurt himself.

No...

I won't let him hurt himself.
***