TCWDM : Red beryl ring on media

Long midnight
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Naalimpungatan ako sa gutom at sa paghalik ni Harry sa sentido ko. Tumagilid ako pasiksik sa kanya at huminga nang malalim. I smelled my perfume on his skin. I kissed whatever part my lips could touch.

"Jianna? Gising ka?" bulong niya.

Tinatamad akong sumagot at magmulat. It felt good to be held under the same blanket. Hinahaplos niya 'yung likod ko habang yakap ako.

He's really warm.

It took me a moment to remember why we were skin to skin under the same blanket. Kung hindi ko pa naramdamang medyo masakit 'yung ilang parte ng katawan ko, hindi pa lilipad ang antok ko.

"You're awake. I can feel you," he teased and played with my hair.

I think I might have froze.

Pa'no ako magre-react? I mean, hubad pa rin kami. How should I show him my face when I'm the one who asked to be... ano. Did I take advantage of him? Is this too fast?

"Ano na naman kayang iniisip mo?"

Tulog ako. Great. Lokohan ng sarili.

Bumuntonghininga siya. "Baka naman ngayong may nangyari na sa'tin, magsawa ka agad sa'kin."

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya bago ako magmulat at itulak siya nang kaunti. Isn't it a line from the movies? "Ano ba, Harry Lastimosa? Are you joking right now? Ugh!"

Humalakhak siya sa ginawa ko at niyakap ako. Hinalik-halikan 'yung tuktok ng ulo ko. "Ang cute mo kasi ma-tense. Pagkatapos mong pagsamantalahan ang karupukan ko, mahihiya ka?"

"Hindi kita pinagsamantalahan!" giit ko.

"Okay lang kahit samantalahin mo 'ko. The feeling is mutual," tukso niya pa.

Umangil ako. Niluwagan niya ang pagkakayakap niya sa'kin at itinaas ang mukha ko sa kanya para magtagpo ang mga mata namin.

"You're wonderful," sabi niya. "And I see that you're wearing the ring."

Itinaas ko ang palad ko para makita ang singsing. "Yeah. It's beautiful. Anong gem 'to?"

"Red beryl."

"What?" I asked in amazement. "Red beryl is rare, 'di ba?"

"Like you are. Kaya bagay sa'yo. You're my red beryl and my blue roses. Do you like it?"

"What's not to like about this?" sagot kong nakatitig sa singsing sa daliri ko.

"Just so you know, hindi mo na mahuhubad 'yan." Ngumiti siya. "Kaya kung may balak kang pag-isipan, wala ka nang time dahil isinuot mo na."

"I don't have to think about this, Harry. There's no other life for me than with you."

Lumunok siya. Natigilan. "There's no other love for me than with you, too."

Ngumiti ako. "The feeling is mutual nga."

"Nagugutom ka?" tanong niya. "Naririnig ko 'yung tiyan mo."

"Oo. Saka ano..."

"Hm?" he asked. "Are you sore?"

Tumango lang ako.

Ang lapad ng ngiti niya. "Let me take care of you."

"Huh?"

Bago pa 'ko makapag-isip sa mangyayari, bumangon na si Harry. Napatingin agad ako ro'n sa ano.

"Pambihira, Jianna. Staring is rude. Baka magalit." Tapos humalakhak siya.

Pero pinanood ko pa rin siyang kumuha ng boxers sa cabinet niya at magsuot niyon. I took my time admiring the broad of his back and the length of his legs. Tama ako. His proportion does not disappoint. I also know how powerful he is. He could contain and dominate me and I would love receiving him.

Napalunok ako sa mga naaalala ko. We were sweaty and tangled and... Am I getting pervy? Why am I fantasizing about what happened?

Lumingon siya sa'kin. "Stay on the bed. I'll prep the tub."

"Huh?" Wala siyang malay na iba ang nasa isip ko.

"Just stay still," aniya.

He went to the bathroom. I heard the faucet running habang nangungumot ako. I tried diverting my thoughts from what happened but I couldn't. My body remembers and it hurts quite a bit. It felt like an activity like it needed some serious limbering up. O baka naman dahil matagal namin ginawa? May average time limit ba 'yun? Hindi ko pa nare-research.

I was getting hot all over again when Harry carried me in his arms. Nagkunwari akong inaantok.

"Don't sleep, yet. Kakain ka pa," sabi niya habang humahakbang.

Yumakap lang ako sa balikat niya. Pagdating namin sa banyo, naamoy ko 'yung bango ng bath.

"I'll put you in the tub," he said.

"Okay."

Ibinaba niya 'ko sa maligamgam na tubig. I sighed. The milk bath felt good on my skin.

"Are you warm?" tanong niya.

"Yes. Thank you," sabi ko at inilubog lalo ang sarili ko.

Nagpunta siya sa tagiliran ko at inipon ang buhok ko into a ponytail.

"What are you doing?"

"Tatalian 'yung buhok mo." Gently, he fixed my hair in a loose bun. Hindi ko alam kung saan siya kumuha ng elastic. Hinaplos-haplos pa niya pagkatapos. "Now, you're settled. Stay in the tub while I fix you something to eat."

"Are you spoiling me now?" I asked him, smiling. It's been years since the last time someone has taken care of me like this, my heart is as warm as the water I'm soaking in.

"What's wrong with spoiling my bride?" sabi niya at hinalikan ako sa noo. "Wait a little bit."

Tumango lang ako.

***
Pagbalik ni Harry, may bitbit siyang club sandwich at lemon juice. Kinuha niya 'yung bathtub tray at inayos ang pagkain sa harapan ko.

"The juice is a little warm," sabi niya. "Eat up."

"Ikaw?" tanong ko nang damputin ang sandwich. I took a big bite.

"Busog pa," sabi niya. Umupo siya sa foot stool na nasa tagiliran ng tub.

He watched me eat the food with gusto. Nagutom talaga ako.

"Mas masarap 'yung naka-prep para sa dinner sana natin kanina," sabi niya.

"You installed drop lights in my ceiling all on your own?" I asked while  licking my fingers.

Nakatitig siya bago nag-iwas ng tingin. "Yeah. I'm good with things like that."

Tumango ako. I licked the spread stuck in the corner of my lips. "I'm done eating."

Hindi siya kumibo. Tinanggal niya lang 'yung tray sa harap ko at ipinatong sa mesa roon.

"How long am I going to soak here?"

"At least, ten minutes more. Masakit pa?" he casually asked.

Pinakiramdaman ko ang sarili ko. "A little bit. But it's okay."

"Then, I'll be outside."

"Why?"

" 'Cause you're a torture."

"H-huh?"

Mahina siyang tumawa. "You're in my bathroom naked, Jianna. You're always a torture."

"But I want to, uh, talk."

Hindi siya ngumingiti. O hindi makangiti? Naghinang ang mga mata namin.

"Talk... is for later. Enjoy the bath." He headed to the door. "May towel na rito. I'll get one of my shirts for you."

Tumango na lang ako. Ngumiti naman siya bago tuluyang lumabas dala ang tray.

***
Suot ko na ang isa sa mga sweater niya nang mahiga kami uli. It was maybe at two in the morning. Nag-quick shower din siya.

Yakap niya 'ko sa ilalim ng kumot at mahina ang ilaw sa kwarto.

"What do you want to talk about?" he asked.

"Just... The first time that you felt something for me, when was it?" mababa ang boses na tanong ko. I was really curious about it after reading his letter.

"Ah..." Natahimik siya, nag-iisip. "I think, it was the first time we talked about Neah. It was so casual, it's easy to miss it. I thought I was able to be casual because of Neah... but that wasn't the case. You told me about the human nature of romanticizing a beautiful tragedy and I couldn't help but be in awe. Of you. I felt bad after."

"Oh..." I paused. Naaalala ko 'yun. 'Yun 'yung time na hindi niya pa 'ko matanong about Neah. "Then, the second time?"

"When you waited for me tapos kumain tayo ng ramen. I realized that I've been concerned if the food was hot or spicy. Kung may asukal ba sa malapit kapag napaso ka. I was curious if you've dated. If you did, I wanted to know about it. But even if you didn't, I wanted to know more." He sighed. "I was forcing myself not to feel but..."

Tumingala ako sa kanya kahit na panga lang niya at lalamunan ang malinaw kong nakikita. "Then the third time?"

"No'ng kumukulog. When we slept on the same bed. Hinintay kitang makatulog pero hindi naman ako makaalis no'ng nakatulog ka na. Every time na kukulog, nagugulat ka. So, humarap ako sa'yo at niyakap kita." He cleared his throat. "I meant to hold you for a while. Pero nakatulog din ako. No'ng pumasok 'yung tech dahil tinamaan ng kidlat 'yung power supply ng lab, hindi pa rin ako makatakbo. Hindi kita maiwan dahil sa ulan. I talked to you and told you I need to go... pero mahigpit 'yung kapit mo sa damit ko."

He paused.

"Then? What happened?"

"You were trembling. So, I kissed your forehead." I felt him smiled. "Then, I kissed your lips."

Natigilan ako. "You kissed me?"

"Yeah."

"You kissed me first?" ulit ko at dumistansiya para makita ang mukha niya.

"I kissed you first. Kaya no'ng hinalikan mo 'ko sa common room, hindi kita mapigilan. I missed your lips so I let you kiss me."

"Then, kaya ako may hawak na butones..."

"Kasi gumanti ka ng halik. You tore the button off my shirt when I let go of you."

Pinaningkitan ko siya ng mata. "Tapos sabi mo kinabukasan na walang nangyari. Liar."

Malapad ang ngiti na kinuha niya ang palad ko at ipinatong sa dibdib niya. "How am I going to accept then that I like you? That I'm liking you more each day?"

"Kaya ka umiwas pagkatapos?"

"Yeah. Kaya ako pumunta agad ng Stanford. I thought, if I take a few days away from you, I'll be cured of my temporary insanity over you."

"Bad."

"I was bad. But there's no getting over you. You're not temporary. No'ng iniiwasan kita, mas madali akong magalit dahil nahihirapan ako. No'ng umiwas ka na rin, mas lalo akong parang pinapatay.

"I always checked on you sa sleeping quarters, after you checked on me. I checked on you everyday sa new site. I would drive para lang sumilip sa'yo sandali. It's crazy.

"And when I told you to forget me, itong si Teodoro, nag-set-up ng dates para sa'yo pero sinasabi sa'kin ang lugar. I was checking your dates like an idiot. Tapos, kinakausap ko 'yung mga lalaking nakikipag-date sa'yo. I told them that if they mean to play around, I will kill them."

"What?"

Tumitig siya sa mga mata ko. "I'm sorry."

Hindi ako makapagsalita. Bago ang lahat ng naririnig ko at hindi ko maproseso nang maayos.

"Pero hindi naman sila bagay sa'yo. Those fcking bastards."

"Eh si Will?"

"Fck Will. If he likes you, he'll date you kahit tutukan ko pa siya ng scalpel."

Napailing ako. What kind of reasoning is that? He told me to forget him and then sabotaged my dates!

"But I'm glad he backed out. Para sa'kin ka kasi," sabi niya at malapad na ngumiti.

"You're a bully, Kamahalan. I thought you'd feel better if I dated."

"Akala ko rin. Inisip ko pa nga no'n, gusto lang kitang protektahan kaya ginagawa ko 'yun. But that was a lie. Alam ko sa sarili kong binabakuran kita dahil gusto kong akin ka. Para sa'kin ka." Nilaro niya ang mga daliri kong nakalapat sa dibdib niya. "Falling for you drove me crazy. But you make me live and you make me feel. I guzzle on my dose of you like an addict."

Marahan akong nagbuga ng hangin. "Unbelievable. I didn't even have a clue that you're doing those behind my back."

Natawa lang siya. "Binaliw mo kasi ako," sabi niya. "I didn't want to have feelings for you because I wasn't ready. Pero wala akong laban. Nauna na 'yung feelings ko kaysa sa'kin."

Pinanonood ko siya sa pagsasalita niya. Tinatandaan ko kung paano siyang ngumingiti at masuyong tumititig sa'kin. His eyes glistened softly in the muted lights.

"So, I didn't love you because I needed someone. There had been girls who wanted to love me and get my attention. They couldn't get through me because they're not you," patuloy niya. "I love you because you're you. You're made to make me fall."

Bumuntonghininga ako. The lines sound true because it's exactly what I feel for him. I think he's made to make me fall. Kaya nahulog ako sa kanya nang gano'n kadali, when it has been so hard for me to even see men as men.

"Nasagot ko na po ba ang mga tanong mo, Aling Jia?" he teased. "You should sleep. I could tell you everyday how much I love you. Hindi mo kailangang mapuyat ngayon."

"May itatanong pa 'ko," hirit ko pa. Idinantay ko ang paa ko sa tagiliran niya. "Bakit parang hindi ka natulog kanina?"

"Wala naman. I just wanted to touch you more," sagot niya. "It felt good that you're in my arms."

I have to agree. Naked or not, it felt good to be in his arms. The world is a hundred times better just because I belong there.

Inilagay ko ang palad ko sa pisngi ni Harry at dinama ang balat niya sa palad ko.

I love this man so much.

"I belong with you," I whispered in the dark.

Kinuha niya ang kamay ko at hinalikan ang palad ko. "I belong to you," he whispered back.

Naghinang ang mga mata namin at nangusap. Then, we both reached for a kiss and we both started to touch. We both ignited a fire we intend to put out.

It was a long, sweet, sweaty midnight. #0718g / 01212017