Fourth grade feels like it lasts ten years to Butters. So much happens. Between dress up and fights and arguments and weird fun times and big scares. So much happens, Butters can't help but find joy in it. So much joy. So much pain too but that didn't matter. Not when he could look at everything else. The previous year felt far, not completely gone. It still haunted him a lot. But it felt like he could be less scared.

And then he got the news.

"Hello, everyone! I'm here to tell you that the other day your classmate Kenny McCormick was put into the hospital. So if you would like to visit him he would really appreciate it. Or if you make something we will make sure he gets it. But he's in a critical condition so please be mindful. We don't know if or how long he will stay alive." A nice woman with dark hair and a green skirt walked into their class and told them gently. And that's probably why none of his friends were there. All three seats were empty.

You don't expect to hear that one of the boys that makes you smile the most could die soon. It's not anything you ever expect. Sure he had heard Kenny cough a few times. Well, more than a few times but still. He could just have a cold. Not death.

But it wasn't something that was changing. Everyone was a wreck. It wasn't what anyone wanted. Butters stayed when he could but left when the others came. He hated to intrude. So he'd wait and wait, sometimes being in there with many others. But he wasn't apart of their group. So he talked to Kenny alone. Even tried to actually draw something. It was bad. But Kenny said he liked it anyway.

Butters wished that they didn't have to worry past this. But his parents seemed to give him a free pass to see him. Which made that much easier. And Butters met Karen and Kevin. And they talked and played and talked. And he left when others needed alone time.

Butters watched as Kenny changed. Watching the energy slowly leave him. And everything be too much for the other boy. He watched that. And Kyle was there quite a bit. Cartman was the one who really wanted the alone time. And he got it. Butters wouldn't interfere with that.

And then one day Butters had to leave the room for some emergency. So he waited in the waiting room. Waiting for hours and hours. Coloring a bit and reading magazines. He waited for so long till he was allowed in again. So he went in to visit once more.

Kenny seemed tired and Butters wouldn't be surprised if he had just taken a nap. But Kenny was always tired. He was skinner then usual and Butters couldn't help but continue to tell him he would get better. Because that's what they had to believe.

Then the day came where Butters wasn't allowed to visit anymore. They weren't allowed to tell him anything. But he asked every day nonetheless. He tried. And sure they weren't as close as they could have been. But Butters just didn't know what he'd do without him.

Without the freckles and beach blond hair that seemed to have the need to help him. Without the shoulder to lean on when he got hurt or someone to ask when he didn't know what was happening. Or someone to just be there. Not always. But enough. Enough to the point to support him. To tell each other things. And try.

He didn't know what he'd do without his closest friend.

Previously he had started sticking to Token Black. But this was bigger than a new friendship. He felt like he was isolated now. More than ever.

Going to school was hard and if any of the three showed up they didn't talk. Cartman would still be a dick but that's it. Say a mean comment but he was so much quieter than usual. It made things almost uncomfortable.

Butters found comfort in different people. But somehow found himself befriending both Token and Craig. Though they didn't always go to him, they hung out and made him feel better even when he barely told them much. Butters supported them with everything.

The waiting hurt the most. Everyday asking a question that never seemed to be answered. Asking again and again and being too afraid to ask anyone else. He refused to believe that Kenny was actually gone. And cried as if he was.

Until he got an answer. A barely an answer. But an answer nonetheless.

"He's alive" Two words spoken to him by a sixth grader that definitely probably hated him. But he was a McCormick anyway and was nice enough to tell him.

"Just ask me next time, stop bothering the workers. They aren't allowed to tell you" Butters nodded and nodded and left. If Kenny was okay he wasn't gonna continue bothering his brother in case that Kenny needed him or something. That's how brothers work right? If they don't protect each other they die. End of story. Or at least. They get really hurt. Or something.

But that didn't matter.

Kenny McCormick was alive. And suddenly being in denial wasn't so stupid after all. Well, he was still stupid. Considering Eric called him a dick and told him to shut up and Stan about punched him when he told the others. Kyle just moved them away, saying they already knew and were dealing with it

It was rude. And that hurt. Butters was dealing with it too. He really was. They were being unfair. Craig said they sucked. Token said it was mean but they hurt too. Butters tried to keep that in mind.

But Kenny was alive. So he could put them behind him.

Kenny being alive meant he had to wait much more. But he could handle it. Because he had something to hang on to. A truth. So he took a deep breath. And waited.

...

..

.

Kenny was gone for two months. And died for ten seconds after a particularly bad night. But he still got up. He got ready. He went back to school. He was slightly different. Almost basking in the attention he was getting from his past sickness.

Butters hugged him three days later after school since that was the first time Butters had the chance to be alone with him.

"Please don't leave me again."

It was the only thing Butters said. On a bright day where the sun reflected off the snow. As they were the only ones on the sidewalk. Kenny promised he wouldn't.

That was a stupid promise. He would break it. Whether he knew it or not.

They hung out more after that. And for some reason, the others welcomed him. In their own sort of way.

And Butters became permanent to someone. Even though it was mostly to just one. He mattered.

That's what meant the most about that big eventful year.