I knew something was wrong the minute I stepped off the last step and into the living room. Elise and my father were sitting on the sofa, both tense and talking in hushed whispers. Despite it being seven on a Saturday, I didn't hear a peep anywhere in the house out of any of my brothers.

The minute I rested my hands on the back of the recliner my thoughts immediately jumped to Jeremiah. This was undoubtedly about him. About what had happened last night. But if there were true, wouldn't he be here to discuss it too? Or maybe they'd already sat him down and—

"Sit, sweetheart." Dad ordered, making a gesture toward the recliner. I walked around slowly, lowering myself as my eyes flickered between the two of them.

"What's going on?" I asked, eyes shooting to the staircase. "Is this about Jere?"

The confused look that crossed Elise's face momentarily was an answer to my question. This wasn't about Jere.

"I got a call early this morning." Dad leaned forward, elbows digging into his thighs, bunching up his dress pants. "Your mother was admitted to the hospital late last night."

My mouth grew dry hearing the words. There was no way something happened to Mom, I'd talked to her last night.

"They're ruling it an accidental overdose." Dad continued, keeping his voice low and steady. "She's refusing to speak to anyone."

I could feel he was emitting something from the conversation, and when I finally met his dark eyes, I knew exactly what it was.

She was refusing to speak to anyone except me.

"She's okay?" I asked. "She's going to be okay, though, right?"

Dad averted his eyes to the dining room, refusing to look me in the eyes. My stepmother, noting my father's behavior, extended her arm out but I just stared at it.

"Your father and I were talking and we think it'd be in everyone's best interest we try and talk your mother into rehabilitation." she paused, waiting for a flicker of emotion of my face. She wasn't going to see. I'd learned to mask my emotions a long time ago. "But once she is in the facility, we believe it's best to go no contact. At least until you're eighteen. Then you can make the choice yourself on whether you want to continue to have a relationship with her."

I started to shake my head, still a bit lost. "She won't listen. I begged her to get help for years."

"We must hold onto hope this time is different. She died, Addison." Elise retorted. "Maybe you'll be able to speak sense into her with her being in such a vulnerable state."

I looked between them for a few minutes before I finally processed and understood what they were getting at. "You want me to go back to Chicago."

"Not alone." Dad confirmed indirectly. "We'd send a couple of the boys back with you. I'd go but I know it'll only cause more problems. Same goes for Elise."

"What about school, Dad?" I asked. "Winter break isn't until December."

"It's Saturday." My father stated the obvious. "If we get you guys on the next plane out, you can be back here by Tuesday at the latest. You'd only be missing a day of school, two at most."

Elise had picked up on what my father was looking right over and asked the question that needed to be spoken aloud. "Do you want to do this, Addy?"

No. The very idea of walking back into that Weekly, of staring my mother in the eyes, of returning to the city I'd been assaulted in, made my stomach tighten.

"If I go, Jere comes with."

My father immediately shot to his feet. "Absolutely not."

"You want him to want to help himself?" I asked my father. "You want him to want to get clean? Let him see what his life can become if he doesn't."

They pondered over my words for a while before Elise eyed my father. "She's right, Adam."

"And Jonathan." I started to stand so I wasn't shaking in the recliner but standing in front of my father. "That Weekly, Dad. I. . . I don't want Shane or the twins to have to be witness to that. Jonathan is old enough to understand and he's been through it, somewhat, with Jere."

Elise nodded in agreement. "I think that's a great idea."

*

I had enough anxiety to last me the rest of the school year over this trip. Jonathan had been excited to finally be able to travel-and without my dad and Elise helicoptering him at that. Elise spent an hour and a half getting the tickets and hotel room for the three of us, but I could tell she was about as okay with this as I was.

"It's not fair." Jacob mumbled from the hall, peeking into my room. "Why Jon?"

"Because you're still a kid." I responded without looking his way. "We're not going there to party or have fun, Jake."

He dropped his head. "I know. I just. . . I want to be there for you too, Addy."

"You can be there for me here." I reminded him, finally joining him in the door frame. "I promise you I'll need all the comfort and support I can get."

He opened his arms and I cautiously fell into them. It still seized to amaze me how he was taller than me-that the little boy I'd sat with on my lap on rides and rocked when I was a kid was almost a foot taller than me.

"You're going to be ok." he assured. "Jonathan won't let anything happen to you."

I almost asked him how he knew that was part of the internal confliction I was being faced with when I realized that he must have connected the dots the same way his older brother had at some point over the last few months.

"Come on, Addy." Johnny commented as he passed us in the hall, a small carry on over his shoulder. "We need to go if we're going to make the flight."

I pulled away from our younger brother and reached up the ruffle his dark hair, sending it out of the loose ponytail and across his shoulders. "Behave yourself."

He mocked me but waved and headed back downstairs after Jonathan. I walked back into the room to grab my own bag, nearly having a heart attack when I found Jeremiah leaning into the door frame, a bag hanging loosely off his right shoulder, eyes on my bag rather than me.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked. "Addy, I don't know if you're ready to go back there."

I felt nothing but relief hearing him. I had thought for sure after that kiss something would have shifted between us, but he was still my Jere.

"I don't either." I eventually mustered up, brushing passed him in the doorway. "But I don't have much of a choice."

And walked away before he could pry or question me further.

*

The second Jeremiah excused himself to the bathroom around twenty minutes until boarding, my brother turned to me and asked, "What happened?"

"What?" I questioned, shaking my head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I heard you yelling last night." he said flatly. "Then Dad's voice. Now Jere won't say a word to me."

I wanted to avoid the topic, at least temporarily, but if I were being honest, it was the whole reason I'd asked Jeremiah joined Jonathan and me on this trip. "He's using again."

Jonathan's eyes widened, lips parting as if he were ready to respond, but they slowly slammed shut a moment later as if he had decided against whatever it was that he wanted to say.

"I kissed him." I added when I concluded he wasn't going to answer. "And Dad walked in and gave him the ultimatum. If he wants to stay in the house and be around me, he needs to get help and get clean."

My brother leaned back in his chair as he let my words sink in, then finally inquired on the least important part of the explanation. "You kissed him? He didn't kiss you?"

"I was desperate." I threw my hands up in front of me. "I didn't know what to do. I needed him to understand how much he meant to me."

"That wasn't the way to do it. You hurt both of you more in doing that, Addy." he ran a hand down his face. "You went on a date with another guy and seemingly had a good time, and you come home and force yourself to kiss Jeremiah. Do you not understand how wrong that sounds? How out of character that is for you?"

"I can't lose him too, Johnny." was all I was able to say.

My brother eyed me worriedly, but Jeremiah returned and threw himself down in the seat beside my brother before he could question me further. The tension in the air between the three of us had reached its peek and I stood, staring down at the two of them.

"I don't want this." I pointed at Jere then me, and finally to Jonathan. "This isn't about us. Not directly, anyway. I already feel like I'm going to throw up, please don't make this harder on me."

I was relieved seeing that both of them knew what I was talking about without elaboration. Jonathan rose so he was standing beside me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, hugging my trembling frame into his side and resting his chin on my head. I closed my eyes and relaxed into him, hoping that the security and comfort I felt when with both of the boys extended to when I got to Chicago, because God knows I'm going to need as much support to walk those streets as I can get.