I wrapped my arms around my legs, pulling them into me and against my chest as I listened to the commotion downstairs. Nobody had thought to let me in on tonight being the Homecoming game-or that it was a family occasion. I'd overheard the twins earlier this morning talking about it, and the football team had walked the halls with more arrogance than usual. There was undoubtedly a little rainbow over everyone's head all day, but I'd assume that had to do with the dance tomorrow and not watching a field of hot guys throwing and catching a ball.

"Hey, hey, hey." Shane appeared in my doorway, his feet planted outside the threshold, but leaning in so he could peek his head in and take in my bare walls. "You coming?"

I didn't want to spend my Friday night temporarily deafened, but I also had no desire to me alone with my own thoughts.

"Yeah." I threw my legs over the side of my bed and grabbed my phone from where it laid beside my pillow and headed out the door after him. Shane, being about excited for tonight as me, nudged me on our way down the stairs with a comforting smile. I tried my best to return it.

I hadn't spent nearly as much time as I would like to with my brothers, to learn about the men they'd become. I knew little to nothing about the three of them outside of what was obvious or what Johnny and Jere had mentioned. I made a mental note to try and make time for each of them.

"Jon thinks we're gonna tank this season." Jere stated as Shane and I entered the room. "Which, I mean, with Briggs being quarterback, it might not be far off. But tell him he needs to have more confidence in our team. The more hype the football team gets, the more hype we'll get when our season rolls around."

I didn't want to involve myself, but Shane decided to humor Jeremiah. "I mean, statistically speaking, we're looking like shit. We've lost two of three games. There's always the chance for a turn around though. And I love a good underdog story."

Jeremiah flashed Jonathan a satisfied smirk before he headed out the front door after the rest of the family.

Jonathan waited until Shane and I were out on the porch to lock up. Taking his older brother's pointed look as his cue to hop in his mom and my dad's Range Rover, he offered me a smile and jogged down the driveway, dodging a basketball thrown by Jacob in the garage with a quick middle finger salute.

"I haven't had the chance to talk to you." Johnny stated as we started down the driveway. "Are you okay? Jere won't talk to me, says it's not his place. You looked upset the other day, though. I wanted to make sure you were alright."

I considered his words for a minute before I decided on being truthful. "No, I'm not okay, Johnny. I want to be. I want all these feelings, these memories, to go away."

"I know, I'm sorry." he lifted his hand as if he were going to touch it to my shoulder, but dropped it after a second, reconsidering. "I wish there was something I could do."

I didn't know how to respond to the comment, so I just tried my best at a smile and trudged the rest of the way down a few steps ahead of him, hoping that he hadn't caught the tears I was desperately trying to blink from my eyes.

*

By the time the game ended, I was anxious and in need of air that wasn't being recycled between the crowd of people on the bleachers. Once I was far enough away, I buried my hands in my hair and inhaled the fresh air.

"Hey, you're Jon's little sister, right?" a deep baritone sounding far too old to be a high school student, pierced through my peaceful solitude. When I forced my eyes open I was a bit taken back to find that the voice belonged to the tall, lean, quarterback that'd singlehandedly won the game for his team, He'd changed out of his dirty jersey and padding, though the white and black shirt of his uniform was draped over his left arm and a duffel bag hung off his right shoulder. He stood before me in a loose white shirt and worn jeans, his black hair tousled, drops of water still rolling from the tips and falling across his forehead and down his cheeks like silent tears.

"Yeah." I eventually mumbled, shifting my body in the opposite direction. "Addison."

I shouldn't have said a word to him, but I'd learned from the ass in the cafeteria the first week of school the boys in the school didn't take rejection lightly and was afraid he'd cause a scene.

"I'm Stephan Briggs." he introduced himself with a quick flash of a perfect smile, his brown eyes narrowing. "You enjoy the game?"

"It was a good game." I confirmed shortly.

A quiet throat clearing had Briggs tensing just the tiniest bit as Jonathan crossed his arms a few feet away. "Hey man, great playmaking out there."

"Thanks." Stephan answered with a quick nod of gratitude, but he made sure to clear the air before the tension could grow. "I was just introducing myself to your sister. Thought she might benefit from having some friends in this place."

Jonathan's eyes sized Stephan up, as if he were trying to get a good reading on his true intentions. Truth be told, I was having a hard time trying to figure him out myself.

"I don't want to cause any problems, bro." Stephan added, his eyes flickering to Jere as he threw himself between my brother and me with a lopsided grin. "I'm not going to try anything."

"What's going on?" Mr. Inquisitive piped in beside me, green eyes finding Stephan.

Jon was the one to respond to his friend. "Nothing, man. He just wanted to introduce himself to Addy."

"Yeah?" Jere asked with a snicker.

"Yeah." Stephan tossed his jersey over his shoulder and returned his attention to me. "I'll see you around then, Addison."

I watched in silence as he walked off, being sure to take in both my brother and Jeremiah's expressions before I asked, "What do you think that was about?"

"Honestly?" Johnny raised a brow, still watching after the football player. "He seemed pretty genuine. He knows I'll beat his ass into tomorrow, so he must have really been interested in talking to you."

Jere's arm brushed against mine as he shrugged. "I don't know. Nothing good ever comes out of being friendly with athletes."

"Jere, you're an athlete." I stated with a quiet laugh.

He turned so he was looking at me and winked, answering, "Point proven."

*

"Do you know anything about Stephan Briggs?" I asked Kayla later that night as we sat on the edge of the pool deck, our feet submerged in the water. Jonathan and Jeremiah were in a vicious splash war with Shane and Jake, all so lost in their immaturity they hadn't looked our way in over an hour.

"The football player?" she questioned. I nodded and she continued. "I mean, I don't really know him personally. I've been a cheerleader since freshmen year and he's one of the few players I haven't been forced to see unsolicited dick picks of, so there's that. Why are you asking?"

I shrugged a shoulder, kicking at the water. "He came up to me after the game tonight to introduce himself. I'm usually pretty good at reading boys and men, but I couldn't figure out his motives."

Her interest now peaked, Kayla scooted closer and smiled. "I mean, maybe he thinks your pretty? Because he knows, especially after the Jet incident, that Jon and Jere would have his head if he tried shit."

"Maybe." I agreed.

My emotions were far too difficult to put into words and explain to the beautiful girl beside me. I had attempted to in the car with Jeremiah a few weeks ago, but they'd come out wrong then too. I had built a wall years ago, ensuring that I was able to keep all men on the other side of it. My brain knew that there were a select few boys and men that could join me on the inside, but my body was reactive no matter what my brain signaled. I wished and yearned for love every time I saw Jonathan and Kayla or my father and Elise. I craved the feeling of intimacy, but I didn't want to be touched. But I think it was that part of me, the one so hung up on feeling the lingering touches and looks of adoration that wanted more than anything to be able to open myself up again. To put the assault in the past and understand that it happened, and I can't change that it, but also shouldn't stop living my life because it did.

"I remember when I was a kid my mother just had to have me in beauty pageants. She loved to exploit me in order to make herself look better." Kayla shifted the subject with a sad sigh. "As I got older, she found other ways. It started with the pageants, then it was cheer, then modeling. Eventually I became desensitized to it all."

I could tell by the look on her face as she stared across the pool at my brother that what she was about to say wasn't going to be good.

"You'd think that the second my mother realized she was sexualizing her child she'd have put a stop to it, yeah? Well, she didn't. In fact, she started to invite a lot of the males in the industry to our house in hopes it'd make me a fan favorite, or for her a money machine, I guess." she paused. "I mean, she got what she wanted. She got the money, but with it went my innocence. I was touched for the first time by a grown man when I was eleven. Nothing too horrific, just a brushing of a hand down the curve of my back. The sexual innuendos and comments, the harassment, that was all part of the package, you know?"

I reached out and squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry, Kayla."

"No, I'm not telling you this for you to feel sorry for me." she quickly came back to the present and perked back up. "I just want you to know that it does get easier. I used to do the same thing you do, put this. . . this indestructible cage around my heart and refuse to let a single male soul enter. But I learned when I met Jonathan that it isn't about the gender, but the person. He's loved me far better than anyone in my life ever has and I wouldn't trade that for the world."

I thought for a second I was talking to a grown woman hearing the love and adoration the eighteen year old girl had for my brother.

"Just try and look at each person individually for who they are, if you can help it." she went on, patting my leg. "I know the wounds still fresh, and it hurts and you're scared, but no man deserves to have control over you or your body, and that's something that I'm still trying to come to terms with myself."