I had expected Jeremiah to dip the second my exhaustion consumed me, so being stirred awake in the middle of the night by him conversating with my brother caught me so off guard that I pretended to be asleep but eavesdropped on the conversation without their knowledge.

"Hey, man." Jonathan's voice was quiet and cautious, and I could hear a hint of confusion in there somewhere. It'd always interested me how the loss of one sense heightened the others. I could hear things in the boys' voices that I couldn't when I stared at them. "What the hell are you doing in here? I've been texting you for over an hour."

There was silence for a couple minutes before Jere responded softly, voice just above a hushed whisper. "She asked me to stay in here with her until she fell asleep."

"Well, she looks asleep to me." Johnny commented. "You just watching her sleep or something?"

There was a quick gust of air that rustled my hair the slightest bit then a thud-Jeremiah must have thrown something at my brother.

"Dude, I was lost in thought. Didn't even realize she knocked out until he opened the door."

There was another long bout of silence before Jonathan finally, very uncomfortably asked, "Do you like her or something? You've hardly had the time to chill since she got here. Seems like all your free time outside of school is spent with her."

The question earned a snicker out of Jeremiah but he didn't answer right away-and in the peaceful quietness, I was able to consider Jonathan's question.

When I'd asked Jere to stay for a while, I hadn't even thought about my brother, his best friend, sitting in the room next door waiting for him. I'd been so lost in my own emotion it didn't even cross my mind. Even half asleep, I was hyperaware of the tension rising in the room, and the hurt and irritation laced in my brother's tone.

Jere sighed, and when he spoke, his voice was closer than it'd been a minute prior, "Are you seriously asking that right now? Do you not see how screwed up she is? Why would you ask a dumbass question like that?"

The boys were quiet for so long that I half expected they'd walked out into the hall to finish talking, but the heaviness in the air was an indication that both were still present even if no words were shared. When my brother finally started speaking again, I could hear the hurt slowly shift into bitterness in each word that left his mouth.

"You liking her doesn't have to mean anything to her, bro, if it means something to you." Jonathan says. "But it'd explain why you're so hung up on playing superhero for her all the God Damn time."

"I never had anyone there for me when I was going through it, Jon." Jere replied once he'd finished processing his best friend's words. "Even you were so caught up in your own bullshit when all the court crap went down. I was angry, hurt, bitter. But I was also lost, man. I got into all that shit with Brady and his crowd. I felt more alone than I ever had in my life. If your parents hadn't opened their arms and home to me to help me get through everything, I'd be dead right now and you know that."

Jonathan hesitated before whispering, "But what does that have to do with Addy?"

"I see that version of me in her, Jon. She's so fucking scared, bro. She's far more hurt and afraid than all of you think. She's been through far more than she lets on. You can see it in her eyes if you look long enough."

"Okay. But all this time together. . . dude, something is going to happen between the two of you. One or both of you are going to catch feelings." Jonathan said. "She's my sister and you're my best friend. I only want what's best for you guys. But I. . . if it comes down to it, how the hell am I supposed to choose who's side the be on?"

I stirred slightly, but kept my eyes shut as I was genuinely curious to hear Jere's response. It was far from anything my own mind could of conjured up-and the last thing I ever thought I'd hear.

"You don't." Jere finally breathed. "She's priority and I don't want you to ever consider otherwise."

*

I must have dozed off once more after Jonathan had left the room, because I was fully woken up by the light bleeding through the blinds and casting an otherworldly glow across Jere's face. He looked almost angelic, his full lips pursed but occasionally parting as his chest heaved up and down beneath an old blue throw someone must have thrown over him sometime in the night. His thick, dark lashes fanned across his fair complexion, and for a moment I just stared, knowing very well if he opened his eyes this would be a very compromising position, but I decided to take the chance.

For the first time since I'd arrived, I saw peered through the crack in the walls I'd built around me and saw Jeremiah Thomas. Upon first glance, especially with such a beautiful light casted over him, it was hard to see any imperfections. But the longer I stared, the more I saw.

There were scars lining his face and arms I hadn't ever been close enough to see. The first was small, just under his left nostril and stretching down to his top lip. There was another that caught the bottom edge of his jaw and grew dark just over his jugular. It was jagged, like the serrated edges of a knife had been dragged across his skin.

One of his arms was buried under the blanket, but the one that was draped across his toned stomach was about as marred as my heart. There were fine lines along his wrist bone all the way up to the crook of his arm-no doubt self-harm scars by the shape, lightness, and position of them. But the one that almost had my fingers grazing it was one I recognized. I'd spent half my life cleaning and disinfecting the wounds. It wasn't fresh, but it didn't look as old as some of the other scars around it.

He shifted a little and it shook me out of my daze and I slipped off my bed and out of the room before he woke up and caught me staring. I was still trying to wrap my head around the marks on Jeremiah's arms when I slowed to a stop in the hallway leading into the kitchen. I could hear my father's voice rising and dropping steadily as he argued with his wife.

"I think we should just drop it, Adam." Elise's voice was as calm and composed as it was when I'd shouted in her voice yesterday and it made me feel a pang of guilt for lashing out on her. "Jere's right and she's already been through so much. Especially having been raised by that sorry excuse of a mother. Just let it go, honey."

My father cleared his throat and growled, "No, El. She needs to understand there will be no disrespecting you. Disrespecting either of us isn't tolerated in this household. Her being here and being a girl doesn't change any rules."

Elise is quiet and I have to peek around the wall to see if she'd turned her back on my father or was about to agree. She was leaning into the kitchen table in her blue Best MOM apron and a dishrag thrown over her shoulder, her hair thrown up in a messy updo. Even from afar I could see the exhaustion she wore as a second article of clothing and nearly apologized then and there. She reached out across the table and rested her hand on top of my father's. "She didn't disrespect me, Adam. She was just upset and hurt."

"I should have tried harder!" my father said from his seat at the end of the table, burying a hand in his peppered black hair and squeezing his eyes shut. "I should have taken her to court and proved her unfit so we would have full custody."

I had spent my entire life making up lies and stories for and about my mother, far too embarrassed to tell anyone the truth; that she was a high school dropout, job and men hopping, and shooting up any time she got the chance. I forged her signature on everything for school, would disappear for days at a time, and had even spent a couple days in the hospital with alcohol poisoning when I was fifteen before they'd located her and had her sign my discharge paperwork. I had spent just as much time making excuses for my mother; she was just broken; she'd be okay eventually. She would keep this job, I didn't need to run to Dad for help. I can just lock my door, there's no need for her to have to kick this guy out too.

In reality, my father was right. Deep down I'd always known my life would have been different if I'd tried harder to stay here. But I think a huge part of me felt more and more responsible for my mother the older I got-I was all she had and I wasn't going to let anything happen. In doing this, I'd allowed myself to be dragged into her lifestyle and it had ultimately broken me beyond repair.

"Honey, you did what you thought was best." Elise whispered, leaning in to hug my father's head against her chest. She pressed her chin into the top of his head, and added, "You didn't want to put her or the boys through the hell that would have been that custody battle."

I didn't think anything my dad and his wife said could make me feel worse than I already did, but his next words had me collapsing against the closet door to my back.

"But if I had she wouldn't be like. . . like this."

*

After overhearing the conversation in the kitchen this morning, I made sure to keep myself holed up in my bedroom. The boys and Elise and Dad had taken off somewhere a little after two, so I had thought I'd be in the clear coming downstairs. Unfortunately, Gabriel hadn't gotten the memo of joining them and he was in the middle of a match on a shooting game when I stepped off the last stair. Catching me in his peripheral he nodded in greeting and finished his game. I grabbed a couple cans of soda from the fridge and crossed the room to him, hoping to make it a silent peace offering. He cracked a smile and pushed his headphones so they were hanging loosely around his neck. "Thanks."

"Yeah, no problem." I considered going back upstairs, but paused and asked, "You didn't go with the family?"

"Nah, it was for some parent-teacher thing for Jere and Jonathan and Jake and Shane just wanted to be nosy."

I nodded in understanding, but just as I turned to head for my room, he pulled a remote from one of the drawers in the coffee table in front of him and offered it out to me. Seeing my uncertainty, he patted the spot beside him and grinned.

"You don't play?"

Knowing better than to test my waters with the one brother who had seemed pretty avoidant of me, I lowered myself on to the cushion beside him. "Not really."

"It's cool." he said as I wrapped my hands around the controller. "I don't mind teaching you how to play."

I stared in surprise. I had thought for sure he was pissed about me being here as he'd been distant and hadn't spoke more than a couple words to me in three weeks. But he also hadn't tagged along to the bonfire or anywhere the other boys went for that matter, so maybe that was just his personality.

I had to hand it to my geeky gamer little brother, he was a decent teacher. By the thirty-minute mark I had close to all the buttons down and even did okay in a few matches. I found myself hanging off the edge of my seat and suddenly understanding why I'd always seen boys and their raging over games. Gabe and I had just got our second victory when the door opened and everyone piled into the house.

Jere and Johnny looked our way and stared in shock, but started laughing a few seconds later. Shane and Jake shoved past lugging handfuls of groceries and dropped them on the kitchen table with grunts. My father had just looked my way when my phone started ringing. I took the opportunity to escape before anyone could say anything and excused myself from the game with Gabe and headed for the pool deck out back.

"Hello?"

There's an audible sigh of relief on the other end. "Addy, baby. It's so good to hear your voice."

I crossed my right arm over my stomach and distanced myself from the house.

"It's been three weeks without a word from you. What do you need, Mom?"

I had a pretty good idea on what it was she was calling for, but the hope I'd held onto my entire life remained and I gave her the benefit of doubt.

"I just wanted to talk to my daughter." She answered. "How is it there? How are the boys treating you? Are they still little troublemakers?"

I slowed to a stop on the edge of the deck and blinked in surprise, shocked by her words.

"I'm fine, it's fine. They're actually really sweet."

Mom is clearly shocked over my answer, "Oh, really?"

"Mom, I'm fine if that's really why you called."

There was a shuffling and creaking on the other end before my mother finally got to the real reason she'd called. "Honey, is there anyway at all that you may be able to send me some money? The fridge is empty and I'm still between jobs. Just this one time."

I flinched, feeling my eyes starting to sting hearing the words. I knew, without me there and her receiving child support, she was no doubt jonesing beyond belief. But I was also very much aware that the woman wouldn't know how to feed herself if given the chance. As much as I wanted to tell her off, to yell at her for abusing my generosity and kindness, I only shook my head and mumbled, "I'll see what I can do."

"Oh, thank you so much honey! I love you."

"Yeah."

I hung the phone up and tossed it onto the lawn chair behind me before sitting at the edge of the pool and dipping my feet into the water, eyes trained on the ripple. I heard the sliding glass door slam shut behind me but didn't have to turn and look to know who it was. Without a word, Jere sat beside me, extended a hand and rested it on top of mine, careful to keep a distance between us, and we sat there in silence. Two broken people trying desperately to feel whole again.