Sex education began in English on Monday, and we talked about gender stereotypes. Ms. Tanner, the new sex ed instructor, asked the class to raise their hands for examples of these. She called on Benny first, who said, "Girls don't shit."

"Interesting example," she said, pensive. "I guess, yes, there are some people who say girls don't shit."

After the discussion she showed us anatomical charts, and all of the guys got to see exactly what the vulva was. They were all very engaged.

Tuesday was a discussion of relationships. "While abstinence-only sex education is a thing of the past here in California," said Ms. Tanner, "I would like to remind you abstinence is the only certain way to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. This is why many of your elders recommend abstaining from sex until marriage. Although I won't advocate strictly for marriage in here, I would like to discuss with you the value of long-term committed relationships like those of marriage. These kinds of relationships often offer things like loyalty, comfort, and sometimes even financial security, which make having a family much easier, should you desire to make a family. This is why so many of your elders recommend abstaining from sex until marriage."

"It's a good thing gay marriage was legalized recently," Alex whispered loudly, "because if you followed that recommendation and it wasn't, then you might be a virgin forever..."

I gave an embarrassed laugh, then saw Adree and Valerie glance over in surprise.

"Are you really a virgin?" mouthed Valerie, and I could see Adree looking over to see my answer.

"Well, yeah, I mean," by faulty logic, "lesbians are determined to be virgins forever, right?" It was a ridiculous response, a deflective response, a response that would have cringed at if it had been somebody else saying it. But I had said it, because suddenly I was embarrassed about still having my v-card, like I'd been the other day when Eric had told me he hadn't had his for ages.

Adree didn't look like she was at all amused by my answer, which made me feel even more embarrassed.

Friday was the last day of our sex ed program, the day we were discussing affirmative consent. Since the old teaching "no means no" had transformed into the new teaching "yes means yes," we had to learn how to give consent and ask for the consent of our sexual partners before every sexual act. Which was confusing, because when did one sexual act become another? Did the 'yes' have to be verbal? Did it always have to be the word "yes," or could synonyms be used? There were lots of questions we had, some just poking fun at this system of consent, but Ms. Tanner was prepared, saying that the best way to learn was to practice applying affirmative consent in real-life scenarios through the use of role-playing exercises.

"Let's start with you two," she said, pointing to Alex and Valerie. The two of them got up and went to the front of the class, and I was certain Alex felt thankful for his brief acting experience in "Manstruation." "Alright: you two have just started dating, and you really want to kiss her, Alex. How would you engage her? How would you ask for her consent?"

"Can I kiss you?" he asked.

"That seems like it totally messes up the flow of the moment," said Benny.

"If you get used to the idea of dialogue being a part of any romantic and sexual activity," said Ms. Tanner, "then it will feel more natural. What do you say to him, Valerie?"

"Okay, let's try it," she smirked.

"Do we actually get to kiss?" asked Alex, looking both scared and excited, probably thinking of how Justine might react.

"This is all hypothetical," Ms. Tanner said. "So let's pretend you've kissed, and now you want to take things to the next level. What do you say?"

"Can I take things to the next level?" asked Alex.

"I don't know—what's the next level?" asked Valerie, looking at Ms. Tanner.

"Aha—this is something else that is so important. Making sure your partner understands your intentions. This is why, if you do choose to engage in romantic or sexual activities, it's a good idea to choose partners you know well and are comfortable with. I realize, though, this doesn't always happen, and so in these instances it's important to ensure that you're both on the same page. Try to be clearer with her, Alex."

"Can I go to second base with you?" he asked with a goofy smile.

"Shouldn't you be even clearer?" asked Benny.

"Can I put my finger in your vagina!" Alex directed his correction at Benny. The whole class laughed.

"Well now he just sounds like an angry doctor," Benny said to more laughter. "Is this really supposed to work?"

"He needs to make sure that his partner understands him," Ms. Tanner said, trying hard not to laugh with the rest of us.

"I understand," said Valerie, then, turning to Alex, she put her hands on his shoulders and said, "I think we need to slow things down," a far more convincing actor than him.

Dramatically shrugging his shoulders, he said, "Okay."

"Very good!" said Ms. Tanner. "If you don't want to move onto the next level, you should communicate this to your partner, as Valerie did. But remember—while it is important for you to say and hear no, it is more important for you to say and hear yes. The most important thing in this conversation was the fact that Alex didn't go on to 'third base' when Valerie didn't say yes. She must say yes for him to move forward. The absence of a 'no' is not a substitute for 'yes.'"

"What if she's the one who wants to move forward?" asked Sharkbite. "I've met lots of girls who wanna be the leader," he raised his eyebrows twice to Valerie, who rolled her eyes.

"Then she needs to make sure that he consents—it goes both ways, of course." Sharkbite looked like he expected Ms. Tanner to demonstrate this by having Valerie be the leader, but she didn't. Instead she said, "Now, let's try this with a same sex couple. Any volunteers?"

"Dallas is a lesbian," Benny hit my shoulder. "She'll go."

"Adree should go, too," said Valerie, probably thinking she was doing me a favor.

"Great!" said Ms. Tanner, not seeing whether or not the two of us consented to this, which I thought was ironic, but whatever.

To the front of the classroom I walked, wondering if this was going to turn out good or bad. Maybe it would be good. Maybe having the chance to ask Adree to kiss me hypothetically would be good practice for asking her to kiss me in real life.

I started. "Adree, will you let me kiss you?"

"Sure, Dallas."

The two of us smiled awkwardly at each other, then at Ms. Tanner, who said, "What do you want to do next?"

"Will you go into the bedroom with me?" I asked, which made Adree's smile turn into a frown.

"No," she said. "Please, don't ask me again."

"Good!" said Ms. Tanner, even though I felt like it wasn't good, like it indicated something I didn't yet understand.

Then Ms. Tanner said, "New scenario: you are at a party, and you—" she pointed to Adree, "—are very drunk. What happens now?"

I answered. "If she seems too drunk, I shouldn't take advantage of her. I should probably help her get to a safe place."

Adree smiled again, as Ms. Tanner said, "Excellent."

* * *

That night, something unexpected happened: Adree came over to my house. Unannounced.

We went into my bedroom, where she asked me, "Do you think I'm a slut?"

"Are you seriously asking me that? Of course I don't."

"I just feel like you might be weirded out knowing more about my sexual history."

"Why would I be weirded out?"

"Well...you're a virgin, aren't you? You have like... a clean slate."

I started laughing then.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because I was totally embarrassed you knew I was a virgin!"

"Why would that embarrass you?"

"I dunno? Because I'm all inexperienced, with an empty and unexciting slate? I thought you were judging me, but apparently you just feel judged. Girls...we can't win."

She looked relieved. "We can't, can we?"

The two of us stood there for a moment, before she said, "Well, I guess I'll go," and left.

And I got the feeling, once more, that I had done something wrong.