I decided to write this because let's face it, my first Hanahaki fic was SO BAD- I think I've grown from that so I'm giving it another shot.

For those who don't know, Hanahaki is a fictional disease that makes the victim grow flowers in their lungs and cough up the petals. It is caused by unwanted/one sided(or almost guaranteed one sided) love. eventually, if left to be, the flowers will grow too much and you will suffocate painfully.
The only two ways to get rid of it are:
For your crush to return your feelings
Or
To remove the flowers by surgery (the side effect is that the romantic feelings for your crush disappear along with the disease)

⚠️WARNING⚠️ angst and mentions of blood.
..................................................................

Oleanders and yellow tulips... Of course, it wasn't bad enough that the flowers were killing her, they just had to mock her, too.

From what Shinobu had gathered from the books she had, Oleander meant romance, desire, and destiny. These wouldn't be so bad alone, but the tulips crushed any hope she may have had about her crush on Tomioka.

For a yellow tulip means hopeless love.

Shinobu didn't know whether to cry or to laugh. She had been so persistent on not falling in love, because she wanted to devote herself to demon slaying and researching. Now that she had inevitably fallen for someone, fate had the audacity to make her feelings unrequited and unwanted. She knew it was rare to have two flowers at the same time, but it only made it worse. shinobu prayed every time that the oleanders would stop appearing, because even if oleanders were the kinder ones in their language, the flowers were toxic and burned horribly when they spilled out of Shinobu's mouth. She prayed that her disease would stick to tulips, but of course, she wasn't that lucky.

So life goes on, the ticklish feeling in her throat and tightness in her chest painfully reminding her of the ticking timebomb in her lungs. Each petal that spews out is another moment of life slipping away from her grasps. She swears she can see the future she won't have, the life she could have lived if only she didn't feel anything.

Why had she not gotten the surgery? I think we all know the answer to that.

Shinobu read every book she could find on Hanahaki. It had been a disease well recorded throughout history, but no cure was found for it other than the surgery, and even that was risky with the Taisho era medical practices. (No germ theory y'know?)

She read the stages again, though she knew them by heart already.
1. The victim feels a fever coming on, along with a cough that remains after the feeling of fever goes.
2. The flower starts to grow in the lungs of the victims, slowly growing and sprouting petals.
3. The victim starts to cough out petals of the flower. This is the best time to seek treatment because the disease is still in the early stages.
4. If left un-removed. The victim will feel shortness of breath and chest pains along with the increase of petals.
5. The victim starts to cough out blood with the petals and the petals grow to full flowers.
6. The lungs are beyond repair, surgery is near impossible. The victim will get weaker and weaker until they can hardly even stand. They will feel cold no matter how many layers they wear or what season it is.
7. If left alone, the victim will suffocate on blood and the roots of the flower will cave the lungs in, resulting in death.

Shinobu knew she was in the early stage 4 of the disease. It was the part where she could still remove the flowers, but the surgery was risky. Shinobu wanted to enjoy her life however long it may last with the flowers reminding her of her inevitable doom.

Shinobu does her best to go on as normal. But her declining health is not unnoticed by her friends. She of course insists that she's fine, believeing the lie to be kinder than the truth.

.

In the past, Shinobu adored flowers. She saw them as a reminder that there were still things that were beautiful in the world. Flowers reminded her of life even if her days mostly consisted of death and injuries. Now, the sight, smell and even the thought of flowers made her feel sick.

-Shinobu! Look look! Doesn't this look great with my hair?" Mitsuri was eager to show Shinobu the flower she had found somewhere outside. It rested behind her ear. It clearly made Mitsuri happy, she was always the kind of person to appreciate things like that. Shinobu only glanced at her friend, fearing that if she stared at the flower for too long, she'd have another coughing fit.
Mitsuri thought the unenthusiasm of her friend as odd, especially knowing her love of flowers.

-Shinobu, is everything ok?" She asked. The insect hashira grit her teeth and tried to keep up her facade, her lips pulled in to a tight smile that didn't reach her eyes.

-Yes, of course." She replied simply. Mitsuri's face fell and her tone was gentle, a hint of concern shining through.

-You don't seem fine.." she remarked. Shinobu could feel the tingle in her throat return, and she swallowed to push it down.

-I'm sorry, I've just been really stressed out lately." It wasn't a complete lie, but she still felt a little bad lying to her friend. Mitsuri nodded hesitantly. Shinobu was relived, it seems the conversation was over.

.

That night, as Shinobu was crouched on the floor of her room, ghasping for breath and clenching her fists. She could only think about what she needed to do before she died, It was always her plan to defeat Douma, but her disease had already progressed so far she knew she would never fight like she used to. She could only hope she had enough time to teach Kanao everything she needed to know before the disease killed her. She thought about how she would soon never talk to Mitsuri again, how she'd never bicker with Sanemi or remind Muichiro when he forgets things. She thought about how Giyuu would never know her shameful secret. Most days, that was the only thing keeping her sane. She didn't want to dump her feelings on him and make him hate her more than he already did. She doubted Giyuu would care much if she confessed, the flowers would be gone as soon as he rejected her, but she was stubborn, she had already decided she wouldn't confess.

As the last of the flowers fell in the bucket she had under her face, Shinobu looked down. The amount of flowers had increased and she was now looking at full, blooming flowers. The oleander left her throat burning, and the tulips were covered under the oleanders and blood. Shinobu took a few, deep breaths, her lungs heaved and she felt dizzy. Her throat was dry and itchy. Looking down at her demise, she couldn't help but laugh at her state, her lips forming a sad smile.

-You're going to be the death of me, Tomioka-san..."

.

Shinobu was in the mess hall with the others. The recent demon attacks were more frequent than they had been in years, Shinobu saw her colleagues more and more often as the weeks rolled by. It was simultaneously a blessing and a curse. Blessing in that she saw her friends more, curse in that she needed to see the man that was causing her pain.

The day was covered in clouds, maybe it was a sign of the storm that was coming. Shinobu was so tired and weak that she barely spent any time outside her room. She excused it as "very important research work" but it was becoming clear she wasn't ok. Shinobu tried to stay interested in the conversation, laughing and smiling along, but it all went in from one ear and out from the other.

-And then I said, that's not a sweetpotato, that's a regular potato!"

Shinobu scanned the hall, Obanai, Mitsuri, Rengoku and Sanemi were all eating at the table with Shinobu. Giyuu arrived a short while later from one of his assignments. When Shinobu spotted him, she felt her chest squeeze painfully as the ticklish feeling returned. She wanted to vomit. She couldn't hold it in as a few petals pushed past her lips despite her will. She hid the petals on her sleeve and tried to speak as evenly as possible.

-I have to go, I've got tons of work to do." She excused herself with a quick lie and headed straight for the door. She put her hand over her mouth in an attempt to keep the petals from spilling out. She failed to notice how the blood covered petals on her sleeve dropped off and floated to the ground in her hurry. The other Hashira were left to wonder her sudden departure. Giyuu took quick strides toward his colleagues and asked them with confusion.

-What was that about?" He sat down and Mitsuri sighed.

-We don't know, she's been like that for over a month now.. but she won't tell us what's bothering her."

-That woman is as stubborn as they come, she won't admit anything is wrong." Despite the harsh words, Sanemi's voice lacked the usual bite, Giyuu could see even he was concerned for her.

-I'm assuming she hasn't said anything to you either?" Obanai asked. Giyuu frowned.

-I haven't talked to her in weeks, she keeps avoiding me." He casted his eyes on the table, his brows furrowed.

-Did you do something to upset her, maybe?" Sanemi snickered. Giyuu ignored him as he thought to himself.
"Maybe I did? I don't know what I could do to upset her this much.."

Giyuu could see something by the doors and he stood up from the table. He muttered a goodbye and walked over to the object. He picked it up. It was wet and sticky, he knew it was blood but it felt like it had something inside it. He brushed the blood off with his thumb and saw some yellow peeking out from under the red substance.

-A flower petal?" He murmured to himself. His eyes widened as the realization hit him. He might have not been a medical professional, but even he knew of hanahaki. When he was younger a man near him passed away due to it. He had to know if it was the same thing happening to Shinobu.

.

Giyuu wasted no time in searching for Shinobu. As soon as he heard the laboured breathing and the loud coughing coming from one of the storage rooms he knew. Giyuu hesitated for a moment before opening the door. The room was dimly lit, with only a few small windows bringing in the daylight.

-Shinobu?" He asked. Shinobu tried to cover her face but it was too late, Giyuu saw her mouth stained with small amounts of blood and the flowers scattered around her.

-Tomioka-san?" She asked. She looked like a cornered mouse. Giyuu took a slow step toward his colleague and Shinobu scooted back.

-It's alright, just talk to me." He tried to keep his voice as calm as possible, she wasn't thinking straight in her state.

-What is there to talk about? You already know what's wrong with me." Shinobu felt her chest tighten even more.

-Why haven't you gotten surgery?" Giyuu asked, his eyes scanning over the woman.

-I don't want it." Shinobu replied quickly. Giyuu frowned.

-Why? A crush isn't worth dying over." Shinobu wanted to explain to him, but she couldn't find the strength to do so anymore.

-He's important to me." Shinobu wiped her mouth on her sleeve again. Giyuu clicked his tounge.

-He is an idiot if he hasn't noticed you by now, you're waisting away." Giyuu replied. Shinobu shook her head, her voice was still raspy.

-He's dense, it's true.. but i... Don't want to get rid of my feelings, the surgery is risky, there is a chance i don't survive." Giyuu wasn't sure what infiriurated him more, the fact that Shinobu, the woman he knew to be tough as nails, was conquered by some idiot boy, or the fact that she was refusing to save herself, choosing to love the guy even if it cost her her life.

-I won't watch you die!" He snapped in frustration. Something snapped in Shinobu, and before she could think she blurted out:

-Then don't! You don't have to see me just stay away!" ...

It was quiet. Shinobu's breath heaved and Giyuu's eyes flashed with hurt. Before Shinobu could apologize, Giyuu's eyes hardened up.

-Fine." He spat and then turned, slamming the door on his way out. And despite it being summer, Shinobu had never felt more cold in her life.

.

-You love him a lot, don't you?"  Mitsuri asked as she sat on Shinobu's bed. She wasn't looking directly at her, but Shinobu knew she was talking to her.

-Yes..." Mitsuri clenched her fists and tried to think of something to say.
She looked down at the paper in her hands. It was a letter Shinobu had written herself.

-Just promise me one thing?" Shinobu's voice was strained and she tried to bite back another cough, the sheets on her bed were stained with petals and blood splatters, Mitsuri nodded at her friend, waiting for Shinobu to get the words out.

-When I go... You have to give that to Tomioka-san." Mitsuri had the urge to plead her to take the surgery, but she knew it wouldn't fix anything anymore, so she bit back tears and nodded vigorously.

-I will, i promise!" Shinobu smiled softly and reached her hand out to sweep a strand of hair from her friend's face. Mitsuri followed her hand with her gaze and Shinobu mustered up a weak laugh.

-It's gonna be fine.. you'll be ok without me." That was all it took for Mitsuri to excuse herself as the tears started to flood out of her eyes.

.

Shinobu died only s few days after that. It was a sunny day, her lungs gave up on her, and when she was found, the only thing left to were the two flowers that caused her disease. The oleander and tulip were wrapped around each other by their stems and shoots.

The letter. A plain white letter in a plain white envelope with "To Giyuu" written on it in Shinobu's delicate handwriting. That was all he had left of her. Giyuu's heart was heavy as Mitsuri held it out to him. Giyuu didn't know what to say, so he only said thank you and retreated to his own room.

Giyuu hesitated for a long time before he opened the letter, it was hard to even look at the thing.

Eventually he shook himself and told himself that Shinobu wouldn't have written the letter if she didn't think it was important for him to have it. He took a knife and cut the envelope neatly. He let his fingers ghost over the folded paper before reading the content.

To my dear Tomioka-san.

Should I call you Giyuu by now? I don't know.. I'm sorry I never called you your first name when I was alive. It has a beautiful meaning, don't you think? Heroism, loyalty and courage. You certainly have all those traits.

Ah, but I'm rambling, aren't I?

Well, to put it simply, this is my confession. Pretty lame, huh? I was too much of a coward to say any of this to your face, and now that I'm dead I'm saying what I was thinking all those years we knew each other.

I didn't mean to lash out when you were concerned for me, but it made me angry when you put yourself down like that. Of course, you didn't know that I was talking about you when I was talking about the cause of my Hanahaki... Still, I just want you to know that you are not an "idiot" you're a strong and respectable demon slayer, even when you don't feel like you are.

I have a lot of regrets in life, mainly, not being able to kill the demon who killed my sister. I'm trusting you to get revenge on my behalf you hear me?

I love you, Giyuu.

I have a lot of regrets but loving you isn't one.

Loving you wasn't a mistake or a death sentence, though many may think that I died because I loved you.

But their wrong, I truly lived because I loved you. You made it seem like life was once again worth while. I couldn't let that go even if it killed me.

Yours truly. Shinobu Kocho.