Swiftly
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Nagkasalubong kami ni Harry sa pinto ng office. I ignored him and continued walking. I was going to Lab 2 kahit na wala naman akong gagawin ro'n. I planned to stay there all day. 'Yung breakfast niya, nakahanda naman na.

For the last thirty five days, Harry and I have this certain set-up. By eight, may breakfast na sa common room. By twelve, may lunch. By seven, may dinner. 'Yung snacks niya, inilalagay ko lang sa table niya. Kapag Sabado, inilalagay ko rin sa table ang bill niya. Kapag Sunday, inilalagay niya sa table ko ang payment. We barely talk kahit sa chat.

I tried to resist stealing glances at him, but it was so damn hard, I stopped. Binawasan ko na lang para hindi obvious. Though, I think, obvious pa rin kasi sina Vina, ang lakas mang-asar.

No one believes that we're not in a relationship.

I only hear his voice when we're on a meeting. Every two in the morning, pinapatay ko ang power supply sa office niya. Hindi pa rin kasi siya marunong mag-check ng oras. Fifteen minutes after lights off, chini-check ko siya sa quarters niya.

But last night, he checked on me after I checked on him. Siguro dahil maghapon na umuulan at kumukulog. But I have his player with me so I'm a little safe with the thunder.

Thirty five days of resistance made every piece of me weak against him. Kaya ngayong walang tao sa lab, dapat umiwas akong mabuti. I still have to resist for six days.

Pero kahit hindi ko tapusin ang experiment, alam kong walang nagbago sa sagot.

This love is getting impatient. It clawed and clawed and clawed on me. Tuwing titingin siya, tuwing maaamoy ko ang pabango niya, tuwing nasa paligid siya...

I'm seriously into him.

The hours of the day passed painstakingly slow at the lab. Wala nang nagrereply sa group chat namin nina Vina. Busy siguro sila. Ako... nagkukunwari lang na busy.

Ilang ulit pang dumaan si Harry sa lab 2. Parang nananadya. Alam na ngang umiiwas ako, kung bakit nanunukso at sumisilip.

By eight in the evening, the rain was pouring down. I was worried. Malungkot na naman siguro siya.

Nang hindi ko na kaya ang katahimikan sa lab, bumalik ako sa office. Walang tao sa office ni Lord Commander so I assumed na nasa main lab siya o sa Biotech.

I wanted coffee so I went to the common room. At muntik akong mapaatras dahil inabutan ko siya ro'n.

Good grief. Impeccable timing, Jianna. You just shorten your patience by ten days.

Bubuwelta sana ako pero nagsalita siya.

"There's coffee."

Napapikit ako. Shit. Is it possible to be insanely  attracted to a sentence just because he said it?

Lumingon ako sa coffee maker. The coffee was definitely freshly brewed. Kailan pa siya natutong gumawa ng sarili niyang kape?

Naupo si Harry sa pinupwestuhan ko sa mesa dati. May hawak siyang kape niya. Nasa harap niya sa table ang creamer, asukal, at skim milk.

I cleared my throat before going straight to the coffee maker. I poured myself a cup of coffee. Then, naupo ako sa dati niyang pwesto sa mesa.

Iniusod niya ang creamer, skim milk, at asukal sa akin. Kinuyom ko muna ang kamao ko para masigurong hindi ako manginginig (na makikita niya) bago ako naglagay ng asukal sa kape.

I was about to drink when—

"Careful. Mainit 'yan."

Tumingin ako sa kanya. Our eyes locked for... I don't know how long. But we couldn't seem to pull away from each other's trance.

Harry smiled gently.

"Baka lang mapaso ka."

I swallowed. I sighed. My resistance was melting.

'Wag naman ganito.

Hinipan ko ang kape ko bago ako humigop. The silence lingered between us; taunted us; teased us.

Or maybe it was just me who's being teased and taunted.

"Do you know how to effectively pull off a reward or gratification system?" I asked him.

"Hm. Is it about the gratification theory or something else?" he asked back.

I looked him in the eye. "I told you I was doing an experiment, right?"

"Yeah. How's it going?"

"Really, insanely bad."

Hindi siya nagkomento. Nagpatuloy ako.

"There's something that's causing me both stress and happiness. According to studies, the subject of interest could build up stress to the point of madness. But it is also the sole reliever of all those stress.

"I don't know exactly how to deal with that if that is the truth.

"So, I tried to build up the stress as high as I could to test whether the subject could relieve everything at once."

Nakatingin lang siya sa'kin habang nagsasalita ako.

"And did you have your results?" he asked.

Umiling ako. "Wala pa."

Wala pa dahil tinitiis ko pa siya. Pinagkakaitan ko pa ang sarili ko. I wanted to hold out as long as I could... because I'm hoping that maybe, if I ignored what I feel, instead of longing for him and missing him, the feeling would go away. Maybe I could be spared of this madness.

Maybe, I could go back to being the girl who's 'just curious'.

Nauna akong ubusin ang kape ko.

"I'm done with my cup," I told Harry and got up from the table. "Una na 'ko."

He didn't say anything.

Good grief. Ni hindi ko kailangang magpaalam. I felt like a fool.

It's been thirty five days. I thought, there would be things that we could talk about once we talk again... but I was wrong.

I'm the only one who missed him. I'm the only one who longed and stressed for days.

Why is it like this?

"Jianna..."

Natigil ako sa paghakbang pagkarinig ko sa pagtawag niya. Nasa pinto na sana ako.

"No, sorry. It's nothing."

Pumihit ako at lumingon kay Harry. Kunot ang noo ko.

This beautiful curiosity is making me mad.

How dare him call my name like that... and then tell me it's nothing?!

"What is it?" tanong ko sa kanya.

Umiling siya. His face, a mix of emotions I couldn't read. "Wala talaga."

Wala... talaga?

Habang ako, hulog na hulog, siya ay wala talaga? Habang ako, nagtitiis at nami-miss siya, wala talaga? Habang ako, nababaliw sa kanya, wala lang talaga?

"Hey..." Humakbang ako palapit sa kanya. "Can you help me with my experiment?"

"What experiment?"

"My working hypothesis is that I'm in love with you," sabi ko habang humahakbang. Nakatitig ako sa mukha niya at sa pagbabago ng ekspresyon niya. "I subjected myself for fMRI and confirmed the excited activity in my subcortical area whenever I look at your picture. I tested the levels of my dopamine and norepinephrine whenever you're around.

"Everything about me says that I'm in love with you—my brain, my body, and my heart."

"Jianna—"

I ignored him and continued walking.

"By rule of stress and gratification, I already deprived myself of the subject of interest. Of you."

Kunot na kunot ang noo sa'kin ni Harry nang huminto ako sa tagiliran ng kinauupuan niya. But I know that he knows what I'm talking about. He's Harry, he's smart.

"There's one little thing that's left to do: to see whether you could gratify all of these things that's taunting me."

"What do you want to do?"

Ngumiti ako sa kanya.

Right. There's something that I've been looking forward to since Phase 1.

"You see, Harry Lastimosa, want is a weak term." Mabilis akong humakbang nang isa pa, sinapo ko siya sa mukha, at ibinaba ang labi ko sa labi niya.

Everything around me stopped while my heart exhaust itself to beating.

I pressed in the softness of his lips only to feel like melting. He tasted like my favorite chocolate—that I wanted to taste more if only I knew how. I glided my lips softly against his and bit it gently before letting him go.

Ilang ulit akong huminga nang malalim pagkatapos.

I stepped back.

Nakatingin sa'kin si Harry na hindi alam ang sasabihin niya. Nakatingin ako sa kanya na hindi alam kung paano kakalma. Whoever said that a kiss would normalize my stress levels was wrong in epic proportions.

I couldn't calm down. I felt like kissing him again. And then, again.

And again.

Oh my God! Thinking about kissing him again makes me feverish and excited.

Magkahinang ang mga mata namin na parang tanga. Walang makapagsalita.

He's surprised, isn't he?

"I'm sorry, Harry," I told him when I grabbed his collar.

Nakatingala siya sa'kin.

"What—"

"I have to do it again."

So, I kissed him again.

Yeah. There's no calming down with this thing. #0254 ma / 11192016