If given the opportunity I would have put the incident in the cafeteria behind me. It, unfortunately, wasn't up to me though, and the second Jonathan and Jeremiah stepped inside the house, my brother caught my elbow on my way out of the kitchen.

            "Wait." Johnny muttered, waiting until Jere had shut the door behind them to drop his hand from my arm.

            "What?" I whispered, though I had a pretty good idea what direction the conversation would be heading.

            He shifted on his feet, looking uncomfortable, but ultimately decided that whatever it was that he was embarrassed the ask was important enough to put his own feelings aside.

            "What happened this afternoon?" Johnny questioned. "What did he say?"

            "Nothing."

            Johnny eyed me with a look of irritation, "We're not doing this, Addison."

            "He didn't say anything." I wasn't lying, not really. He hadn't said anything bad enough to warrant the reaction he got out of me.

            "Sure, looked like something." Jere piped in, leaning back into the kitchen table, his fingers curling around the rounded edges of the wood. "I thought for sure you were going to hit him."

            I'd been so caught up in my internal battle and my brother swooping in to save the day I hadn't even noticed Jeremiah there.

            Looking between the two boys, I shrugged a shoulder and averted my eyes to Shane lounged on the sofa. "I'm fine. It all good."

            Johnny hesitated for a minute, then met my eye once more and whispered, "If he tries anything, let me know, okay?"

            I watched as he disappeared down the hall after a nod in agreement out of me. I waited for Jere to push from the table and follow his best friend, but he remained in front of me, his eyes bright with curiosity.

            "What'd he do?"

            Confused, I made a gesture to the stairs my brother had just raced up, "I literally just told Johnny that he didn't do anything."

            "No, you said he didn't say anything." Jere corrected with a quick searching of my eyes, "We saw your expression, Addy. You don't look that scared for no reason."

            I had a few too many reasons to sit and try to explain to the boy, so I just whispered, "I just got really bad vibes from him is all."

            Hoping it'd be enough to satisfy him and he'd follow after Jonathan, I was left with Jere staring at me for a while, his eyes moving from my own to the rest of my face as if he were trying to catch mannerisms I wasn't consciously aware of. After what felt like hours under his intense green eyes, he sighed and moved toward me. I braced myself for anything and everything, but all he did was gently nudge his shoulder against my own on his way passed and didn't as much as glance back over his shoulder.

            *

            I spent hours tossing and turning in the sparsely furnished bedroom before I finally edged out of my bedroom. Though I had a thin cardigan over myself, what was beneath it was far more revealing that what I typically wore. But knowing that the boys and my father were likely in a deep sleep by now, I wasn't worried about it. The shorts I wore continued to ride up as I quietly walked down the stairs, adjusting the strap on my tank top before hugging the cardigan around me and heading for the sliding glass door leading out to the pool deck.

            It wasn't until I'd pushed the door shut behind me as quietly as possible that I turned and my eyes fell on Jonathan. He was sitting on the dark side of the deck, his feet all that was submerged in the water. By the smell emitting from him, I'd assume he was smoking a joint. The assumption was confirmed as I wrapped my cardigan around myself and lowered myself into one of the lawn chairs a few feet from him.

            "Sorry." I said softly. "I didn't think anyone was awake-or out here for that matter."

            He didn't respond right away, but he kicked at the water and watched it ripple as he exhaled.

            Finally, he lifted his head and looked my way, "It's cool. Couldn't sleep?"

            I shook my head. "Nope."

            "Me either." He took another hit. "I used to think it was insomnia, but lately I think it's just that I have so much shit going on inside my head, and I can't shut it off, you know what I mean?"

            I nodded. I know that feeling all too well.

            There was a long bout of silence before my brother finally put the joint out and turned his full attention on me. "Look, don't take this the wrong way because you're my sister and I'm not trying to be weird, but if you have a body like that, why are you always trying to hide it?"

            There it was. The question I'd been so anxiously waiting one of my brothers, or possibly Jere, to ask. Though I'd been sure Jeremiah would be the first as he was already being inquisitive and seemed as though he could see right through me.

            "Dressing like this has never done anything but end up hurting me." Was what I eventually mustered as a response.

            Emotionally and physically.

            He stared at me from where he sat for a long time before he answered me.

            "Addison, you do know you're beautiful, right? Like, I don't know what kind of bullshit your mom programed into your psyche or what mean girl said shit that messed up your self confidence to this extent, but it's not true."

            I truly wish I was strong enough to be able to tell him it wasn't women that were the root and cause of hatred for myself.

            "I just. . . I hate this." I gestured toward my body. "I just wish. . . I wish it wasn't there, any of it. Because even with all the oversized shirts and jackets, you can still see what's underneath."

            "Why?" he stared at me in confusion. "If you wore stuff like that to school, guys would be coming at you from every direction. I'd be having to up my game in protecting you."

            I flinched at his choice of words but remained silence. I saw it as he slowly turned his head to the left and stared down at the water that it was starting to fall into place in his head. "Oh. This isn't about another woman."

            When I lifted my head and looked at Jonathan again, his eyes were already on me, and when I met them, I saw the sadness in them. I saw a shift in my brother in the second that followed the familiar words, or maybe it was my reaction that triggered his own, but every ounce of anger drained from him and he stared at me as if he were truly seeing me for the first time.

            I started to stand, but Johnny beat me to it and crossed the space between us and sat on the chair beside me, his arm falling over my shoulder, "Come here."

            I hesitated but found myself leaning forward against my will. Unlike my desire to fight the urge to hug my father, my impulses took control in that moment and I rested my head against my brother's chest, tears silently falling. He hugged me against him, as if he could feel how screwed up I am and how each hairline fracture inside me is beginning to spread and he's doing everything in his power to keep me in one piece.

            "I don't what happened before you got here. I don't know what made you change your mind and leave your mother behind, but you're ok now, Addy."

            A choked sob escaped me, followed by, "But I'm not, Johnny. I'm not ok."

            He frowned, but his image blurred in front of me as he responded, "What happened, Addy? What are you so afraid of? Did someone hurt you?"

            I wanted desperately to be able to answer the question, but I couldn't bring myself to mutter a coherent word. Instead I allowed myself to break for the first and last time, knowing that the moment I was up tomorrow morning this will have felt as though it were no more than a dream, and I'd have to push my feelings down and pretend as if they didn't exist at all.