Rain, thunder, lightning
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I watched Harry from the dark corner of the room, hidden from his view. It was midnight and he was still working. Office na lang niya ang may bukas na ilaw.

Babalik na sana ako sa sleeping quarters para maghandang matulog (at patayan siya ng supply ng kuryente) nang marinig ko ang mabigat na pagpatak ng ulan. Napatingala ako. When I checked on Harry, he was looking up, too.

If it's raining... he'll surely remember Neah.

Napabuntonghininga ako.

What's it to me if he remembers her? He loves her. He would remember her whenever there is a trigger.

Nilingon ko si Harry at nakitang natigilan siya sa pagtatrabaho. Nakatungo siya sa chart na sigurado akong hindi na niya binabasa. Nakakuyom ang kamao niya.

Tumalikod ako at nagpunta sa common room. I took the pack of coffee beans from the cupboard. I opened the coffee brewer and proceeded to make coffee. I made sure it's for two.

Then, I opened my email and proceeded to chat.

Me : Busy?

He saw the message but didn't respond. I sent another.

Me : Umuulan.

Thunder roared. I held my breath and count to three. Not this night. I won't be afraid of thunder tonight.

Him : Yeah.

Me : Coffee?

I could feel his indecision even without a reply.

Me : I made two cups.

When he said okay, I sighed.

Inilagay ko ang dalawang cups sa pwesto namin sa long table. I put everything else that we needed, too — milk, sugar cubes, and creamer.

Nakaupo na 'ko sa pwesto ko nang pumasok si Harry sa silid. Ang tipid ng ngiti niya.

"Coffee," sabi ko lang sa kanya. I didn't try to sound cheerful. Alam ko namang walang magiging epekto.

Tahimik siyang naupo sa pwesto niya. He looked at his cup of coffee. Iniurong ko ang flask ng gatas, garapon ng asukal, at garapon ng creamer.

He looked at me. "May problema ka ba? You're not as cheerful tonight."

"There are nights that aren't for cheerfulness," sagot ko lang at tipid na ngumiti.

At paano akong magkukunwaring masaya kung nakikita ko siyang ganito? He looked lost in the rain—in pain.

Kumulog nang malakas. Napabuga ako ng hangin. Hinawakan ko ang cup ko ng kape para makalma ang panginginig ko. Thunder always trigger sad and scary memories.

But I should be able to ignore it by now. It's just a vibration of air particles affected by lightning. It doesn't mean anything.

And I'm with Harry. I'm not alone.

Harry sipped from his cup. I did, too.

Itinuon ko ang atensyon ko sa pagkakatungo niya sa cup niya.

"What if... time can flow in reverse. Would you want it?" he asked me.

And what would you do if it could? I wanted to ask him but didn't. Umiling na lang ako. "Don't you know how many regrets people keep during their lifetime? If time could flow in reverse, we will always be stuck in the past. For something to work the way we want it, we would always go back. We would impose our will with time. Maybe that's why time only flows one way—to the future."

Hindi siya nagsalita. Humigpit lang ang hawak niya sa cup niya habang lalo naming naririnig ang taktak ang ulan.

"I wonder why there are people whom we are bound to meet but not to keep."

"We meet people not always to keep them."

"Then, why?"

"Maybe because you need to meet that person. Or maybe because, that person needs to meet you."

"Why did I meet her if I wasn't supposed to keep her?"

"Maybe because she needs to be loved by you."

"What about me, then?"

"Maybe you're meant for someone else."

Nagtaas siya ng mata sa'kin. Madilim.

"What?"

"I'm sorry but that's what I think."

Nag-igting ang panga niya.

"Why would you be here if you're supposed to end up with her? Why would she go?" dagdag ko pa.

I watched him gritted his teeth in defiance while looking at me. The pain in his face intensified before it broke into a sharp breath. Nagluha ang mga mata niya bago siya magbuga uli ng hangin.

"I'm sorry Neah left," sabi ko sa kanya. "I'm really sorry, Harry."

"Life's unfair."

"Life doesn't judge. We do. Life runs its course the way it has to."

Napailing siya. "Do you want me to just accept that she's gone?"

"What's wrong with that? It's the truth. Is it wrong to accept the truth?"

Umiling siya.

"I'm sorry," sabi ko sa kanya. "I don't want to be harsh about this but..." I just don't want him hurting like this.

Natahimik kami.

"She doesn't want to be forgotten," mahinang sabi ni Harry.

"What?"

"Neah's afraid... to be forgotten." Nagbuga siya ng hangin. "That is what real death means to her."

I was dumbfounded. "Did she ask you to... I mean..."

Naghinang ang mga mata namin.

Napapitlag ako nang kumulog uli nang malakas.

"Neah's last request is to never be forgotten. How could I say no to that?"

The rain kept on pounding on the roof as his face darkened with sorrow. The thunder rumbled long and hard.

When he looked down to his coffee and his knuckles turned white while gripping his cup, I was struck by lightning.

If Harry decided not to forget Neah, what would happen to him? Will he always be this sad, this indifferent? Will he always crucify himself for being alive? Will there be many nights like this when he would remember alone?

Will he always hurt? Like this?

I felt my chest constricted with pain. Thunder cracked loudly from over us and triggered my tears. I let it.

"Jia?" tawag niya sa'kin. "What's wrong?"

Umiling ako. I wiped my tears using the back of my hand.

I am mourning for someone alive.

"It's the thunder..." pagsisinungaling ko. "It makes me... this."

When my tears started, it wouldn't stop. Ang sikip ng dibdib ko sa pag-alala sa mga sulat ni Harry bawat gabi. Sa bawat pagpipigil niyang ngumiti kahit pwede. Sa bawat pagtalikod niya sa tsansang maging masaya.

He closed his world from everyone else just to keep a promise. He meant to grant her request by living like life had been robbed off him. And it makes me so damn frustrated and sad.

Lumipat siya sa tabi ko. "Hey. What's wrong?" tanong pa rin niya.

Panay ang iling ko.

"Takot ka sa kulog? What?"

Iling pa rin ang sagot ko habang malakas na umiiyak.

"Shit."

I felt him closed his arms around me and pulled me to his chest. I instantly felt his warmth. And I heard his heart beating.

His heart is still beating. Does he know? Alam ba niyang hindi pa siya patay?

Hinaplos niya ang likod ko para aluin ako pero mas maingay lang akong naiyak.

"It's okay, Jianna. I'm right here. Thunder won't hurt you."

Kumapit ako sa katawan ni Harry habang bumubuhos ang luha.

This foolish, stubborn man. Why did I meet this foolish, stubborn man? Why am I crying for him? Why am I afraid for his happiness?

Why am I scared that he wouldn't stay this close to me for a long time?

I'm struck by a lightning called him. And I know, from now on, his thunders will always scare me. #0836g / 11152016