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Letter of apology

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Harry Lastimosa to me
Oct 20

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Jianna,

I will be honest with you, too.

I'm sorry if I made you feel bad about how you feel. I'm sorry if I ignored you, took you for granted... even pushed you away. I'm sorry if in the process of feeling for me, I hurt you.

I don't want to hurt you.

If I could, I would choose for you not to feel that way for me.

I am only inconvenienced by what you feel because I don't want you hurt.

I know how love works. I know its phase and the way it grieves when not reciprocated. I know that despite not having the desire nor intending to ask to be loved back, love's first impulse is to be answered; preferably, favorably. If the answer is unfavorable, it breaks heart.

But I'm not the man for you. If I can choose, I don't want to be your first heartbreak.

Before it grows on you to a proportion you can't shake nor move, please let it go.

I am saying this, as a man and as a friend. There's no point in loving a lost case such as I.

In the following days, you won't be able to see me. Please use that time to sort your feelings out.

Don't worry about me. I will eat on time, shave, and sleep. I won't work to my death.

So, if you can (and you must), refrain from thinking of me. Don't send me messages. Don't visit here to see me (even if you miss me). Don't call me nor watch over me.

Longing and acting on that longing will only make it hard on you to let go. So, don't see me even if you long for me.

Save yourself from the pain of me, Jianna.

I don't want you hurt.

I'm sorry.

- Harry

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