"I need to know that when I fail, you'll still be here
'Cause if you stick around, I'll sing you pretty sounds,
And we'll make money selling your hair"

***

As if by some unspoken agreement, Phil and Grayson became a lot closer.

They'd never really hung out with each other before, both having bigger priorities in their life, and even though they were in the same band, it wasn’t like they actively sought each other out for company. They were friends, but they had stronger connections with other people, that weren’t each other.

But there was a new bond built between them now, a solid wall of trust that came with sharing their deepest and most threatening secrets with each other. Phil felt a lot more at ease hanging out with Grayson, not having to worry about accidentally mentioning his secret relationship with Dan, because Gray already knew, and he didn’t care.

“And I don’t even know why he does it,” Grayson was saying, sprawled across Phil’s bed and staring at the ceiling, his hands gesticulating wildly as he talked. “But every single time my shoes come untied, he steps on the laces. No warning, he just steps on them, and he thinks it’s so funny every time he does it. But it is cute when he laughs like that, he gets this weird crease near his eyes? Adorable.”

The only downside to these newfound meetups was the constant conversation about everything that had to do with Elliot. He didn’t think there was much else to know about the guy, but Grayson always came bearing some new detail that had very little impact on Phil’s life. He didn’t say anything against it though; he wasn’t much of a talker himself, and it seemed like Grayson needed to vent to someone about all of this stuff, having kept it to himself for so long.

“Are you still ignoring him?” Phil asked mechanically, more interested in his phone then paying full attention to his lovesick friend’s pining.

Grayson sighed from where he was lying. “Sort of, I guess,” he said lowly. “It just seems a bit awkward, trying to talk to him these days. I mean, he’s almost always with Audrey, and I don’t want to be a third wheel, that would be lame and pathetic. And we’ve never been good at texting each other, it’s always so boring that way.” He rolled over onto his stomach and groaned loudly into Phil’s pillows. “Why do hormones exist?”

Phil laughed, ignoring the glare Gray threw at him, and opened the text message Dan had just sent him with a grin.

“Not everyone can have a happy relationship like you and Howell, you know,” Grayson said. He only ever called Dan by his last name, which Phil suspected had something to do with his current resentment towards anyone with their own respective partner.

Phil didn't respond, biting his lip as he typed out a reply.

He didn't know if 'happy' was an adjective he'd use to describe his and Dan's relationship. At least, not these days. They were stable most of the time, but constantly toed the line of self-destructive. Phil loved being with him, he couldn't deny that in any way, and it was with desperate hope that Dan felt the same way, but everything was vague and uncertain as of late. Sometimes, he would say something that seemed completely innocent, but Dan would get this guarded look on his face that made Phil wonder what the hell he'd done wrong.

Maybe it was because Grayson now knew about them that was making him act so strange. Or maybe it was because Grayson was the only one who knew about them. Phil didn't like thinking about it much.

"Maybe you should just tell him," Phil suggested lightly, not looking up from his phone screen.

"You know I can't."

Phil sighed and glanced up for the first time at his friend. "Do you honestly think he'll act different just because he knows you like him?" He asked. "You guys are closer than most people in actual  relationships, he wouldn't throw all that away because of a crush."

"You can't be sure of that," Gray said.

"I know you guys-"

"But you don't know the situation," Grayson cut him off, sitting up sharply. He didn't look angry, just a slightly put off. "You've had a boyfriend for well over a year now, you can't possibly imagine what it's like being in love with someone who will never want you back."

"Now you're in love with him?" Phil asked, raising an eyebrow.

Grayson ran his fingers through his hair roughly, and flopped backwards onto the bed. "I don't fucking know," he said in a subdued voice. "We're in high school, I don't know what love is; who fucking does?"

"I'm sorry," Phil said, although he felt it was entirely unhelpful to the situation. "I just think keeping it a secret is making you a bit crazy."

Grayson snorted. "Yeah, cause you're the expert at keeping secrets, aren't you?"

"Are you getting mad at me?" Phil asked. He was trying to be at least a little bit supportive of this whole thing, but it seemed nothing he did or said was good enough, for anyone. It was starting to agitate him, how everyone came to him with their troubles and secrets, but they never really appreciated him actually digging into it, like it wasn't his business. And technically, it wasn't, but he had some right to speak his own mind about it, didn't he?

"No, I'm not," Gray sighed again. "I just think you should worry about your own problems before trying to fix anyone else's."

And wow, that was like a kick to the teeth.

They weren't harsh words, and Phil knew they weren't meant to make him feel bad, but his teenage emotions told him otherwise. He glanced away, over at the wall, and tried to dispel the heavy feeling that had begun to form in his chest.

They sit in awkward silence for a few seconds, both processing the very unfamiliar and uncomfortable tension that has suddenly appeared between them, but it's broken by Phil's phone buzzing in his hands. He'd nearly forgotten he was holding it.

"Elliot wants to know where you are," he says, reading the text message he's just received. He sees Grayson smile for a split second, but then it fades, and he scowls. "Want me to tell him?"

"No," Gray murmurs. "I need a few more days without him."

"He wants to come over," Phil says.

"Shit," Grayson shakes his head, before standing up and grabbing his jacket from where he'd thrown it on Phil's desk when he first came over. "Guess I'm leaving, then."

"Have fun with your avoidance," Phil says just before he leaves, laughing as Gray flicks him off. He picks up his phone again and messages Elliot back, letting him know he can come over.

It wasn't too long ago, when Phil couldn't even talk to them separately. They were usually such a tight knit pair, and it was unnerving to say the least, them being so far apart. It was like their whole group dynamic was being thrown off, just because they didn't talk to each other.

His room door opened again, and Elliot walked in, looking windswept and slightly disheveled. Phil stared at him curiously.

"You know it's been, like, two minutes since you texted me?" He asked, crossing his arms. Elliot shrugged. "How'd you get here so quickly?"

"I was in the general vicinity," Ellie said casually. "Figured I'd drop by, it wasn't out of my way."

Phil wondered how him and Grayson hadn't run into each other, he couldn't have gone that far in such a short span of time, but then he got another text, this one from Grayson.

gray:
holy shit, i had to hide in your neighbors bushes so E wouldn't see me

Phil covered his mouth, but couldn't stop from laughing at the mental image of his friend hiding in a shrub for the sole purpose of avoiding being seen by his crush. Elliot glanced at him questioningly, but didn't say anything about it.

"God, today's been the longest day ever," he groaned, and dropped onto Phil's bed wearily, in almost the exact same spot that Grayson had occupied not minutes before. Phil held back his sigh, and prepared for another impromptu therapy session.

"Why's that?" He asked, and unlocked his phone to once resume texting Dan. It was a very inane conversation, jumping from one random topic to another in a matter of seconds, but it was successful in keeping him from being bored out of his mind. Not that his friends' problems were boring, they just didn't keep him engaged long enough to be interested. Or maybe he was half-assed friend, and he subconsciously just didn't give a shit.

"I've been stressing out way too much about way too many things," Elliot said. "You know, the general stuff; school, and the band and my friends. I haven't spoken to Gray in almost a month, I don't know if it's something I did, if he's mad at me, but it's really freaking me out. I don't want to sound like a douchebag, but it's not like him to stay away from me for so long. Doesn't answer my calls or texts either.”

Phil shrugged, hoping his expression didn't reveal how much he actually knew about Grayson’s social disappearance. “Maybe you should talk to him, you know, in person? Corner him or something, you know how stubborn he can be.”

Elliot covered his face. “Yeah, just, I don't want to annoy him anymore than I probably already have,” he said. And then he laughed and shook his head. “Audrey says I'm worrying a bit too much, that it'll work out eventually.”

“You guys still going, then?” Phil asked, more so to keep up the act of him being interested than being actually curious for the answer.

"Of course," Elliot said, looking almost offended that Phil would even ask. "I mean...she's great, Phil. Like, really great. She goes so fast, and sometimes, I feel like I'm missing out. She knows exactly what she wants and how to get it, and usually, girls are so complicated, with all their feelings and miscommunication."

"Girls are not complicated," Phil scoffed, still staring at his phone. "You're just always too busy trying to get in their pants than actually paying attention to them. Now guys....guys are complicated." He would know.

"Guys are the furthest thing from complicated," Elliot said, shaking his head incredulously.

"And what would you know about being with a guy?” Phil asked sarcastically, fully expecting Elliot to back out of the topic completely and deny any possibility of being even slightly flexible.

But Elliot shrugged, and started picking at the blanket under. “I've….experimented.”

He honestly thought he had heard wrong. Elliot, his friend, possibly one of the straightest people he knew in his life, had been at least slightly intimate with another guy. It was hard to imagine, and sort of weird.

“You're fucking joking, aren't you?” Phil asked in disbelief. “You're messing with me.”

Ellie shook his head. He looked extremely hesitant to talk about it, or maybe it just wasn't important to him, but Phil's attention was now captured fully.

“It was a one time thing, okay, a long time ago,” he argued half heartedly. “It didn't mean anything.”

“Who with?”

“That's really not important,” Elliot said quickly, and he was smiling, but Phil could see he was slightly nervous. “Doesn't matter, I promise.”

“Was it someone I know?” Phil pressed on, moving across the room and sitting in front of Elliot on his bed. Elliot gave him an anxious look and shook his head, refusing to keep talking. Phil grabbed him by the shoulders. “Dude! You can't tell me took a dip in the gay pool, and not tell me who with, at least.”

“Jesus Christ…” Elliot muttered, shoving him away. “Fine, it was….it was someone you know.”

Phil waited for him to continue impatiently, watching him fidget under the stare of his interrogator.

“It was Chris.”

"Oh my fucking god," Phil said gleefully. "Chris Kendall? You slept with Chris Kendall, our friend and faithful member of Heinous?"

"I didn't sleep with him-"

"This is the best day of my life."

"Shut up," Elliot said, kicking Phil gently, but he was smiling as well. "It really didn't mean anything, we were drunk stupid, and I was...I don't even know what I was. But it's in the past, over and done with."

"Okay," Phil said, turning onto his back so that he was facing the ceiling. "But I'm never gonna let you two live this down."

"He doesn't like talking about it," Elliot said. "Chris, I mean. I think he barely remembers it anyway."

"Aw, you were that bad?" Phil asked, grinning when Ellie glared at him.

"Alright we're done talking about this," Elliot said firmly.

"Fine, fine," Phil conceded. "Who was better, him or Audrey?"

Elliot punched him in the arm.

***

a/n: sometimes I feel like I'm just shitpost writing this story.

But HEY what's up you guys, and welcome to the tenth chapter of the story I've been writing since summer wow, I'm bad at updating, but what's new haha.

Hope you guys liked this one, and I'll see you later peace :3

(Aaaaaand if any of you happen to have read my other story, Demonic, there is now at sequel! It's called Redemption, and you should totally read it)